Wednesday, September 21, 2005        Edition: #3120
Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

TONIGHT “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” debuts on NBC-TV, with Martha’s daughter Alexis & Charles Koppelman, the CEO of her board, helping advise her on who should get the ol’ heave-ho (“You just don’t fit in!”) . . . TONIGHT ABC-TV’s Emmy-winning drama “Lost” returns for its highly anticipated 2nd season, serving as a strong lead-in for the debut of “Invasion”, a sci-fi series about an alien influx that follows a Florida hurricane (it was decided to proceed with the show even in the wake of Hurricane Katrina because the hurricane isn’t the focus of the series, just the event that sets the story in motion) . . . Swedish clothing chain H&M has decided it will drop a planned ad campaign featuring model Kate Moss after she admitted to using cocaine (likely just the beginning of employers jumping off the bandwagon) . . . Meantime, Moss is said to have ended her relationship with drugged-out Babyshambles rocker Pete Doherty (again), reportedly for the sake of her 2-year-old daughter (take away her parenting license!) . . . PETA zealot Heather Mills McCartney has pitched (another) fit after discovering that Jennifer Lopez wears a pair of false eyelashes made from real mink in the video for her new tune “Hold You Down” (live caterpillars work better) . . . Philandering actor Jude Law had to flee backstage to on & off girlfriend Sienna Miller’s dressing room after fans at her West End play in London booed at him when he showed up for a performance . . . Promotion of the year? To hype its new drama “Commander in Chief”, starring Geena Davis as the first female president (debuting SEPTEMBER 27th), ABC-TV got permission from the US Treasury Department to circulate an undisclosed number of dollar bills with stickers of Davis’ face covering up George Washington’s . . . And Paula Abdul may be more than just dating Dante Spencer – a source says the “American Idol” judge is engaged to the hunky much-younger male model (cradle robber!).

• Backstreet Boys – TONIGHT they’re on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” on ABC-TV.
• Bon Jovi – TODAY he does the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.
• Lifehouse – TONIGHT they guest on NBC-TV’s “Last Call With Carson Daly.
• Maroon 5 – TODAY they visit the “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Steve Winwood – TONIGHT the classic rocker is on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Sting – He & wife Trudie Styler have begun a new entrepreneurial venture producing honey & olive oil on their estate in Italy, which they plan to market at upscale London department store Harrods beginning NEXT YEAR.
• Trisha Yearwood – TONIGHT she’s a guest on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• White Stripes – Word has it Jack White infuriated new wife, model Karen Elson, by dashing off to be by ex-girlfriend Renee Zellweger’s side after her marriage breakup with Kenny Chesney.

Men are better at losing weight than women, at least according to a new study. In 12 weeks, 91% of men who took part in the research lost 5% of their body weight compared to only 53% of women. (Why? We can sum it up in one word – chocolate.)
– “Slimming Magazine”

Think real estate has gone through the roof where you live? In Ireland, house prices have tripled in just 7 years. Check out this recent listing: 10 ft-wide, 280 sq-ft former toolshed. Built of red brick in the 1970s to fill a gap in the middle of a row of Victorian houses in what was once Dublin’s poorest neighborhood. No yard; no downstairs windows. Sold … at slightly under $270,000!
– Reuters

Researchers say that men who have lots of lovers are exposed to high levels of male hormones in their mother’s womb. They claim the level of testosterone a baby boy is exposed to in the womb determines how sexually promiscuous he will be. The higher the testosterone level, the more sexual partners he will have. (So [co-host], seems mommy had NO testosterone, huh?)
– “Science”

• ‘Bumvertising’ – A new form of advertising trademarked by Ben Rogovy of Seattle WA in which roadside beggars are paid to flash product signs at motorists. The vagrants get a bit of food & water, plus $1-to-$5, according to the traffic patterns where they set up shop. (Instead of CPM [cost per thousand], this marketing’s measured in ‘CPB’.)
• ‘Spinach Cinema’ – A movie that’s supposedly ‘good for you’, but you dread having to see it. (For more information see “March of the Penguins”.)
• ‘Biofraud’ – The fraudulent manipulation of data in a biological study or survey. These days, virtually every scientific study has some bias, depending on who funded it. (“4 out of 5 doctors say …”)

Psychologists at Harvard University have found that 5-year-olds are able to grasp numeric abstractions and arithmetic concepts even without the formal education or language to express this knowledge in words. The discovery of these inborn skills among preschoolers could point the way to new teaching techniques, making arithmetic easier and more pleasant for elementary school students. (Math facts any 5-year-old knows – cats throw up 2 times their body weight when dizzy; 1 kid is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.)

