Friday, September 30, 2005        Edition: #3127
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

SATURDAY “40 Year Old Virgin” star Steve Carell hosts the season premiere of NBC’s “Saturday Night Live”, with Kanye West as musical guest (2 new “SNL” cast members have been added – comics Bill Hader & Andy Samberg) . . . According to an unsubstantiated e-mail making the rounds, LAST WEEKEND’s Ashton Kutcher-Demi Moore hastily pulled-together Kabbalah wedding was nothing more than an elaborate hoax for his “Punk’d” hidden camera show on MTV (so who got punk’d – Demi?) . . . Fashion designer Valentino didn’t mince words when talking to a German newspaper THIS WEEK, saying today’s Hollywood actresses such as Julia Roberts & Cameron Diaz look like ‘bag ladies’ compared with the glamorous stars of the past (yeah, like that bug-eyed hot tamale Bette Davis) . . . The US Supreme Court is giving stripper-turned “Playboy” model-turned gold digger Anna Nicole Smith yet another chance to claim a piece of the $1.6 billion estate of her late husband-for-a-year J. Howard Marshall, who died in 1995 at age 90 (by now, the fortune’s been fed on by so many lawyers there’s likely nothing left but a carcass) . . . Just as coked-out model Kate Moss checks into rehab in Arizona, her 26-year-old ex-bf Pete Doherty has collapsed at the end of a Babyshambles gig in Newcastle UK, following a day-long booze bender (word is he eventually came around enough to stagger onto his tour bus) . . . The Association of Professional Flight Attendants is so angry with the way the profession is portrayed in the Jodie Foster thriller “Flightplan”, it’s calling for its 80,000-plus members to boycott the film (among the complaints: flight attendants are portrayed as ‘uncaring & unhelpful’) . . . Newly-single movie actress Renee Zellweger has been signed up to play “Peter Rabbit” author Beatrix Potter in an upcoming bio-film about the celebrated Victorian-era writer’s life (who should get the role of ‘Squirrel Nutkin’?) . . . Meantime, Catherine Zeta Jones is said to be the favorite to play ‘Sue Ellen Ewing’ in a planned  bigscreen version of ‘80s primetime TV soap “Dallas” . . . Don’t expect director Steven Spielberg & increasingly weird actor Tom Cruise to work together anytime soon – word has it Spielberg is still furious with Cruise over his couch-jumping, Brooke Shields-baiting, anti-medication antics during promotional junkets for “War of the Worlds” . . . And talk about your co-inky-dink – actor Stephen Triffit, who’s been starring as Frank Sinatra in the London stage musical “The Rat Pack”, has been charged with DUI – by a police officer named … Dean Martin!

• Faith Hill – SATURDAY she joins several fellow Mississippi natives, including actor Morgan Freeman & author John Grisham, for “Mississippi Rising”, a concert  on the campus of the University of Mississippi to benefit the nonprofit Mississippi Hurricane Recovery Fund. Other Mississippians scheduled to appear include NFL QBs Eli Manning & Brett Favre.
• Gretchen Wilson – Maybe she’s been a little too “Jacked Up”? She’s just postponed concerts in Huntsville AL & Perry GA scheduled for October 7 & 8th due to ‘vocal fatigue’. Makes you wonder … how do you know a week ahead of time?
• Hootie & The Blowfish – Yep, they’re still around. TONIGHT they guest on “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Rolling Stones – Virgin Records has announced plans to release their “A Bigger Bang” album on a flash memory card in NOVEMBER. The odd format, which will cost circa $40, will allow you to transfer music & other digital material between PCs, cellphones, organizers, etc – but not the actual Stones songs. Uh … so what’s the point?

• “Into the Blue” (PG-13 Action Adventure): Paul Walker & Jessica Alba star as sexy skin-divers who find themselves in deep trouble with a drug lord after they discover the illicit cargo of a sunken airplane. Actually the plot’s unimportant – it’s the underwater make-out scenes featuring Alba in a bikini that are generating all the buzz!
• “Serenity” (PG-13 Sci-Fi Adventure): This bigscreen version of the short-lived TV series “Firefly” is set 500 years in the future and focuses on space captain ‘Malcolm Reynolds’ (Nathan Fillion) and his crew, who make a living by transporting people throughout space.
• “The Greatest Game Ever Played” (PG Sports Drama): Young golfer Francis Ouimet (Shia LaBeouf) and his 10-year-old caddie become unlikely participants in the 1913 “US Open” tournament and take on the defending British champion Harry Vardon (Stephen Dillane). Sort of a golf version of “Seabiscuit”.

Should engaging in sexy talk with a virtual partner in an Internet chat room be grounds for divorce? According to a new ruling by the Brussels Appeals Court in Belgium – yes! While transcripts of erotic conversations do not constitute proof of adultery, the court says, they do show ‘grossly insulting behavior’ – reason enough for a spouse to file for divorce.
– “Daily Telegraph”

90% of all species that have become extinct have been birds.

