Wednesday, October 5, 2016 – Edition: #5822

Sheet Happens!

★ Turns out “Oldchella” is not SRO. Desert Trip, the 2-weekend Coachella off-shoot which features Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Paul McCartney, Roger Waters, Rolling Stones, and The Who, has been sold out for months. That’s what fans have been told anyway. The truth is tickets are super easy to buy just a few days before Friday’s opening night. Fans can readily buy tickets directly from Tons of tickets are also being sold on secondary market sites … sometimes for less than the original price. Before snagging your tickets, however, take note that admission is only one part of how much it costs to attend Desert Trip. Among other expenses fans need to cover: shuttle passes ($25), parking (up to $150), camping ($99 and up) and, of course, food and lots of water (about 5 bucks a bottle).
★ It’s been a big year for fans of “Harry Potter” … and it’s only going to get bigger: All 8 “Harry Potter” films are being screened in IMAX (as well as 2-D) for a full week beginning October 13th. The franchise’s first 2 films – 2001’s “Harry Potter & The Philosopher’s Stone” and 2002’s “Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets are being digitally re-mastered into IMAX, marking the first time either film has received this treatment. Additionally, fans attending the week-long “Harry Potter” engagement at select theaters internationally are getting a first look at never-before-seen footage from “Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them”, the latest flick to emerge from JK Rowling’s literary universe. It opens wide on November 18th.
★ Tina Fey’s “Mean Girls” musical is going to debut in Washington DC at the end of 2017. The comedienne has been teasing the musical version of the 2004 movie for some time and it’s now confirmed it’s opening next Fall. Fey and her husband, composer Jeff Richmond, are collaborating with “Legally Blonde” lyricist Nell Benjamin on the show. The comedienne wrote the original movie and appeared in it, alongside Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, and Amy Poehler.
★ And Boomers may delight in this announcement: “The Gong Show” is being revived by ABC-TV. The unconventional talent show, which originally ran from 1976-89, has been picked up for 10 episodes to be executive produced by Will Arnett of “Arrested Development” fame. Each episode features unique performers originally found online, judged by a revolving panel of celebrities who bang a gong to immediately stop the worst acts and send them packing. An ABC rep says the intent is to tap into nostalgia for primetime TV game shows. The original “Gong Show” was hosted by Chuck Barris and is best remembered for oddball entertainers like “The Unknown Comic” (with a paper bag over his head) and “Gene Gene the Dancing Machine”, who both became part of the pop culture zeitgeist.
– “Entertainment Weekly”

• “Arrow” (CW) – 5th season premiere.
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – ZZ Top (“Live – Greatest Hits From Around the World”).
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – Bon Jovi (“This House is Not For Sale”, out October 21st).
• “Empire” (FOX) – Mariah Carey guest stars.
• “Frequency” (CW) – Debut of a new fantasy drama series about a detective who discovers she can communicate with her deceased father on an old ham radio. (Um, sometimes you just know …)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Idina Menzel (“Idina”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – !!! (“As If”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Tom Odell (“Wrong Crowd: Deluxe Edition”).
• “The Real” (syndicated) – Dolly Parton (“Pure & Simple”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Norah Jones (“Day Breaks”, out Friday).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Kelly Clarkson (yesterday she released her first-ever children’s book, “River Rose & The Musical Lullaby”, inspired by and named after her 2-year-old daughter, River Rose).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Melissa Etheridge (“Memphis Rock & Soul”).

