Tuesday, September 20, 2005        Edition: #3119
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT either JD Fortune, Marty Casey or Mig Ayesa will be named the new lead singer for INXS as the Aussie ’80s band makes its final choice for a new frontman on the finalé of CBS-TV’s “Rock Star: INXS” (TODAY the CD “Rock Star: Live at the Mayan Theater” is in stores, a compilation of performances from the show’s final 6 singers) . . . TONIGHT on ABC-TV’s “Dancing With the Stars: Dance-Off”, John O’Hurley & partner Charlotte Jorgensen try to beat champs Kelly Monaco & Alex Mazo in a 90-minute ballroom dancing rematch (results of audience voting to be announced THURSDAY) . . . TONIGHT NYC’s Madison Square Garden hosts the hurricane relief concert “From the Big Apple to the Big Easy”, featuring Elton John, Rod Stewart, Lenny Kravitz, Simon & Garfunkel, Bette Midler, John Fogerty, Elvis Costello, Stevie Nicks, Jimmy Buffett & many others (available on pay-per-view) . . . TONIGHT Rosie O’Donnell joins the Broadway cast of “Fiddler on the Roof”, replacing Tony-winning actress Andrea Martin as ‘Golde‘ opposite Harvey Fierstein’s ‘Tevye’ . . . TONIGHT actresses Charlize Theron, Laura Linney, Shirley MacLaine & Rachel Weisz receive ‘Hollywood Icon Awards’ at “Premiere” magazine’s 12th annual “Premiere Women in Hollywood” gala (Lindsay Lohan wins the ‘Spotlight Award’ for emerging talent) . . . Actor Russell Crowe is in negotiations to buy an Australian football team called the South Sydney Rabbitohs, a squad that won a lengthy court battle to be re-admitted to the National Rugby League in 2002 (it’s said the name originated from players catching & selling rabbits for extra income back in the Depression era ) . . . Latest buzz about Renee Zellweger & Kenny Chesney is that she decided to dump her 4-month husband because he didn’t share her dream of starting a family (hon, shouldn’t you talk about this stuff ahead of time?) . . . Britain’s Hollywood-style walk of fame, ‘The Avenue of the Stars‘, has been unveiled in London’s Covent Garden with 100 plaques, featuring celebs like The Beatles, Sean Connery & Hugh Grant . . . Late actor Marlon Brando’s posthumously published pulp fiction pirate novel “Fan-Tan” is in bookstores THIS WEEK (and you can bet a screenwriter somewhere is already working on the movie!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee & Jessica Simpson – A planned photo shoot for the cover of “Rolling Stone” magazine has apparently gone awry. Seems there was some sort of snit between the photog and Jessica’s hairdresser. And the sisters were less than thrilled with the concept of the shoot: the two of them mud-wrestling while surrounded by other female grapplers.
• Pussycat Dolls – TODAY they appear on syndicated TV’s “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Trace Adkins – TONIGHT he’ll appear as himself on the debut of the new NBC-TV sitcom “My Name is Earl”.

