Thursday, September 29, 2005        Edition: #3126
Get a Load of This Sheet!

TONIGHT the 5th season of ABC-TV’s “Alias” debuts with a major plot twist: ‘Sydney’ (Jennifer Garner) discovers she’s pregnant by ‘Vaughn’ (Michael Vartan), a possible double agent (fans have lobbied to save Vartan’s character but he’s likely gone) . . . TONIGHT the 8th and final season of “Will & Grace” airs live on both the east and west coasts with ‘Will’ (Eric McCormack) seeking advice from his new boss (guest star Alec Baldwin) and ‘Grace’ (Debra Messing) considering an affair with a married man, played by Eric Stoltz (the audience of 100 is made up of people who donated $10,000 or more to hurricane relief) . . . Geraldo Rivera has inked a deal to headline “Geraldo at Large”, a new half-hour daily show driven by the news of the day that will replace “A Current Affair” (oh no … he’s back!) . . . CNN is denying reports that claim the news net is negotiating to sign ex-CBS News anchor Dan Rather (he’s about to turn 74 – that’s even older than CNN fossil Larry King!) . . . Why did Demi Moore reportedly wed Ashton Kutcher in a Kabbalah ceremony but not at the LA Kabbalah Center as expected? Sources say it’s because #1 hubby Bruce Willis has demanded she keep their 3 kids away from the cult … er, ‘religion’ . . . Topher Grace (“That ‘70s Show”) & Thomas Hayden Church (“Sideways”) have inadvertently been confirmed as the new “Spider-Man 3″ villains ‘Venom’ & ‘Sandman’ by blabby star Kirsten Dunst . . . Rumor has it Christina Aguilera may become Mrs Jason Bratman as soon as THIS WEEKEND after she spent last weekend partying with girlfriends at the Palmilla resort in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico (during the bachelorette bash, she was spotted wearing a tiara that read, ‘Bride to Be’) . . . The only movie script Tupac Shakur ever wrote, “Live 2 Tell”, about a black teen from the projects who becomes a drug kingpin, is going into production NEXT YEAR (he penned it in 1995 with himself in mind for the lead) . . . And when new “Wild On …” host & infamous party viking Tara Reid recently cornered Usher at a Vegas bash and badgered him about writing  a song about her, he reportedly looked ‘terrified’ and slowly backed away (we always said he was a sharp dude).

• Bone Thugs-N-Harmony – Layzie Bone almost lost a finger when an irate fan who was upset over a canceled show tried to bite it off!
• Danielle Peck – The “I Don’t” singer/songwriter wrote her first song before she was 10 and used to make cassette labels for her imaginary ‘Danielle Peck Records’, complete with cover art. Then at 16 she joined the local Neon Moon Band & played bars in her hometown of Coshocton OH.
• Madonna – She just can’t seem to slow down. She’s still attending her regular Pilates class in London even though her arm’s still in a sling from her horseback riding accident.
• Mariah Carey – Reports say her masseuse gives her dog, Jack, private massages.  
• R Kelly – Earlier this month his wife Andrea was granted an emergency protective order to keep him away from her. That order has now expired but she’s hired one of Chicago’s top divorce attorneys, who says the couple are now separated and she’s moved out of their home.
• Ray Scott – The “My Kind Of Music” singer is also a songwriter who’s penned songs for Randy Travis (“Pray for the Fish”) and Clay Walker (“A Few Questions”).
• Ricky Martin – Word is his new CD actually sounds pretty good. The first single is titled “I Don’t Care”, a song very much in tune with today’s hot Bollywood funk numbers. It’s been  recorded in both Spanish and Spanglish and is being released to clubs before radio.

