Wednesday, September 27, 2006        Edition: #3374
More From the Sheet House!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Aussie actor Russell Crowe has denied reports that he’s going to portray his late mate Steve Irwin in a bio-pic about the “Crocodile Hunter’s” life, saying he would never dance on his friend’s grave (although he does think a movie should get made) . . . The bilingual cop movie “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” has now taken in more than $9 million at the Québec box office, making it the highest-grossing film ever in the province (at slightly over $10 million across-the-country, it ranks 2nd all-time to that 1982 work of art, “Porky’s”) . . . THIS SUMMER’s breakout TV hit, “America’s Got Talent” (NBC), is now casting for its 2nd season which will feature more audition episodes, and more personal stories on the contestants (so they can drag it out into more lucrative episodes) . . . Michael Jackson has left his Bahrain-based record company, Two Seas, and cancelled the album he was set to release on the label; a new album from the newly-formed Michael Jackson Company is now in the works (it’s next in line as soon as he finishes that Katrina relief single) . . . In an attempt to win back his daughter’s affection, Lindsay Lohan’s loser dad Michael has sent her a letter from prison via – British tabloid “The Sun” (how personal!) . . . According to Kagan Research stats, “Pirates of the Caribbean” may have made more money ($1.045 billion & counting) but the year’s most profitable film so far is “The Da Vinci Code”, because it had far lower production & marketing budgets (“Code” has earned 3.2 times its cost; “Pirates” 3.1) . . . And “American Idol” host Ryan Seacrest’s high-end T-shirt biz, ‘R Line’, is a fashion flop and the marketing deal has been dissolved (you might say he’s lost his shirt – or not).
 
BS MUSIC NOTES:

• Bob Seger – TONIGHT he’s on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• Coldplay – Chris Martin has been approached by Justin Timberlake, asking if he’d like to collaborate on a project, but he turned down the ‘opportunity’ saying he only performs with Coldplay. Or other people he likes.
• Diana Krall – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• George Strait –  “Give It Away” is his 41st #1 tune on the “Billboard” magazine chart, making him the all-time leader in country singles.
• Good Charlotte – TONIGHT they kick off a month-long, 21-date club tour in San Francisco CA.
• Hawthorne Heights – They’re headlining the 4th annual “Nintendo Fusion Tour”, a mash-up of music & video games, which kicks off TONIGHT in St Louis MO and visits 40 cities.
• Janet Jackson – She says she hasn’t spoken to Justin Timberlake since the infamous ‘wardrobe malfunction’ at the 2004 “Super Bowl”. Yeah, like it was his fault.
• Rascal Flatts – They’ve donated the entire proceeds ($817,000) from their recent sold-out show at Nashville TN’s Gaylord Entertainment Center to the local children’s hospital at Vanderbilt University (beating their $600,000 donation LAST YEAR).

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
• ‘Bee Break’ – Sneaking off to the washroom to check your e-mail on a BlackBerry.
• ‘Bitching Post’ – Any forum (radio talk show, newspaper, blog, chat room) in which people can rant, complain, or blow off steam.
• ‘Redshirting’ – The increasingly common practice of holding a child out of kindergarten for a year in the hope that the kid will mature enough to better handle academic and social learning.

24-HOUR SCHOOL:
One of the worst schools in Britain for truancy is going to offer 24/7 classes, allowing students to choose when they attend. Bridgemary Community Sports College will be open from 7am-10pm, then offer online teaching throughout the night in a 2-year test project. The school’s headmaster says the idea is to meet the needs of today’s students rather than requiring them to fit in with the conventional school year. That idea, she claims, dates back to a farm-based economy. (What do you learn at a sports college anyhow?)
– “The Telegraph”

WHY IS MY SPLEEN FLOATING?
TODAY a team of French doctors will attempt to perform the world’s first ‘zero-gravity surgery’, operating on a man in an airplane as it arcs and dives in and out of weightlessness. The experiment by the French National Center for Space Studies, is an effort to develop robotic techniques for future surgeries in space. The surgeons will be strapped to the walls of a modified Airbus A300 as they remove a cyst from a man’s forearm in a 3-hour operation.
The patient was chosen because he is an avid bungee-jumper and therefore used to dramatic shifts in gravity. (“Will someone fetch my scalpel off the ceiling, please?”)
– AP

