Friday, September 1, 2006        Edition: #3357
Sheet Happens!

TOMORROW as “Saturday Night NCAA Football” debuts (Texas vs Ohio State), ABC-TV begins branding all of its sports programming with ‘ESPN’, the name of its all-sports sister network (‘ESPN’ originally stood for ‘Entertainment & Sports Programming Network’) . . . SUNDAY is the final scheduled airing of “Mr Dressup” starring the late Ernie Coombs (CBC-TV) after 39 years, the last 10 in reruns (how’s that tickle your trunk?) . . . MONDAY the made-for-TV movie “Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story Of ‘Diff’Rent Strokes’” airs (NBC) which follows the turbulent lives of the sitcom’s 3 child stars after the show ended (Gary Coleman, Todd Bridges & suicide victim Dano Plato) . . . Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake have forked out a whopping $24 million for a beachfront home in Kailua, Hawaii – a new real estate sales record for the area . . . Controversial artist Daniel Edwards has created a bronze sculpture of celebrity baby Suri Cruise’s ‘first poop’ which will be auctioned for charity on eBay after its exhibition in a NYC gallery is complete (this is the same wacko who did the sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth) . . . Natalie Portman is reportedly auditioning for the role of a ‘troubled hooker’ in the upcoming dark comedy, “Johnny Postal”, which will also star Blondie singer, Deborah Harry . . . Brit model Kate Moss is said to be exacting revenge from the fashion houses who dropped her when she was exposed as a cokehead by demanding they pay double her previous fee if they want her to work for them again (Burberry has reportedly already paid up) . . . And online rumors say that Paramount is developing an enhanced HD version of the original 79 “Star Trek” TV episodes (1966-69), with new state-of-the-art visual effects and an updated soundtrack (it’s like crack for nerds!).

• The Beatles – Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr & the heirs of George Harrison and John Lennon are suing EMI/Capitol Records for $25 million, alleging the company claimed some copies of classic Beatles’ recordings were destroyed but it secretly sold them for significant profits.
• Coldplay – The royalties must be rollin’! Chris Martin & actress/wife Gwyneth Paltrow have just purchased a 7-bedroom home in Long Island’s posh Hamptons for $6.5 million.
• Foo Fighters – TONIGHT they perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Justin Timberlake – MONDAY he’s the lone guest as daytime-TV’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) kicks off its 4th season with a program taped in NYC’s Central Park.
• LL Cool J – TONIGHT he’s a guest on “Late Night With Conan O’ Brien” (NBC).
• Madonna – TODAY is the last day to bid on the tiara featuring 78 carats of diamonds that she wore at her wedding to Guy Ritchie in a charity auction on eBay, but so far no one’s met the reserve bid of $225,000.
• Neil Young – TOMORROW he’s the musical guest on a rerun of “Saturday Night Live” (NBC), hosted by actor Jack Black.
• Queen – SATURDAY a huge beach party on the Tanzanian island of Zanzibar to honor the 60th birth anniversary of late singer Freddie Mercury will go as scheduled despite protests from a local Muslim leader that Mercury’s flamboyant gay lifestyle violated Islam. Mercury was born on the island September 5, 1946.
• Seether – TONIGHT they’re on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Tim McGraw/Faith Hill – TONIGHT-Sunday their 4-month “Soul2Soul II” tour is scheduled to close out with a 3-night stand at the Mandalay Bay Resort & Casino in Las Vegas.

• “Crank” ( R-Rated Action Thriller ): Jason Statham (“The Italian Job”, “The Transporter”) stars as a hit-man who learns that poison injected into his body will kill him if his heart rate drops below a certain point. He attempts to get revenge on his assassins before he takes his last breath. Sort of like “Speed” … without the bus. Music, SFX and trailer here …
• “Crossover” ( PG-13 Sports Drama ): Wesley Jonathan stars as a naturally talented athlete who’s determined to use his basketball scholarship to UCLA to become a doctor instead of succumbing to the temptations of playing in the NBA. Theme music & clips here …
• “The Wicker Man” ( PG-13 Horror Thriller ): Nicolas Cage plays a sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island who discovers a larger mystery – a secretive local neo-pagan community. Co-stars Ellen Burstyn & Leelee Sobieski. A remake of the 1973 British horror classic. Partially shot in Vancouver and rural BC (Cage’s motorcycle riding scenes). Spooky SFX and trailer here …

