BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Starting tonight, Jerry Seinfeld is returning to stand-up comedy with a string of live dates in his native NYC through November 8th, with 1 show in each of the city’s 5 boroughs (he last hit the stage in the Big Apple in 1998) . . . 35 years after they sang together in “Grease”, John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John have reunited to record a fantastically cheesy seasonal album, “This Christmas”, which features special guests like Tony Bennett, Barbra Streisand, and Kenny G (don’t fail to miss it!) . . . “NY Daily News” says George Clooney & Stacy Keibler are barely speaking of late and are on the verge of breaking up (quick, somebody check her ‘Best Before’ date) . . . “Girls” (HBO) creator & star Lena Dunham is shopping a book proposal this week that has a reserve bid of $1 million and she’ll reportedly choose from the top 5 offers after a sit-down session tomorrow (even Hemingway never had this kind of pull) . . . Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ marriage was irretrievably broken 6 months prior to her filing for divorce, according to court papers exclusively obtained by “National Enquirer” (they may get a Pulitzer for this insightful reporting) . . . Production on “Iron Man 3” has resumed this week in Miami FL after almost a month of downtime due to star Robert Downey Jr’s on-set ankle injury (‘Iron Man’ has weak ankles?) . . . It’s just been announced that Khloe Kardashian & Mario Lopez are the new hosts of FOX-TV’s “The X Factor” (in case you need another reason not to watch) . . . And new mom Jessica Simpson will be less-than-thrilled with “Star” magazine’s exclusive new story that claims her ex-NFL player-fiancé Eric Johnson has been sleeping with both her and his ex-wife at the same time (wow, a touchdown and a point after!).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Slash (“Apocalyptic Love”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Ed Sheeran (“+”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Jack Black & Kyle Gass (Tenacious D).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Walkmen (“Heaven”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Keke Palmer (“So Uncool”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Animal Collective (“Centipede Hz”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Raveonettes (“Observator”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Cher Lloyd (“Sticks & Stones”); Rocky Martin (“Musica + Alma + Sexo”).
• “The Next” (CW) – The 5 remaining finalists compete; the winner is announced.
• “30 Rock” (NBC) – 7th season debut.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Neon Trees (“Picture Show”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – Her new movie theme, “Skyfall”, is her first recording since the album “21” in early 2011. It releases on her website tonight at 7:07 pm EDT, which is 0:07 BST/London time.
NET: http://adele.tv
• Britney Spears – Word has it her dad and fiancé have blocked her access to websites they consider a ‘negative influence’. (Scientology.org? Britneyspears.com?)
• Bryan Adams – The rocker-turned-photographer’s new book “Exposed” certainly lives up to its title with a topless portrait of pop star P!nk. Also appearing: Amy Winehouse, Elton John, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Jackson, Mick Jagger, and Sting.
• Chris Brown – According to an eyewitness at NYC hot spot Griffin the other night, he climbed over his table to join Rihanna at hers. She then proceeded to take off his shirt before they began dancing and making out. (Icky. And so disappointing.)
• Foo Fighters – Dave Grohl says he’s unsure when the band will play again but they are definitely not splitting up, just taking a hiatus. In the meantime, he’ll be focusing on finishing his documentary film about LA’s Sound City Studios for worldwide release.
• Lady Gaga – After all that public preaching about size acceptance and the like, she’s now revealed that she’s been dieting to get back into shape after gaining about 25 lbs. (That’s a lot when you’re only 5’-1”.)
• Metallica – Kirk Hammett has released a new coffee table book called “Too Much Horror Business: The Kirk Hammett Collection”, featuring over 300 images of his prized collection of horror memorabilia. It includes Frankenstein masks and oodles of vintage film posters.
• Nicki Minaj – The new “American Idol” judge is shown yelling and hurling heated comments at fellow judge Mariah Carey in a candid new video posted on celebrity website TMZ. (This is what Simon hired them for. There’s likely a script.)