According to the new book, “Everything I Know About Men I Learnt From My Dog” by British socialite Clare Stapes, the reason dog is ‘man’s best friend’ is – there’s really no difference between them when it comes to their natural instincts & behavior. She suggests the best way to improve a relationship with a guy is to treat him like a dog – give him treats, don’t interfere with his work, set your boundaries, ignore him sometimes, know his sweet spots, and always tell him he’s ‘top dog’. This is just one of several recent books comparing guys and canines. Others include …
• “How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Professional Dog Trainers”
• “Men Are Dogs: A Woman’s Guide to Choosing Her Breed of Man”
• “Men Are Dogs: In the Best Possible Sense!”
– Yahoo! News

Russian mogul Roman Abramovich has just doubled his fortune, becoming $9 billion richer after sealing the largest deal in Russian history, the sale of his oil company Sibneft to the government. ‘Gazprom’, the Russian state gas company, has paid $13 billion for a 73% stake in the company. The sale has renewed speculation that the tycoon is set to cut all ties with his home country. Among his many hobbies of late – ownership of the UK’s league-leading Chelsea football club.
– “Passim”

The world’s 3rd space tourist, Gregory Olsen, has been given the go ahead for his SATURDAY flight to the International Space Station aboard a Russian vehicle. The self-made NJ tycoon paid millions for the trip after completing preparatory studies at Russia’s Cosmonaut Training Center. If all systems are go, he’ll ride aloft on a Russian Soyuz spaceship for a brief stay on the orbiting space lab with the station’s 12th crew. He must feel really secure after NASA chief Michael Griffin admitted THIS WEEK that the International Space Station was – ‘a mistake’.
– “Space Daily”

• Guangzhou Rubber Group in China has begun marketing condoms under the brand names ‘Clinton’ and ‘Lewinsky’. The ‘Clinton’ is top of the line, while the ‘Lewinsky’ is not quite as good. (Apparently news from the West travels really sloooowwwwww.)
• The Danish Air Force has paid damages to one of the country’s many professional Santa Clauses after a blast from a low-flying fighter jet left ‘Rudolph the Reindeer’ dead. The vet who examined the dead beast concluded that it died from the shock of the deafening noise from the fighter plane. The military has agreed to pay circa $5,000 toward the purchase of a new reindeer. (Hell, that’ll barely cover a used model!)
• In Japan, a foxy new female version of ‘Ronald McDonald’ is appearing in McDonald’s TV ads. She has shoulder-length, straight auburn hair, and appears in a red & white striped bikini with thigh-length leggings and red high heels. (Wow, nice buns!)


Oldies singer Johnny Mathis (“Chances Are”) is 70; Oldies singer Marilyn McCoo (5th Dimension) is 62; Oldies singer Sylvia Peterson (The Chiffons) is 59; Country singer Marty Stuart (“Now That’s Country”) is 47; Movie actor Eric Stoltz (guesting on “Will & Grace”) is 44; Country singer Eddie Montgomery (Montgomery Gentry) is 42; Alt-rock bassist Robby Takac (Goo Goo Dolls) is 41; Tennis player Martina Hingis is 25.

39th US President Jimmy Carter is 81; Actress-singer Julie Andrews (“The Sound of Music”) is 70; TV actor Stephen Collins (“7th Heaven”) is 58; Movie actor Randy Quaid (“Brokeback Mountain”) is 55.

Oldies singer Don McLean (“American Pie”) is 60; Fashion designer Donna Karan is 57; Pop/rock singer Sting (The Police) is 53; TV actress Lorraine Bracco (“The Sopranos”) is 51; Country musician Greg Jennings (Restless Heart) is 51; Country singer Kelly Willis (“Heaven’s Just A Sin Away”) is 37; TV co-host Kelly Ripa (“Live With Regis & Kelly”) is 35.

TODAY is –
• “Do Something Wacky with a Grandparent Day”. Just don’t get caught.
• “Mud Pack Day”, proving there’s a day to honor just about any damn thing you can think of.
• “Okanagan Wine Festival” through October 9, a celebration of fabulous wine & great food with some 165 unique events throughout BC’s Okanagan Valley.
• “St Jerome’s Day”, patron saint of librarians. In order to celebrate … shhhhhhh!

• “Homemade Cookie Day”. What’s the best kind that mommy made?
• “Pumpkinfest”, the annual international pumpkin weigh-off in Port Elgin ON where growers compete for prize money and world titles for a variety of giant vegetables. LAST YEAR’s biggest punkin’ was a hefty 1,446 lbs!
• “United Nations Day of Older Persons”. The Governor General’s office sends out over 1,000 birthday greetings annually to Canadians celebrating birthdays of 100 or more years.
• “World Beard & Moustache Championships” in Berlin, Germany. It’s a big hairy deal!
• “World Smile Day” with the official theme, ‘Do an act of kindness. Help one person smile’. Another observance of the Association of the Hopelessly Optimistic.
• “World Vegetarian Day”, celebrated since 1977 to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health & humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle.