• Bruno Mars – 4 years after the release of “Unorthodox Jukebox”, he’s announced his new album is finished and its first single is coming out tomorrow. It’s called”24k Magic”.
• The Chainsmokers – “Closer” has landed a 7th week atop the ‘Billboard Hot 100’ singles chart, making Drew Taggart & Alex Pall the first duo to top the countdown for that length of time since Outkast hit #1 with “Hey Ya!” at the end of 2003.
• Garth Brooks – He’s been named a Goodwill Ambassador for Tennessee. Governor Bill Haslam announced the news as Garth confirmed he’s playing a huge free concert in Nashville later this month to mark his recent 7 Diamond-certified albums achievement.
• Lady Gaga – She tells Carson Daly she plans to “push the envelope” with her upcoming Super Bowl performance. Gaga says she’ll showcase her “guts and talent” to give fans something entirely new. This likely has the conservative old NFL a tad nervous.
• Luke Bryan – Tonight in Gaston SC he launches his 8th annual farm tour. This year, for the first time, Bryan will also release a “Farm Tour EP” to be released later this Fall.
• Nine Inch Nails – Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross have their next film score gig, composing original music for “Patriots Day”. The drama about the 2013 Boston Marathon bombings stars Mark Wahlberg, John Goodman, JK Simmons, and Kevin Bacon. It debuts December 21st.

“Young Frankenstein” ( PG Horror Comedy ): Fathom Events is screening legendary filmmaker Mel Brooks’ 1974 comedy classic in over 500 select theaters. The one-night-only presentation with a live intro by the director, reminisces about the film’s star Gene Wilder, who died in August. The twosome worked on 3 films together in total; this one they co-wrote.

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 75% of women have bought skinny jeans to motivate them to lose weight to fit into them.
• 70% of people have slept with a TV remote control in their bed.
• 56% of college students would turn down a job offer if access to social media wasn’t offered.
• 49% of employees say daydreaming is an important part of their workday.
• 40% of adults admit they have switched price tags while out shopping.
• 9% of football fans would miss the birth of their child to attend the Super Bowl.

A palm-sized robot that can hold conversations is going on sale in Japan next year, developer Toyota has announced. ‘Kirobo Mini’, who is just 10 cm (4 in) tall, has been designed to provide companionship and to appeal to people’s nurturing instincts. Some of its abilities …
✓ Engage in casual conversation, using gestures, facial expressions, and eye-blinking.
✓ Remember user preferences and previous events, such as likes, dislikes, and outings.
✓ Use data from connected devices such as those in the home or car to generate comments.
The gadget has a provisional price tag of 39,800 yen (about $388), but there are no plans to sell it outside of Japan. (Dammit!)

Cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Extreme Phone Pinching’ – The practice of holding a smartphone between the thumb and forefinger and dangling it over a perilous place while taking a selfie. (Oops! Duh.)
• ‘Gloving’ – A dance performed with the hands while wearing special gloves embedded with LED lights, a new fad in EDM. (‘Jazz hands’, updated.)
• ‘Pabebe’ – A new style of waving with the fingers closed. Millions of people in the Philippines and beyond are taking pictures of themselves giving the cute little wave. (Wouldn’t this be the same as shaking a fist?)

Do you reach for these food choices with the mistaken belief they are good for you?
• Banana Chips – Fried chips are fried chips, whether they’re made of potato, banana, or the less-sweet banana relative plantain.
• Couscous – It may look like a whole grain but it’s actually a tiny pasta that is a staple of some North African nations.
• Cream Cheese – It’s high in fat and doesn’t have a lot of protein or calcium. A better spreadable choice is ricotta cheese.
• Dried Apricots – Dried fruits are dense in vitamins but also concentrated in calories. A better route is to stick with fresh fruit .
• Muffins – Most muffins are just small cakes. Super-sized muffins can pack an astonishing 800 calories.
• Ramen Noodles – They might fill you up cheaply and quickly, but without the add-ons of fresh veggies and protein they’re just noodles in salty broth and not a nutritious diet addition.
– Condensed from

Listeners find violent lyrics more threatening if they are rapped rather than sung to a country tune. (“Yo, live like you were dying …”)
– “Pacific Standard”


1967 [49] Guy Pearce, Ely UK [raised Geelong, Australia], movie actor (“Iron Man 3”, “The King’s Speech”)/TV actor (“Jack Irish” movies)

1975 [41] Kate Winslet, Reading UK, movie actress (“Steve Jobs”, “Titanic”)

1978 [38] James Valentine, Lincoln NE, pop musician (Maroon 5-“Moves Like Jagger”, “Makes Me Wonder”)

1983 [33] Jesse Eisenberg, Queens NY, movie actor (“Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”, “The Social Network”)

• “Apple Betty Day”, honoring the dessert aka “Apple Brown Betty”, “Apple Crisp”, “Apple Crumble” or “Apple Cobbler”. Whatever you call it … nummers!