MEN ON THE EDGE:
A new magazine ranking of guys who hold sway in today’s society. To qualify for the annual ‘Power List’, guys must be under 42-years-old and exert massive influence in the pop culture world. Among them …
• ‘Jen’s Men’ – Actor/producer/trophy-husband Brad Pitt (42); actor/producer/funny guy Vince Vaughn (36). Without them, tabloids would virtually have to fold their tents.
• ‘YouTube Founders’ – Chad Hurley (29) & Steve Chen (27). They’ve given everyone a chance at 15 minutes of bad video.
• ‘Closet Cleaner’ – Reichen Lehmkuhl (32), the “Amazing Race 4″ winner credited as the catalyst for the biggest outing since Ellen …  ‘N SYNC band member Lance Bass.
• ‘Celebloggers’ – Among those who’ve changed the way we get our news are Trent Vanegas of “Pink Is the New Blog” (32); Mario Lavandeira, better known as “Perez Hilton” (28); and
Josh Levine, whose photos are a big part of “TMZ” (25).
• ‘Wikipedia Founder’ – Jimmy Wales (40) has single-handedly changed the way we ‘look things up’.
– “Details”

WIDE WORLD OF BS:
• In England, a 3-year-old Sleaford boy has used his mother’s computer to buy – a car. It seems the lad’s mom accidentally saved her eBay password in her computer and the toddler used it in combination with the auction site’s ‘Buy It Now’ button to bid $17,067.34 for a pink Nissan Figaro. When the seller realized the mistake, the bid was canceled bid and the car re-advertised. (It could’ve been worse – ‘Suri Cruise’s Poop’ sculpture, for instance.)
• In Russia, a Moscow City Council committee is holding audition for actors – to pose as beggars outside casinos. The idea is to dissuade people from entering by telling them they were once rich but lost everything after becoming addicted to gambling. (In reality, they’re just starving actors taking any lame gig to stay in the biz.)
• In Italy, an enraged man went on a rampage in Rome after being informed he couldn’t board an overbooked flight and – almost bit off an airport worker’s ear. The 41-year-old musician, who was supposed to fly to Naples with his band, has been arrested and charged with assault. (He’s hired Mike Tyson’s lawyer.)
• In Australia, a reptile keeper at Rockhampton Zoo in Queensland has decided to honor the “Crocodile Hunter” by giving his newborn 2nd son the names ‘Tai’ and ‘Irwin’, after the Taipan Snake and the late Steve Irwin.  And in a further tribute to who-knows-what, he’ll feed the poor lad’s placenta to – his pet goanna lizards, which live in pits in the backyard. (Hopefully, this poor kid will start therapy at a very early age.)

ROACH FEST:
PETA is asking Six Flags Great America amusement park in suburban Chicago IL to cancel plans to hold – a cockroach-eating contest. The park has announced that any patron who eats a live, 3-inch Madagascar Hissing Cockroach at THIS YEAR’s ‘Halloween Fright Fest’ will receive a pass to go to the head of the line for any park ride. It also plans to host a contest to break the record for the most baked Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches eaten in a single minute – a yummy 36 set 5 years ago, according to the “Guinness Book of World Records”. PETA claims the entire promotion is cruel. (Yeah, how would we survive in world without cockroaches?)
– “Chicago Sun-Times”

INTERNATIONAL GESTURES:
If you’re traveling the world, sometimes it’s best to keep your hands at your sides …
• In Japan, the ‘OK’ sign, where you form a circle with your thumb and forefinger, is interpreted as the symbol for money, a way of asking for change. The same ‘OK’ sign in Greece signifies a body orifice and is considered rude.
• In France if you form a circle with your thumb and forefinger and place it over your nose, it indicates a person is drunk.
• When leaving someone’s home in Sweden, you should wait until you get to the doorway to step outside before putting on your coat. To do so earlier suggests you are eager to leave.
• When entering or departing a Russian home, it is considered very bad form to shake hands across the threshold.
• In Germany, shaking hands with the other hand in a pocket is considered impolite.
• In Lebanon, to signal ‘yes’ you nod your head as we do, but to signal ‘no’ you point your head
sharply upward and raise your eyebrows.
• Tilting the head backward signifies ‘I forgot’ in Paraguay.
• In Thailand, pointing with one finger is considered rude and is only done when pointing to objects or animals, never humans.
– “The Do’s & Taboos of Body Language Around the World”

BS AMAZING FACT:
It is impossible to lick your elbow.

