October 28 2019

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Monday, October 28, 2019 – Edition: #6560

It’s Your Daily Constitutional Sheet!

★ Ryan Reynolds shared his unique congratulations as “Joker” overtook his “Deadpool” film to become the biggest R-rated movie of all time. It was revealed last week that Joker was set to claim the record, surpassing Deadpool’s $783 million at the box office. Reynolds tweeted: “R-Rated box office congratulatory posts aren’t like the ones you’re used to…” along with a photo of Arthur Fleck on the iconic staircase from the new film. The Joker’s name on the edited poster is changed to “you mother….” and is joined by nicknames lifted from the other highest grossing R-rated movies in history, including Neo from “The Matrix”, Pennywise from “It”, The Wolfpack from “The Hangover” and Mr. Grey from “50 Shades Of Grey”.
★ David Beckham and “Friends” star Courteney Cox will both cameo in an upcoming episode of “Modern Family’s” 11th and final season. The pair will guest star in an episode called “The Prescott,” which will air early next year. According to a rep, the two, who play themselves, are “paired in a celebrity bowling tournament and find themselves getting drawn into a farce the family descends into, involving bowling, 80s aerobicize classes, a terrifying pool slide, and three side by side hot tubs.”
★ The late celebrity chef and travelogue host Anthony Bourdain will be the focus of a new documentary. The as-yet unnamed doc from CNN Films, HBO Max and Focus Features “will provide access to family photos, home movies, letters, music, and other content that will add greater insights into his work and life.” Bourdain had a successful career as a chef, writer and host of the CNN series “Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown”, which earned 12 Emmy wins throughout its five-year stint. In June 2018, Bourdain was found dead by suicide in a French hotel.
★ Olivia DeJonge will star as Priscilla Presley in Baz Luhrmann’s Elvis Presley biopic. The 21-year-old Australian actress has been cast as the TV star, who was married to the King of Rock ‘n’ Roll from 1967 to 1973. Luhrmann previously said he was keen to hire a relatively unknown actor for the part. It will tell the story of the iconic singer who died in 1977 aged 42 at his Graceland estate.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Arnold Schwarzenegger, Luenell, Kesha
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Emma Thompson, Joel Kinnaman, Liam Gallagher
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Queen Latifah, Radhika Jones, Wu-Tang Clan
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Sen. Kamala Harris, Gloria Steinem, Omar Apollo
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): John Lithgow, Louis Tomlinson, Rebecca Ferguson
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Dean Delray, Kevin Nealon
• “Conan” (TBS): Edward Norton
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Patti LaBelle, Boy George
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Morris Day and the Time
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Queen Latifah, Randall Park
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Jennifer Aniston, Robert Iger, Charlie Puth
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Little Big Town
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): Halloween Night
• “The Voice” (NBC): The knockouts begin. Taylor Swift serves as a mega-mentor as the coaches pair their artists to perform individually against a teammate, then select a winner to move on to the playoffs.
• “Independent Lens” (PBS): Season 24 premiere. Four surrogates and the parents-to-be navigate pregnancy and the mixed emotions of their families who worry about the potential physical and emotional complications of carrying babies for someone else.

