Tuesday, October 3, 2017 – Edition: #6068

Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

There will be no “BS” service for Monday, October 9, to observe Canadian Thanksgiving Day. The BS will return on Tuesday Oct. 10.  With leftovers.

★ Tom Petty, who was removed from life support yesterday after being rushed to hospital in full cardiac arrest on Sunday, is one of the top classic rock artists of all time, according to American radio trackers.  The 2002 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee sold over 80 million albums over a 40-plus year career.  Stats peg Tom Petty as the fifth-most-played classic rock artist on U.S. Radio, behind Led Zeppelin, Van Halen, The Rolling Stones and Pink Floyd.  On average, one of every 40 classic rock songs played on the radio is a Tom Petty song.
★ Before his death, Hugh Hefner arranged for his widow Crystal Harris to live comfortably. According to reports, the plan detailed that Harris would be the sole owner of the Hollywood Hills residence that they purchased in 2013.  31 year-old Harris will also receive $5 million.  It was previously reported that Harris wouldn’t receive a penny of Hefner’s $43 million upon his death.  Hefner, however, secretly made the deal as part of a prenuptial agreement the two signed before tying the knot in 2012.
★ O.J. Simpson walked out of prison with a couple boxes of his most prized jail possessions — all because he was afraid of eBay’s wrath. Word is that he took a handful of his prison belongings with him because he thought fellow inmates and even prison staff would try to sell it on eBay for if he left it behind. The prison suggested he take his stuff with him, and he agreed.
(Wasn’t “grabbing his collectibles” what got him into prison in the first place?)
★ October is an exciting month for Harry Potter fans, with a Broadway debut, an exhibition and several book releases on the schedule as the series turns 20.  Today sees the release of the first of 3 Harry Potter books, a new, illustrated edition of the third Potter novel, “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban”.  On Oct.20, the British Library in London is set to open ‘Harry Potter: A History of Magic’, which will feature rare books, manuscripts and objects from the British Library’s collection.  And tickets go on sale later this month for the Broadway production of ‘Harry Potter and the Cursed Child’.
★ Elizabeth Hurley says she will always be friendly with her exes. Hurley, who has dated Hugh Grant, Shane Warne and was married to Arun Nayar – insists she is on good terms with all of her former flames and says that Grant and Nayar are still ”very important” people in her life.  According to her, “How could you not be on good terms with them? None of us has ever done anything bad to one another”.
★ Andrew Garfield doesn’t think Twitter is very ”nourishing”.  Garfield, who starred in ‘Hacksaw Ridge’ and as Spider-Man in two movies, says he doesn’t really like to use social media sites too much because he doesn’t feel it is the best thing for personal development.
(Perhaps having 280 characters will change your mind…)

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Ryan Gosling, Logan Paul, Welshly Arms
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Sarah Silverman, K.J. Apa, Lili Reinhart, Camila Mendes, Cole Sprouse, Madelaine Petsch, Miley Cyrus
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Michael Weatherly, Natasha Leggero, Paul Weller
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Kyra Sedgwick, Cecily Strong, Salman Rushdie, Gene Hoglan
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Julia Roberts, Shania Twain
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Minnie Driver, Matt Bomer, James Veitch
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Andy Grammar, Brooke Shields
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Russell Brand
• “The Talk” (CBS): Nicholas L. Ashe, Omar J. Dorsey, Timon Kyle Durrett, Kofi Siriboe, Dondre T. Whitfield, Kevin Frazier
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Sarah Silverman, Terry Crews
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Sean Hayes, Savannah Guthrie, Rita Ora
• “The Voice” (NBC): “The Blind Auditions, Part 4”
• “The Middle” (ABC)” Season 9 Premiere “Vive La Hecks”
• “blackish” (ABC): Season 4 Premiere “Juneteenth”
• “Kevin (Probably) Saves the World” (ABC) Series Premiere.  Kevin meets a celestial guide who tasks him to perform acts of kindness so he can save the world. (Jason Ritter)

