Monday, September 25, 2006        Edition: #3372
Sheet For Brains!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BITS:
• Soon-to-be 39-year-old actress Julia Roberts plans to be pregnant by the new year! She & her  cameraman husband Danny Moder will reportedly start the in vitro fertilization process within the next month and hope to be expecting by early JANUARY. Word is they’re shooting for another girl-boy set of twins like Hazel and Phinnaeus. (But are there 2 more equally hideous names still available?)
– “National Enquirer”
• It’s no longer a secret: actors Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson are definitely out and about and having a fun time together. Hudson, who separated from rocker Chris Robinson in AUGUST, and Wilson are keeping a relatively low profile but are spending more time together in the public eye. (Well, at least one thing good came out of that lame flick “You, Me & Dupree”.)
– “People Magazine”
• 22-year-old British royal Prince Harry has reportedly ruined a well-to-do female friend’s 21st birthday bash in Gloucestershire, England. Seems the younger son of Prince Charles had a little too much champagne and came up with the hilarious idea of hurling smoke bombs into the party tent. The gathering was immediately brought to a close over health and safety concerns. (Rully, is this the sort of behavior one learns at Eton? Doesn’t he realize the advantages of stink bombs?)
– “Sunday Express”
• Anna Nicole Smith’s reps squeezed somewhere near half-a-million dollars from “In Touch” magazine for the rights to the last pictures taken of her now-dead son. (What a trouper. Working through the pain!)
– “Pop Goes the Week”
• If you think 25-year-old Mexican-born “Survivor: Cook Islands” contestant Oscar Lusth has show biz looks, you’re right! While the CBS-TV website describes him as a Venice CA waiter, it doesn’t mention his naked romps in Playboy TV’s series “Foursome”, a reality dating show that claims to capture ‘every passionate moment on tape’. (Lately it seems more of the cast of “Survivor” is recruited from model agencies than auditions.)
– “Star Magazine”
• Madonna & director husband Guy Ritchie are reportedly planning to adopt twins from an African orphanage. The couple are set to fly to poverty-stricken Malawi in southeast Africa to meet the president and finalize legal details with adoption lawyers. (Hmm, is somebody looking for ‘Brangelina’-type publicity?)
– “The People”
• David Geffen, George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Donald Trump have all made “Forbes” magazine’s annual list of the ‘400 Richest Americans’, while Oprah Winfrey didn’t quite make the cut. (For the first time ever, you now need OVER a billion to get listed.)
– “E! Online”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – TONIGHT Steven Tyler does a cameo on the sitcom “Two & Half Men” (CBS), playing ‘Charlie’s famous rock star next-door neighbor who causes problems’.
• Chingy – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Jimmy Kimmel Love” (ABC).
• Death Cab For Cutie – TONIGHT they rock the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Janet Jackson – TODAY she’s on “Oprah” (syndicated/CTV) to flog her new album “20 Y-O” (out TOMORROW).
• Kenny Chesney – TODAY he performs on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Nelly Furtado – TODAY she guests on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Sam & Dave – TONIGHT the ‘60s “Soul Man” is on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Supernova – CBS-TV has reached a deal with obscure California punk band Supernova in which they get to keep their name, while the soon-to-tour manufactured TV band will go by the name ‘Rock Star Supernova’. Lame, huh?
• U2 – TONIGHT their collaboration with Green Day on a cover of Scottish punk band the Skids’ “The Saints Are Coming” has its live debut at the Louisiana Superdome in New Orleans prior to the Falcons/Saints game on “ESPN Monday Night Football”.

BIG NEWS:
According to stats released at the 10th “International Congress on Obesity”, there are now more overweight people in the world (1 billion) than there are undernourished people (800 million). With those figures comes the warning that obesity is now the single greatest contributor to chronic disease throughout the world. (It seems fat is the new famine.)
– “Curious Times”

PETITIONING THE SAINTS:
In a magazine poll, 23% of respondents admit that they have prayed for a win in a sports event. An honest 5% admit they have prayed for something bad to happen to someone else. (“And if it be thy will, we pray that Ben Roethlisberger shall be injured on the next play in order that the spread might be covered …”)
– “Details”

YOU’RE NOT JUST UGLY:
In a study at Spain’s University of Valencia, the quality of the sperm of male test subjects was graded, then photos of the same test subjects were shown to a group of women who rated them according to the attractiveness of facial features. The finding: men who rate as most attractive to women generally have sperm that is stronger and travels faster than less attractive men. (So there you have it … if you don’t want kids, date [co-host].)
– “New Scientist”

