Wednesday, October 31, 2012        Edition: #4858

BS Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

“Twilight Saga” actor Robert Pattinson has just signed to be the new face of Christian Dior men’s fragrances in a deal believed to be worth $12 million over 3 years (the payoff of fame – big money for doing squat!) . . . A spokeswoman for Warner Bros has confirmed that CNN reporter Anderson Cooper’s foray into the daytime talk arena, “Anderson Live”, will end its run after its current 2nd season (even after you ‘come out’, it’s tough to stand out amongst the 753-odd daytime gabfests) . . . Despite some dubious belly-bump watching by the media, 29-year-old actress Mila Kunis is NOT currently carrying 34-year-old boyfriend Ashton Kutcher’s spawn, her rep insists (maybe you should lay off the donuts, girl) . . . Actor Liam Neeson is back on the singles market after ending his 2-year relationship with British PR executive Freya St Johnston (perhaps the 38-year-old was wearing the 60-year-old geezer out?) . . . Imagine going to a Halloween party dressed as your aunt; actress Emma Roberts did, channeling auntie Julia Roberts’ happy hooker character from 1990 film “Pretty Woman” (all it takes is a bustier & boots) . . . And word has it “People” was not happy with the wedding photos Justin Timberlake provided for last week’s issue as the lighting was crap and they had little to work with, considering the monster exclusivity fee they paid (maybe that explains how his ex, Britney Spears, ended up frowning down on JT & Jessica from a corner of the magazine’s cover?).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Needtobreathe (“The Reckoning”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Vampire Weekend (“Contra”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Features (“Wilderness”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Demi Lovato (“The X Factor”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Carly Rae Jepsen (“Curiosity”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Rita Ora (“Ora”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Macy Gray (“Talking Book”).

• fun. – Tonight in Portland ME they begin the cross-country “Reverb Campus Consciousness Tour”. This tour’s social focus is LGBTQ equality and it aims to educate and mobilize college students to take positive action.
• Green Day – They’ve canceled all 2012 appearances due to Billie Joe Armstrong’s ongoing stint in rehab. They’ve also moved up the release of “¡Tré!”, the 3rd album in their new trilogy of albums, to November 13th.
• Guns ‘N Roses – Tonight they kick off a limited Las Vegas residency of 12 shows at The Joint inside the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino. “The Appetite for Democracy” shows are scheduled through November 24th.
• Kenny Chesney – He’ll play the halftime show at the November 22nd Thanksgiving Day NFL game in Dallas TX, when the Cowboys host the Washington Redskins. Kenny’s concert kicks off the Salvation Army’s 122nd annual Red Kettle Campaign.
• Lee Brice – “Hard to Love” will top the ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart when it’s officially released Thursday, knocking off Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”.
• Leonard Cohen – Tonight in Austin TX the iconic singer/songwriter/poet begins a new North American tour in support of his “Old Ideas” album. The trek wraps December 20th in Brooklyn NY.
• Pearl Jam – Following a postponement due to nerve damage in his right arm, Eddie Vedder begins a solo tour tonight in Las Vegas NV that runs through December 4th in Clearwater FL. Opening act is Glen Hansard.
• Rolling Stones – 65-year-old guitarist Ronnie Wood is engaged to wed a 3rd time, this time to theater producer Sally Humphreys, whom he’s been dating for 6 months. A source tells “The Sun” that Keith Richards is laughing about it … he’s sick of buying Wood wedding presents.
• Taylor Swift – “Red” is expected to easily debut at #1 on the SoundScan sales chart this week, surpassing 1 million units sold with the best-selling debut week of any album in 2012. It already debuted at #1 in the UK, giving Swift her first chart-topper in Britain.