• “Balloons Around the World Day”, celebrating the joy and delight that balloons bring to our lives. To mark the occasion, balloon artists worldwide showcase the art of balloon twisting and decorating.

• “International Day of No Prostitution”, an awareness day first observed in 2002 in California’s San Francisco Bay Area and in Melbourne, Australia. It has since spread worldwide as an annual protest opposing prostitution.

• “Kale Day”, celebrated annually on the first Wednesday of October to salute the recently fadish ‘super-food’ that’s touted for its many healthful properties. What have you managed to do to it to make it edible?

• “Noisy Munching Day”, a day to annoy others by chewing ice cubes, pickles, chips … anything that’s crunchy and loud. Sounds like a phone contest, no?

• “World Architecture Day”, initiated by the International Union of Architects, which represents 1.3 million people in the profession worldwide.

• “World Teachers Day”, begun by UNESCO in 1994 as recognition for the vital contribution teachers make to education & development. Over 100 countries now observe the day.

2011 [05] Steve Jobs, the visionary co-founder of Apple Inc, which revolutionized the computer, music, and mobile communications, dies at age 56 of complications from pancreatic cancer

2007 [10] A US federal jury finds a Minnesota woman guilty of music file sharing through online service KaZaa and fines her $220,000

2011 [05] The Martin Scorsese documentary “George Harrison: Living In the Material World” premieres on HBO

1921 [95] The World Series is broadcast on radio for the 1st time (NY Giants beat NY Yankees 5 games to 3)

2001 [15] Barry Bonds surpasses Mark McGwire’s Major League Baseball single-season home run total with his milestone 71st and 72nd home runs (both players tainted by alleged use of steroids)

2002 [14] Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This” goes from #52 to #1 on the ‘Billboard Hot 100’, breaking the record for biggest leap to top spot

[Thurs] Mad Hatter Day
[Fri] “The Birth Of a Nation”; “The Girl On the Train” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Emergency Nurses Day
[Fri] Pet Obesity Awareness Day
This Week Is … Great Books Week
This Month Is … Protect Your Hearing Month


Did you catch this dynamic duo debating last night?
✓ The guy who makes his dog sleep outside.
✓ The guy who greets a roomful of guys with “Morning ladies …”.
✓ The real estate agent whose photograph is on a bus stop bench.
✓ The guy who keeps a baseball bat in his trunk.
✓ The guy who shows up at his high school reunion in a rented Ferrari.
✓ The guy fishing in a Cialis commercial.
✓ The guy who’s just a heartbeat away from … dozing off.

What is the shape of a pretzel meant to symbolize?
a. A reef knot used in nautical applications.
b. The arms of a child in prayer. [CORRECT. Goes back to 610 AD.]
c. Nothing. It’s just a random shape.
– “Imponderables”

Some of these are real names of past or present musical acts, some are totally made up. Which are which?
• Cottage Cheese From the Lips of Death [Real]
• The Middle Fingers [Fake]
• Mussolini Headkick [Real]
• The Dead Sea Squirrels [Real]
• The Mothers of Intervention [Fake]
• Electric Prostates [Real]
• Four Nurses Of the Apocalypse [Real]
• Electric Lite Beer Band [Fake]
• The Tourettes [Fake]
• Mary Kay & The Cosmetics [Real]

I saw a Bald Eagle the other day. All of its feathers were combed over to one side.

☎ If you could hypnotize your spouse to do anything at all, what would it be? (In a recent survey the #1 answer was … ‘clean the house’.)

Question: THIS was picked as the ‘most soothing sound’ in a poll on the topic.
Answer: Birds chirping.

There are 3 kinds of lies: lies, damn lies, and statistics.

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