Monday, September 26, 2005        Edition: #3123
Sheet Happens!

BS FROM THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
• Bad luck has found a constant companion in Brit actor Jude Law. While driving back home after spending a night in a London hotel, his car has collided with a courier on a motorcycle. Luckily no one was hurt in the incident.
– “National Enquirer”
• Meantime Law’s sometimes fiancée, actress Sienna Miller, attended her sister’s wedding on the weekend, escorted by one Archie Keswick, heir to the Jardine Matheson Hotels fortune. The tall, dark & handsome Keswick is said to be so rich he makes Jude look like a pauper.
– “News of the World “
• And if a rich new guy isn’t enough, it looks as if Sienna Miller could replace coked-out model Kate Moss as the new face of Burberry in ad campaigns.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• US First Lady Laura Bush has privately warned hubby George W against ‘falling off the wagon’ after she caught him red-handed downing a shot of booze. The 59-year-old prez, who’s often said he quit drinking the morning after his 40th birthday, has reportedly returned to the bottle for comfort while facing the biggest crisis of his political life, the Hurricane Katrina catastrophe.
– “National Enquirer”
• Word has it 42-year-old British journalist Martin Bashir is the surprise favorite to become the new host of ABC-TV’s prestigious late night news show “ABC News Nightline” whenever 65-year-old Ted Koppel retires. Bashir has been an ABC News correspondent since infamously interviewing Michael Jackson in 2003, the source of the charges that led to his trial.
– PopBitch.com
• FOX-TV’s new courtroom drama “Head Cases” has become the first canceled show of the new TV season after suffering poor reviews and low ratings.
– “E!”
• Christina Aguilera is so excited about getting married to music exec Jordan Bratman, she plans to spread the celebration over several days. Although the couple have yet to set a date, she says there’ll be a theme for each night and their love of Japanese culture will definitely shine through.
– “Us Weekly”
• Angelina Jolie has reportedly decided to give up her home in England and settle in Malibu CA … which Brad Pitt calls home. Angelina moved to the UK 3 years ago after falling in love with an 8-bedroom mansion in Fulmer while filming “Tomb Raider” at Pinewood Studios in 2001. It’s thought the $4-million hovel will soon be on the market. And word has it as soon as she finishes her latest movie, “The Good Shepherd”, she plans to take an entire year off.
– “News of the World”
• 19-year-old movie star Lindsay Lohan is trying to put on weight … because she’s fed up with having no cleavage. She recently sparked concern when she was photographed looking super-skinny, but now insists “I want my boobs back” and says she’s trying to plump up by working out with a trainer and eating healthily.
– “Star Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beach Boys – Brian Wilson has announced he will personally call to thank each person who gives $100 or more to hurricane relief through his Website until OCTOBER 1st.
NET: http://www.brianwilson.com
• INXS – Musical instruments & memorabilia from the reality show “Rock Star: INXS” are being auctioned through FRIDAY to benefit the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation.
NET: http://www.rockstar-Auctions.com
• Keith Urban – TONIGHT his 1st-ever concert DVD, “Livin’ Right Now”, premieres at 85 movie theaters, the night before it becomes available in stores. The concert was filmed during a 2-night stand at the Wiltern Theater in Los Angeles.
• Mindy McCready – The troubled country singer has been hospitalized after overdosing (again) on antidepressants following an argument with the father of her unborn child. She’s said to be in ‘fair condition’.
• Shaggy – TONIGHT he does the “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” on CBS-TV.
• Trisha Yearwood – TODAY she’s on the syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Weezer – TONIGHT they guest on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Willie Nelson – TODAY he opens his own concert theater, “Willie’s Place”, at Carl’s Corner Truck Stop, south of Dallas on I-35. The 850-seat facility will be a year-round live music venue.
Willie himself performs TONIGHT & tomorrow.

WOEFUL WINTER WARNING:
If the “Old Farmer’s Almanac” and its traditional ‘80% accurate’ weather forecasts are on the mark, you’d better brace for a winter that’s colder and snowier than normal in the northeastern part of the country, but milder-than-normal in the southwestern half of the country. The 2006 edition of the almanac, scheduled for release TOMORROW, suggests it’s going to be a tough winter. Published since 1792, the “Old Farmer’s Almanac” is said to be North America’s oldest continuously published periodical. It concocts its annual forecasts using a ‘secret formula based on sunspots, weather patterns and meteorology’. (Not to mention achy knees, fat caterpillars and a dartboard.)
– AP