New terms leaking into our lingo …
• ‘Fiberhood’ – A neighborhood that has Internet access via fiber-optic cable. (“Who are the people in your fiberhood, in your fiberhood, in your fiberhood? Oh, who are the people in your fiberhood, they’re the people that you meet, the people that you greet, the people that you tweet each day.” Thank you, ‘Mr Rogers’.)
• ‘Swatting’ – A crank call in which the caller reports a fake but serious crime to police. (“When they found out the guy was just swatting when he phoned 9-1-1 about being assaulted by a bike gang, they tossed him in the cop station’s bullpen so he could experience the real thing.”)
• ‘Uncumbent’ – A defeated incumbent politician. (Obama’s worries about becoming the uncumbent president were assuaged when ‘Super-storm Sandy’ gave him ample opportunity to appear all presidential and fatherly protective on TV.)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … increased airport security is killing people. According to Cornell University research it has the unintended consequence of increasing road fatalities, as would-be air travelers decide to drive and are exposed to the far greater risk of dying in a car accident. (Say so long, shoe bomber and hello, Mack truck!)
• Scientists say … it’s now possible to grow human teeth. The feat was performed for the first time in a lab in Boston, Massachusetts. (Wow, great news for your in-laws!)
• Scientists say … artificial sweeteners may be lowering sperm counts. Japanese researchers have made that claim after extensive experiments with rats. (Next time you’re feeling down about your job, remember that someone somewhere is counting rat sperm for a living.)
• Scientists say … a study of students who play in school bands shows that learning a musical instrument can help improve memory. (For example, band students are more likely to remember what it’s like to spend an entire day stuffed in a locker.)

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of Hallmark cards are bought by women.
• 80% of stay-at-home moms do not own an apron.
• 72% of former high school students admit to using alcohol prior to graduation.
• 53% of women will not leave the house without makeup.
• 51% of women say they’re embarrassed by their feet most of the time.
• 40% of fathers who went into the delivery room now say they wish they hadn’t.

• Why is Halloween popular? It’s a chance for people to mock the social order, let off steam, and laugh at death and all things scary.
– “Salt Lake Tribune”
• In recent years, the trend for women’s costumes has been to show increasingly more skin. On Halloween, it’s more socially acceptable for women to dress a bit more risqué than they normally would.
– “Raleigh News & Observer”
• Trick-or-treaters are getting a little older. About 85% of 18 to 24-year-olds are expected to celebrate the day.
– “San Francisco Chronicle”


1961 [51] Larry Mullen Jr, Dublin, Ireland, rock drummer (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)

1961 [51] Peter Jackson, Pukerua Bay NZ, filmmaker (“King Kong”, “Lord of the Rings”)  UP NEXT: “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey”, opening December 14th.

1963 [49] Rob Schneider, Pacifica CA, movie actor (“Jack & Jill”, “Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1990-94)

1964 [48] Darryl Worley, Pyburn TN, country singer (“Awful Beautiful Life”, “Have You Forgotten?”)

1965 [47] Mike O’Malley, Boston MA, TV actor (‘Burt Hummel’ on “Glee” since 2009)

1966 [46] Adrock (Adam Horovitz), South Orange NJ, rapper-rock musician (Beastie Boys-“Ch-Check It Out”, “Intergalactic”)

1976 [36] Piper Perabo, Dallas TX, TV actress (‘Annie Walker’ on “Covert Affairs” since 2012)/movie actress (“Looper”, “Coyote Ugly”)

1981 [31] Frank Iero, Belleville NJ, rock guitarist-vocalist (My Chemical Romance-“Sing”, “Welcome To the Black Parade“)

2000 [12] Willow Smith, LA CA, celebrity spawn of Will Smith & Jada Pinkett-Smith/aspiring singer-actress (“Whip My Hair”)

• “Halloween”, a long tradition in Canada, Ireland, the UK, and the USA. In recent years, the celebration has spread to other countries around-the-world.
– The observance originated with 5th-century-BC Celtic Druids who believed that on October 31st, all persons who had died in the previous year assembled to choose the body of a person or animal they would inhabit for the next 12 months.
– After the 9th century AD, the day became known as “All Hallows’ Eve” or “Hallowe’en” since it was the night before “All Saints’ Day”.
– The Irish brought the Halloween custom to North America in the 1840s. Of the countries that celebrate Halloween, only in Ireland is it considered a national holiday.