• Marilyn Manson – has canceled the next nine dates of his ‘Heaven Upside Down Tour’ following an onstage incident Saturday in New York in which he was crushed by a stage prop.  Shows from Boston, October 2 through Houston, October 14 will be rescheduled.
• Bruce Springsteen – his ‘Springsteen on Broadway’ shows begin tonight at the Walter Kerr Theater, running five nights a week until February.  The Boss says he got the idea for the shows after performing an acoustic concert for 250 President Obama staffers at the White House.
• Billy Joel – brought surprise guests Paul Simon and Miley Cyrus onstage to sing ‘You May Be Right’ during his Saturday Madison Square Garden show.
• Lady Gaga – is making a $1 million donation to help relief efforts in the wake of Hurricanes Harvey, Irma, José, Maria and the Mexico City earthquake.
• Bruno Mars – gave Michelle Obama a cute gift on Friday at his Washington show. The ‘24K Magic’ singer met Obama in person and gave her a custom version of his concert jersey which said “Obama 24K.”
• Kelly Clarkson – is previewing her forthcoming album ‘Meaning of Life’ in a unique way: through the use of Snapchat filters. She uses a different filter for each song, so every preview features Clarkson with cat features or a bushy moustache and eyebrows, her voice altered into a high-pitched squeal or a low baritone growl. (Like me singing karaoke…)
• Jennifer Hudson – took having a shoe thrown at her during a Boston concert as a compliment. Rather than being upset about it, Hudson was pleased, referencing the fact that she kicked off the whole shoe-throwing frenzy with her actions on the season premiere of “The Voice”.
• Jason Aldean — confirmed his safety on Instagram early Monday morning after gunshots went off while he was performing on stage at the ‘Route 91 Harvest country music festival’ in Las Vegas.  His wife, Brittany also took to Instagram to offer her thoughts and prayers for the victims, writing: “We are safe… our angels were definitely watching over us tonight. No words for what happened… Just horrific. Praying for everyone”
• Zac Brown – is among the artists appearing on a Dan Fogelberg tribute album, out November 17.  Brown performs ‘Leader of the Band’ on ‘A Tribute to Dan Fogelberg’.  Also appearing on the album: Garth Brooks, Amy Grant and Vince Gill, Randy Owens, Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, Eagles, Jimmy Buffet, Train, Michael McDonald and more.
• A who’s who of country music stars are aligning for hurricane relief at a special benefit in Nashville next month. Jason Aldean, Carrie Underwood, George Strait, Garth Brooks, Chris Stapleton, Dierks Bentley, Sam Hunt, Lady Antebellum, Little Big Town, Martina McBride and Reba McEntire are all set to perform at a benefit concert on Sunday, November 12th at the Bridgestone Arena in Nashville.

Get ’em wherever you get your movies…
• “The Wizard of Lies” (Not Rated, Drama): A chronicle of Bernie Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, which defrauded his clients of billions of dollars. (Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer)
• “A Ghost Story” (R-Rated, Drama): A recently deceased white-sheeted ghost returns to his suburban home to try to reconnect with his bereft wife. (Casey Affleck, Rooney Mara)
• “The Book of Henry” (PG-13, Drama/Mystery): With instructions from her genius son’s carefully crafted notebook, a single mother sets out to rescue a young girl from the hands of her abusive stepfather. (Naomi Watts, Jaeden Lieberher, Jacob Tremblay)
• “Churchill” (PG, Drama): 96 hours before the World War II invasion of Normandy, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill struggles with his severe reservations with Operation Overlord and his increasingly marginalized role in the war effort. (Brian Cox, Miranda Richardson)
• “Super Dark Times” (Not Rated, Drama): Teenagers Zach and Josh have been best friends their whole lives, but when a gruesome accident leads to a cover-up, the secret drives a wedge between them and propels them down a rabbit hole of escalating paranoia and violence. (Owen Campbell, Charlie Tahan)