• Taylor Swift — auditioned for a role in the upcoming “Les Miserables” film. Quote: “I didn’t get it, but it was such an amazing experience just doing the screen test, and I was obviously like, ‘I’m not going to get this…because the other girl was amazing.’” (Don’t worry, she’ll write a song about it…)
• Kanye West — released his highly anticipated (and highly delayed) “Jesus Is King” album Friday, four weeks after it was originally scheduled to drop. His wife, Kim Kardashian West, first teased the gospel-themed album on social media in late August, revealing a handwritten track list and a Sept. 27 release date.
• Justin Timberlake – His wife Jessica Biel hilariously paid tribute to her husband’s former boy band days at a Halloween party in Beverly Hills on Friday night. Her costume? Justin Timberlake as a 1990s member of *NSYNC. She wore a shiny jumpsuit, white sneakers, small blue sunglasses, diamond earrings, and a curly-haired wig. A group of friends dressed as the other members of the boy band.
• Maestro Fresh Wes – His 1989 hit ‘Let Your Backbone Slide’ will become the first rap song inducted into the Canadian Songwriters Hall of Fame. Other songs receiving the honor Nov. 21 include: The Parachute Club’s ‘Rise Up’, and ‘(Make Me Do) Anything You Want, a hit for A Foot in Cold Water in 1972 and Helix in 1986.
• Green Day – frontman Billie Joe Armstrong has been dropping hints on social media that they will perform their entire 1994 classic album “Dookie” live when they play a one-off, small-venue show at Madrid’s La Riviera on Wednesday.
• Doobie Brothers – are celebrating their 50th anniversary next year with a Las Vegas residency. They’ve booked 8 shows at The Venetian beginning February 7th. Patrick Simmons says they plan to include some new songs.
• Carrie Underwood — was joined by her mom on stage in Tulsa, OK on Thursday night to deliver the rap from ‘The Champion’, her hit song featuring Ludacris. Later, she Instagrammed: “Nailed it! I kept trying to keep her on track!”
• Old Dominion — have a song on their new self-titled album called ‘Paint the Grass Green’, but when they wrote it, they didn’t realize you could actually do that. It was during an interview that Matt Ramsey, Brad Tursi and company learned there are products that, for about $20, let you spray paint your grass to cover up brown spots. The tune is actually a love song that details what the singer would do for his lover.

The good people at Guinness have announced that a total of 14 world records were broken during the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon on Oct. 20. Among the new records (which we can’t imagine there has ever been too much competition for in the past): running a half-marathon dressed as a fruit, dressed as a cartoon character, dressed as a cowboy, dressed as a vegetable, dressed in a martial arts costume, running the race with a spouse, running with a sibling and skipping without a rope. The records for fastest full marathon were for running dressed as a supervillain, dressed as a tennis player, dressed in a full Quidditch uniform, dressed as an Aztec, dressed in a baseball uniform and dressed in a soccer uniform. Melvin Nyairo, who achieved the record for fastest half marathon dressed as a fruit, said he was sponsored by Chiquita Bananas and his banana suit earned him free bananas for a year.
(And that’s worth what? About 8 bucks?)
(You forgot about the record for having the least shame!)
(Have we reached “peak Guinness Records” yet, or do I still have time to be recognized for something stupid like the most dust bunnies under my bed or my impressive “burning eggs for 187 consecutive days” streak?)

The prognosis for the stethoscope is not good. World-renowned cardiologist Dr. Eric Topol says that the tool used by doctors for 200 years is now nothing more than an obsolete pair of “rubber tubes.” Today, medical professionals have access to hand-held devices that use ultrasound technology, artificial intelligence and smartphone apps instead of doctors’ ears to help detect leaks, murmurs, abnormal rhythms and other problems in the heart, lungs and elsewhere. Some of these instruments can even produce images of the beating heart or create electrocardiogram graphs. Experts say the new devices are nearly as easy to use as stethoscopes, and are much more useful as a diagnostic instrument.
(But what will doctors wear in the movies to let us know that they are doctors?)
(With the coverage we have here, it’s not something that we’ll need to be concerned about for 10 or 15 years…)
(That’s what we’re hearing, anyway…)

