Tuesday, September 19, 2006        Edition: #3368
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

Did you notice on “Monday Night Football”? The NFL has finally advised teams NOT to play the drum-heavy, crowd-motivating anthem “Rock & Roll, Part 2”, an old hit by convicted British child molester Garry Glitter who’s now in prison in Vietnam (the guy’s had the bad rep for years – what took them so long?) . . . “Lost” star Yunjin Kim (on the cover of the current issue of “Stuff Magazine”) reveals that the show’s actors are the last ones to get scripts in order to keep plot twists secret and if there’s a really big secret, the cast has to call the producers and hear it over the phone (the new season premieres October 4th so probably no one’s seen anything yet) . . . Colin Farrell & Jamie Foxx had so much fun making “Miami Vice” they’re both pushing for a sequel to be made (did anyone explain to them the under-performing $135-million first film barely broke even?) . . . The WE network (Women’s Entertainment) is expanding on its “Bridezilla” concept and adding a same-sex spin-off in which we get to see what happens when a gay man doesn’t get the exact flower arrangement he wanted (and where’s the finger bowls?) . . . Product placement in movies & TV shows has become a $6-billion-per-year business and now it’s leaking into books – “Cathy’s Book”, a teen-targeted novel due out in OCTOBER will include mentions of Cover Girl Shimmering Onyx Eye Shadow and Metallic Rose Lipstick (another sign of Armageddon).

• Clay Aiken – TODAY his 3rd album “A Thousand Different Ways” is released, combining 10 cover versions of well-known tunes from the ’70s, ’80s & ’90s with 4 brand-new songs.
• Emerson Drive – Keyboard player Dale Wallace has fractured 2 ribs while accidentally rolling  his off-road 4-wheeler. But the guy’s a trouper … he’s still playing concerts with the band!
• Kenny Chesney – TODAY his concert album “Live Those Songs Again” is out, a 14-song collection recorded at various shows during the past 5 years.
• Elton John – TODAY he’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) to promote his new studio album, “The Captain & the Kid”, a sequel to his 1975 album “Captain Fantastic & the Dirt Brown Cowboy”.
• Justin Timberlake– TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Jay Z – His first album since he announced his ‘retirement’ in 2003 will be titled “Kingdom Come” (due NOVEMBER 17th) and will feature tracks produced by Coldplay’s Chris Martin, Pharrell Williams, Dr Dre and Kanye West. With all those names, doesn’t much matter what Jay-Z does.
• Willie Nelson – YESTERDAY he and 4 members of his band were issued misdemeanor citations when police found magic mushrooms and more than a pound of marijuana after pulling over his tour bus.
• Also released TODAY: Diana Krall’s “From This Moment On”; Fergie’s “The Dutchess”; and Indigo Girls’ “Despite Our Differences”.

• “Hard Candy” ( Dramatic Thriller ): 19-year-old Halifax-born actress Ellen Page plays a mature 14-year old girl who meets a charming 32-year old photographer on the Internet. Suspecting that he’s a pedo, she goes to his home in an attempt to expose him. Co-stars Patrick Wilson & Sandra Oh (“Grey’s Anatomy”).
• “Loverboy” ( Romantic Drama ): Kevin Bacon stars & directs his wife Kyra Sedgwick, his kids Sosie & Travis Bacon, plus Matt Dillon & Marisa Tomei in this story of a neglected daughter who develops into an overly possessive mother. Debuted at the 2005 “Sundance Film Festival”.
• “My Name is Earl: The Complete 1st Season” ( TV Sitcom Compilation ): Being released simultaneously is the official soundtrack CD, “My Name Is Earl: The Album”, featuring never-before-released tracks from Matthew Sweet, Uncle Kracker, John Hiatt and Van Nuys.
• “Stay Alive” (Horror Thriller): A group of teens become convinced the key to the mysterious death of their friend is hidden in an online video game. Stars Frankie Muniz (“Malcolm in the Middle”), Samaire Armstrong (“The OC”) & Sophia Bush (“One Tree Hill”).  Also available in an ‘Unrated Director’s Cut’, meaning … extra guts and gore.
• “Stick It” ( Sports Drama ): A prodigal gymnast is forced to enroll in an elite gymnastics program run by a legendary coach. Guess what? Her rebellious attitude gives way to something that begins to resemble team spirit. Missy Peregrym & Jeff Bridges star.   
• “U2: Zoo TV – Live from Sydney” (2-Disc Limited Edition): As well as the legendary live show captured by 28 cameras and originally released on VHS in 1994, this edition includes a bonus DVD featuring previously unreleased songs, live tracks, and 3 behind-the-scenes documentaries.
• Also on DVD TODAY: “Everybody Loves Raymond: The Complete 7th Season”; “Gilmore Girls: The Complete 6th Season”; “King of Queens: The Complete 6th Season”; and “One Tree Hill: The Complete 3rd Season”.

