Wednesday, October 6, 2010        Edition: #4358

You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

Scottish singing sensation Susan Boyle missed another chance to sing on “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) last night – because she showed up late for her flight from England, a plight later blamed on a ‘severe throat infection’ (maybe she’s just batty?) . . . 41-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston has just been named ‘Most Eligible Single Woman In the World’ in a new “60 Minutes”/”Vanity Fair” poll (next year she’ll be ‘Saddest Old Maid’) . . . An untitled movie featuring Beach Boys music has been picked up, whose story is said to center around their songs, similar to how the “Mamma Mia!” musical was derived from ABBA tunes (one of the producers is actor John Stamos, who’s toured with the Beach Boys as their drummer) . . . 55-year-old actor Bruce Willis tells MTV that “Die Hard 5” is ‘probably going to happen in 2011’ (‘cause nothing else seems to be clicking for him) . . . Actor Michael Sheen (“Frost/Nixon”), previously married to hotty actress Kate Beckinsale, has been spotted holding hands with actress Rachel McAdams (“Sherlock Holmes”) in Toronto (and you know what that leads to!) . . . Rocker Ozzy Osbourne’s minimally-talented daughter Kelly Osbourne says she’s realized having a slew of tattoos inked all over her bod’ was ‘a mistake’ and is set to undergo painful laser surgery to have them removed (somehow this news makes us smile) . . . Insiders say  21-year-old actress Emma Stone (“Easy A”) will become the love interest for “Spider-Man” in the upcoming new film, taking over the role of ‘Mary Jane Watson’ previously played by Kirsten Dunst (who’s now an ancient 28) . . . And now that he’s barred for running for Haitian prez, Wyclef Jean has landed another gig – a fellowship at Brown University in Rhode Island, where he’ll be a guest lecturer in the Department of Africana Studies (not to be snippy – but he ain’t qualified for this job either).


• “America’s Next Top Model” (CW) – The models perform on a moving sidewalk ‘runway’ in a downtown Los Angeles tunnel; followed by another elimination. (Couldn’t they just stand there?)
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Mavis Staples w/Jeff Tweedy (“You Are Not Alone”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Grace Potter & The Nocturnals (“Grace Potter & The Nocturnals”).
• “George Stroumboulopoulos Tonight” (CBC) – John Legend (“Wake Up!”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Band Of Horses (“Infinite Arms”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Weezer (“Hurley”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Fistful of Mercy (“As I Call You Down”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Toby Keith (“Bullets In the Gun”).


• Common – An eyewitness tells “Life & Style” magazine the rapper & tennis ace Serena Williams are ‘100% back together’ after splitting earlier this year. They’ve been spotted together at Miami’s Shore Club hotel.
• 50 Cent – TMZ reports he & TV personality Chelsea Handler (“Chelsea Lately”) have been out partying together at a New Orleans bar, giving some serious credibility to recent dating rumors.
• Keith Urban – As part of a promotion with the Guitar Center retail chain, he’s offering an aspiring musician the chance to play as the opening act on his next tour and will also appear on the debut album of the talent competition’s winner.
• Kings Of Leon – They’ve begun posting a series of interviews about their upcoming album, “Come Around Sundown”, at The album’s due October 19th.
• Lil Wayne – He’s reportedly been put in an isolation cell at Rikers Island and had privileges suspended after being caught with banned items in his cell for the 2nd time this year. The offending items: Headphones & a charger for an MP3 player. (Almost as dangerous as a shiv!)
• Nelly Furtado – She’ll release a new greatest hits set, simply titled “The Best of Nelly Furtado”, on November 16th. The collection will feature 3 new songs. (Future greatest hits?)
• Rihanna – She tells BBC Radio 1 that every song on her new album “Loud” (out November 16th) is tailored to her and nobody else could perform them. Quote: “I didn’t want the generic pop record that Ke$ha or Lady Gaga or Katy Perry could do.” (Meow!)


