Monday, October 4, 2010        Edition: #4356
The Most Home Runs in Show Prep!

• CNN has dumped news anchor Rick Sanchez after he appeared on radio show “Stand Up!  With Pete Dominick” and accused comedian Jon Stewart of being a bigot and his “Daily Show” of being ‘very much a white, Liberal establishment point of view’. He might have gotten away with that part. It was his seeming denial that Jewish people have a sense of what it’s like to be an oppressed minority that may have cooked his goose. (Next stop … Fox News?)
– Jam! ShowBiz
• Before NHL player Mike Comrie tied the knot with actress/singer Hilary Duff he got into a committed relationship with a 2009 Mercedes-Benz CL550 worth $165,000. But according to a new lawsuit filed in LA County court, the Pittsburgh Penguins star refuses to pay the bill or give the Benz back. The finance company claims they’ve tried to repossess the car but Comrie has refused to fork it over so now they’d like $103,398.57 … plus costs. (Dude, never buy on time.)
• 24-year-old actress tells “Marie Claire” magazine starring on “Glee” (FOX) has cured her of the crippling insecurity she suffered before finding fame. she claims she struggled with her self image and her troubles were further compounded after being turned down for numerous roles and told she wasn’t ‘pretty enough’ to be onscreen. (Some say she’s more than overcome her insecurity, morphing into an on-set prima donna.)
• Rachel Bilson is heading back to TV, reuniting with “The OC” creator Josh Schwartz for a new drama series. The 29-year-old had been making the transition from small screen to big since the teen drama was axed in 2007, landing roles in sci-fi thriller “Jumper” and 2009’s “New York, I Love You”. But now she’s returning to TV schedules once again after signing on for “Ghost Angeles”, about a young LA woman who can talk to the dead. (“Ghost Whisperer 2”?)
• And as if their lives weren’t miserable enough … the films sent down to the Chilean miners include “Troy”, “The Mask”, and “The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button”. (So much for their problem of lack of sleep.)

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Kenny Chesney (“Hemingway’s Whiskey”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Trace Adkins (“Cowboy’s Back in Town”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Rosanne Cash (“The List”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Gayngs (“Relayted”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – will I am w/Nicki Minaj (“Check It Out”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Jennifer Hudson (“Sex & The City 2: Original Soundtrack”).
• “Lopez Tonight” (TBS) – Fantasia (“Back to Me”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Cast of Broadway’s “Rock of Ages”.

• Dr Dre – He tells MTV2 the positive reception to his recent guest appearances during Eminem and Jay-Z’s “Home & Home” concerts has inspired him to get back in the studio and finish up his long-in-the-works “Detox” album. He’s now aiming to release it by the end of the year.
• Linkin Park – Chester Bennington has a part in the upcoming horror sequel “Saw 3-D: The Final Chapter” (out October 29th). He won’t reveal much about his role as ‘Evan’, but does note that the 3-D effects will make you feel like there’s blood spattering your face.
• Michael Jackson – His 1996 pop/rock musical “Sisterella”, based on the “Cinderella” fairytale, is being resurrected for a new stage production next year. Casting is yet to be announced.
• Taylor Swift – Target Stores has revealed their exclusive ‘deluxe edition’ of her new “Speak Now” album will include 6 additional tracks and a 30-minute bonus DVD.

The 21st edition of the Nobel Prize parody “Ig Nobel Prize Awards” have been announced by Harvard University’s science humor magazine, “The Annals of Improbable Research”. They honor those whose achievements ‘cannot or should not be reproduced’, usually far-fetched scientific studies that somehow received funding. This year’s winners include …
• Engineering Prize – Zoological Society of London & Mexico’s Instituto Politecnico Nacional scientists for perfecting a method of using a remote-control helicopter to collect … whale snot.
• Management Prize – Italy’s University of Catania for demonstrating mathematically that organizations would become more efficient if they … promoted people at random.
• Medicine Prize – University of Amsterdam and Tilburg University researchers for discovering that symptoms of asthma can be treated with … a roller-coaster ride.
• Peace Prize – A trio of scientists from Keele University in the UK for confirming the widely held belief that … swearing relieves pain.
• Physics Prize – New Zealand’s University of Otago for demonstrating that, on icy footpaths in wintertime, people slip and fall less often if they wear … socks on the outside of their shoes.
All of the prizes listed here …
– Condensed from

