Thursday, September 14, 2006        Edition: #3265
There’s No BS Like Show BS …

TONIGHT “Survivor: Cook Islands” debuts (CBS/Global), the controversial 13th season that they’ve hyped by leaking the fact that tribes will be divided by ethnicity (no less arbitrary distinction than LAST SEASON when they were initially separated by gender and age) . . . TONIGHT William Shatner hosts the “Elan Awards” in Richmond BC, the inaugural Canadian Awards for Electronic & Animation Arts, with “Peter Jackson’s King Kong” and “Prince of Persia: The Two Thrones” leading video game nominees with 7 apiece . . . THIS WEEK an actual mummified body has been unearthed during an on-location shoot for “CSI: New York” (now THAT’s reality TV!) . . . The mysterious death of Anna Nicole Smith’s 20-year-old son Daniel just keeps getting weirder & weirder – latest from Bahamian authorities is it was NOT natural; they know what the cause was but won’t say; and an unidentified 3rd person was present (it’s a new episode of “Punk’d” right?) . . . “You, Me & Dupree” co-stars Kate Hudson & Owen Wilson have further sparked rumors of romance after being spotted dining with friends while vacationing in Hawaii (they keep insisting they’re just buds) . . . Aussie movie actor & sometime musician Russell Crowe is hosting a tribute concert for his late “Crocodile Hunter” friend Steve Irwin in Brisbane, Australia NEXT WEEK . . . Meantime, the official public memorial service will be held in a 5,500-seat auditorium known as the ‘Crocoseum’ at his family’s wildlife park, Australia Zoo, NEXT WEEK (this guy was a fairly minor player in the celebrity game, so why is it so many people are abuzz about his death? The suddenness of it? His unbridled enthusiasm for what he did? A slow news week?) . . . And now that “Rock Star: Supernova” has wrapped and a lead singer chosen, it looks like they’ll next have to choose a new band moniker as a San Diego judge has just granted an injunction to an obscure California band named Supernova that prevents any others from performing or recording under the name (the tour tickets have already been printed, so you can bet these small-time musicians are gonna be offered some big-time cash to just go away).

• Bob Seger – TONIGHT on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno” (NBC) he does his first-ever network TV performance.
• Eminem – It’s been announced he’ll release a selection of new music NEXT MONTH, completely dismissing suggestions that he is retiring from the biz. Titled “The Re-Up”, the mix includes a new single and is dedicated to his best friend, Proof, killed earlier THIS YEAR.
• Hilary Duff – TODAY she’s a guest on “The View” (ABC/CTV).
• Madonna – After she recently mentioned she’d like to experience a space flight and tour the International Space Station, Russian legislator Alexei Mitrofanov made the idea an official motion that was put to vote in Russia’s Duma. Alas, 42 voted in favor but 252 were against it. It seems the idea wasn’t as popular after they found out she wanted a round trip.
• Outkast – TODAY they’re on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• The Who – TONIGHT the wrinkle rockers perform on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).

A sneak peek at several movies waiting in the wings …
• “Death Of A President” This British-made faux documentary examines the unsolved fictional assassination of George W Bush from a future perspective. The film uses archive footage of Bush to create the scenes that lead up to his assassination, then digital effects to recreate his shooting by a sniper during a 2007 anti-war rally in Chicago. After recently premiering at the “Toronto Film Festival”, it next airs on TV in Britain this OCTOBER, then opens in theaters.
• “NoLa” – Director Spike Lee has vowed to capture the devastation caused by last year’s Hurricane Katrina in this made-for-TV documentary-drama examining the lives of residents recovering from the disaster. The title comes from the local slang name for New Orleans. Lee says the film will not only show the city’s efforts to rebuild itself but everyday people trying to put their lives back together.
• “Ruby Tuesday” – Mick Jagger’s Jagged Films is co-producing this animated musical that gets its title from the Rolling Stones’ 1967 hit that was written by the late Brian Jones but credited to Jagger & Keith Richards instead.. As part of the production deal, 12 Rolling Stones songs will be featured on the soundtrack.
• “Untitled Simon Cowell Film” – The soon to be 47-year-old Simon Cowell seems to be all over the tube, serving as a judge on “American Idol” and “X Factor” in the UK, and producing a series of reality projects that includes “Celebrity Duets”, “America’s Got Talent”, and “American Inventor”. Now a spokesman for his production company Syco has confirmed a movie is being planned based on his talent shows, along the lines of “Fame”. The deal could add another $50 million to Cowell’s growing bank account.

