Monday, October 7, 2019 – Edition: #6546

Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
There will be no “BS” service for Monday October 14 to observe Canadian Thanksgiving. All subscribers will receive credit for the missed service day.  The Bull Sheet will resume publication on Tuesday, Oct. 15.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ “People” is reporting that Blake Lively and husband Ryan Reynolds have welcomed their third child. The couple have yet to publicly announce the baby’s arrival. Lively and Reynolds, who wed in 2012, revealed they were expecting another baby at the “Pokémon: Detective Pikachu” premiere in May, when she arrived wearing a fitted yellow dress that highlighted her baby bump. They’re already parents to daughters Inez, 2½, and James, 4½.
-MSN
★ “The Walking Dead” has been picked up for an 11th season, with recently departed star Lauren Cohan, who plays ‘Maggie’, set to return as a series regular. Cohan departed the series last year amid a period of significant cast turnover on the zombie drama, and most recently starred in the short-lived ABC spy comedy “Whiskey Cavalier”, until it was canceled in May.
(“The Walking Dead – it’s a living!)
-TheWrap
★ Diahann Carroll, the captivating singer and actress who came from the Bronx to win a Tony Award, receive an Oscar nomination and make television history with her turns on “Julia” and “Dynasty”, died on Friday. She was 84. Carroll died at her home in Los Angeles after a long bout with cancer.
-MSN
★ “Modern Family” is coming to an end next May, but that doesn’t mean the adventures of the Dunphy and Pritchett family are over. In a new interview, Ariel Winter said she would be open to making a series following the further adventures of her character, middle child Alex Dunphy. Winter’s comments come at the same time that she is pursuing her dream of taking on more dramatic projects, such as her recent appearance on “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit”.
-PopCulture
★ Disney is developing a live-action “Inspector Gadget” movie. “Inspector Gadget” originated in 1983 as an animated science-fiction comedy. Disney made a live-action version in 1999 with Matthew Broderick in the title role. It grossed $135 million worldwide. A direct-to-video sequel starring French Stewart was released in 2003.
-Variety

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Charlize Theron, Forest Whitaker, Black Pumas
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Lupita Nyong’o, Dane Cook, Jay “Sinatraa” Won, Matthew “Super” DeLisi, the Avett Brothers
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Neil deGrasse Tyson, Susan Rice
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): David Harbour, Ryan Eggold, Lauren Daigle, Steve Gorman
• ” The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Ben Platt, Zoey Deutch
• “Lights Out with David Spade” (COMEDY): Rob Corddry, Candice Thompson, Chris Franjola
• “Conan” (TBS): Henry Winkler (R)
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Mark Consuelos, Heidi Gardner
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Tichina Arnold, Beth Behrs
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Jenny McCarthy, Nina Dobrev
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Adam Levine, Nicholas Braun, Maroon 5
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Kristin Chenoweth, Bindi & Robert Irwin
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC): The remaining 10 celebrity and pro-dancer couples dance to a variety of hit and well-known songs; guest judge Leah Remini
• “All American” (CW): Season 2 premiere
• “Below Deck” (BRAVO): Season 7 premiere