• “Custodial Workers Day”, honoring those who clean up after the rest of us. Nicer names for ‘Janitor’: ‘Caretaker’, ‘Maintenance Coordinator’, ‘Sanitation Engineer’, ‘Cleanliness Resource Supervisor’.
• “Name Your Car Day”. Polls show that about 15% of people have a pet name for their vehicle. What’s the best-named car you’ve heard of?
• “World Farm Animals Day”, as declared by the ‘Farm Animal Reform Movement’, to memorialize the ‘needless suffering and death’ of billions of innocent farm animals each year. The date honors the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi, who was the world’s foremost champion of humane farming.

OCTOBER actually means ‘8th month’ but it has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus.

1955 [50] Movie legend James Dean dies at age 24 after slamming his Porsche 550 Spider into another car head-on at 75 mph near Cholame CA (he only made 3 films: “East of Eden”, “Rebel Without a Cause” & “Giant”)

1950 [55] 1st ‘Grand Ole Opry’ to be televised

1841 [164] 1st ‘Stapler’ invented by Sam Slocum (next day, he finds his tie is attached to his patent application)

1846 [159] Boston’s Dr William Morton becomes 1st dentist to use ‘Anesthetic’ (before that, it was the old mallet-to-the-head trick)

2002 [03] Chris McAlister of Baltimore Ravens sets record for ‘Longest Play in NFL History’ by returning missed field goal 107 yards for a touchdown

[Oct 1] World Beard & Moustache Championships [Berlin] / Homemade Cookie Day / World Vegetarian Day
[Oct 2] Name Your Car Day / World Farm Animal Day / Custodial Workers Day
[Oct 4] Rosh Hashanah [Jewish] / Child Health Day / Toot Your Flute Day / Universal Children’s Day / World Habitat Day / MLB Divisions Series begin
[Oct 5] Ramadan begins [Islam] / Techies Day / Story Telling Day / World Smile Day / World Teachers Day / “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit”opens in movie theaters
[Oct 6] Come & Take It Day / Frugal Fun Day / Physician Assistant Day / Lawyers Day
[Oct 7] 10th National Denim Day / “In Her Shoes” opens in movie theaters
[Oct 8] Download Festival [Mountain View CA]
[Oct 10] Thanksgiving Day [Canada]
[Oct 11] Emergency Nurses Day
[Oct 12-23] New Montréal FilmFest
[Oct 12] International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day / Farmers Day / World Egg Day / Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
[Oct 13] Yom Kippur [Jewish] / International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Oct 14] Be Bald & Be Free Day / Dessert Day  / School Librarian Day / “Domino”, “Elizabethtown” & “The Fog” open in movie theaters
[Oct 15] Grouch Day / Poetry Day
[Oct 16] Dictionary Day / World Food Day / National Bosses Day / Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day
[Oct 17] The new “TV Guide” launches / Gaudy Day / Hurricane Thanksgiving Day [Virgin+ Islands] / “2 for the Money” opens in movie theaters
[Oct 18] Persons Day [Canada] / No Beard Day / Sweetest Day / “Batman Begins” released on DVD
[Oct 19] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Oct 21] Babbling Day / Reptile Day / “Doom”, “Dreamer: Inspired By a True Story”, “North Country”, “Shopgirl” & “Stay”  open in movie theaters
[Oct 23] 3rd Western Canadian Music Awards [Vancouver] / Canned Food Day / TV Talk Show Host Day / Make a Difference Day / Mother-In-Laws Day
[Oct 24] United Nations Day / National Bologna Day
[Oct 25] Punk For A Day Day / Cartoonists Against Crime Day / International Greasy Foods Day
[Oct 27] Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Oct 28] National Chocolate Day / Plush Animal Lovers Day / Frankenstein Friday / “Legend of Zorro”, “Saw II” & “The Weather Man” open in movie theaters
[Oct 29] Hermit Day / International Internet Day
[Oct 30] Devils Night / Mischief Night / Daylight Saving Time ends [2 am]
[Oct 31] Halloween / National Magic Day / Increase Your Psychic Powers Day / UNICEF Day
[Nov 1] Vegan World Day / “Star Wars, Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” out on DVD
[Nov 3] 6th Latin Grammy Awards [LA]
[Nov 5] Governor General’s Performing Arts Awards Gala [Ottawa]
[Nov 15] 39th CMA Awards [NYC]
[Nov 22] 33rd American Music Awards [LA]
[Nov 28-29] Canadian Urban Music Awards [Toronto]


• Your spouse has become nervous wreck since she began day trading on the Internet. But she made $10K in a month. Do you make her stop?
• The teacher asks if you wrote your son’s book report. Your son claimed he did it but the teacher’s right. Do you admit it?
• You’ve sold your house. Before you move out, the roof starts to leak. Do you have it fixed?
• You e-mail your picture to a gorgeous person you meet on the Internet. Do you mention that you’ve gained 30 lbs since the picture was taken?
• In a ‘must-win’ football game, your son’s coach tells him to target the rival quarterback’s
recent knee injury. Should he obey?

Where would you pick as the ‘Party Capital of the World’? Las Vegas? Monte Carlo? Ibiza? NYC? Regina?

Today’s Question: According to a recent survey of women, THIS is the sexiest thing a husband can do.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Take care of his wife when she’s sick.

Life is a bifurcated chaotic attractor … and then you die.

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