☞ Caesar – It’s not a salad. It’s a drink similar to the Bloody Mary, but better because it includes Clamato juice (rather than tomato juice), along with vodka, horseradish, Worcestershire and celery salt.
☞ KD – It’s short for Kraft dinner, the classic mac n’ cheese in a box.
☞ Hydro bill – Where others call it their “electric bill”, Canadians pay hydro bills. The name comes from where a lot of Canadians’ power is created, hydroelectric generators.
☞ Toboggan – While most countries with snow go sledding, Canadians prefer tobogganing.
☞ Serviette — Why use a napkin when you can use something as fancy-sounding as a serviette?
☞ Pencil crayons – It is a distinctly Canadian term for colored pencils.
☞ Eavestroughs:  Sounds a lot more extravagant than rain gutters, eh?
☞ Chocolate bar:  Others call it a candy bar, but when you get right down to it, what is it made of…candy or chocolate?
☞ Stag:  A bachelor party. The female equivalent: stagette.
☞ Humidex:  The measurement used to gauge the combined effect of heat and humidity. (None of this “real feel” business for Canadians…)
☞ Gitch or Gotch:  A very classy term for men’s underwear.
☞ Dinged — In the U.S., cars get dinged. In Canada, it’s our wallets, as in, “I got dinged 90 bucks for that speeding ticket.”
☞ Housecoat:  The item of clothing that others refer to as a bathrobe or (if they’re classy) a dressing gown is known to Canadians by it’s true name: the housecoat.
☞ Gong show:  To most, “Gong Show” is an intentionally awful talent TV show. For Canadians, the term “gong show” (sometimes shortened to “gonger”) is slang for anything that goes off the rails, a wild, crazy or just plain chaotic event. (Used in reference to politics more often than it should need to be!)

An immersive 8,000 square-foot museum dedicated to all things slime opened in New York on Friday. The Sloomoo Institute has a sticky lake walk and a DIY bar, plus the chance to don a poncho and get doused in slime for an extra $30 added to the $38 ticket price. The founders claim the goal of the museum is to spread slime’s powers of rejuvenation and relaxation. To offer proof, there’s a nook with an EEG machine to actually show the positive effects of slime on your brain.


1949 [70] Caitlyn Jenner (born William Bruce Jenner), Mount Kisco NY, reality star (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians”/1976 Olympic decathlon gold medalist

1955 [64] Bill (William Henry III) Gates, Seattle WA, retired Microsoft mogul/net worth: $105.7 billion as of October 2019/philanthropist (Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation)

1963 [57] Sheryl Underwood, Little Rock AR, TV talk show panelist (“The Talk” since 2011)/standup comedian

1966 [53] Andy Richter, Grand Rapids MI, TV sidekick (“Conan” since 2010, “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” 2009, “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” 1993-2000)

1967 [52] Julia Roberts, Smyrna GA, movie star (“Pretty Woman”, “Erin Brockovich”) COMING UP…”Little Bee”

1969 [50] Ben Harper, Claremont CA, pop singer-guitarist (‘Shine’, ‘Steal My Kisses’)

1972 [47] Brad Paisley, Glen Dale WV, country singer (‘Perfect Storm’, w/Carrie Underwood-‘Remind Me’)/19 #1 country hits

1974 [45] Joaquin Phoenix, San Juan PR, movie actor (“Joker”, “Walk the Line”)

1982 [37] Matt Smith, England, TV actor (“Dr. Who” 2010-17, ‘Prince Phillip’ on “The Crown” 2016-17)

1987 [32] Frank Ocean, Long Beach CA, rapper/pop singer-songwriter (‘Nikes’, ‘Thinkin’ Bout You’)

1998 [21] Nolan Gould, Columbus GA, TV actor (‘Luke Dunphy’ on “Modern Family” since 2009)

• “International Animation Day”, first proclaimed in 2002 to celebrate the art of animation.

• “Plush Animal Lover’s Day”, a day to celebrate your stuffed animal collection. ‘Plush’ sounds so much more humane, no?