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Niall Horan – says that his split with Hailee Steinfeld inspired his new album. Quote: “I have stuff that I want to write about on my mind all the time. I had just gone through a break up, which helps when it comes to writing songs”. The first single ‘Nice To Meet Ya’, however, was inspired by a brief flirtation he had with a woman during a night out.
• Sia – urges those suffering from chronic pain and other ailments to keep their chins up. She tweeted: “Hey, I’m suffering with chronic pain, a neurological disease, Ehlers-Danlos. I just wanted to say to those of you suffering from pain, whether physical or emotional, I love you, keep going.”
• Zac Hanson — is recovering from a serious motorcycle crash. The youngest of the Hanson brothers posted an update from the hospital as he is treated for several fractures and other injuries. He wrote that he was “preparing for a cross-country ride” when he was injured in a motorcycle crash. Quote: “Nothing is injured that won’t heal with a little rest and time, and a healthy dose of gaming!”
• Tommy Mottola – will be honored with a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame on Thursday. David Foster will emcee the event to celebrate the former chairman and CEO of Sony Music Entertainment. Mottola is credited with discovering a range of artists, including his ex-wife Mariah Carey, Jennifer Lopez, Céline Dion, Hall and Oates, Carly Simon, Ricky Martin and John Mellencamp.
• Ginger Baker — The volatile British drummer, who played with Eric Clapton in Cream and Blind Faith, died on Sunday at 80. No cause of death was given. He was the subject of a 2012 documentary called “Beware of Mr. Baker”.
• Rod Stewart – stepped in to help throw the wedding of a lifetime for a Liverpool couple whose original plans were ruined after British airline Thomas Cook shut down. Thanks to Delta, the couple and their guests were able to make it to Vegas, and Stewart and a trio of string musicians surprised the couple with an acoustic serenade version of ‘Have I Told You Lately’.
• Elton John – writes in his new autobiography “Me”, that Richard Gere and Sylvester Stallone once almost got into a fist-fight over Princess Diana. Both were smitten with the British royal when they met at a dinner party at John’s home in the early 1990s. The two disappeared and were later discovered squaring up to each other in the hall by his husband David Furnish.
• Queen – Last night’s episode of “The Simpsons” featured recreation of the band’s show-stealing performance at the 1985 Live Aid concert at London’s Wembley Stadium. An advance promotional shot showed Homer Simpson dressed as Freddie Mercury singing before a stadium full of people. The episode is entitled “Go Big or Go Homer”.
• Steve Perry – the former Journey singer marked the one-year anniversary of “Traces”, his first solo album in 25 years, with a promise on Twitter that fans can expect more new material from him, including Christmas music “this year”.
• Garth Brooks — is the subject of the latest installment of A&E’s “Biography”. “Garth Brooks: The Road I’m On” premieres Sunday, Nov. 24 and Monday, Nov. 25.
• Day + Shay – not only did they release ‘10,000 hours’, their collaboration with Justin Bieber last week, they also performed it (and two others) at Bieber and Hailey Baldwin’s wedding reception last Monday.

A FRIEND INDEED:
A clinical psychologist says that binge watching “Friends” can help ease anxiety. Dr. Mark Hekster says that having worked for over 20 years with those experiencing anxiety, he has concluded that among other factors, the repetitive and relational nature of programs such as “Friends” and “Big Bang Theory” helps sufferers escape their symptoms. He says watching the characters repeatedly experience problems and worries, which then are repaired, is “pure escapism” and that is soothing to viewers. He points out that although the outcome of every show is seemingly the same, it is that very repetition that people know they can depend on, which in the long run, is comforting to those who suffer from anxiety.
(What if I experience anxiety because of how repetitious it is?)
(If it’s repetition we need, maybe just watch golf?)
(I find it especially repetitious now that I’m binge-watching it for the seventh time…)
-Braincharm

FIRST TIDE PODS, NOW WHISKY PODS:
The Glenlivet distillery launched a limited-edition collection of whiskey-filled capsules at London Cocktail Week (on now). Each capsule contains 23 millilitres of single malt whisky and is housed in a “super-sustainable seaweed-extract casing.” A promotional video shows the whiskey pods in a squishy edible transparent capsule resembling Fruit Gushers candy. To enjoy them, drinkers (eaters?) are instructed to “pop the capsule in your mouth and take a bite to release the delicious cocktail ingredients.”
The caption reminds us that you need “No ice. No stirrer. No glass.”
(Actually you DO need a glass. To chase that baby with water!)
(These guys know that Jell-O shots have already been invented, right?)
(Aren’t you supposed to sip and savour the taste of whisky?)
-CTV, CNN

