Tuesday, October 4, 2016 – Edition: #5821

Sheet Happens!

★ [UPDATE] By now you know Kim Kardashian West has been robbed. An update of the facts so far …
• She was in France attending Paris Fashion Week shows.
• The heist took place at the Hotel de Pourtalès, a 19th century neo-Renaissance town mansion in Paris’ 8th arrondissement near the Madeleine. It features upscale rental units.
• 5 masked men dressed as police officers were involved, 2 of which forced their way into her apartment and tied her up in the bathroom before fleeing the scene.
• Kim was badly shaken but physically unharmed.
• Loot taken includes a jewelry box full of valuables worth $6.7 million as well as a ring worth $4.5 million (perhaps her engagement ring?).
• The robbers escaped on bikes; Kim left Paris yesterday on a private jet.
– AP / “Daily Mail” / ContactMusic.com
★ Kylie Jenner is just 19-years-old but is already building an impressive real estate profile. She has reportedly just forked out $12 million on a new Los Angeles-area property … her 4th. The stunning 13,200 square-foot Cape Cod-style mansion in Hidden Hills has 8 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms, a gourmet kitchen, swimming pool, home cinema, and games room. She first climbed the property ladder last year, spending $2.7 million on her ‘starter home’ in Calabasas. She then added 2 other Hidden Hills homes: a $6 million mansion and the $4.5-million property next door.
– Trulia.com
★ And speaking of real estate, the “Mrs Doubtfire” house is on the market. The current owners of the San Francisco CA home that featured in the 1993 Robin Williams hit comedy are hoping the place’s movie history will help them land a quick sale. Williams’ cross-dressing nanny took over the Pacific Heights pad in the family film, and the corner house became a temporary memorial for Williams following his death in 2014. The asking price for the renovated Victorian is $4.45 million. The “Full House” residence in the same neighborhood went up for sale in May.
– Vulture.com

• “BET Hip Hop Awards 2016” (BET) – For a 3rd year in-a-row, Drake dominates with 14 nominations, followed by Future with 10,and DJ Khaled with 9. Pre-taped in September at Cobb Energy Performing Arts Center in Atlanta GA.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Miike Snow (“iii”).
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – DNCE performs; recaps of the “Cirque du Soleil” performances; eliminations take place.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Kelly Clarkson (“Piece By Piece”).
• “The Flash” (CW/CTV) – Grant Gustin returns as ‘Barry Allen’ in the 3rd season premiere.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Holy Ghost (“Dynamics”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Kelly Clarkson again; Tom Odell (“Wrong Crowd”).
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Melissa Etheridge (“Memphis Rock & Soul”, out Friday).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Melissa Etheridge again.
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Empire Of the Sun (“Two Vines”, out October 28th).
• “Vice Presidential Debate” (ABC/CBS/FOX/NBC/PBS) – CBS News anchor Elaine Quijano moderates at Longwood University in Farmville VA.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Highlights of the blind auditions, previously unseen moments, and a look ahead at upcoming battles.

• Drake – His album “Views” continues to make history, as it is now officially the 1st release to reach 1 billion streams on Apple Music.
• Jay Z – He’s signed a TV and film deal with The Weinstein Co for future projects. The 2-year ‘first look’ agreement is for production of both scripted and unscripted properties. Jay says some projects under this deal are already in development and will be announced soon.
• Lady Gaga – She’s choosing the intimacy of dive bars to showcase songs from her new album “Joanne” (out October 21st). The 3-stop tour opens Wednesday at an undisclosed location and streams live on Bud Light’s Facebook page, as will the October 20th and 27th shows.
• Miranda Lambert – “The Weight Of These Wings”, her first album in 2 years, is set to release on November 18th.
• Tim McGraw / Faith Hill – The “Sam & Audrey” concert at Nashville’s Ryman Auditorium last night turned out to be Samuel Timothy McGraw & Audrey Faith Perry celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary. The 2,362 seats sold out for a meager $20 a pop.
• Shawn Mendes – On today’s new “Billboard 200” chart he’s scored his 2nd career #1 album with “Illuminate”. The 18-year-old first topped the chart with his debut album “Handwritten” last year.
• The Weeknd – “Starboy” amassed over 17 million streams globally between Thursday and Sunday, shattering the previous streaming record in the process. The single has also become the ‘Single Week Most Added Record of All-Time in North America’.