Surgeons at the Cleveland Clinic are set to interview a shortlist of patients hoping to be first to receive a ‘face transplant’. A patient whose face is hopelessly disfigured will be chosen to have it totally removed and replaced with another taken from – a cadaver. It will be matched for tissue type, age, sex & skin tone. The odds that the landmark operation will work is said to be around 50%. But even if it does, the recipient will have to take powerful anti-rejection drugs for life, which carry long-term health risks. (Which dead person’s face would you want?)
– BBC News

You soon may be able to leave your wallet at home and use your cellphone to purchase things.
The concept has already taken hold in Japan, where NTT DoCoMo says its ‘Mobile Wallet Service’ now has 3 million users. Here’s how’s it works …
1. You register online for the service.
2. You transfer money into your cellphone account so you can use it like a debit card.
3. When you’re ready to buy something, you pull out your cell and call the service. You key in your PIN followed by the ‘location code’, a short number posted in the store. Then you simply give the cashier the last 4 digits of your cell number.
So what’s the advantage? Access: These days, most people always carry their cellphones with them. Security: No possibility of identity theft by exposing your credit card info. Several companies are looking at providing the service, including Massachusetts-based MobileLime. (What else should your cellphone be able to do?)
– “News-Times”

An Australian man built up a 40,000-volt charge of static electricity in his clothes as he walked, leaving a trail of scorched carpet and molten plastic and forcing firefighters to evacuate a building. Frank Clewer, who was wearing a wool shirt and synthetic nylon jacket, was oblivious to the growing electrical current that was building up as his clothes rubbed together. When he walked into a building in the country town of Warrnambool in the state of Victoria, the electrical charge ignited the carpet. (Wasn’t he in “Fantastic Four”?)
– Yahoo! News


1934 [71] Leonard Cohen, Montréal QC, Canadian icon/songwriter (“Bird on a Wire”) who filed suit against his longtime manager in AUGUST for gross misappropriation of funds/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1991)/Companion of the Order of Canada (2003)
1947 [58] Stephen King, Portland ME, scary author (“The Shining”)/first major author to release books on the Internet

1950 [55] Bill Murray, Wilmette IL, movie actor (2004 Oscar nomination-“Lost in Translation”)

1957 [48] Ethan Coen, Minneapolis MN, movie producer/director/writer (Oscar-“Fargo”)

1967 [38] Faith Hill, Jackson MS, country superstar (“Mississippi Girl”)/sometime movie actress (“The Stepford Wives”)/Mrs Tim McGraw since 1996 (3 children)

1967 [38] Tyler Stewart, Newmarket ON, pop drummer (Barenaked Ladies-“One Week”)

1971 [34] Luke Wilson, Dallas TX, movie actor (“Old School”)/brother of actor Owen Wilson

1972 [33] Liam Gallagher, Burnage UK, rock singer/professional a–hole (Oasis-“Wonderwall”)

1981 [24] Nicole Richie (Escovedo), Berkeley CA, TV personality (“The Simple Life”)/engaged to DJ AM (Adam Goldstein)

TODAY is the “Last Day of Summer” in the Northern Hemisphere. THURSDAY the equinox occurs at 6:23 pm EDT, marking the beginning of “Autumn” in the Northern Hemisphere and the start of “Spring” in the Southern Hemisphere. Day and night will be approximately equal in duration.