Johns Hopkins University memory expert Dr Barry Gordon suggests that recent progress in the field raises the possibility that scientists may someday be able to dissect memories on a molecular level and add or subtract them from our brains. For example, a soldier might choose to wipe out excruciating memories of combat; or a movie fan might want an artificial memory of spending a night with a famous actor implanted in her brain. (All of a sudden, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s 1990 film “Total Recall” doesn’t seem so far-fetched. His fantasy wife turned out to be even creepier than the actress who played her – Sharon Stone.)
– “Boston Globe”

A British aerospace firm has created a new material called ‘Synthetic Gecko’, a reusable polymer covered in millions of tiny mushroom-like hairs which provide enough grip to suspend a car from a ceiling. There are a lot of boring scientific applications for this material, but the coolest by far is the potential to build a ‘Spider-Man’-style suit to allow a person to walk up walls and crawl along ceilings. Another use might be to allow window cleaners to dispense with ladders and climb up the side of your home. (Voyeurism will never be the same.)
– BBC World News

The way a man shows you he cares can provide a sneak peek into who he is. For instance …
• Kisses Your Forehead: A true romantic, this sensitive dude will not only whip up a dinner for you – served by candlelight – he’ll ask about your day while he’s at it. Although you’ll probably be calling all the shots, he takes direction well. Plus, he aims to please. (Alternate BS explanation: A kiss on the forehead? Then he tells you a story? He always wanted a daughter.)
• Gives You Big Hugs: This cuddler is a take-charge man who’s focused on pampering and protecting. He’ll look after you in whatever way he can, whether it’s stepping in to handle a stressful situation or just being a shoulder to cry on. (Alternate BS explanation: Hugging you is one way to prevent you from escaping his shuffle toward the bedroom door.)
• Holds Your Hand: Taking your hand is an easy, simple way to stay bonded to you and show the world that you’re his. It indicates that he’s the type who craves a close partnership and wants to settle down with one woman and do the marriage and family thing. (Alternate BS explanation: Quit flattering yourself; he’s grabbing your hand so he can drag you away from the boring cosmetics counter.)
• Strokes Your Head or Back: This touchy-feely guy will constantly suggest new ways to mix up your routine. He’s always looking for opportunities to excite his senses so keep him on his toes by taking him on a surprise weekend trip or introducing him to a new exotic cuisine. (Alternate BS explanation: He’s petting you on the head? This guy’s wanted a Golden Retriever ever since he was 8-years-old and mommy said ‘no’.)
– “Cosmopolitan”

Japan’s ‘Fantasy Resorts’ is one of several playgrounds in the country that caters to the growing number of parents who are obsessed with their children’s safety. Visitors must provide proper ID before they can enter the indoor, air-conditioned premises. Shoes must be removed because they carry germs. The wheels of baby-buggies are sprayed with antibacterial solution. The playground’s giant sandbox contains sterilized sand that’s sifted daily to remove potentially harmful objects. Most toys are inflatable to reduce the risk of injury. And just to make sure nothing gets out of hand, all activity is monitored by staff dressed in bright yellow coveralls as well as a slew of security cameras mounted in the ceiling. (Back in the day a kid was content with a bicycle, a sword made from a pointed stick, and a mud-hole to roll around in.)
– “The Guardian”

Technology company Triton Systems has been commissioned by the US Air Force to create an armed ‘Frisbee’ that could be guided by remote control and deployed against enemy troops. The discs would carry explosives and act as mini-bombers, dropping their loads in the presence of opposition forces. Researchers also hope ultimately the discs would operate autonomously, locating and killing enemy troops of their own accord. (Until the enemy develops robotic dogs who love to play ‘fetch’.)
– “Sydney Morning Herald”

• In Berlin, a 21-year-old German shoplifter who stole shoes from a clothing store discovered he’d accidentally brought home 2 different sizes. So he decided to take them back. He was arrested when the manager recognized the clothes he had on … which were also stolen 2 days earlier.
• In Gettysburg PA, a 30-year-old woman has admitted to rewarding her 13-year-old son for doing his homework every day by … smoking marijuana with him. She’s pleaded guilty to 7 charges and will be sentenced in NOVEMBER.
• In Tokyo, a couple has been convicted of staging a fake wedding and defrauding guests by telling them the groom was a member of an extinct branch of … the Japanese imperial family. Why go to all the bother? Guests at upscale Japanese weddings traditionally give cash gifts worth at least $250. And this couple invited hundreds! They’ve been sentenced to 2 years in the slammer.