Britain’s famous Marks & Spencer department store is hoping to boost its bottom line with a new line of ‘body-shaping underwear’ for men. The hi-tech undies lift and firm flabby butts and let the less well-endowed beef up their bulge. The new ‘Bodymax’ underpants, retailing for circa $25, are said to boost bottoms by a pert 20%, thanks to their seam-free fabric and design. The ‘frontal enhancement’ version features a ‘unique integral shelf’ that pumps up your package by a whopping 38%. A company rep says they’ve engineered styles that give real results and a big confidence boost. (Get the same effect cheaper with a pair of cycling shorts and a sock.)
– “News Of the World”

An online poll by the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked users worldwide to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other submissions. Some facts from the data generated …
• Americans & Canadians favor jokes where people are made to look stupid, while Europeans like jokes that make fun of serious subjects like marriage, sickness, and death.
• Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laugh the most. Canadians laugh the least.
• If you want to tell an animal joke, make it about a duck … it’s apparently the most mirthful.
• According to the number crunchers, jokes containing 103 words are funniest.
– PA News

In his new book, “Choke: What the Secrets Of the Brain Reveal About Getting It Right When You Have To”, University of Chicago psychologist Sian Beilock investigates the causes of lapses suffered by athletes and other performers. He boils it down to ‘paralysis by analysis’, trying to control every aspect of what we are doing in an effort to ensure success. But this can often backfire, disrupting what was once a fluid, flawless performance. (In other words: Don’t think, do.)

• Bergun, Switzerland – Rescue workers have scrambled a heavy-duty helicopter to airlift a driver and his van to safety after he became stranded on a goat track near a mountain peak. The 37-year-old called for help on his cellphone after finding himself unable to drive further and equally unable to turn around. How’d he end up in such a predicament? By explicitly following his GPS system’s every command. (Somewhere a GPS voice artist is laughing her ass off.)
– Orange News
• Bradenton, Florida – A local driver has been arrested after a police search revealed he had crack … in his crack. When the drugs were discovered, the suspect denied owning them, claiming it was the property of a friend who had previously borrowed the car and left the drugs on the passenger seat. He admitted to possession of cannabis, but claims that, when he was pulled over for speeding, he attempted to conceal the second bag of drugs. (Unfortunately, it was a Hefty bag. Ouch!)
– TheSmoking
• Cambridge, Massachusetts – A man who killed himself on the Harvard University campus last month left behind a suicide note that runs … 1,904 pages. The titanic treatise has since been posted online by the victim’s mother, who insists her son would have wanted others to ‘know about his work’. (Great, now he can bore the rest of us to death!)

• Entrepreneurs in Russia have discovered there’s a market for ivory from the ancient remains of the long extinct woolly mammoth and the stuff is selling for … over $520 a kilo.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Engineers estimate that 13-to-16 tons of rock will need to be cleared by the trapped Chilean miners … each day.
– BBC News
• Scientists think penguins have been around for an estimated 36 million years.
– “Magazine Monitor”

“I wouldn’t be caught dead marrying a woman old enough to be my wife.”
– Movie actor Tony Curtis, who has died at age 85. He’s survived by wife #6, 39-year-old Jill Vandenberg.


1944 [66] Tony LaRussa, Tampa FL, MLB manager (2006 World Series Champion St Louis Cardinals, 1989 World Series Champion Oakland Athletics)

1946 [64] Susan Sarandon (Tomalin), NYC, movie actress (“Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”, 1996 Oscar-“Dead Man Walking”)/actor Tim Robbins’ partner 1986-2009

1967 [43] Liev Schreiber, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Salt”, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)/actress Naomi Watts’ partner

1976 [34] Alicia Silverstone, San Francisco CA, movie actress (“Clueless”, “Batman & Robin”)

1977 [33] Richard Parry, Ottawa ON, alt-rock musician/composer (Arcade Fire-“We Used to Wait”, “Keep the Car Running”)

1978 [32] Marc Roberge, Rockville MD, one-hit-wonder rock singer (OAR-“Shattered [Turn the Car Around]”)

• “Improve Your Office Day”, a day to focus on ways to make your work experience better. Among the suggestions: Keep it clean; simplify; and bring a piece of outside inside.