Adolescents tend to be grumpy and surly in the daytime because they are in a permanent state of jet-lag. According to a new Brown Medical School study of the brain-waves of teens, their biological body clock is shifted forward so the build-up of sleepiness is slower and they are more alert later in the day. This makes it easier for them to stay up later than older folk … but leads to a slow start the next day. (Hah! And all this time you thought the sleeping in till noon was just laziness.)
– “New Scientist”

According to an article titled “Tricks to Teach Your Body”, you can cure a toothache by rubbing ice on the back of your hand; stop a room from spinning (if you’re drunk) by putting one hand on something stable; and reduce the pain of a brain-freeze by pressing your tongue against the roof of your mouth. (Yeah, but how do you get rid of the ‘pickies’ when your foot’s asleep?)
– “Men’s Health”

Starting NEXT YEAR, discount European airline Ryanair will be the first to use new technology from a company called ‘OnAir’ to allow passengers to use their personal cellphones while in flight. Making and receiving phone calls, and sending texts or e-mail have previously been banned from flights in case they interfere with radio or navigation equipment. The new in-flight telecom system rectifies that problem. (Because the crying baby, the snoring passenger next to you and the singing drunk just aren’t annoying enough.)
– “GQ”

Russia is establishing a women-only police squad after a study found that female officers are less likely to be corrupted and take bribes. The new female task force will tackle traffic offences, which are often ‘forgiven’ by male cops in return for some quick cash.
– Reuters

• The average length of the school year in the USA is 180 days, while in Canada it’s 186 and in England, 192. But in Japan, students are stuck in the classroom an average of 243 days.
• It takes only a 10th-of-a-second to decide whether or not you’re attracted to a person you’ve just met.

• “I’m coming to England in September and I want to find myself a beautiful girlfriend. But I don’t  want some dumb blonde. I’d like a woman who is really intelligent.”
– Pseudo-actor/bad singer David Hasselhoff, apparently looking for a counterpart to provide some balance.
• “Many jobs often lead to the hardening of the heart as well as suffering of the spirit, loss of intelligence.”
– Pope Benedict XVI, talking about the perils of broadcasting perhaps?


1946 [60] Barry Gibb, Isle of Man UK, falsetto oldies singer (Bee Gees-“Stayin’ Alive”)

1950 [56] Dr Phil (McGraw), Vinita OK, daytime TV talk show host (“Dr Phil” since 2002)/author (“Relationship Rescue”)  FACTOID: He’s only a ‘doctor’ due to a PhD in psychology.

1957 [49] Gloria Estefan (Fajardo), Havana, Cuba, pop singer (“Turn The Beat Around”)

1964 [42] Charlie Robison, Houston TX, country singer/songwriter (“Right Man for the Job”) who wed the Dixie Chicks’ Emily (Seidel) Robison in 1999

1971 [35] Ricardo Chavira, San Antonio TX, TV actor (‘Carlos Solis’ on “Desperate Housewives” since 2004)

1973 [33] JD Fortune (Jason Dean Bennison), Mississauga ON, rock singer (INXS-“Pretty Vegas”)/winner “Rock Star: INXS” (2005)

1975 [31] Scott Speedman, London UK (grew up in Toronto), movie actor (“Underworld: Evolution”, “xXx State of the Union”)

NHL exec Glen Sather (NY Rangers) is 63; NFL analyst Terry Bradshaw (FOX-TV) is 58; TV actor Mark Harmon (“Navy NCIS”) is 55; Movie actor Keanu Reeves (“The Matrix”) is 42;
Movie actress Salma Hayek (“Frida”) is 40; TV actress Cynthia Watros (“Lost”) is 38.

Oldies singer Al Jardine (Beach Boys) is 64; TV/movie actor Charlie Sheen (“Two & a Half Men”) is 41; One-hit wonder Jennifer Paige (“Crush”) is 33.

• “Carrefour Mondial de l’Accordéon”, the 16th annual “World Accordion Jamboree” weekend in Montmagny QC, featuring squeeze box enthusiasts from around-the-world.
• “Emma Nutt Day”, honoring the 1st professional telephone operator. She began saying ‘number please’ 128 years ago TODAY (1878) in Boston MA and continued for 33 years. (She was grateful that her name was ‘Emma’ and not ‘Ima’.)
• “Exclamation Day!” Wow! Exciting, isn’t it!
• “World Championship Barbecue Goat Cook-Off” in Brady, Texas. The 33rd annual 2-day event features 125 teams trying to get goat to taste good. Hmm, what’s the proper wine to serve?