BON APPETIT:
It is inevitable that a certain number of impurities make their way into the food we eat. But how much? How about some rodent dung in your coffee? Maggots in your pizza sauce? Mold in the jelly on your toast? Known as “food defects,” these “bits n’ bites” are the unfortunate byproduct of growing and harvesting food. While there’s no way to get rid of all the creatures that might hitch a ride along the food processing chain, the FDA (Food and Drug Administration in the U.S.) has established standards to keep food defects to a minimum. Here are some highlights of what you may unknowingly eat in a typical day:
• Coffee beans:  allowed to have an average of 10 milligrams or more animal poop per pound. As much as 4% to 6% of beans are also allowed to be insect-infested or moldy.
• Peanut butter:  One or more rodent hairs and 30 (or so) insect fragments are allowed for every 100 grams (3.5 ounces).
• Jam:  Cherry jam can be 30% moldy, black currant jam can be 75% moldy.
• Tomato juice:  Up to four maggots and 20 or more fruit fly eggs.
• Canned citrus juice:  Five or more fruit fly eggs per cup (250 ml). Or one or more maggots.
• 16 oz. box of spaghetti:  50 insect parts and nine rodent hairs.
• Canned tomatoes, tomato paste and sauces like pizza sauce:  About two maggots in a 16 oz. can.
• Mushrooms:  An average of 20 or more maggots of any size per 4 oz. can.
• Spices: Crushed oregano can contain 300 or more insect bits and about two rodent hairs for every 10 grams (A family-size bottle of oregano is about 510 grams). Paprika can have up to 20% mold, about 75 insect parts and 11 rodent hairs for every 25 grams (That’s just under an ounce. A typical spice jar holds about 2 to 3 oz).
(From now on, I boil EVERYTHING!)
(Well, thank goodness we have the FDA looking out for us!)
-CNN

HOTEL HACKS:
(As supplied by hotel users in a Twitter thread…)
➢ To block that irritating ray of light that inevitably shines through the space between the curtains when you’re trying to sleep, grab a suit hanger from the closet, and use the clips to fasten the curtains together. (Easier to do the night before than at 6 in the morning!)
➢ If you forget your phone charger, ask for one at the front desk. They have a box full. (Probably yours from your last trip there…)
➢ Put the chair-back in front of the A/C to keep it from blowing directly on you while sleeping.
➢ Your ironing board works as an adjustable-height desk. Since the chair is never the right height, use the ironing board for lengthy desk work.
➢ Instead of paying hotel prices for water, fill your reusable bottle in the hotel gym. (Probably the only time I’ve ever even SEEN the hotel gym!)
➢ Pack a 10′ LAN cable and plug your laptop directly into the wireless router.
➢ Instead of touching the disgusting tv remote, wrap it in the shower cap! (And make it even MORE disgusting!)
-Twitter

DID YOU KNOW?
Chess players can burn 6,000 calories a day during tournaments – about three times what an average person might. Experts say, based on top players’ breathing rates, blood pressure and muscle contractions, their stress responses are on par with that of elite athletes.
-UnbelievableFacts

BS CHRONOMETER 10.07.19

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1951 [68] John Mellencamp, Seymour IN, pop-rock singer (‘Jack & Diane’, ‘Hurts So Good’)/Farm Aid co-founder/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)

1952 [67] Vladimir Putin, Leningrad [now Saint Petersburg] Russia, President of Russia (Serving his fourth non-consecutive term since 2000)/Russian Prime Minister 2008-12

1953 [66] Tico (Hector) Torres, NYC, classic rock drummer (Bon Jovi-‘Livin’ On a Prayer’, ‘I’ll Be There For You’)

1959 [60] Simon Cowell, Brighton UK, TV personality (“American Idol” 2002-10)/TV producer (“The X Factor” since 2004, “America’s Got Talent” since 2006)/entertainment mogul (Syco Music)

1967 [52] Toni Braxton, Severn MD, R&B/pop singer (‘Unbreak My Heart’, ‘Breathe Again’)

1968 [51] Thom Yorke, Wellingborough UK, rock singer-guitarist (Radiohead-‘Creep’, ‘Paranoid Android’)

1975 [44] Damian Kulash, Washington DC, rock singer-guitarist (OK Go-‘Here It Goes Again’, ‘Get Over It’)

1978 [41] Nathaniel Rateliff, Bay MO, indie musician (Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats-‘Look It Here’, ‘SOB’)

1979 [40] Shawn Ashmore, Richmond BC, TV actor (‘Sam Spencer’ on “Conviction” 2016)/movie actor (‘Iceman’ in “X-Men” films)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bathtub Day”, encouraging a luxurious long, hot bath to develop inner peace. Almost everyone nowadays takes showers, so here’s a day to recall some of the luxury of days gone by. (And count how many times the kids come to the door…)

• “National Frappé Day”, this day honors a versatile drink with numerous variables, so there are flavors to suit everyone. Frappes typically are blended drinks made with either coffee or espresso and topped with whipped cream.