THIS WEEK scenes for the movie version of “The Da Vinci Code” are being shot at historic Rosslyn Chapel near Edinburgh, Scotland – the actual medieval church where the book’s final chapter takes place . . . Rolling Stone Mick Jagger is considering playing ex-Czech president Vaclav Havel in a biopic (the fact they’re close friends may have something to do with it) . . . Nicole Kidman will produce & star in a bigscreen version of Jules Bass’ comic novel, “Headhunters”, about 4 NJ women who fly to Monte Carlo and masquerade as heiresses in the hope of landing wealthy husbands (they end up falling prey to gigolos passing themselves off as wealthy playboys) . . . Sarah Michelle Gellar is set to play skin-flick star ‘Krysta Now‘ in “Southland Tales”, a look at the seedy world of X-rated movies co-starring The Rock, Seann William Scott, Justin Timberlake & Mandy Moore (we wonder – will we see ‘Buffy’ in the buff?) . . . Harrison Ford will star in the Civil War-era film “Manhunt”, portraying ‘Colonel Everton Conger’ who led the search for Abraham Lincoln’s assassin . . . Jim Carrey is in talks to star in “The Number 23″, a psychological thriller about a guy who becomes obsessed with a book that seems to be about his life – except it ends with a murder . . . And Catherine Zeta-Jones will star in “Mostly Martha”, playing a high-powered chef whose life is turned upside down when she becomes legal guardian of her young niece (nothing to do with Martha Stewart; it’s a remake of a German film).

Rockstar Games has announced it will release “Grand Theft Auto 3″, “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City”, and “Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas” in a single package for Xbox THIS FALL. The game-maker will also ship an exclusive “Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories” game for PSP on OCTOBER 24th. And just to cover all the bases, it will release an M-rated game based on Walter Hill’s 1979 film “The Warriors” for the new UMD format on OCTOBER 17th. (Bottom line – the ol’ family Christmas budget just got blown all to hell!)
– “The Bosh”

Not quite, but new products charging into the energy drink ring are probably making the folks at ‘Red Bull’ see red. Coca-Cola’s ‘Tab’ is back with a sporty make-over, and now ‘Spark Energy Drink’, fueled with more caffeine than a cup of coffee, is generating controversy for targeting 4 to 11-year-olds in its advertising. (Bottoms up … way up!)
– “LA.Comfidential”

A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 76% of married folks kiss their spouses before they leave the house.
• 60% of us describe our own physical appearance as ‘average’.
• 56% of us say that the weather affects our love-lives.
• 36% of guys say the first thing a man should do when a woman breaks it off is look her in the eye and smile.
• 29% of guys believe that by giving a box of chocolates, they will get lucky.
• 25% of Americans have appeared on television.
• 25% of Canadians regularly go 2 or more days without physically touching another person.
• 10% of couples getting hitched THIS YEAR plan to have a ‘destination wedding’.

Scientists from Mexico’s tequila-producing region say juice extracted from the blue agave (ah-gah-vay) plant, best known when distilled into the fiery spirit, may help dieters shed pounds and cut cholesterol. Sadly for the world’s growing band of tequila lovers, agave’s possible health benefits are lost when the plant is distilled into alcohol. (Too bad! There’s no margarita diet, after all.)
– Reuters

• A toothpick is the object most often choked on.
• The average person flexes finger joints 25 million times during their lifetime.
• The average person loses about 25-to-125 hairs a day.

“What’s Tom Cruise going to stand on?”
– Chris Rock when visiting Oprah Winfrey’s new set … which lacks a couch.


1935 [70] Jerry Lee Lewis (“Killer”), Ferriday LA, oldies rock ‘n roll singer (“Great Balls of Fire”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1989)

1961 [44] Tom Sizemore, Detroit MI, loser movie actor (“Black Hawk Down”) convicted of assaulting & harassing ex-girlfriend Heidi Fleiss and several charges for possession of a controlled substance

1970 [35] Danielle Spencer, Sydney, Australia, movie & TV actress (“Home & Away”)/Mrs Russell Crowe since 2003

TODAY is “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.” In the Middle Ages it celebrated the end of the harvest, when laborers were paid for their work with meat, fish, ale & good bread.

TODAY is “Pumpkin Day”, celebrating the orange member of the squash family best known for being carved into jack-o-lanterns or made into pie filling. It can also be boiled, sliced, fried, puréed or used in soups. The French make pumpkin jam and the Italians use it as a filling for sweet ravioli. Did you know that pumpkins are 90% water? Or that they were once recommended for removing freckles and curing snake bites?