TODAY is “Miniature Golf Day”. The first mini-golf was the ‘Tom Thumb Golf Course’ built in 1929 in Chattanooga TN by John Garnet Carter. Nowadays there’s a ‘Professional Miniature Golf Association’ that holds the ‘PMGA Championship’ each year. (Try some golf-whisper play-by-play: “Oooooh, looks like he’s got a bad lie underneath the windmill … “). Check out the mini-golf ‘pro shop’ here, complete with ‘Into the Clown’s Mouth’ T-shirts …

TODAY is “World Gratitude Day”, designed to ‘unite all people in a positive emotion of gratitude, creating a world community’. (Another observance from the ‘Association of the Hopelessly Over-Optimistic’.)

1937 [68] JRR Tolkien’s “The Hobbit” is first published

1993 [12] “NYPD Blue” premieres on ABC-TV with an ‘adult language’ and ‘nudity’ advisory (due to Dennis Franz’s butt)

1985 [20] “Money For Nothing” by Dire Straits reaches #1 on pop singles charts

1929 [76] 1st legal ‘Forward Pass’ in Canadian football (by Calgary vs Edmonton)

1970 [35] 1st “Monday Night Football” game on ABC-TV as NY Jets beat Cleveland Browns 31-21 (Who’s in the booth? Play-by-play announcer Keith Jackson, analyst Don Meredith & commentator Howard Cosell)

1995 [10] Canadian Mint unveils design for new $2-coin that includes a polar bear (soon becomes known as the ‘toony’, twony, ‘toonie’, ‘tooney’ or ‘twonie’ – how do YOU spell it?)

2003 [02] Detroit Tigers lose their 117th game of the season vs Minnesota Twins, tying futility record set by the Philadelphia Athletics … in 1915

[Thurs] “Apprentice 4″ season premiere
[Thurs] Dear Diary Day
[Thurs] Elephant Appreciation Day
[Thurs] Centenarians Day
[Fri] Native American Day
[Sat] 2005 National Book Festival [Washington DC]
[Sat] Operation Ceasefire Concert [Washington DC]
[Sat] Hunting & Fishing Day
[Sun] Comic Book Day
[Mon-Sept 29] World Toilet Summit [Belfast, Northern Ireland]
This Week Is . . . Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Bed Check Month


• “If you don’t stop that this instant, I’ll have Grandma perform another striptease for you.”
• “Do you want me to put a tofu burrito in your pants? Well, do you?”
• “Bobby John, you finish them chores or Sis ain’t goin’ to the prom with ya!”
• “Eat your brussels sprouts or Mommy won’t love you anymore.”
• “As long as you live under this roof you’re going to wear that dress, young man!”
• “You just wait till your father gets paroled!”
• “Don’t make me put you back in the womb!”

Are the following statements about hair true or just a load of hooey?
• The first hair spray was developed in the 16th century so Queen Elizabeth I could maintain her bonnet-style ‘do. (BS. L’Oreal introduced the 1st hair spray, called ‘Elnett’, in 1960.)
• During the Renaissance, fashionable Italian women shaved their hair several inches back
from their natural hairline. (TRUE. Check out the ‘Mona Lisa’.)
• Many insects hear with their hair. (TRUE)
• Yarn spun from animal hair is called ‘skein’. (BS. Does the word ‘wool’ ring a bell?)
• If the normal 100-thousand hairs on a human head were woven into a rope, it could support a weight of over 12 tons. (TRUE)
• Rabbits are born hairless. (TRUE … but hares are born covered with fur.)
• George Clooney made his movie debut at age 18 with a bit part in the 1979 bigscreen version of the rock musical “Hair”. (BS. His first movie was the 1987 B-movie fright-flick, “Return to Horror High”, according to Internet Movie DataBase.)
• The world’s smallest known primate is the ‘hairy-eared dwarf lemur’. (TRUE. The native of Madagascar weighs just 3-and-a-half ounces.)

• What do starving children think about all the fruits & vegetables we use on our hair?
• How come the most ‘popular’ people at school are the ones that everyone hates?
• How can you ‘chop up’ a tree that’s just been ‘chopped down’?
• When a marriage is annulled, can we demand a recall on wedding presents?
• If aliens land, will we get the day off work?
• Is a friend somebody who knows you well … but likes you anyway?

Today’s Question: It is believed that THIS is the most widely used food in the world.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The onion.

If you have to do it, you might as well want to.

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