The good news is you’re probably lighter now than you were at any other point so far this year. The bad news is you’re about to pack on the pounds again, and it’ll take months to lose them. That’s what researchers report after looking at the weight patterns of roughly 3,000 people in Germany, Japan, and the USA over a 1-year period. They’ve found that, while the patterns tend to be regional and based on national holidays (such as Golden Week in Japan or Thanksgiving in the U.S.), the overall pattern is that people eat more and gain more around the end of the year in all 3 countries. Weight starts going up slowly in October and peaks right after New Year’s. The average weight gain is only around 1 or 2 pounds, but it takes an average of 5 months to lose them afterward.
(I lost 25 pounds in 5 minutes … at a casino in London.)
– “Live Science”
(First published in BS in 2016)

Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Libra – Seriously, almost everyone these days knows that the whale is a mammal and not a fish.  It’s good thing you’re cute, because no one is hanging out with you because you’re smart.
• Aries – You have failed in your life’s goal, but don’t feel too bad: Of all the people who dream of working at a fast food restaurant, only 98% actually make it.
• Taurus – Mother Nature will sincerely apologize to the rest of the hemisphere this week, and explain the snowstorms were the only way to prevent you from wearing those awful sandals.
• Gemini – You’ll finally start to get calls about that invisible hovercraft you have for sale when the CIA declassifies thousands of previously classified ads.
• Cancer – Traveling the world for five years certainly taught you things you’d never have learned otherwise, but you wish someone had told you the hot dog was on a string tied to a stick on your hat.
• Leo – Birthday parties have been ruined in some strange ways over the years, but no one will ever top the sick stuff you’re going to pull on Thursday.
• Virgo – You’re not the kind of person who likes to ask for help, but for Pete’s sake, that’s an overturned city bus you’re trapped under.
• Scorpio – People born under your sign are tough but fair, gruff but lovable, and faithful to a fault, but the stars refuse to take responsibility for your taste in clothing.
• Sagittarius – You’re certainly the kind of person no one likes to mess with. Or make out with, hold hands with, or even hug, for that matter.
• Capricorn – No one will be able to describe your death without using a lot of violent hand gestures, making whooping sounds, and generally doing his or her best ‘angry chimp’ imitation.
• Aquarius – The events of next week will closely mirror all the other events in your life up to that point.
• Pisces – You’re getting better at figuring out what your dreams really mean. However, all that stuff that happens when you’re awake is still pretty baffling.
– Adapted from TheOnion


1962 [55] Tommy Lee (Bass), Athens, Greece, rock drummer (Motley Crue-‘Dr. Feelgood’, ‘Smokin’ in the Boy’s Room’)/ex-Mr Pam Anderson (1995-98)/ex-Mr Heather Locklear (1986-93)

1964 [53] Clive Owen, Coventry UK, TV actor (‘The Knick’ 2014-17)/movie actor (‘Sin City: A Dame to Kill For’, ‘Closer’)

1969 [48] Gwen Stefani, Anaheim CA, TV personality (‘The Voice’ 2014-2017)/pop singer (‘Hollaback Girl’, No Doubt-‘It’s My Life’)/fashion designer-marketer (LAMB)

1971 [46] Kevin Richardson, Lexington KY, boy-turned-man band pop singer (Backstreet Boys-‘Quit Playing Games Wit h My Heart’, ‘I Want It That Way’)

1973 [44] Neve Campbell, Guelph ON, movie actress (“Scream” movies, “Wild Things”)

1973 [44] Lena Headey, Hamilton Bermuda, TV actress (‘Cersei Lannister’ on ‘Game of Thrones’ since 2011)

1976 [41] Sean William Scott, Cottage Grove MN, movie actor (‘Steve Stifler’ in ‘American Pie’ franchise, ‘Goon’, ‘Dukes of Hazzard’) COMING UP… Green Dolphin, 2018