Coming out on DVD, Netflix, Google Play and/or other video providers …
• “The Purge: Election Year” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Former police sergeant ‘Barnes’ becomes head of security for ‘Senator Charlene Roan’, frontrunner in the presidential election due to her vow to eliminate the ‘Purge’. Stars Frank Grillo, Elizabeth Mitchell. The 3rd film in the series following “The Purge” (2013) and “The Purge: Anarchy” (2014).
• “Swiss Army Man” ( R-Rated Comedy ): A man stranded on a deserted island finds his options are hopeless until he befriends a dead body that washes up onshore. The two become fast friends, and ultimately go on an epic adventure to get back home. Stars Paul Dano, and Daniel Radcliffe… as the corpse. We hear the fart scene is either hilarious … or gross.
• “X-Men: Apocalypse” ( PG-13 Action Adventure ): James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, and Nicholas Hoult return in Bryan Singer’s latest instalment of the sci-fi series (the 7th since the 2000 original). With the emergence of the world’s first mutant, ‘Apocalypse’, the ‘X-Men’ must reunite to defeat his extinction-level plan.
• Also being released: “Banshee: The Complete 4th Season” (TV); “The Homestretch” (Documentary); “Murdoch Mysteries: A Merry Murdoch Christmas” (TV); “The Passion Live” (TV Musical); “The Presidents Collection” (History Channel Documentary Series); “Sesame Street: Monster Magic” (Kids); “The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson: The Vault Series” (TV Compilation); and “Vikings: Season 4” (TV).

Gone are the days of flipping through bulky binders of donor profiles, thanks to Britain’s London Sperm Bank. Now those on the hunt for the perfect baby-daddy can use a free app that’s reminiscent of popular dating app Tinder. It makes it easier to filter potential donors by occupation, ethnicity, religion – even hair and eye color. Users are assured the British Andrology Society, British Fertility Society, and Human Fertilization & Embryology Authority have all vetted every donor to ensure healthy, viable sperm. And with 25,000 vials in the bank, users can create a ‘Wish List’ to be notified of samples that fit their criteria. Detractors are calling the new technology the ultimate denigration of fatherhood. (Not to mention the doom of men as a species.)
– “Quartz”

• Fried Jell-O … Actually more like a deep-fried cupcake with a Jell-O center.
• Down Home Chicken Pot Pie Pocket with Mac ‘n Cheese Dip … Two treats in one!
• Dr Pepper Chocolate Chip Ice Cream … If Texas has a soul, it’s made of this ice cream.
• Crunchy Fried Oinker … A Texas-sized pulled pork slider served with broccoli cole slaw.
• Edible Cola … Your favorite soft drink in an edible cotton candy-flavored cup.
• Cookie Fries … Awarded ‘Most Creative’, these are cookie fingers shaped like crinkle fries.
• Great Balls of BBQ – Crispy balls of meat with the BBQ sauce injected into the center.
• Doritos Bacon Mozzarella Cheese Stick … How could you resist all this decadence?
(Gotta have it? The fair is on through October 23rd in Dallas.)
– BuzzFeed.com

Hooray! Scientists have found a cure for garlic breath. Scientists at Ohio State University research have studied the effect of different foods on the volatile compounds responsible for garlic breath. Their results show that chewing on mint leaves is the top garlic breath deodorizer, and that raw apple and raw lettuce can be almost as effective. They decrease the concentration of ‘volatiles’ on the breath by 50% or more for the first 30 minutes afterward. The researchers conclude that raw foods are better at breaking down garlic’s volatile compounds because they contain both odor-eliminating enzymes and phenolic compounds, which destroy the volatiles. (This is good excuse to bring in 3 heads of iceberg lettuce for your newscaster Pietro Pisa.)
– Vice.com

• New Zealand has a sperm shortage.
– “The Guardian”
• Mexicans have 300 different terms for ‘corruption’.
– “Quartz”
• Public masturbation is legal in Italy so long as there are no children present.
– CNN.com


1956 [60] Christoph Waltz, Vienna, Austria, movie actor (“Django Unchained”, “Inglourious Basterds”)

1967 [49] Liev Schreiber, San Francisco CA, TV actor (“Ray Donovan” since 2013)/movie actor (“Creed”, “The Butler”)/actress Naomi Watts’ estranged partner COMING UP: “My Little Pony: The Movie” 2017

1973 [43] M Ward (Matthew Stephen Ward), Newbury Park CA, indie folk/country/rock singer-guitarist (“A Wasteland Companion”, She & Him-“In the Sun/I Can Hear Music”)

