Monday, October 3, 2011        Edition: #4599
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

• 62-year-old KISS rocker Gene Simmons & onetime “Playboy” playmate Shannon Tweed have finally tied the knot after over 28 years together, exchanging vows they wrote themselves at an evening ceremony on the lawn of the Beverly Hills Hotel on Saturday. Among the 400 or so guests were Hugh Hefner, comedian Bill Maher, and the members of Simmons band. Also in attendance were the pair’s son and daughter, 22- year-old Nick and 19-year-old Sophie Alexandra, who served as maid of honor.
• A slew of artists including Billy Joel, Mary J Blige, and Stevie Wonder took to the stage at NYC’s Beacon Theater Saturday night to honor Sting on the eve of his 60th birthday. Among the highlights: Sting performing a duet with Lady Gaga on “King of Pain”, and with Bruce Springsteen on “Can’t Stand Losing You”. The finalé featured all the performers on a rendition of “Every Breath You Take”. The concert raised more than $3.7 million for the Robin Hood Foundation.
• This week former “Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark” director Julie Taymor and the producers of the Broadway musical are expected to enter arbitration over an alleged $500,000 settlement. Taymor, who departed the much-maligned show in March, filed a claim in June alleging she never received royalties from the production and is still owed fees for helping launch the spectacular. Producers Michael Cohl & Jeremiah Harris claim they are not under any obligation to pay her royalties, as she was dismissed for ‘breach of contract’.
• British comedian/actor Russell Brand was forced to cancel a Saturday night show at Casino Rama in Orillia, Ontario after being denied entry into Canada. He shared his experience on Twitter as he was being held up at Canadian immigration and subsequently barred from entry. The reason is unknown but easily imaginable – he was deported from Japan back in May while trying to visit wife Katy Perry on tour. The problem then … previous drug convictions.
• And it seems super-busy 30-year-old actor Ryan Gosling may be having a change of heart about quitting his job. In an interview last month in “The Times of London” he said: “I don’t want to act much longer, I can’t do one thing my whole life.” But he’s now reportedly told cast members on the set of his new movie “Gangster Squad”, now shooting in Hollywood, “I’m not a fool, I know acting is a great gig. I just meant I wanted some time off.” What happened? An insider says he’s become tired of co-workers razzing him about retirement.
– “Jam! Showbiz”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Hanson (“Shout It Out”). Rerun.
• “House” (FOX/Global) – In the 8th season debut, ‘House’ notices strange symptoms in a fellow inmate at the East New Jersey Correctional Facility.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Blink 182 (“Neighborhoods”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Codes & Keys”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Radiohead (“Tkol Rmx 1234567”, out October 11th).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Sting (“Best of 25 Years”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Tim McGraw (“Number One Hits”).
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Jordan Knight (New Kids On the Block).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Dave Stewart (SuperHeavy).

• Aerosmith – Steven Tyler tells “Rolling Stone” that their new album is almost complete, and the band hopes to have it out by March.
• Blink-182 – Travis Barker tells “Rolling Stone” he’s considering hypno-therapy to overcome his fear of flying following the 2008 plane crash he narrowly survived. 3 years later, he still refuses to fly anywhere and admits his phobia has become a big problem in his professional life.
• BoB – His sophomore album, “Strange Clouds”, will be released in early Spring. The title track (featuring Lil Wayne) already tops the iTunes ‘Hip-Hop/R&B’ and ‘Top Songs’ charts.
• Cee Lo Green – A few years back he bought out a struggling record store in Atlanta, Georgia but he has no intention of ever opening it for business again as he now uses it to house his music collection. He says his intent is to ‘preserve that wonderful vinyl as an artifact’.
• Coldplay – Frontman Chris Martin tells “Q” magazine he wants ‘a simple tribute concert at Wembley Stadium’ when he dies rather than a traditional funeral. He was joking … we think.
• Courtney Love – She’s signed a deal to write her memoirs, about her life as a musician and actress, her late husband Kurt Cobain, and her controversial career in the public spotlight. “Rolling Stone” reports the book will be out in Fall 2012.
• Kanye West – Saturday night he unveiled his debut fashion collection at Paris Fashion Week. The show started 45 minutes late and failed to impress many fashion critics, one comparing it to ‘an hour-long MRI scan … but not as much fun.’ Ouch!
• Michael Jackson – According to his former bodyguard, he was so convinced he would be assassinated onstage during his doomed comeback concerts, he considered wearing a bullet-proof vest. With epaulettes, no doubt.
• TI – He made his post-prison return to the stage at the “BET Hip-Hop Awards” in Atlanta, Georgia Saturday night, making a surprise appearance with Young Jeezy, who opened the show. The night’s big winners were Busta Rhymes and Chris Brown, who took home a number of prizes for their collaboration “Look at Me Now”.