• “Anniversary of the Internet”. 37 years ago on September 2, 1969 UCLA professor Len Kleinrock & graduate students Stephen Crocker & Vinton Cerf linked 2 bulky computers using a 15-foot cable, testing a new way for exchanging data over networks that would ultimately become the Internet. By January of 1970, 3 other ‘nodes’ joined the fledgling network.
• “National Buffalo Wing Festival”, the 5th annual through Sunday in Buffalo NY when some 20 tons of wings will be deep-fried, drenched in hot-sauce and served up. Events include ‘Bobbing for Wings’, the ‘Miss Buffalo Wing Pageant’ and the ‘US Chicken Wing Eating Championship’.

• “Great Klondike International Outhouse Race” in Dawson City, Yukon, the 28th annual dash though downtown streets involving decorated outhouses on wheels pulled by costumed runners. If you don’t happen to own one – they’ll rent you one!
• “The Running of the Sheep” in Reed Point MT, when hundreds of woolies charge down Main Street, then participate in the ‘Ugliest Sheep’ and ‘Prettiest Ewe Contest’.

• “Canadian Open Golf Championship” through September 10th at the Hamilton ON Golf & CC.
• “International Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news
 boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 173 years ago in 1833. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve found your paper after it was ‘delivered’?
• “Labor Day” in the USA & Canada, a tribute to the contributions workers have made to the prosperity & well-being of our nations. The first Labor Day holiday was celebrated on Tuesday, September 5, 1882 in NYC. In Australia, Labor Day is the first Monday in October. In dozens of other countries, May 1st is “International Workers’ Day”, the day of celebration for labor.
• “Working Mother’s Day”, honoring moms who do 2 jobs, at home and away from it. Hey, take the day off why don’t ya?

1985 [21] Scientists from the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institute find the wreckage of the “Titanic” in the North Atlantic (leading to the biggest-earning movie of all-time)

1999 [07] Canadian ‘Specialty Channels’ debut, including ‘Star!’, ‘Canadian Learning Television’, ‘Report on Business Television’ and ‘Aboriginal Peoples Television Network’

2002 [04] Actress Sarah Michelle Gellar weds actor Freddie Prinze Jr

1995 [11] Cleveland’s ‘Rock & Roll Hall of Fame’ is dedicated

[Tues] “The CBS Evening News With Katie Couric” debuts
[Tues] Be Late For Something Day
[Wed-Sat] World Toilet Summit (Moscow, Russia)
[Thurs] NFL Opening Kickoff 2006 (Pittsburgh PA)
[Thurs-Sept 16] 31st Toronto International Film Festival (Toronto)
This Week Is … International Enthusiasm Week
This Month Is … Library Card Sign-Up Month


You run down the list rapid-fire while your guest/listener/co-worker rates each as simply ‘good’ or ‘bad’ …
• School uniforms.
• Wine in box containers.
• Widescreen computer monitors.
• Capri pants.
• The continental breakfast.
• Speakers for iPods.
• Balkan-style yoghurt.
• Acting your age.
• “Sunday Night Football”
• Sleeping in on long weekends.

Just like on TV – you provide the answer, your contestant comes up with the question …
• This now-common term originated from the old Norse practice of drinking large quantities of fermented honey during the first month of a marriage. [What is ‘honeymoon’?]
• The large disk that is used in this game is called a ‘squidger’. [What is ‘Tiddlywinks’?]
• This is the only Canadian province that borders the Great Lakes. [What is Ontario?]
• This sport was once known as ‘Inanimate Bird Shooting’. [What is trapshooting/skeet shooting/clay pigeon shooting?]
•  Raisinets. [What is the #1 selling item at movie theater snack bars in America?]

One nice thing about egomaniacs … at least they don’t talk about other people.

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Ne-Yo – “Sexy Love”
4. Gnarls Barkley – “Crazy”
3. Ciara – “Get Up”
2. Fergie – “London Bridge”
1. Justin Timberlake – “SexyBack”
– Big Champagne online music measurement

You can cast any actor who’s no longer living to play you in a film about your life. Whom would you pick for the role?

Today’s Question: THIS can change direction up to 25 times a second.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A cockroach.

Respect must be earned, not commanded.

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