1976 [40] Alicia Silverstone, San Francisco CA, movie actress (“Clueless”, “Batman & Robin”)/animal rights activist

1977 [39] Richard Parry, Ottawa ON, alt-rock musician-composer (Arcade Fire-“Reflektor”, “Keep the Car Running”)

1978 [38] Marc Roberge, Rockville MD, one-hit-wonder pop singer (OAR-“Shattered [Turn the Car Around]”)

1988 [28] Melissa Benoist, Houston TX, TV actress (‘ Kara Danvers’ on “Supergirl” since 2015)

1989 [27] Dakota Johnson, Austin TX, movie actress (“Fifty Shades Of Grey” films, “The Social Network”)/daughter of actors Don Johnson & Melanie Griffith

1991 [25] Leigh-Anne Pinnock, High Wycombe UK, girl-band singer (Little Mix-“Black Magic”, “Wings”)

• “Cinnamon Roll Day”, or “Kanelbullens Dag” as it’s known in Sweden, the country of the yummy sweet-bun’s presumed origin. Good excuse to scarf one with your coffee this morning.

• “Improve Your Office Day”, a day to focus on ways to make your work experience better. Among the suggestions: Keep it clean; simplify; and bring a piece of outside inside.

• “International Toot Your Flute Day”, to encourage the idea of selling yourself and telling others how good you are, while rejecting the idea that self-promotion is ‘bragging’.

• “Taco Day”, an annual celebration of the great taste of the traditional Mexican dish.

• “Truckers Day”, saluting the long-haulers that deliver the goods. Ever notice truckers always say that they ‘drive truck’, not ‘drive trucks’?

• “Vodka Day”, celebrating the versatile, virtually tasteless and odorless tipple that now accounts for about 25% of spirits sold in North America.
NET: http://www.nationalvodkaday.com

2005 [11] Little Big Town releases a 2nd album, “The Road to Here”, which spawns 4 top 20 country hits

2006 [10] Barbra Streisand’s tour-opening performance at Philadelphia PA’s Wachovia Center generates $5,265,600 from 16,510 attendees ($319 a head)

2004 [12] ‘SpaceShipOne’ flies to an altitude of 62 miles over the California desert, becoming the 1st privately-funded rocket to reach space (thereby winning the $10-million Ansari X Prize)

2006 [10] Wikileaks is launched by Julian Assange

1981 [35] Oldest recorded pet gerbil, ‘Sahara’, dies in Lathrup Village, Michigan at age 8 years, 4-and-a-half months

[Wed] “Arrow” season premiere (CW)
[Wed] International Day of No Prostitution
[Wed] World Day of Architecture
[Thurs] Canada’s Walk of Fame induction ceremony (Toronto ON)
[Thurs] German-American Day
This Week Is … No Salt Week
This Month Is … Celebrating the Bilingual Child Month


Today is the 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year holiday. A good excuse to check out some …
• ‘Chutzpah Day’ … If you’ve got enough of it you can fake that it’s a legit holiday.
• ‘Rosh B’Shevat, the Festival of Lights’ … Always falls the Monday after Spring Break.
• ‘The Harvest Festival of Makar Sankranti’ … Actually Hindu, but who will actually know that?
• ‘L’Hitraot Purim’ … 1st school day after Purim, when parents are so hungover they’ll sign an excuse note no problem.
• ‘Brisket Equinox, Feast Of the Midpoint’ – Halfway between the brisket-intensive holidays of Rosh Hashanah and Pesach.
• ‘Yom Banana’ – Sounds more official if you tweak it with a Brit accent.
• ‘Yad Ffo’ – Literally the English-language words “day” and “off” … spelled backwards.
– Adapted from McSweeneys.net

☎ What’s the best Disney Halloween costume you’ve ever had?

• Approximately how many bubbles are there in a standard bottle of champagne?
a. About 300 per glass or 3,000 per bottle.
b. A total of 7 million. [CORRECT. We know this thanks to a $500,000 research project.]
c. Don’t be fooled, it’s just 1 big one trapped in a vapor lock.

• How are the pins in men’s dress shirts put in?
a. By hand. [CORRECT]
b. By a pin installing machine.
c. By the pin fairy.
– “Imponderables”

We need people with multiple personalities to offset all the people who don’t have any.

Question According to most of us, THIS is the most awkward moment when it comes to money.
Answer: Asking the boss for a raise.

Good enough never is.

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