AVERAGE SLEEP BY AGE:
Newborn infants … 17-18 hours per day.
Age 4-8 … 10-12 hours per day.
Age 10-12 … 9-10 hours per day.
Adolescents … 7.5 hours per day.
Middle Age … 7 hours per day.
Old Age … 6-6.5 hours per day.
(Think young – sleep more!)
– “Asleep In The Fast Lane” by Lydia Dotto

HOLY HUG:
Mata Amritanandamyi Math, a 47-year old Indian holy woman, has been traveling throughout Asia and Europe healing people with her ‘spiritual energy hugs’. ‘Amma’, as she is known to her devotees, draws audiences of up to 18,000 per day and sleeps only 2 hours a night. It is estimated that she has hugged 20 million people so far. (Her entire body is chapped.)
– “The Hindu”

TUBE TIME:
Despite increased competition from video games, iPods, YouTube and other Web-based activities, TV viewing actually increased during the 2005-06 season. According to new stats from Nielsen Research, the total average time a household watched TV was 8 hours and 14 minutes per day (the cumulative time of all TV sets in use), a 3-minute increase over the previous year. Syracuse University pop culture prof Robert Thompson says the audience may be migrating steadily from broadcast networks to cable & satellite channels, but television isn’t going anywhere. (Predictions of the demise of radio are also dead wrong. It was supposed to die with the advent of TV, then recordable cassettes, then Internet, then iPods, then satellite radio. But take heart, there will always be room for quality radio broadcasting.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

MOST EXPENSIVE AD TIME ON TV:
These regular series are now the most expensive ad buys on TV, based on the cost of a single 30-second spot …
5. “Sunday Night Football” (NBC) … $350,000
4. “Desperate Housewives” (ABC) … circa $400,000
3. “House” (FOX) … $400,000
2. “American Idol” – Wednesday (FOX) … $550,000
1. “American Idol” – Tuesday (FOX) … $700,000 for the new season beginning in JANUARY.
– “Advertising Age”

DEAD BUT MACHO:
New research at the University of Pittsburgh finds that fully 70% per cent of those killed by floods and lightning strikes during storms are male. Researchers think that’s likely because men are more likely to stay out in a storm, thinking they’re never going to be hit by lightning. Most deaths occur while men are involved in sports or recreational activities (36%), followed by working (29%) and boating & fishing (15%). As well, over 65% of flash flood victims are men trying to drive around barricades or drive on flooded roads. (Seems brain size varies according to testosterone volume.)
– AP

BS AMAZING FACT:
Infamously debauched Roman emperor Caligula tried to permanently change the name of September to ‘Germanicus’, after his father. (“30 days hath Germanicus, April, June and November …”)

AND WE QUOTE:
“They would never let me sing solos in church, because they said I made the men in the congregation lust.”
– Jessica Simpson humbly reflecting on her previous life in “Allure” magazine.

THE BULL SHEET 09.25.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [75] Barbara Walters, Boston MA, TV personality/producer (“The View”)/former TV news anchor (“20/20″, ABC News)/1st woman to co-host network TV news

1933 [73] Ian Tyson, Victoria BC, legendary Canadian folk/country singer (Ian & Sylvia-“Four Strong Winds”)

1944 [62] Michael Douglas, New Brunswick NJ, movie actor/director/producer (“Traffic”, Academy Award-“Wall Street”)/Mr Catherine Zeta-Jones since 2000

1961 [45] Heather Locklear, Westwood CA, TV actress (“Spin City” 1999-2002, “Melrose Place” 1993-99)/David Spade’s girlfriend/Mrs Richie Samboro 1994-2006/Mrs Tommy Lee 1986-94

1962 [44] Aida Turturro, NYC, TV actress (‘Tony’s Soprano’s’ sister ‘Janice’ on “The Sopranos”)

1968 [38] Will Smith, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“Hitch”, “Men In Black”)/sometime rapper (“Switch”, “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It”)/Mr Jada Pinkett since 1997

1969 [37] Catherine Zeta-Jones, Swansea, Wales, movie actress (“The Legend of Zorro”, Academy Award-“Chicago”)/Mrs Michael Douglas (25 years younger)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Imperfection Week”, celebrating the fact that we’re not all perfect. (Some less so than others.)