1979 [38] Josh Klinghoffer, LA CA, rock guitarist (Red Hot Chili Peppers 2009-present-‘The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie’, ‘Dark Necessities’)

1984 [33] Ashlee Simpson, Waco TX, pop singer (‘Pieces Of Me’, ‘Boyfriend)/sister of Jessica Simpson

1988 [29] A$AP Rocky (Rakim Mayers), Harlem NY, rapper (f/Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar-‘F—in’ Problems’, f/Skrillex & Birdy Nam Nam-‘Wild For the Night’)

• “German Unification Day”, celebrating the 1990 reuniting of East & West Germany to again become a single country after 45 years. It was a benchmark of the end of the ‘Cold War’.
• “Techies Day”, an annual salute to the people who know their way around the technology that is inseparable from our daily lives. Also a day when students are encouraged to consider a career in technology.  (There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.)
• “Look At the Leaves Day”, a day to admire the color changes of Autumn. (Now imagine the leaves a foot-and-half deep all over your backyard and a rake in your blistered hand …)
• “Caramel Custard Day”, caramel custard is a rich, flavorful dessert that originated in Europe. The Ancient Romans experimented with the binding properties of eggs in their cooking, but custard as we know it didn’t emerge until the Middle Ages. (If it has caramel in it, I’m in!)
• “Family TV Show Day”,  a time for everyone to gather round the TV for the privilege of learning how wonderful this brand of air freshener and that roll of toilet paper are.

[Wed] Cinnamon Roll Day
[Wed] Improve Your Office Day
[Thurs] Do Something Nice Day
[Thurs] National Apple Betty Day

1992 [25] Sinead O’Connor rips up a picture of Pope John Paul II on ‘Saturday Night Live’

2011 [06] Based on scientific research, Queen’s “We Are the Champions” is announced as the ‘Catchiest Song Ever Written’

2014 [03] A mint-condition copy of The Beatles’ “Please Please Me” album, signed by all 4 band members, sells for $36,655 at auction

1946 [71] 1st TV ‘soap opera’ (“The Faraway Hill”-DuMont Network)

1964 [53] The 1st ‘Buffalo Wings’ are made at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo NY

2007 [10] Rolling Stones’ ‘A Bigger Bang’ tour sets a new world record after the 2-year jaunt rakes in nearly $560 million

2014 [03] General Motors issues its 71st automobile recall … of the year


✓ O.J. Simpson was originally cast to play ‘Terminator’, but the studio was afraid that no one would buy him as a remorseless killer.
✓ When ‘Twister’ was introduced in 1966, it was denounced by critics as ‘sex in a box’.
✓ There are more lifeforms living on your skin than there are people on the planet.
✓ Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.
✓ When adjusted for inflation, John D. Rockefeller is the richest man in the history of the world with a net worth 10 times that of Bill Gates.
✓ All of the clocks in the movie ‘Pulp Fiction’ are stuck at 4:20.

• Every employee gets a desk. No chair.
• Your corporate slogan is: “You’ll get it, when we get around to it.”
• Toll-free customer service line is 1-888-GET-HOSED.
• Your company policy of ‘Pants Optional Friday’ has led to numerous employee lawsuits.
• While customers try your clothing on, you like to try theirs on.
• You have to close at 4 pm every day because your mom doesn’t want strangers in the basement during dinner.
• You’ve named your store ‘Crap Mart’.
– First published in “BS” 2010.

• What country has as many bicycles as people?
a. Netherlands [CORRECT]
b. Greece
c. China
d. Switzerland

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I’ll never be as good as a wall.

☎ What food did you eat so much of as a kid that you never want to see it again?

Question: The average person has 8 of these that they got for free.
Answer: Coffee Mugs

Imagination is a preview of life’s coming attractions.

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