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Identical” – Shooting began this week in Nashville TN on this musical fable centered around a family and told via the history of rock & roll from the ‘40s to the ‘60s. Ray Liotta plays the family patriarch, a preacher; Ashley Judd is his wife; Seth Green is a drummer challenged by excesses of wine and women; and Joe Pantoliano plays a music-loving garage mechanic.
• “A Many Splintered Thing” – Described as an ‘anti-romantic’ comedy, this offbeat indie film stars Chris Evans as a man disillusioned by love who meets an engaged woman (Michelle Monaghan). Looking for a challenge and egged on by friends, he feigns a platonic relationship in order to keep seeing her. Production starts at the end of the month.
• “Mobius” – This upcoming psychological action thriller takes its cues from Herman Melville’s 1851 classic novel “Moby Dick”. In this futuristic version, a maniacal captain consumed by revenge takes his spaceship and crew on a death mission into deep space, fueled by his own ego and his will to control an enigmatic alien. No casting has been announced as yet.
• “3 Days to Kill” – Kevin Costner plays a dying Secret Service agent who decides to retire in order to reconnect with his estranged family. But when the service offers him an experimental drug that could save his life in exchange for one last assignment, he finds himself trying to juggle his family, his mission, and the drug’s side effects. The film will be re-titled before release.
• “Trust Me” – Clark Gregg (“The Avengers”) is writing, directing, and starring in this dark comedy about child stars. He plays a former kid actor who’s eking out a living as a loser agent when he stumbles across a child prodigy (newcomer Saxon Sharbino). The ensemble cast includes Allison Janney, Amanda Peet, Felicity Huffman, Sam Rockwell, and William H Macy.

WAYS WE TRY TO AVOID EMBARRASSMENT:
Scenarios that are so uncomfortably awkward we go to bizarre lengths to avoid them …
• Pretend Not to Be Waiting for Change – You want your 13 cents back from the $2 you handed the cashier. Not that it’s worth anything, it’s the principle. So you busy yourself doing something (ie: rearranging your wallet) long enough for the clerk to finally fork it over. Cheapo.
• Pretend to Get Phone Calls – You avoid awkward situations by faking an incoming phone call on vibrate, then pretend some urgent matter requires immediate attention. Almost as bogus as pretending to text someone when you don’t want to converse with a stranger. Are we sociable?
• Leave Quickly Before the Bad Server Sees the Bad Tip – You refuse to leave your customary 20% because frankly, the service was less than so-so. So you tuck a few coins under the credit card tray and leave ASAP before the waiter collects the bill. Gangsta.
• ‘Favorite’ Tweets on Twitter – One of your Twitter buddies tweets something that’s just awful and unfunny. Sure you could just not respond, but that would be unkind. So you ‘star’ it as a favorite but don’t retweet it to your followers. That way your buddy is unaware you think he’s lame while your other buddies aren’t burdened with boredom. Nice job. How to deal.
• Lose All Peripheral Vision for Inconsiderate Drivers – They cut you off, they tailgate, they veer all over the road. So what do you do? Put the pedal to the metal and blow by but never, ever look at the loser. Your neck is locked. Your vision is fixed. Eye contact? Never! That’ll teach ‘em!
– Adapted from Cracked.com

BG-TV:
These days young children watch about 80 minutes of TV per day, on average. That may seem rather harmless, but that 80 minutes may be only part of the story. According to a nationwide study, a much bigger proportion of kids’ TV exposure comes indirectly, from television that’s on in the background while they’re doing other activities. The study finds the average child between the ages of 8 months and 8 years absorbs nearly 4 hours of this so-called background or ‘second-hand’ TV each day. (In some households there’s always a TV on … even when NOBODY is watching.)
– Health.com

THINGS YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT K-POP:
“Gangnam Style” has exploded onto the music scene worldwide, bringing many of use our first exposure to Korean pop (K-Pop). A few facts …
• 35-year-old Park Jae-Sang, the artist known as PSY, belongs simultaneously to the worlds of Korean hip-hop and K-Pop, the country’s all-conquering bubblegum genre.
• Chubbily clean-cut PSY is an all-round entertainer, as much a dancer, comedian, and video creator as a musician.
• PSY was educated at Boston’s prestigious Berklee College of Music, where he claims he failed to get out of bed to attend lectures.
• Pure rap has only existed in Korea since 1997 and is considered the ‘intellectual’ end of Korean pop.
• Contestants in freestyle rap competitions are judged not only on technical skill, but their ‘sincerity of respect’, after closing shows by praising opponents’ verbal ingenuity.
• Seo Taiji is the androgynous, waif-like godfather of K-Pop.
• Yoon Mi Rae (born Natasha Reid in Texas) is the top female rapper.
• South Korean crews have been official breakdancing world champions since 2009.
– Telegraph.co.uk