• “One Hit Wonders Day”, celebrating all the artists who made it to the big-time just one time. According to VH1, these are the top one-hit-wonder tunes of all-time …
10. Nena – “99 Luftballons” (1984)
9. Gerardo – “Rico Suave” (1991)
8. a-ha – “Take on Me” (1985)
7. Vanilla Ice – “Ice Ice Baby” (1990)
6. Baha Men – “Who Let the Dogs Out?” (2000)
5. Toni Basil – “Mickey” (1982)
4. Right Said Fred – “I’m Too Sexy” (1991)
3. Dexys Midnight Runners – “Come On Eileen” (1982)
2. Soft Cell – “Tainted Love” (1982)
1. Los Del Rio – “Macarena” (1996)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
1976 [30] Boston releases their all-time classic “More Than a Feeling”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1926 [80] NHL grants franchises to the Chicago Black Hawks and the Detroit Red Wings

1981 [25] 1st woman US Supreme Court Justice sworn in (Sandra Day O’Connor)

1996 [10] Canada’s population reaches 30 million (many of whom are legal residents)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Food Service Employees Day
[Wed] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Wed] World Tourism Day
[Thurs] Ask A Stupid Question Day
[Thurs] Women’s Health & Fitness Day
[Fri] Pumpkin Day
[Fri-Oct 8] Okanagan Fall Wine Festival (BC)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
American Newspaper Week / Chimney Safety Week / Adult Immunization Awareness Week / Banned Books Week / Dog Week / Food Service Workers Week / Roller Skating Week / Religious Freedom Week

BULL’S BITS

MOST OBSCURE BS SPORTS:
The following oddball activities are not only recognized as organized sports, some of them are actually professional …
10. “World Highland Games”: Is tossing the caber a sport or something you do after celebrating in a pub afterward?
9. “Professional Putt-Putt Tour”: Yes, there are professional miniature golfers who actually play for thousands of bucks to see who can get it in the clown’s mouth quickest.
8. “Surf Lifesaving”: Combines the grace & beauty of watersport with the thrill of cardiac arrest.
7. “North American Cribbage Congress”: The final person to peg out may get worldwide recognition, but is this person an ‘athlete’?
6. “Dog Sledding”: It’s big in the wilds of the Great White North but there’s not mush money in it.
5. “World Footbag Association”: An organized league of professionals who kick around what used to be called a hackeysack.
4. “Rock Paper Scissors League”: Most ‘RPS’ tournaments are held in bars. Is it safe to have people throwing rocks and scissors while drinking?
3. “World Adult Kickball Association”: Basically, it’s soccer -baseball … softball rules, only played with a soccer-style ball. Works out far better than the other way around.
2. “Unicycle Hockey World Championships”: Yep, indoor ball hockey, played on one-wheeled cycles. Don’t forget your knee-pads! The fights must be interesting.
1. “Extreme Ironing World Championships”: The thrills of an extreme outdoor activity combined with the satisfaction of a well-pressed shirt. What more could you want in a ‘sport’?
– YesButNoButYes.com

BS ‘DOUBLE-C GAME’:
Each word of the 2-word answers to the following begin with the letter ‘C’ …
• This is the world’s #1 selling soft drink. [Coca-Cola]
• One of your favorite breakfast cereals as a kid. [Cap’n Crunch]
• An inexpensive car made by General Motors. [Chevrolet Cobalt]
• They come in 120 colors including ‘Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown’ and ‘Robin’s Egg Blue’. [Crayola Crayons]
• A yummy kind of cookie. [Chocolate Chip]
• A risqué dance that began in Paris nightclubs like the Moulin Rouge. [Can-Can]
• A dairy product you might grill in a sandwich. [Cheddar Cheese]
• What a toddler calls a train. [Choo Choo]
• A brand of rye whisky. [Canadian Club]
• This is a desert you make using a vegetable. [Carrot Cake.]

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
You’re a farmer and out in your back 40 you have a ‘flink’. What the heck is it?
a. Manure pile.
b. Herd of cattle. [CORRECT, a group of 12 or more.]
c. Duck pond.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 10% of us have quit a job for THIS reason.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Our mommies told us to.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
A friend is anyone who isn’t trying to sell you something.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
A big moo-out to Country 105 [CKQM]/1420 Memories [CKPT] Peterborough ON; and 91.9 Bob FM [CKLY] Lindsay ON who’ve all signed up for another full year of “BS”; and we welcome samplers this week that include WOWY 97.1 State College PA; and 97.5 The River [CKRV] Kamloops BC. Tell a friend about “The Bull Sheet”. We bonus you 1 free month for each and every new subscriber you refer!


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