• “Increase Your Psychic Powers Day”. Did you sense we were going to say that?

• “International Magic Day,” traditionally a day for magicians to meet, celebrated on the anniversary of Harry Houdini’s death on October 31st, 1926. Every year, spiritualists hold a seance on Halloween to try and contact the late magician. So far, no answer!

• “International UNICEF Day”, observed on October 31st since 1967, the reason many trick-or-treaters collect donations in UNICEF coin boxes.

• “Knock-Knock Jokes Day”, celebrating their momentous contribution to the comedy world. In honor of the occasion: Knock knock. Who’s there? Philosophy major. Philosophy major who? Well, there are many ways to answer that …

• “Samhain” begins at sunset tonight, an ancient Gaelic festival marking the end of the harvest season and the beginning of the ‘darker half’ of the year. It’s still observed by some in Ireland, Scotland, Isle of Man, and by Neo-pagans (aka Wiccans).

1993 [19] 23-year-old promising actor River Phoenix (“Stand by Me”, “My Own Private Idaho”) dies of a drug overdose outside a Hollywood nightclub (older brother of actor Joaquin Phoenix)

1975 [37] Queen releases seminal hit “Bohemian Rhapsody” (toughest-ever rock song to sing?)

2005 [07] The white suit John Lennon wore on the cover of The Beatles’ “Abbey Road” album sells at an Amnesty International charity auction in Las Vegas for $118,000

0834 [1178] 1st ‘All Hallows Eve’, established by Pope Gregory IV to honor saints

2011 [01] “Day of Seven Billion”, the day officially designated by the UN Population Fund as the approximate date on which the world’s population reached 7 billion (coincidentally all of them are your Facebook friends)

1987 [25] ‘Longest Singles Tennis’ match lasts 80 hours, 21 minutes in Coventry UK (“Geez, I can’t believe it’s frickin’ deuce AGAIN!”)

1992 [20] ‘Largest Jack-o-Lantern’ is displayed in Nut Tree CA, carved the day before from an 827-lb pumpkin