Cornell University psychologist Dr David Dunning has completed an intensive study of incompetent people and found they are the least likely to realize just how useless they are. He reckons that’s because the skills needed for competence are the same ones needed to recognize it. The findings might explain why people with a lousy sense of humor insist on telling bad jokes. (And why people who stink … oh, sorry [co-host].)
– “New York Times”

The Vatican’s senior exorcist and president of the International Association of Exorcists (yes, they really do exist), has lashed out against Adolf Hitler, Joseph Stalin, and … ‘Harry Potter’. Father Gabriele Amorth, who is said to have performed over 30,000 exorcisms in his career, tells Vatican Radio he’s convinced that not only Stalin and Hitler, but all Nazis, were possessed. As to ‘Harry Potter’, he contends JK Rowling’s books hide ‘the signature of the king of darkness, the devil’. (Oh, we thought he was lurking in a confessional … with an innocent little altar boy.)
– “Telegraph”

A ranking of the top-selling wheels so far THIS YEAR …
5. Honda Accord
4. Toyota Corolla
3. Toyota Camry
2. Chevrolet Silverado pickup      
1. Ford F-Series pickup
– “Forbes Magazine”

A Scottish chemistry prof believes she’s discovered the scientific reason why cold, leftover pizza tastes so good the morning after. Stirling University’s Dr Maureen Cooper says traditional pizza sauce has fibers which prevent water from seeping into the crust and making it soggy. And given the fact that fat and water don’t mix, the melted cheese topping then sits nicely above the sauce, giving cold pizza its unique flavor. (Or it might just be that after a particularly wild party  followed by long hours of driving the big white wheel, you tend to wake up in your empty trashed apartment … starved out of your mind.)
– “New Scientist”

• 82% of us have put something back at the grocery store because the bill totalled more money than we had on hand. Is there a more embarrassing checkout experience?
• 66% of women admit they normally initiate arguments with their men. However, 75% of those who admit it also contend it’s their mate who’s usually in the wrong.
• 38% of women & 36% of men admit they’ve been told they talk too much.
• 25% of us SAY we’re allergic to some kind of food, but just 2% actually are. Hey, any excuse to avoid the Brussels sprouts.
• 22% of re-married people admit they’ve unintentionally muttered an ex-‘s name while asleep … and heard all about it the next morning.
• 12% of us don’t know our own astrology sign. I think I’m a Crustacean with a rising cusp.

Welsh psychiatrist  Dr Victor Aziz claims constant exposure to loud music on iPods is causing increasingly more cases of a psychological condition known as ‘musical hallucination’. It commonly occurs when shifting from iPod-listening to silence. With no more audio stimuli, the brain generates random impulses, interprets them as sound, matches the sounds to familiar music, and the song begins playing constantly in the head. This is different from the common occurrence of having a song ‘stuck’ in your head because the sound is continuous and appears real. So what? Many find they can’t sleep and/or think properly. (Also known as ‘Gnarls Barkley Syndrome’.)
– “Curious Times”

Each year, Wisconsin’s Beloit College releases its ‘Mindset List’ to give faculty a glimpse at the viewpoint of the new freshmen class. Most of them were born in 1988. For these students …
• There has always been one Germany.
• There have always been minivans; they grew up in them.
• They have always been able to watch wars live on TV.
• They have never heard anyone actually ‘ring it up’ on a cash register.
• Text messaging is their e-mail; e-mail is old school.
• Reality shows have always been on TV.
• They have rarely if ever mailed anything using a postage stamp.
• TV stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem, then signed off.
• Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.
• The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
– AP

