Thursday, October 7, 2010        Edition: #4359

Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

31-year-old actress Katherine Heigl (“Killers”) has managed to kick her butts for 6 months now by substituting electronic cigarettes, which allow you to inhale smoke but it’s harmless water vapor (maybe we’ll get lucky and she’ll be electrocuted) . . . A London launch party for Jonathan Franzen’s new book “Freedom” went weird this week when a gatecrasher grabbed the author’s eyeglasses and ran off, leaving behind a ransom note demanding £100,000 (he was busted after being dragged out of Hyde Park’s Serpentine lake) . . . Donald Trump (“The Apprentice”) says he’s considering a 2012 presidential bid as a Republican (The Donald & Sarah Palin: now there’s a dream team – for Democrats) . . . Courtney Love has posted a naked picture of herself on Twitter (just a warning) . . . A felony bigamy investigation of the polygamist family featured on the reality TV show “Sister Wives” (TLC) has been completed and Utah County prosecutors will now decide whether to file criminal charges against Kody Brown & his gigantic family (in every way) . . . New England Patriots QB Tom Brady & model-wife Gisele Bundchen have made a show of solidarity with a dinner date in Miami to counteract the flack from that photo of her kissing some other dude here in Paris (turns out it was just her longtime ‘friend’ – honest!) . . .  And thanks to TMZ following loony Michael Lohan around, we now know his troubled daughter Lindsay is in the Betty Ford rehab clinic in Rancho Mirage CA, where he tried to visit uninvited but was booted out because guest time was over (plus they were worried she might stab him).

• “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC/CTV) – Issues surface when ‘Derek’s estranged sister ‘Amelia’ (Toronto actress Caterina Scorsone from “Private Practice”) visits unexpectedly.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Primus (“Sailing the Seas of Cheese”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Matt & Kim (“Sidewalks”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Toby Keith (“Bullets In the Gun”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Pete Yorn (“Pete Yorn”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Gorillaz (“Plastic Beach”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – ‘70s singer Meat Loaf.

• Black Eyed Peas – Their new album, “The Beginning”, hits stores on November 30th and features production from DJ Ammo and David Guetta, as well as head Pea will I am.
• Blake Shelton – After already releasing 2 EPs this year, he’s now set to offer “Loaded: The Best of Blake Shelton” on November 9th. The 15-song set will include all 7 of his #1 hits.
• Justin Bieber – Word has it he’s being offered a deal to host a revival of the hidden camera MTV show “Punk’d” next year, with original host Ashton Kutcher as executive producer.
• Kanye West – He’s revealed the (latest) name for his upcoming album is “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” and confirmed it will be released on November 22nd. Kanye is currently here in Paris, where he claims he’s ‘designing the typeface’ for the album packaging.
• Michael Jackson – California-based SEE Virtual Worlds has announced a deal with his estate to create ‘Planet Michael’, an Internet world based on his music, life, and interests. (Such as rattling around a ranch filled with Jolly Green Giant figurines, monkeys, and the sound of crying.)
• Taylor Swift – She’s recently been seen sporting a basketball uniform, which she reportedly wore for a small part in the documentary film “Todd vs High School”, co-starring Jason Segal.
• U2 – Yesterday Bono & his wife Ali debuted a collaboration between their clothing line EDUN and Louis Vuitton at the “Africa Rising Art Exhibition”, part of Paris Fashion Week.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bourne Legacy” – Tony Gilroy (“Michael Clayton”) has been signed to write as well as direct a 4th film in the franchise that has so far grossed over $900 million worldwide. Gilroy wrote the screenplay for the first 3 ‘Bourne’ films, which starred Matt Damon. It is not yet known if Damon will appear in this newest incarnation.
• “Farragut North” – 29-year-old actor Ryan Gosling is currently in negotiations to play the lead role as a communications director who gets wrapped up in the dark side of political campaigns in this upcoming political drama due in 2011, to be directed by George Clooney. Chris Pine, Evan Rachel Wood, Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Paul Giamatti are already onboard.
• “Men in Black 3” –  Principal photography begins in mid-November on this latest sequel to the 1997 action comedy. Stars Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones will be back as well as director Barry Sonnenfeld. Emma Thompson is in negotiations to play the head of ‘MIB’ and Josh Brolin is also said to have a role.
• “Man On a Ledge” – Sam Worthington (“Avatar”) is set to star in this 2012 drama about a former policeman framed for a crime who threatens to throw himself off a building ledge after escaping from prison. Elizabeth Banks (“Spider-Man”) is signed to co-star as a New York Police Department negotiator who tries to persuade her suicidal ex-boyfriend to come down.
• “Morella” – This indie film based on a short story by Edgar Allan Poe is scrambling to find a last minute replacement for the late Tony Curtis, who was contracted to play oil tycoon ‘Frank Phillips’. Shooting is due to commence November 7th. The producers plan to dedicate the film to the memory of the Hollywood icon who passed away September 29th.