New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Eggcorn’ – The changing of a word or phrase through mishearing or misinterpretation, ie: “Let’s nip it in the butt.”
• ‘Itasha’ – An increasingly popular hobby in Japan that involves decorating cars with female anime characters.
• ‘Reputation Bankruptcy’ – A (so far) theoretical system that would allow you to request a fresh start on the web by deleting all of your online text, photos, and other data.

Fabrics with sensors could give musicians a simple way to carry their instruments with them …  in their clothes. An outfit that produces sounds when the user touches it has been created by Swedish School of Textiles fashion student Jeannine Han and technician Dan Riley. The prototype garments yield a harp-like sound. The duo plans to form a band that will wear the outfits and ‘play themselves’. (You’ll go blind!)
– “The Futurist”

According to body-language experts, these subtle mouth moves can give you a clue to what he’s thinking …
• He’s Smirking – Perhaps surprisingly, it means he wants to smile, but he’s feeling self-conscious. It’s harder for men to show positive emotions so a mini-smile is his ‘controlled’ version of a big grin.
• His Pout Is Pursed – He probably has bad news to tell you. A scrunched-up pucker and tension around his lips are signs he is struggling to force out the words.
• He Covers His Mouth With His Palm – Something is making him nervous. Touching himself is a form of self-soothing, and briefly shielding his lips shows he’s feeling too tongue-tied to speak.
• He Bites His Lip – He’s hot for you! Chewing is what we do to something yummy, so he’s subconsciously nibbling his lips, imagining putting them on yours. (Retch!)
– Condensed from


A poll of some 10,000 employees in 32 countries finds that workers worldwide are looking for the same qualities in an employer – trust, fairness, and training. The survey also finds that employee loyalty is not based on salary, benefits, or stock options. We’re most likely to stay with a company if it ‘behaves ethically’. (So how come so many people work for the government?)

Overpriced products you should avoid if you want to save money because you’ll pay huge markups for their convenience …
10. Pre-Cut Vegetables & Fruits (40% markup)
9. Hotel Room Movies (200%)
8. Greeting Cards (200%)
7. Restaurant Wine (300%)
6. Coffee Shop Coffee (300%)
5. Hotel Minibar (400%)
4. Movie Theater Popcorn (1,275%)
3. Brand Name Drugs (200-to-3,000%)
2. Bottled Water (4,000%)
1. Text Messages (6,000%)


Thanks to automation, computers, and commutes, the majority of us spend some 6 months out of every year … on our butts! Experts say all that sitting increases the pressure on discs by a whopping 300%. The solution? Stand up at least every 30 minutes to reset the back and normalize discs. (Notice how the increase in butt time has led to … an increase in butts?)
– ANI Science & Health


A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 90% of parents admit they’ve used corporal punishment on their kids at least once.
• 44% of women say their mood has been affected by a bad hair day.
• 36% of women say they feel sexiest after sex.
• 35% of us have gone to work unintentionally wearing a tag on our clothes.
• 25% of women have a toothbrush in their purse at all times.
• 2% of women remember the name of the boy they first kissed.

“Mad Men” star Christina Hendricks shares her tips on how to make marks with the ladies …
5. Create an air of mystery.
4. Don’t resort to lines.
3. Charm and class count for a lot.
2. Be confident and be yourself.
1. Be chivalrous and always mind your manners.