KNOW THY NEIGHBOR:
Malmo, Sweden housing company MKB has announced a $135,000-campaign aimed at encouraging neighbors to talk to one another. The ‘Say Hi’ campaign includes a brochure distributed to tenants with instructions on how to make small-talk with neighbors (prepare open-ended greetings and avoid yes-or-no questions). A spokesperson says long conversations are not always required, it’s sometimes enough just to smile. Basically, the brochure suggests, it’s about noticing one another and not averting your glance when meeting others. (Good fences make good neighbors; 20-ft walls and armed guards make great ones.)
– UPI.com

BS AMAZING FACT:
• Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on 2 continents.
• Toronto, Ontario was the 1st city in the world with a computerized traffic signal system.
• Detroit, Michigan has more registered bowlers than any other city in the USA.
• Montréal, Québec is the world’s 2nd-largest French-speaking city after Paris.
• The city of Seoul has been the capital of Korea for more than 600 years.
• Davao City in the Philippines is the largest city in the world in terms of area.
• The city of Las Vegas, Nevada has the most hotel rooms in the world.
– GreatFacts.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.04.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [66] Susan Sarandon (Tomalin), NYC, movie actress (“Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps”, 1996 Oscar-“Dead Man Walking”)/actor Tim Robbins’ partner 1986-2009

1967 [45] Liev Schreiber, San Francisco CA, movie actor (“Salt”, “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”)/actress Naomi Watts’ partner

1976 [36] Alicia Silverstone, San Francisco CA, movie actress (“Clueless”, “Batman & Robin”)/animal rights activist

1977 [35] Richard Parry, Ottawa ON, alt-rock musician/composer (Arcade Fire-“We Used to Wait”, “Keep the Car Running”)

1978 [34] Marc Roberge, Rockville MD, one-hit-wonder pop singer (OAR-“Shattered [Turn the Car Around]”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Cinnamon Bun Day”, or “Kanelbullens Dag” as it’s known in Sweden, the country of the yummy sweet-roll’s presumed origin. Good excuse to scarf one with your coffee this morning. Mmm … can’t you just smell it?

• “Improve Your Office Day”, a day to focus on ways to make your work experience better. Among the suggestions: Keep it clean; simplify; and bring a piece of outside inside.

• “International Toot Your Flute Day”, to encourage the idea of selling yourself and telling others how good you are, while rejecting the idea that self-promotion is ‘bragging’.

• “Taco Day”, an annual celebration of the great taste of the traditional Mexican dish.

• “World Animal Day”, begun in Florence, Italy in 1931 to celebrate animal life in all its forms. It derives from today’s “St Francis of Assisi” feast day, celebrating the patron saint of animals. Today is also “World Pet Day” and the occasion in many places for the annual “Blessing Of the Animals”.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1970 [42] Rock & blues singer Janis Joplin dies of a heroin overdose at the Landmark Motel in Hollywood CA at age 27

1980 [32] “Another One Bites the Dust” by Queen peaks at #1 on pop singles charts

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1976 [36] 1st ‘Female TV Network News Anchor’ as Barbara Walters joins Harry Reasoner on “ABC Evening News” for a then-record $1 million-per-year

2004 [08] ‘SpaceShipOne’ flies to an altitude of 62 miles over the California desert, becoming the 1st privately-funded rocket to reach space (thereby winning the $10-million Ansari X Prize)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1981 [31] Oldest recorded pet gerbil, ‘Sahara’, dies in Lathrup Village, Michigan at age 8 years, 4-and-a-half months

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] “Frankenweenie”; “Taken 2” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Diversity Day
[Fri] World Smile Day
[Sat] Ecological Debt Day
[Sat] German-American Day
[Sat] World Card Making Day
This Week Is  … No Salt Week
This Month Is … Celebrating the Bilingual Child Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• Can a funeral home blame a price increase on the ‘cost of living’?
• If the #2 pencil is the most popular, how come it’s still #2?
• What was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
• What exactly is ‘midair’? Is there some other part of air besides the ‘mid’ part?
• If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?
• Are there crash courses on how to fly?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What was the first chain-store business to be established?
a. Woolworth’s
b. Sears
c. A&P [CORRECT, begun in 1842.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ If you were the opposite sex, which job would you like to have?

MEN VS WOMEN:
✓ The average woman does it 62 times a day, a man just 10 times a day. What is it? [Smile.]
✓ What does a man do 1,092 times a year that a woman only does 728 times. [Lie.]

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse … who is packing your parachute.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: If yours is an average household, about 5 lbs (2.3 kg) of THIS is stowed away and not being used.
Answer: Loose change.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Money is like a promise, easier made then kept.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“Bull Sheet” is on vacation next week. Subscriber accounts will be credited for missed editions.