Researchers at the University of British Columbia have discovered it may be advantageous for tennis players to grunt as they swing because it can confuse opposing players as to which direction the ball is moving. Experiments show that grunts can cause a longer response delay from opponents, perhaps because they mask the sound of the ball being struck. (Ever listen to Maria Sharapova? That’s no grunt … it’s an erotic groan. Now that’s distracting!)

• This guy’s nuts! A 58-year-old district judge from Intercourse PA (no BS) has been charged with disorderly conduct for handing out acorns to unsuspecting women in the state capitol complex that contained … condoms hidden inside.
– Associated Press
• Her thighs have won a prize! Bandeirante University in Sao Paulo, Brazil has been ordered to re-admit 21-year-old student Geisy Arruda to the school and pay her over $20,000 in compensation after she was expelled last October for … wearing a mini-skirt.
– BBC News
• Scrooge would approve! A judge in Montana has sentenced a man who assaulted a woman to 5 years in jail … on Christmas Day only. The judge says the sentence is meant to keep the guy out of trouble. Somebody needs to stay away from the punch bowl!
• It ain’t no Batmobile! Lincolnshire Police Force in the UK has a hi-tech new vehicle to fight crime … a tractor. The souped-up John Deere 6630 has been given a makeover, including a flashing blue light. It will mainly be used as a promotional vehicle at agricultural events.
– Orange News

According to new research, falling in love is not a basic emotion, as is commonly thought, but a highly complex process involving 12 separate areas of the brain working together to produce and sustain that ‘magic moment’. And researchers have discovered that the first brain activity specific to love starts within … one-fifth of a second of being smitten. (It’s for real …. love at first synapse!)
– “The Independent”

Actual real-life given names or names legally adopted later in life …
• Obvious “Star Wars” fans have named their baby boy ‘Jed I Knight’.
• A real-life ‘Batman bin Suparman’ lives in Singapore.
• A New Zealand judge has ordered a name change for a 9-year-old girl tagged at birth as ‘Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii’.
• The former Jennifer Thornburg is now legally ‘Cutout, a protest against animal dissection in schools.
• A guy named Justin Payne grew up to be – what else? – a dentist.
• Dr Dick Chopp is a for-real urologist, who specializes in … vasectomies.
• A teen formerly named George Garratt has changed his name to ‘Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined’ in order to have what he thought was the world’s longest name. Unfortunately he’s been beaten out by a toddler in Wolverhampton UK, whose parents thought it would be hilarious to give their girl lots of middle names … 25 of them to be exact.
– Condensed from

Linguists working in a remote area of the Himalayas in the Indian state of Arunachal Pradesh have discovered a language spoken by 800 people that is totally unlike any other language that’s ever been catalogued. It’s called ‘Koro’. They say the new lingo is distinct on every level – its sound, words, and sentence structure. This new-found language has no written form, so researchers are working quickly to learn its grammar and vocabulary in order to preserve it against extinction. (It’s likely stumbling into an MSN chat room!)
– “Wall Street Journal”

The songs receiving the most play on US jukeboxes so far in 2010 …
10. Kings Of Leon … “Sex On Fire”
9. Usher … “OMG”
8. Rihanna … “Rude Boy”
7. Janis Joplin … “Me & Bobby McGee”
6. Journey … “Don’t Stop Believin’”
5. Nickelback … “Rockstar”
4. Toby Keith … “I Love This Bar”
3. Zac Brown Band … “Chicken Fried”
2. Zac Brown Band … “Toes”
1. Lady Antebellum … “Need You Now”
– AMI Entertainment Network