Nestlé Purina is trying to bypass the pet owner altogether by airing a TV ad that includes high-frequency sounds only audible to dogs. The ‘Beneful’ dog food ad features a squeak that is similar to the sound of dog toy, a high-frequency tone, similar to a dog whistle, which humans can barely hear, and a soft, high-pitched ping which can be heard by both dogs and people. The ad has already aired in Germany and hits TV screens this week in Austria. Obviously dogs don’t buy dog food, but the idea is to generate a reaction from a dog that might make the owner sit up and pay attention. Last year, the company put up specially scented posters in German cities where dogs could sniff the scent of ‘Beneful’ while out for a walk with owners.

Ever get frustrated channel-hopping, trying to find a TV show you want to watch? Dan Heaf, digital director of BBC Worldwide, says that in the future TV will  be less about you going to the content because … the content will come to you. How so? Future TV’s may feature a built-in camera to detect your posture and facial expression in order to sense your mood. That would allow the device to search thousands of programs stored in a home-entertainment ‘cloud’ that’s already been tailored to suit your viewing tastes and select an appropriate program.
– “BBC Focus Magazine”

Science humor magazine “Annals of Improbable Research” has handed out it’s annual ‘Ig Nobel Prizes’ for dubious achievement in scientific research over the past year. 2011 winners include …
• Biology Prize: Canadian Darryl Gwynne & Australian David Rentz for discovering that a certain kind of beetle mates with a certain kind of Australian beer bottle.
• Chemistry Prize: A 7-member Japanese team for inventing the ‘Wasabi Alarm’, by determining the ideal density of airborne wasabi to awaken sleeping people during an emergency.
• Medicine Prize: An international contingent who have determined that people make better decisions about some kinds of things – but worse decisions about other kinds of things‚ when they have a strong urge to urinate.
• Psychology Prize: Karl Halvor Teigen of the University of Oslo, Norway for trying to understand why, in everyday life, people sigh.
• Physics Prize: A collaborative Dutch/French study on why discus throwers become dizzy, but hammer throwers don’t.
• Physiology Prize: A team of European researchers for their study “No Evidence of Contagious Yawning in the Red-Footed Tortoise”.
• Public Safety Prize: University of Toronto’s John Senders for conducting a series of experiments in which a person drives on a major highway while a sun visor repeatedly flaps down, blinding him.

How can you stop procrastinating and get more accomplished? British researcher Eric Barker recommends the following …
• To start, make goals and deadlines as concrete as possible.
• Give a friend $50 and ask for $5 back every time you visit the gym, for instance, a technique known as ‘changing the default’.
• Force yourself to do nothing but work on a task for a short burst. Even a minute will help you break the spell of procrastination and make some progress.

• In an auto accident, your chance of being injured is 1-in-10; in a motorcycle accident, 9-in-10.
• Facebook remembers all the devices you’ve ever used to log in, and who else has used that same device.
– “Forbes”
• Letters to Kabul need to be addressed to a recipient and also give directions to their address. There are few street names and numbers, and no postal codes in the Afghan capital.
– BBC News


1962 [49] Tommy Lee (Bass), Athens, Greece, rock drummer (Motley Crue-“If I Die Tomorrow”)/TV personality (“Rock Star: Supernova”)/ex-Mr Pam Anderson (1995-98)/ex-Mr Heather Locklear (1986-93)

1969 [42] Gwen Stefani, Anaheim CA, pop singer (“The Sweet Escape”, No Doubt-“Underneath It All”)/fashion designer-marketer (LAMB)/movie actress (“The Aviator”, “Zoolander”)/Mrs Gavin Rossdale since 2002

1964 [47] Clive Owen, Coventry UK, movie actor (“Killer Elite”, “Closer”)