• Blood makes up 7% of your body weight.
– “New York Times”
• According to US tax data, almost 3,000 millionaires received unemployment benefits in 2008.
– Bloomberg News
• In the largest, most comprehensive national survey about sexual behavior in America since 1994, a total of 41 different combinations of sexual acts have been tallied.
– Tampa Bay Online


1955 [55] Tony Dungy, Jackson MI, NFL analyst (“Football Night in America”)/former NFL head coach (Indianapolis Colts 2002-09, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1996-2001)

1963 [47] Elisabeth Shue, Wilmington DE, movie actress (“Piranha 3-D”, “Leaving Las Vegas”)

1966 [44] Tommy Stinson, Minneapolis MN, rock bassist (Guns N’ Roses since 1998, The Replacements 1979–91)

1973 [37] Ioan Gruffudd [‘YO-an GRIFF-ith’], Cardiff, Wales, movie actor (“W”, “Fantastic Four” films)

1982 [28] William Butler, CA, rock musician  (Arcade Fire-“We Used to Wait”, “Keep the Car Running”)/brother of frontman Win Butler


• “Balloons Around the World Day”, the 11th annual event celebrating ‘Balloon Sculpture’. Balloon artists worldwide showcase the art of balloon twisting and decorating and, in the process, deliver thousands of smiles through the act of giving.

• “German-American Day”, honoring the likes of Albert Einstein, Lou Gehrig, John Steinbeck & Levi Strauss. In fact,  German-American make up 16% of the total US population. Prosit!

• “International Walk to School Day”,  a day to fight pollution and obesity and to establish safe neighborhood routes for walking and bicycling.

• “Mad Hatter Day”, described as “April Fool’s Day” without the pranks, it’s an opportunity to celebrate silliness. The date was chosen from illustrations depicting the Mad Hatter wearing a hat with a slip of paper that reads: ‘In this style 10/6′.

• “Physician Assistant Day”, honoring all those nice people who order you to take off all your clothes and put the gown on. And make sure the opening’s at the back!


2000 [10] “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation” premieres on CBS-TV (goes on to be TV’s #1 show for several seasons)


1990 [20] Country singer Alan Jackson makes his first appearance at the Grand Ole Opry

1996 [14] Country stars Tim McGraw & Faith Hill get married, then postpone the honeymoon in order to resume their joint tour 4 days later


1866 [144] History’s first disc jockey, Reginald Fessenden, is born in Milton, Québec (in December, 1906 he broadcast the world’s first public program of music & voice from atop a transmitter tower in Brant Rock, Massachusetts to ships at sea, then gets stuck in the tower and has to be stripped and greased to get down)

1893 [117] Breakfast staple “Cream Of Wheat” is introduced by Nabisco Foods (great for filling cracks in drywall!)


[Thurs] Try to Start an Argument over Which Is the Best Muppet Day
[Thurs] International Day of Older Persons
[Fri] Pirogi Day
[Sat] World Post Day
[Sat] Grand Ole Opry’s 85th Birthday Celebration (Nashville)
[Sun] International Newspaper Carrier Day
This Week Is … Carry a Tune Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Shelter Dog Month


• Voted ‘Least Likely to Succeed’ … on the first day of school.
• He’s 6 and his ass covers entire couch.
• Listed on the school principal’s cellphone ‘fave five’.
• Even the cat tells him to get up and do something once in awhile.
• The Edmonton Oilers are considering drafting him.
• Spencer Pratt wants to be just like him when he grows up.
• You are.

He joined Alcoholics Alias. It’s a group in which you continue to drink … but under an assumed name.


• You’ve just had surgery. According to UCLA research, which will help you heal faster?
a. Being in a private room.
b. Being in a semi-private room with someone already recovering from surgery. [CORRECT. Surgery patients are less nervous and heal faster when sharing a room with someone who is already in the recovery process.]
c. Going home immediately afterward.

• You love chili peppers but the really hot ones drive your colon crazy. Which should you avoid?
a. Large peppers with rounded ends.
b. Small peppers with rounded ends.
c. Small peppers with pointed tips. [CORRECT. The smaller the pepper, and the more pointed the tip, the hotter it is.]
– “Outside Magazine”


Which new TV show should get the bullet?


Today’s Question: THIS is the single greatest predictor that a marriage will fail.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The presence of children from a previous marriage or relationship. (“Psychology Today”)

BS DEEP THOUGHT: One good thing about repeating your mistakes is that you know when to cringe.

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