• “Wild Foods Day”, a celebration of wild plants, fruits, and vegetables. Wild foods are free of preservatives and pesticides, and eating them is part of an eco-friendly lifestyle. Wild plants now often appear on menus in gourmet and raw food restaurants. (I wonder if tomorrow is “Roughage day…”)

• “National Chocolate Day”, yes, there was also a “Chocolate Day” in July and an “International Chocolate Day in September…don’t fight it. Here are five things to know about chocolate:
➢ White chocolate originates from the cocoa (cacao) plant, but it is not ‘chocolate.’
➢ Switzerland is one of the top countries for chocolate consumption. The Swiss consume
about 22 lbs of chocolate, per person, per year.
➢ Most cocoa comes from West Africa.
➢ Allowing chocolate to melt in your mouth produces a similar reaction to that of a passionate kiss.
➢ Cocoa beans were used as currency by the Mayan and Aztec cultures. Perhaps this is where they saying “Money grows on trees” came from.

• “Statue of Liberty Dedication Day”, President Grover Cleveland dedicated it on this date in 1886. The 151-foot statue serves as a universal symbol of freedom and democracy. A gift from the people of France, it sits on what is now known as Liberty Island in New York Harbor.

[Tues] National Cat Day
[Tues] International Internet Day
[Wed] Checklist Day
[Wed] National Candy Corn Day
This Week Is…Red Ribbon Week
This Month Is…Sarcastic Awareness Month

2009 [10] Michael Jackson concert rehearsal documentary “This Is It” opens in movie theaters worldwide

2008 [11] A statue honoring original AC/DC singer Bon Scott is unveiled at the Fremantle Fishing Boat Harbour in Western Australia

2013 [06] 16-year-old New Zealand singer Lorde tops the singles chart with her debut, ‘Royals’

2013 [06] Jonas Brothers announce their split. They get back together in 2019

2007 [12] 1st time an NFL regular-season contest is played outside North America, as NY Giants defeat Miami Dolphins 13-10 at London’s Wembley Stadium


✓ The longest wedding veil was the same length as 63.5 football fields.
✓ Bees sometimes sting other bees.
✓ “E” is the most common letter and appears in 11 percent of all English words
✓ Water makes different pouring sounds depending on its temperature
✓ Two to three teaspoons of raw nutmeg can induce hallucinations, convulsions, pain, nausea, and paranoia that can last for several days.
✓ BMW hold the world record for the longest continuous car drift at 232.5 miles. It was even refuelled from another car mid-drift.
-FunFacts, BestLife

• It’s time for a flesh start.
• For (eating) the people.
• Let’s put evil in the Oval.
• Read my lips (before they fall off).
• No new axes.
• I’m running for President…very slowly.
• Take a bite out of crime…and you.
• Make America taste great again.
• The only thing we have to fear…is zombies.
• Say no to drugs. Say YES to brains!
• And you thought Brexit was a horror show…
• Braiiinnnnssss…..

Best of BS . . .

• Ask yourself:  Do you really want it that badly anyway?
• Take it as a sign to go take a nap.
• Pretend the second attempt is the first.
• Curl up in a tiny ball, hide under the covers and cry like a baby.
• Pay somebody else to do it for you.
• Re-type the password.
• Blame it on someone else.
• Fail, and fail again!
• Keep DM’ing her. Women love that.
• Pretend that you never tried.
• Eat some bacon.
• Lower your standards.
-Twitter, first published in ‘BS’ in 2018

• What did the jack-o-lantern originally represent in the Dark Ages?
a. A symbol of an abundant harvest.
b. A fiery spirit to scare away the plague.
c. A lost soul carrying a coal from hell. [CORRECT]

• Halloween originated from a festival celebrated by which ancient European tribe?
a. The Celts (‘kelts’) [CORRECT]
b. The Druids
c. The Groins

• Which of the following is NOT a real movie?
a. “Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter”
b. “Frankenweenie”
c. “Babe of Frankenstein” [CORRECT]

For Halloween I’m going as a nudist on strike. All I need are my regular clothes and a picket sign.

Question:  22% of men say they do THIS when they are sad. What is it?
Answer:  Call their Mom

Most of the problems in life are because of two reasons – we act without thinking, or we keep thinking without acting.


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