TODAY–October 14th the 24th “Vancouver International Film Festival” reels. LAST YEAR over 150,000 film fans attended 500 screenings of over 300 films from more than 50 countries. The fest culminates with the presentation of the ‘People’s Choice Award’ for the most popular film.
PHONER: 604.685.0260

THIS MONTH is “Baby Safety Month”, a reminder to ‘baby-proof’ your home by checking car seats and cabinet latches, discarding old medications and sharp-edged toys, tying up the cords of mini-blinds and drapes, and making sure sleepwear is flame-retardant.

1994 [11] Adult film “John Wayne Bobbitt Uncut” premieres in Hollywood

1963 [42] Rolling Stones 1st-ever tour (opening act for Bo Diddley & Everly Bros)

1999 [06] Mariah Carey’s “Heartbreaker” becomes her 14th #1 single on the “Billboard” ‘Hot 100′, a feat surpassed only by the Beatles (20) and Elvis Presley (18)

1930 [75] 1st Canadian football game played under lights (Hamilton vs UBC)

1987 [18] Compaq introduces its leading edge ‘Laptop Computer’, using an Intel 386 processor, weighing 20 lbs, and costing $10,000

1995 [10] Cleveland Indians set Major League Baseball record for the ‘Largest Lead Over a 2nd-Place Team’ (28 games ahead of KC)

[Fri] Mud Pack Day
[Fri] “Into the Blue”, “Serenity” & “The Greatest Game Ever Played” open in movie theaters
[Fri-Oct 9] Okanagan Wine Festival [BC]
[Sat] World Beard & Moustache Championships [Berlin]
[Sat] Homemade Cookie Day
This Week Is . . . Roller Skating Week
This Month Is . . . Food Allergy Awareness Month


• Hard to get a shot of 50 Cent … cuz he keeps shooting back!
• Reese Witherspoon goes crying to the cops over every little swarming.
• You need a high-priced panoramic-view lens to get J-Lo from behind.
• No hazard pay for chasing horrific driver Scarlett Johansson.
• Whenever you get near enough for a Lindsay Lohan close-up, she pukes on your camera.
• Wearing that stupid Boy Scout uniform in order to get Michael Jackson’s pic.
• How would YOU feel if Kevin Federline called you ‘trash’?!?!

BS Q & A:
Q: What phrase is somehow used in every episode of “Desperate Housewives”?
A: The phrase, “So here’s the deal”.

Q: Which airport had the world’s first duty-free shopping: Shannon (Ireland), O’Hare     (Chicago) or Dorval (Montréal)?
A: Shannon Airport, which began duty-free sales way back in 1951.

Q: We’ve already hit ‘R’ for ‘Rita’ and the Atlantic hurricane season isn’t over yet. What would the storm after ‘Wilma’, THIS YEAR’s final scheduled name, be called?
A: ‘Alpha’. After the World Meteorological Organization gets through the 21 alphabetized names for storms, they start using letters from the Greek alphabet.

Q: Who was the first couple to be shown in bed together on primetime TV?
A: ‘Fred & Wilma Flintstone‘.

• The ‘Web Pages That Suck’ site mercilessly lampoons bad Websites and outlines what’s wrong with them. On the positive side, it actually offers some sage advice and free sources to help de-suck your site. There’s more than one radio station site that could use the help!
• You can purportedly talk to God in realtime at the ‘iGod’ Website set up by some keener at Concordia University in Montréal. It’s designed as a place to repent, but is useful in helping you make decisions. Ask it for the real weather forecast or who should win your contest.
• A 1-hour primetime TV special called “The Next Great Prime Minister” will air later THIS FALL, giving 18 to 29-year-old Canadians a forum to tell how they’d make Canada better, stronger and more prosperous. Candidates are asked to submit a 3 to 5-minute video with their ‘Prime Ministerial’ message in order to compete for the $50,000 1st-place cash prize. The deadline for entries is OCTOBER 7th. Contest rules are here …

May your life be like toilet paper … long and useful.

• What does a woman notice first when she looks at a guy? [According to a recent poll – his face (56%), his chest (21%), his eyes (12%), his buns (8%), and his legs (3%). Well, might as well throw out that codpiece.]
• Which makes a guy look hotter – scruffy or smooth?

Today’s Question: There are more than 30,000 different ways on record to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Diet.

Humans are #1 on the endangering species list.

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