1971 [40] Kevin Richardson, Lexington KY, former pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Incomplete”, “I Want It That Way”)/only original member not to join their reunion

1973 [38] Neve Campbell, Guelph ON, movie actress (“Scream” movies, “Wild Things”)

1976 [35] Seann William Scott, Cottage Grove MN, movie actor (“The Dukes of Hazzard”, “American Pie” movies)

1980 [31] Danny O’Donoghue, Dublin, Ireland, alt-rock singer-songwriter (The Script-“For the First Time”, “Breakeven”)

1984 [27] Ashlee Simpson, Waco TX, pop singer (“Boyfriend”, “Pieces of Me”)/movie actress (“The Hot Chick”, “Undiscovered”)/estranged Mrs Pete Wentz (Fall Out Boy)

• “Child Health Day”, a day to highlight the prevention of juvenile illness and injury in order to build a healthier, safer, brighter future for every child.

• “German Unification Day”, celebrating the 1990 reuniting of East & West Germany to once again become a single country after 45 years. It was one of the benchmarks of the end of the ‘Cold War’.

• “Techies Day”, the 12th annual observance to heighten the profile of IT careers and show appreciation for technology professionals. Hurray, it’s “Geek Day”!

• “World Habitat Day”, a UN observance on the first Monday of October since 1986, to focus attention on the state of our urban areas and the basic human right to adequate shelter.

1961 [50] Jimmie Rodgers, Fred Rose, and Hank Williams are the 1st to be inducted into the ‘Country Music Hall of Fame’

2007 [04] The Rolling Stones’ “A Bigger Bang” tour sets a new record for concert grosses after the 2-year jaunt rakes in a total close to $560 million

1988 [23] ‘World’s Largest Cocktail’ is concocted … a 327-gallon pina colada

1997 [14] Japan’s Maglev bullet train breaks ‘World Train Speed Record’ at 280.3 mph

[Tues] Blessing Of the Animals Day
[Tues] Improve Your Office Day
[Tues] Cinnamon Bun Day
[Tues] World Animal Day
[Wed] World Teachers Day
[Wed] “George Harrison: Living In the Material World” premieres (HBO)

Carry a Tune Week / Customer Service Week / Great Books Week / Mental Illness Awareness Week / Mystery Series Week / Newspaper Week / No Salt Week / Nuclear Medicine Week / Spinning & Weaving Week / Universal Children’s Week / World Space Week


A highlight bit culled from 18 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
The book “Clean Your Clothes With Cheez Whiz” by Joey Green offers a slew of oddball household remedies like …
• To get rid of a grease stains on clothing, rub in some Cheez Whiz. Seems the enzymes in the cheese break down the grease. (Also works if you want your dog to “Give mommy a kiss!”)
• To give yourself a facial, use Cheerios. The oats apparently soak up the oils. (Why not oatmeal then?)
• To deodorize your feet, soak them in Jell-O. (In fact, keep some in your shoes.)
• To keep critters out of your garbage, sprinkle on Tabasco sauce. (Vinegar also works.)
• Instead of worrying about the stain when you spill coffee on a white shirt, dye the entire shirt with coffee. (And soon your entire wardrobe will be beige.)
– First published in “BS” 2000

If someone calls you fat, don’t get angry … just turn the other chin.

Why are bowling shoes so ugly?
a. Bowlers originally wanted shoes to match their colorful uniforms.
b. They may be considered ugly now, but when first invented they were quite fashionable.
c. So they won’t get stolen. [CORRECT. But this only applies to rented shoes. If you buy your own, they can actually be quite stylish … honest!]

Most of us eat differently when we’re alone, away from our partners and/or families. So – ‘fess up – what do you binge on when no one’s looking?

Question: In most offices, THIS has decreased by over 10% percent in the past 20 years.
Answer: Cubical size is down 12% since 1994.

An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup.

Patch Landers @ Mix 105.5 [WSEV] Sevierville TN; Suleman Dani @ IBC Asia, London UK; Jesse Modz @ Big Dog 103.5 [CILB] Lac La Biche AB; Josh Reinfeld @ Sunny Radio [KZOY] Brandon SD; Ron Johnson @ WEAKradio Mesa AZ; Simon @ BokRadio, Cape Town, South Africa; and Merqury Quaye @ Atlantis Radio, Accra, Ghana. Welcome, all!

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