WORMS GET THEIR DUE:
THIS WEEK a British university will begin an experiment which will use worms for allergy treatment. The experiment will test whether hookworms sucking the blood from the guts of allergy sufferers will be able to prime their immune systems so that they no longer react to allergens such grass, cat dander and dust mites. The allergy-fighting effect of the hookworm parasite was first discovered by accident in African patients and now clinical trials will begin to see if the technique can be used effectively in modern medicine. (Which would you rather have: sneezing attacks … or hookworms in your stomach?)
– “New Scientist”

LOOPY LINGO:
Do your eyes glaze over whenever some geek starts talking tech? Well don’t feel bad; most employees in offices have trouble understanding computer jargon. In a new poll of more than 1,500 office workers, fully three-quarters estimate they waste ‘more than an hour a week’ trying to decipher technical terms such as ‘JPEG’, ‘java script’ & ‘cookies’. (Funny, most have no trouble with the computer terms ‘eBay’, ‘Online Banking’, ‘Chat Room’ … and ‘naked’.)
– Newly-released Computer People survey.

CROOKED LITTLE MEN ARE CHEATED ON:
Women who fall in love with men who have asymmetrical body parts are attracted to other men at certain times of the month, specifically men whose ears, eyes & mouth all line up symmetrically. A University of New Mexico study finds that, while men tend to ust look for a younger partner to boost their reproductive success, women are different. When they’re fertile, they have an unconscious desire to seek out men with ‘better genes’. (Guys, if you have a lopsided smile, you better watch out!)
– “The Guardian”

SHE SAID IT:
“I don’t need to go into rehab but I’ll have to or it won’t look good.”
– Drug-addled model Kate Moss.

THE BULL SHEET 09.26.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [57] Olivia Newton-John, Cambridge UK [raised Melbourne, Australia], oldies singer (“I Honestly Love You”)/movie actress (“Grease”)

1955 [50] Carlene Carter (Rebecca Carlene Smith), Nashville TN, country singer (“The Sweetest Thing”)/June Carter Cash’s daughter/Johnny Cash’s step-daughter

1960 [45] Doug Supernaw, Bryan TX, country singer (“Reno”) who was arrested for assaulting a police officer, public intoxication & resisting arrest while celebrating his birthday 3 years ago

1968 [37] Jim Caviezel, Mount Vernon WA, movie actor (“The Passion of the Christ”)

1972 [33] Shawn Stockman, Philadelphia PA, R&B/pop singer (Boyz II Men-“The End of the Road”) who had 6 #1 hits in the ‘90s, including some of the longest-charted singles of all-time

1981 [24] Serena Williams, Saginaw MI, #9-ranked women’s tennis player/older sister Venus is currently ranked #7

1981 [24] Christina Milian, Jersey City NJ, pop singer (“Dip It Low”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY the 8-day “Apprentice Cruise” leaves NYC heading to the Caribbean on the re-christened “Trump World Legend” ship. Onboard passengers get to rub elbows with Donald Trump & past cast members from “The Apprentice” such as Bill, Stacie J and Raj, attend lectures on business and career topics, plus participate in ‘Apprentice-type’ activities and contests with the overall winner picking up $15,000. To experience this hell on water, people are paying at least $1,200 a pop.

TODAY is “National Food Service Employees Day”, honoring those dedicated folks who slop your plate full in the cafeteria each day.

TODAY through Thursday the annual “World Toilet Summit” sits in Belfast, Northern Ireland and is expected to attract delegates from around-the-world. Among the exciting activities – presentation of the “2005 Loo of the Year Award”, selected from nearly 900 entries.
NET: http://www.2005worldtoiletsummit.com
NET: http://www.loo.co.uk

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1964 [41] 1st episode of “Gilligan’s Island” (“Survivor” … 1960s-style)

1969 [36] 1st episode of TV’s “The Brady Bunch” (“Mike & Carol’s Wedding”)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1892 [113] 1st ‘Matchbook’ (Diamond Match Co)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1960 [45] ‘Longest Speech in United Nations History’ (4 hours, 29 minutes by Fidel Castro)

1983 [22] ‘Longest Winning Streak in Sports’ (132 years) comes to an end as challenger “Australia II” defeats the USA in “America’s Cup” yacht racing

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Ancestor Appreciation Day
[Tues] World Tourism Day
[Tues] CBS-TV’s “The Amazing Race: Family Edition” debuts
[Wed] Ask A Stupid Question Day
[Thurs-Oct 14] 24th “Vancouver International Film Festival”
[Thurs] Final season debut of NBC-TV’s “Will & Grace”

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Roller Skating Week / Chimney Safety Week / Banned Books Week – Celebrating the Freedom to Read / Minority Enterprise Development Week / Adult Immunization Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘QUICK-PICK QUIZ’:
• What causes the holes in Swiss cheese?
a. A special machine that puts them there.
b. Bacteria. [CORRECT. It emits gas bubbles which expand to form the holes.]
c. Mice.