According to researchers at the UK’s Exeter University, couples should only shop together for a total of 72 minutes. After that, they risk getting into an argument. The study shows that’s the average time at which men reach their breaking point. Interestingly, women shopping together can last a further 28 minutes on average. (Oh please … it’s more like 28 hours.)
– Reuters

• We are born without kneecaps – they develop by the age of 6.
• The average age for a Porsche owner is 49.
• There are traffic lights in the canals in Venice.
• The average person over 50 has spent a total of 1 year of their life looking for lost items.
• Bowling was invented in Egypt in 5,000 BC.
– AskMen.com


1924 [82] Don Harron, Toronto ON, TV actor (‘Charlie Farquharson’)/playwright (“Anne of Green Gables”)/Order of Canada (1980)

1940 [66] Sylvia (Fricker) Tyson, Chatham ON, folk/country singer (Ian & Sylvia-“Four Strong Winds”)/songwriter (“You Were On My Mind”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1992)/CCMA Hall of Fame (2003)

1948 [58] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (“Elizabeth I”, Academy Award-“Reversal of Fortune”)

1951 [55] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer/songwriter/music producer (U2, Peter Gabriel, Gordon Lightfoot)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)

1964 [42] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, country singer (“How Do I Live”)/Mrs Garth Brooks since December 2005

1974 [32] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Almost Famous”)/former TV actor (“Saturday Night Live” 1998-2004)  COMING UP: Expected to play ‘Major Tony Nelson’ in the bigscreen version of TV sitcom, “I Dream of Jeannie”, coming in 2008.

1977 [29] Ryan Dusick, LA CA, pop drummer (Maroon 5-“She Will Be Loved”, “This Love”)

• “Evaluate Your Life Day”. (Followed by ‘Drink Till You Forget What a Loser You Are Night’.)

• “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers! Kinda fun, ain’t it?
NET: http://www.talklikeapirate.com

• “Vision Rehabilitation Day”. (Mom warned you you’d go blind!)

1994 [12] Hospital drama “ER” debuts on NBC-TV (time for it to end?)

1981 [25] Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel reunite for a free concert that attracts 500,000 to NYC’s Central Park (7th-largest concert crowd of all-time)

1649 [357] 1st tavern in Canada opens in Québec City, featuring a powerful brew called ‘spruce beer’ (customers who drink too much are said to be ‘all spruced up’)

1893 [113] New Zealand becomes 1st country to give women the right to vote

[Wed] International Student Day
[Wed] UN International Day of Peace
[Thurs] Miniature Golf Day
[Fri] Elephant Appreciation Day
[Fri] Good Neighbor Day
[Fri] Centenarians Day
[Fri] Native American Day
[Sat] Autumn begins (12:03 am EDT)
This Week Is … Farm Animals Awareness Week
This Month Is … International Gay Square Dance Month


You run down the list while your guest or phone caller decides which choice is more palatable …
• Would you rather go to the bother of recording your favorite TV program OR pay 99 cents to download it online sometime later at your convenience?
• If you had to pick one to save your life, would you rather be blind OR be deaf?
• Would you rather have football (score/game time/yards-to-go) graphics along the top of your TV screen (FOX) OR along the bottom of your TV screen (NBC)?
• Would you prefer to die a painful death as a world famous hero OR die peacefully in your sleep?
• Would you rather show up for work naked OR show up at your grandmother’s funeral naked?
• Would you rather have paper cuts between your toes OR staples in your ear lobes?
• Would you rather feast on all the remaining ice cream in the carton OR ration it out day-by-day so it lasts till you buy groceries again?
• Would you prefer to be a goldfish OR be a budgie?
• Would you rather have an “Extreme Makeover” or your abode OR an  “Extreme Makeover” of your bod’?

What handy method have you found for making quick measurements? (For instance – your wedding ring size is the same as your hat size, the distance from your elbow to your wrist equals the length of your foot, and the size of a man’s feet are an indication of … you get the idea.)

A dog goes into the Home Depot and says, “I’d like a job please”. The human resources manager says, “We don’t hire dogs, why don’t you go join the circus?” The dog replies: “What would the circus want with a former plumber?”

Today’s Question: 1% of people who do this at a football game really regret it the next day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Paint themselves, because they can’t get it all off.

A friend is somebody who knows you … but likes you anyway.

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