• “Blue Shirt Day”, also known as ‘World Day of Bullying Prevention’, takes place on the first Monday of October each year, the kickoff to “National Bullying Prevention Month”.

• “Child Health Day”, to raise awareness of how we can protect and develop children’s wellness. This event is annually celebrated on the 1st Monday in October.

• “World Habitat Day”, a UN observance on the 1st Monday of October since 1986, to focus attention on the state of our urban areas and the basic human right to adequate shelter.

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] National Pierogi Day
[Tues] Own Business Day
[Wed] Curious Events Day
[Wed] Fire Prevention Day
This Week Is…Customer Service Week
This Month Is…Halloween Safety Month

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1996 [23] Fox News Channel is launched

2003 [16] In a State of California recall election, Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2016 [03] The Rolling Stones play the first night of the Desert Trip festival, which also features Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, Neil Young, Roger Waters and the Who. The six-day (split over two weekends) event rakes in $160 million, making it the highest-earning music festival ever.

2017 [02] Cardi B hits #1 with ‘Bodak Yellow’, becoming the first solo female rapper without a guest artist to reach the top since Lauryn Hill (‘Doo Wop (That Thing)’, in 1998.

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [18] Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants hits his 73rd home run of the season, setting a new (but tainted by steroids) Major League Baseball record

BULL’S BITS

BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ You are ten times more likely to be injured while fishing than at an amusement park.
✓ Studies show that the best time of day to take a test is 10am.
✓ A gun with a silencer attached sounds about as loud as a car door being slammed.
✓ There are more people with the surname ‘Chang’ in China than there are people in Germany.
✓ Federal law requires that all U.S. automobile taillights be the same shade of red.
✓ According to experts, the best shaving-brush material is badger hair.
-BathroomReadersInstitute

BS SIGNS YOUR DOCTOR MAY BE A QUACK:
• You can plainly see the “Fisher Price” logo on his stethoscope.
• No matter what the symptoms are, his remedy is 2 aspirin and 2 shots of bourbon every 4 hours.
• Keeps checking “Web MD” on her laptop.
• A “60 Minutes” correspondent and film crew are in his waiting room.
• You can read his handwriting.
• She tells you she needs to draw blood. Then grabs a piece of paper and a red pen.
• Asks you for a second opinion.
• You are 95% sure that you heard a ‘honking’ sound during your breast exam.
• His last name is ‘Oz’. Or his first name is ‘Phil’.
• Performs a whimsical puppet show with the speculum.
• He has a really big ‘bill’.
-Twitter

Best of BS . . .
BS OXYMORONS:
A few favorite 2-word oxymorons …
• Working Vacation
• Fun Run
• Athletic Scholarship
• Accordion Music
• Tax Return
• Unbiased Opinion
• Act Naturally
• Industrial Park
• Resident Alien
• Sanitary Landfill
• Virtual Reality
(Ask listeners to contribute more.)
-First published in ‘BS’ in 2016

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Before 1900, what shape was ‘home plate’ in baseball?
a. Square. [CORRECT. It was square like all the other bases. In 1900, it was elongated to aid umpires in calling balls and strikes. If you ask most players, it hasn’t helped much.]
b. Diamond-shaped.
c. Round like a ‘plate’.
d. Concave hexagon

• If you have ‘mal de mer’, what are you suffering from?
a. The flu
b. Food poisoning
c. Seasickness [CORRECT]
d. Dragon pox
-PubTimeTrivia

BS RANDOM JOKE:
It must be Autumn. The birds and the grandparents are starting to migrate south.

BS PHONE STARTER:
It’s “Customer Service Week”. What’s the most amazing service you’ve ever received from a business?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 15% of women say THIS is the most difficult thing they have to tell a man on a first date.
Answer:  His fly is down

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It takes a lot of energy to hold on to what is not meant to be.