• Why do divers spit into their masks before entering the water?
a. It’s just an old superstition thought to bring good luck.
b. So no one else will want to steal their diving mask.
c. To prevent it from fogging up. [CORRECT. Saliva contains a natural anti-fogging ingredient.]

• How did the ‘zipper’ get its name?
a. It’s named after its inventor, Franz Zipperman of Germany.
b. The name is meant to sound like the sound it makes when it’s used. [CORRECT]
c. Long before it was invented, ‘to zip’ was an English verb meaning ‘to close tightly’.
– “Imponderables”, by David Feldman.

BS INTERVIEW:
Somewhere along the mudflats of a Delaware River tributary in New Jersey is the spot where baseball’s ‘magic mud’ is mined, a location known only to a few and kept secret for decades. The unique mud is rubbed on every new baseball used by Major League teams to remove the sheen, soften seams, and give pitchers a better grip. So what’s so special about this mud compared to any other? How much can you make selling wet dirt? And how the heck did a Major League mud monopoly ever come about?
PHONER: 856.764.7501 (Jim Bintliff, Lena Blackburne Baseball Rubbing Mud, Delran NJ)
NET: http://www.baseballrubbingmud.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Rock Star: INXS” creator Mark Burnett is negotiating with CBS-TV to produce a 2nd edition of the show for NEXT SUMMER. Which has-been rock band in need of a singer should be featured? Queen? Van Halen? … Coldplay?

BS ‘HERE OR HEREAFTER’?
Did all their exercising prolong their lives? Run down this list of famous fitness instructors and have your contestant guess whether each is still doing reps or just pushing up daisies …
• Actress-turned-workout video queen Jane Fonda. [Alive at 67. Returned to the bigscreen this year in “Monster-In-Law”.]
• Former ‘97-pound weakling’ Charles Atlas. [Died 1972 at age 78.]
• Greg Smithey, creator of the “Buns of Steel” fitness videos. [Alive & 54. Unfortunately, he sold the entire series before it became hugely popular.]
• Billy Blanks, who popularized the “Tae Bo” workout. [Alive at 50.]
• Kathy Smith, who sold video workouts by the ton on infomercials. [Alive and 53-years-old.]
• “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” cheerleader Richard Simmons. [Alive and 57.]
• “Stop the insanity!” proponent Susan Powter. [Alive at 47.]
• Denise Austin, famous for “Hit the Spot Abs”. [Alive & 48.]
• Joseph Pilates, inventor of ‘ The Pilates Method’ of body conditioning. [Died in 1967, at the age of 87.]
• Former TV exercise guru Jack LaLanne. [Alive & 91-years-old TODAY.]

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• The new boss & I are really getting along … we’re just like 2 Black Eyed Peas in an iPod.
• I’m on the ‘Irish Whiskey Diet’. Already I’ve lost 3 days!
• You know, I’d let my child home-school if I weren’t so leery of the teacher.
• Things sure have changed. Roe vs Wade is now all about deciding how to get back to your house in New Orleans.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When it comes to THIS, the average woman has had the same one for the past 14 years.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Best friend.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The nice thing about being late is that you might as well slow down.

WELCOME NEWBIES:
Kudos to Country 105 [CKQM] Peterborough ON and 91.9 Bob-FM [CKLY] Lindsay ON, both back for another full year subscription to “The Bull Sheet”. We also welcome samplers this week that include Steve Rowney @  X-Rock 97.5 Stoke-on-Trent UK, Matt Porteous @ 99.3 The Drive [CKDV] Prince George BC, Eric Knight @ Hot Country 105.9 [KMIT] Mitchell SD; Alan Wells @ Classic Rock 106.5 [WSFL] Greenville NC; Helen Batchelor @ WCR [Wolverhampton Campus Radio] Wolverhampton UK; Jillian Shankles @ The Country Twins [KYDT] Belle Fourche SD; Jay Shannon @ 100.5 The Wolf [KSWF] Springfield MO; Keith Andrews@ Fox FM [CFGW] Yorkton SK; and Terry Cash @ Pittsburgh’s Progressive FM 92.1 [WPTS] Pittsburgh PA. Remember, we’ll bonus you ONE MONTH FREE of service for each and every new “BS” subscriber you refer!


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