• “International Toot Your Flute Day”, to encourage the idea of selling yourself and telling others how good you are, while rejecting the idea that self-promotion is ‘bragging’.

• “World Animal Day”, begun in Florence, Italy in 1931 to celebrate animal life in all its forms.

• “World Habitat Day”, a UN observance on the first Monday of October since 1986, to focus attention on the state of our urban areas and the basic human right to adequate shelter.

1990 [20] “Beverly Hills 90210” debuts on FOX-TV, making Jennie Garth, Ian Ziering, Brian Austin Green, Tori Spelling, Jason Priestley, and Luke Perry (temporary) stars

1970 [40] Rock & blues singer Janis Joplin dies of a heroin overdose at the Landmark Motel in Hollywood CA at age 27

1980 [30] “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen peaks at #1 on pop singles charts

1976 [34] 1st ‘Female TV Network News Anchor’ as Barbara Walters joins Harry Reasoner on “ABC Evening News” for a then-record $1 million-per-year

[Tues] World Teachers Day
[Wed] Balloons Around the World Day
[Wed] Ecological Debt Day
[Wed] German-American Day
[Fri] Depression Screening Day
[Fri] Pirogi Day
[Fri] Kitchener-Waterloo Oktoberfest begins

Carry a Tune Week / Customer Service Week / Financial Planning Week / Fire Prevention Week / Mental Illness Awareness Week / Mystery Series Week / Newspaper Week / No Salt Week / Nuclear Medicine Week / Spinning & Weaving Week / Universal Children’s Week / Work From Home Week / World Space Week


A highlight bit culled from 17 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
You’re looking for a contestant with a cellphone riding shotgun in a vehicle. The contestant roots through the glove compartment and scores points (or prizes) for each of the following …
• Used lollipop, candy, chewing gum. (Extra points for teeth marks or if it’s now covered in fluff.)
• Foreign coins. (Perfect for unsuspecting ‘squeegee kids’.)
• A road map that hasn’t been folded properly. (Make them re-fold it.)
• Unpaid parking tickets. (Points for each one.)
• Facial tissues. (Bonus if they’re used.)
• Something to keep kids quiet. (Travel games, a pack of cards, a pint of vodka … a gun.)
• A book to read during traffic gridlock. (Bonus points for “War & Peace”.)
• Fuzzy dice. (Points for being prepared in case they come back into fashion again.)
• Points for anything embarrassing. (Underwear, condoms, tampons … body parts.)
• And 1,000 bonus points if they look in the ‘glove compartment’ and find … gloves!

If you think the problem is bad now … just wait until we’ve solved it!

We give you the classic ad slogan, you tell us the product …
• “Makes hamburgers taste like steakburgers.” [A-1 Steak Sauce]
• “The place for the helpful hardware man.” [Ace Hardware Stores]
• “The San Francisco treat.” [Rice-a-Roni]
• “A diamond is forever.” [De Beers Consolidated Mines]
• “Betcha can’t eat just one.” [Lay’s Potato Chips]
• “Let your fingers do the walking.” [Yellow Pages]
• “Good to the last drop.” [Maxwell House Coffee]
• “M’m, M’m, Good!” [Campbell’s Soup]
• “Nothin’ says lovin’ like somethin’ from the oven.” [Pillsbury]
• “When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.” [Federal Express]

How can you tell when someone is lying? (“Science News” reports the top answer in a poll of people in close to 60 countries is … liars avert their gaze.)

Today’s Question: You are perceived to be an average of 3.3 years older if you wear THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eyeglasses. (London Vision Clinic)

Do not take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive.

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