THE BULL SHEET 09.27.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [63] Randy Bachman, Winnipeg MB, classic rock musician (Guess Who-“American Woman”, BTO-“Takin’ Care of Business”)

1951 [55] Meat Loaf (Marvin Lee Aday), Dallas TX, classic rock singer (“Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”)/sometime movie actor (“Fight Club”)

1964 [41] Stephan Jenkins, Oakland CA, rock singer (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”)/pop singer Vanessa Carlton’s boyfriend

1978 [28] Brad Arnold, Escatawpa MS, pop singer (3 Doors Down-“Let Me Go”)

1984 [22] Avril Lavigne, Napanee ON, pop singer (“Fall To Pieces”)/Mrs Deryck Whibley (Sum 41)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Ancestor Appreciation Day”, a day to learn about and appreciate one’s forebears. (Don’t forget to say, “Gee grampa, thanks for that really interesting story.”)

• “St Vincent de Paul Day” … the patron saint of used clothing?

• “World Tourism Day”, as declared by the UN’s World Tourism Organization.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1954 [52] “The Tonight Show” debuts on NBC-TV, hosted by the late Steve Allen

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1950 [56] 1st ‘Telephone Answering Machine’ (no one has reached a live voice since)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1881 [125] Major League Baseball records it’s all-time ‘Smallest Crowd’ (an intimate gathering of 12 fans show up to watch the Chicago White Stockings beat the Troy Trojans 10-8 in a rainstorm)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Ask A Stupid Question Day
[Thurs] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Fri] Goose Day
[Fri] Pumpkin Day
[Fri] “Open Season”; “School for Scoundrels”; and “The Guardian” open in movie theaters
[Fri-Oct 8] Okanagan Fall Wine Festival (BC)
[Sat] Mud Pack Day
[Sat] 21st Farm Aid Concert (Camden NJ)
This Week Is … Chimney Safety Week
This Month Is … Women of Achievement Month

BULL’S BITS

BS SIGNS THE ROMANCE HAS GONE OUT OF YOUR MARRIAGE:
• Your spouse has gone from moaning while making love to moaning ABOUT making love.
• Candlelight dinners are now illuminated by … sticks of dynamite.
• The only thigh you see on your anniversary is at KFC.
• Your husband wants to adopt … a 19-year-old waitress from Hooters.
• A romantic Sunday night at home now includes “Desperate Housewives”.
• Your spouse has been using your toothbrush … to scrub tile grout.

BS ANIMALIA:
• Thought to protect against poison, these were once collected from the wild goats of Persia …
a. Teeth.
b. Pasture patties.
c. Hairballs. [CORRECT]
• The only animal that can fly backwards is the …
a. Bat.
b. Hummingbird. [CORRECT]
c. Seagull.
• Buzzing insects do not make noises with their voices, they use their …
a. Lips.
b. Wings. [CORRECT]
c. Hands.
• At 79.5 inches, a Belgian draft named ‘Radar’ is the world’s tallest …
a. Horse. [CORRECT]
b. Giraffe.
c. Beer.
• A ‘Suri’ is a specific breed of this animal …
a. Alpaca. [CORRECT, like a small llama.]
b. Snake.
c. Scientologist.

BS PHONE STARTER:
The “Toronto Sun” is considering dropping it’s scantily-clad daily ‘Sunshine Girl’. Good idea or bad?

Actor George Clooney says he won’t be running for political office. Should he?

BS ‘THIS OR THAT’:
Have a caller/guest/crew member choose on or t’other …
• In an emergency, you can either rescue your spouse or your child. Which would you choose?
• Which would you rather give up, your TV or  your cellphone?
• You can either find true love or $1 billion. Which?
• Who would you rather date, someone intelligent and ugly or someone beautiful and stupid?
• You’re stranded on a desert island. Do you want to be alone or with someone you hate?
• You can either forget who you are or forget who everyone else is. Which do you pick?
• Would you rather be a butterfly or a cockroach?
• You can marry someone more talented than you or less talented than you. Which?
• Which would you rather give up, your computer or your pet?
• Where do you think the ‘cool people’ are – in heaven or in hell?

SFX STORY:
Your listeners get to star in their own sitcoms, sort of. Get a caller on the line and begin a simple story for them (“Yesterday, while I was at the office …”), followed by a sound effect. The listener takes it from there and ad libs the next line based on the SFX. If they can continue their story line through 5 SFX, they win!

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• The shop called yesterday, your brain is ready.
• There is no ‘i’ in team … unless you say it in French.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: More than half the dogs in North America have THIS in common.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Fully 60% are overweight.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.


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