Alton Towers amusement park in Staffordshire, England has opened a thrill ride called Carnival of Screams that features ‘killer clowns’ who reach out, pretending to grab at riders. That’s touched a sore spot with professional clowns, who are protesting at the park’s gates. Spokes-clown ‘Fips’ says it’s an unfair depiction of clowns that reinforces the stereotype of evil and it will do for clowns what “Jaws” did for sharks. The ride is only open through Halloween. (Afterwards there’s an extra-large shoe sale.)

• China’s housing boom has unleashed a bull market in cutting-edge plumbing. Nearly 19 million toilets are sold each year in the country.
– “Los Angeles Times”
• Some 60 French towns have now replaced their garbage trucks with horses & carts. The noise of motors and machinery has been replaced by the tranquil clip-clop of hooves.
– “The Guardian”


1942 [68] Joy Behar, Brooklyn NY, TV personality (“The View” since 2000, CNN’s “The Joy Behar Show” since 2009)

1951 [59] John Mellencamp, Seymour IN, pop singer (“Jack & Diane”, “Hurts So Good”)/Farm Aid co-founder/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)

1952 [58] Vladimir Putin, St Petersburg, Russia, Prime Minister of Russia since 2008 (Russian President 2000-08)

1953 [57] Tico (Hector) Torres, NYC, rock drummer (Bon Jovi-“Always”, “Livin’ On a Prayer”)

1959 [51] Simon Cowell, Brighton UK, TV personality (“American Idol” 2002-10)/TV producer (“The X Factor” [UK] since 2004, “American Inventor” 2006-07, “America’s Got Talent” since 2006)/entertainment mogul (Greenwell Entertainment, SYCO TV, SYCO Music)

1968 [42] Toni Braxton, Severn MD, R&B/pop singer (“Unbreak My Heart”, “Breathe Again”)

1968 [42] Thom Yorke, Wellingborough UK, rock singer/guitarist (Radiohead-“Nude”, Creep”)

1975 [35] Damian Kulash, Washington DC, rock singer/guitarist (OK Go-“Here It Goes Again”, “Get Over It”)

“Try to Start an Argument Over Which Is the Best Muppet Day”. But what’s the point? Who could possibly disagree that ‘Cookie Monster’ isn’t by far the best? “COOKIE!!!” Hahahaha.

2003 [07] In a State of California recall election, Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor (or maybe ‘Governator’?)  BS FACTOID: His 2nd term in office ends in January 2011. He is not eligible to run again for governor.

1995 [15] Alanis Morrissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” album reaches #1

2001 [09] The US invasion of Afghanistan begins with an air assault and covert operations on the ground

1965 [45] A 50-mph wind gust helps golfer Robert Mitera sink history’s longest hole-in-one, on the 447-yard 10th hole at Miracle Hill Golf Club in Omaha NE

[Fri] Pirogi Day
[Sat] Universal Music Day
[Sun] Clergy Appreciation Day
[Mon] Thanksgiving Day (Canada)
[Mon] Columbus Day (USA)
This Week Is … Squirrel Awareness Week
This Month Is … Celebrate the Bilingual Child Month


• Is space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
• If cats and dogs didn’t have fur, would we still pet them?
• Did ancient Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s?”
• Is it considered birth control when a blonde takes off her makeup?
• Do today’s kids build tree condos?

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

According to CNN, only 5% of middle-schoolers tell their parents when they’re the victims of ‘cyberbullying’ online. So what’s your best advice for finding out if your kid is a victim?

You have a newborn baby crocodile. What should you feed it?
a. Fruit Loops.
b. Milk.
c. Rocks. [CORRECT. Scientists aren’t sure why, but a baby crocodile’s first meal is always several small stones.]

Today’s Question: In a survey of 1,000 people, THIS was the top activity chosen for a ‘Bucket List’ of things to do before they die.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Drive a race car, picked by 34% of respondents. (“USA Today”)

Life’s simple: Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.

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