[Nov 1] 46th CMA Awards (Nashville) / All Saints Day / Authors Day / Family Literacy Day / Cook For Your Pets Day / Men Make Dinner Day / World Vegan Day
[Nov 2] “Flight”; “The Man With the Iron Fists”; “Wreck-It Ralph” open in movie theaters / All Souls Day / Medical Science Liaison Awareness & Appreciation Day / Plan Your Epitaph Day / Traffic Directors Day
[Nov 3] Cliché Day / Sadie Hawkins Day / Sandwich Day / MOBO Awards (Liverpool UK)
[Nov 4] Daylight Saving Time ends / “Seal Team Six: The Raid On Osama Bin Laden” airs (National Geographic Channel) / Use Your Common Sense Day / Zero Tasking Day / Check Your Batteries Day
[Nov 5] Job Action Day
[Nov 6] US Election Day / “Get the Led Out: How Led Zeppelin Became the Biggest Band In the World” is published / International Day for Preventing the Exploitation Of the Environment in War & Armed Conflict / Saxophone Day
[Nov 7] Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day
[Nov 8] “Skyfall” opens in IMAX theaters / Abet & Aid Punsters Day / Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day / Parents as Teachers Day
[Nov 9] “Skyfall” opens in conventional theaters
[Nov 10] Domino Day / Area Code Day / “Sesame Street” Day / Microsoft Windows Day
[Nov 11] Remembrance Day (Canada) / Veterans Day (USA) / “MTV Europe Music Awards” (Frankfurt, Germany) / International Tongue Twister Day / Origami Day / World Kindness Day
[Nov 12] “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” world premiere (Wellington NZ) / Rolling Stones release “Grrr!” / World Orphans Day
[Nov 13] “We Will Always Love You: A Grammy Salute to Whitney Houston” airs (CBS) / Diwali (Hindu) / Young Readers Day
[Nov 14] Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day / Educational Support Professionals Day / International Girls Day / Universal Children’s Day / World Diabetes Day
[Nov 15] “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2” opens in movie theaters / Al-Hijra (Muslim) / America Recycles Day / Great American Smokeout / Guinness World Record Day / Use Less Stuff Day
[Nov 16] “Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence In the House of God” opens in movie theaters / International Day for Tolerance
[Nov 17] Homemade Bread Day / Unfriend Day / Family Volunteer Day / Adoption Day / Survivors of Suicide Day / World Prematurity Awareness Day
[Nov 18] “40th American Music Awards” (ABC) / Married To a Scorpio Support Day / Mickey Mouse Day / Transgender Day of Remembrance
[Nov 19] Led Zeppelin’s “Celebration Day” DVD release / Have a Bad Day Day / International Mens Day / World Toilet Day
[Nov 20] Coldplay’s “Live 2012” DVD release / African Industrialization Day / Globally Organized Hug a Runner Day / Name Your PC Day / Peanut Butter Fudge Day / World Day of Remembrance for Road Traffic Victims
[Nov 21] “Life of Pi”; “Red Dawn”; “Rise Of the Guardians”; “Silver Linings Playbook” open in movie theaters / World Fisheries Day / Tie One On Day / World Hello Day / World Television Day
[Nov 22] Thanksgiving Day (USA) / Spike Lee doc “Michael Jackson: BAD25” premieres (ABC)
[Nov 23] Black Friday / Buy Nothing Day / Flossing Day / Maize Day / Sinkie Day / Native American Heritage Day
[Nov 24] Ashura (Muslim) / Small Business Saturday / Celebrate Your Unique Talent Day / International Aura Awareness Day
[Nov 25] 100th Grey Cup (Toronto) / Rolling Stones’ first 50th anniversary concert (London) / International Day For the Elimination of Violence Against Women / Shopping Reminder Day
[Nov 26] Cyber Monday
[Nov 28] Full ‘Beaver’ Moon
[Nov 29] Electronic Greetings Day / International Day of Solidarity With the Palestinian People
[Nov 30] “Killing Them Softly” opens in movie theaters / “2012 Billboard Women in Music Gala” (NYC) / Computer Security Day / Meth Awareness Day / Stay Home Because You’re Well Day


Kids have nothing to wear to go trick-or-treating? Sure they do. How about …
• Wear a yellow hard hat, eat a can of extra-hot chilli … ‘Bob the Flatulent Builder’!
• Instead of saying trick-or-treat, act aloof and disinterested, then just before the door gets closed, rub up against the homeowner’s leg … you’re a cat!
• Attach a whole mess of green or purple balloons to a sweatsuit … you’re a bunch of grapes!
• Walk around with a few hundred-thousand dollars cash on you, but complain the boss won’t let you work … NHL player!
• Two months of back hair shavings and a glue stick … you’re a black bear!
• Go door-to-door in a panic looking for your headphones, demanding someone get you a coffee & donut right now … voila, morning radio personality!
– Adapted from

Remember, kids – for safety’s sake let your parents check your Halloween candy before you eat it. More importantly, be sure to count it before and after they check it.

☎ The all-time best Halloween treat is … (Candy apple, obviously.)

What are the residents of Hamburg, Germany called?
a. Hammers
b. Hamburgians
c. Hamburgers [CORRECT]

Question: THIS is less likely to happen on Halloween than on other days.
Answer: Babies being born, likely partly due to fewer C-sections being scheduled. The science behind this fact here …

Halloween is the one day of the year when you get compliments for looking strange.

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