“I just smile and have nice hair.”
– ‘Actress’ Jessica Simpson on the excruciating effort she put into her upcoming movie “Employee of the Month”, opening OCTOBER 6th.

The meat in a single hamburger might come from hundreds or even thousands of cows.
– The new book, “Chew on This”, by Eric Schlosser.


1947 [59] Sam Neill, Omagh, Northern Ireland, movie actor (“Jurassic Park”, “The Piano”)

1959 [47] John Berry, Aiken SC, country singer (“Standing on the Edge of Goodbye”)

1964 [42] Faith Ford, Alexandria LA, TV sitcom actress (‘Hope Shanowski’ on “Faith & Hope” since 2003)

1971 [35] Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Rye NY, TV sitcom actress (‘Dana’ on “According to Jim” since 2001)

1973 [33] Nas (Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones), Queens NY, rapper (“Bridging the Gap”, “I’m Gonna Be Alright”)/married hip-hop artist Kelis 2005

• “Cream-Filled Donut Day” … a holiday for cops? The most popular cream-filled donuts are chocolate cream and vanilla cream.

• “International Cross-Cultural Day”, a good excuse to pepper your show with greetings in different languages. The Website for the ‘Say Hello Project’ will help you out …

• “Pregnant Women’s Day”, set aside to honor all moms-to-be. According to a recent study, less than half of women are happy with the maternity care they get in hospitals and see giving birth as a ‘conveyor belt’ experience. What’s the most unusual pregnancy craving you’ve heard of?

• “Testicle Festival”, the 24th annual through Monday in Clinton, Montana, where they’ll be serving up more than 2 tons of what locals call ‘Rocky Mountain Oysters’. The festival’s slogan is ‘Have a Ball!’. Ask for delicious recipes … and if local bulls are mooing higher these days.
PHONER: 406.825.4868 (Rock Creek Lodge)

• “US National Anthem Day”, celebrating the anniversary of Francis Scott Key penning the lyrics to the “Star-Spangled Banner” in 1814. Key, a Washington attorney, wrote the famous words after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry in Maryland while aboard a warship during the War of 1812. He adapted his lyrics to the tune of a popular drinking song, “To Anacreon in Heaven”, and the result later became the official US national anthem in 1931.

• “World Hearing Voices Day”, the 1st-ever honoring all those who receive advice, encouragement, comforting words, and even laughter from others … who aren’t really there. A new study at New Zealand’s University of Auckland finds that nearly half of those who hear voices find their hallucinations friendly and even helpful. Voices of deceased people are the most commonly heard; others include other personalities of oneself, gods, and aliens. Unfortunately, hearing voices when no one is there can be a symptom of mental illness.

• “Write Your Own Headlines Day”. Now there’s a concept that makes for a good phone-in!
– Tell us about your life in a headline of 5 words or less.
– Tell us a headline you’d LIKE to read in your daily newspaper.

1984 [22] At the debut of the “MTV Video Music Awards”, co-hosted by Dan Ackroyd & Bette Midler, The Cars (‘Best Video’) and Michael Jackson (‘Best Overall Performance’) are the big winners but Madonna steals the show with her performance of “Like A Virgin” in which she rolls around onstage in a wedding dress

1964 [42] Quickie breakfast alternative the ‘Pop Tart’ is introduced

1987 [19] ‘Largest-Ever Newspaper Edition’ as Sunday “NY Times” has 1,612 pages and weighs in at a whopping 12 lbs (paper carriers use forklifts for delivery)

[Fri] Hat Day
[Fri] Care Givers Day
[Fri] POW/MIA Recognition Day
[Sat] Working Parents Day
[Mon] Polaris Music Prize (Toronto)
[Mon] The CW TV network debuts (WB & UPN)
This Week Is … No Bully Week
This Month Is … Mushroom Month


You run down the list while a phone caller or studio guest rates each item as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• Generic prescription drugs.
• Transgender colognes.
• Annual employee reviews.
• Action figures of famous people.
• Wikipedia.
• DVD compilations of TV series.
• The phrase: ‘at the end of the day’.
• USB flash drives for computers.
• Job interns.
• Road trips with no predetermined destination.

• Rumor has it that there are people having children on purpose.
• My car and I break down together.
• I’ll be patient with you when you return the time you’re wasting.

Today’s Question: Single women buy twice as many of THESE as single men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Houses. (Single women now make up 21% of the home-buying market, according to the National Association of Realtors.)

Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

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