TODAY’S MUSIC RELEASES:
• “Music From & Inspired by Desperate Housewives”, featuring Shania Twain’s “Shoes” (first single off the album), Anna Nalick (“Band of Gold”), Liz Phair (“Mother’s Little Helper”), Martina McBride (“Harper Valley PTA”), Sara Evans (“One’s on the Way”), Macy Gray (“Boom Boom”) & kd lang (“Dreams of the Everyday Housewife”) & others.
• “Ray Charles Pure Genius: The Complete Atlantic Recordings 1952-1959”, an 8-CD box set
featuring 165 tracks, including 27 unreleased or rare cuts.
• “Live at the Santa Barbara Bowl”, a Maroon 5 performance that includes their hits “She Will Be Loved” and “This Love”, plus the previously unreleased original tune “Wasted Years”.
• Also in stores TODAY: Bon Jovi’s “Have a Nice Day”; Disturbed’s “Ten Thousand Fists”; “So Amazing … An All-Star Tribute to Luther Vandross”; and Ryan Cabrera’s “You Stand Watching”.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “The Longest Yard” (Comedy – DVD): Adam Sandler stars in this remake of the 1974 Burt Reynolds comedy as a disgraced pro football quarterback sent to prison for car theft and put in charge of organizing convicts into a gridiron squad to take on the guards. Reynolds returns as a veteran player-turned-coach. Chris Rock, James Cromwell & Nelly co-star.
• “Desperate Housewives: The Complete First Season” (TV Series Compilation – DVD): Includes an alternate ending to the season finalé, unrated extended episodes, a documentary on the “Housewives” phenomenon, and a ‘Wisteria Lane’ fashion show.
• “The Adventures of Sharkboy & Lavagirl in 3-D” (Family – DVD): Based on the intergalactic journeys and superhero stories created by director Robert Rodriguez’s 7-year-old son, Racer Max.
• “No Direction Home: Bob Dylan” (Musical Documentary – DVD): Director Martin Scorsese surveys the career of Bob Dylan up until 1966 in a 3.5-hour doc made for public TV.
• “Inside Deep Throat” (Documentary – DVD): An examination of the lasting cultural impact of the explicit but otherwise innocuous $25,000 skin-flick made by hairdresser-turned-adult filmmaker Gerard Damiano in 1972. Narrated by actor Dennis Hopper.
• “Born Into Brothels” (Documentary – DVD): A portrait of several unforgettable children who live in the red light district of Calcutta, India where their mothers are prostitutes. NYC photojournalist Zana Briski discovers beauty can be found in the most unlikely places.

ON AVERAGE:
• The average woman has had the same best friend for the past 14 years.
• The average adult spends 100 hours a year driving to-and-from work.
• The average person will spend 347 nights of their life in a hotel or motel.

LIVING LARGE MEANS LIVING LESS:
New stats show that women who engage in activities traditionally associated with men (working long hours, smoking & binge-drinking) die sooner. Though women can still expect to live longer, the gender gap for life expectancy has narrowed to just 4.5 years – the smallest difference in 30 years.
– “Daily Telegraph” / ANI

MORE BLOWHARDS:
Researchers from the Georgia Institute of Technology and the National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR) say that even though the total number of hurricanes worldwide has dropped since the 1990s, the number of Category 4 and 5 hurricanes (such as Hurricane Katrina) has nearly doubled over the past 35 years. Batten down the hatches!
– ANI

BEST JOBS FOR PICKING UP WOMEN:
10. Personal Trainer
9. Airline Pilot
8. Fashion Designer
7. Lifeguard
6. Actor
5. Dance Instructor
4. Talent Scout
3. Doctor
2. Bartender
1. Singles Resort Employee
– AskMen.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries.
• The most common injury to the eye comes from scratching it with a mascara wand.
• A ‘quidnunc’ is a person who is eager to know the latest news & gossip.
• More people die of coconut injuries every year than parachute injuries. That’s why you don’t see local people in the tropics sitting under coconut trees.
• With certain kinds of scents, a woman’s sense of smell is up to 100 times more powerful than a man’s.

WIDE WORLD OF WEIRDNESS:
• On the side of the 5,000-ft Colletto Fava Mountain in northern Italy, a Viennese art group called Gelatin has designed & erected – an enormous pink bunny. It’s supposed to make you feel small, like ‘Gulliver’. The 200-ft-long plush toy is not just to look at; it’s expected that hikers will want to climb its 20-ft sides and relax on its soft belly. The big bunny is expected to remain on the mountainside until 2025.
• Ever wonder why they only pave roads on hot, dry days? Drivers traveling on Germany’s A-20 autobahn found out. More than 200 vehicles became stuck when heavy rain turned freshly-laid tarmac into sticky sludge. Those that didn’t will have major damage because spattered fresh asphalt cannot easily be removed when it dries.
• The Zagreb Zoo in Croatia is offering the complete animal experience – by locking visitors up in cages! The move is to allow humans to empathize with beasts by viewing the world from their vantage point. Inside each cage is a note above a mirror reading: ‘The most dangerous beast on the planet.’
• The ‘Text Mary’ project has become a huge fad in the Philippines. Thousands of Catholic faithful text in their prayer requests for lotto winnings, jobs & lovers. The prayers are then added to the daily mass in churches and to the prayer list of Carmelite nuns. Each prayer costs around 5 cents, with proceeds going to help the poor.

SHE SAID IT:
“The first thing I check out on a guy is his hands. I imagine them picking up a baby.”
– Jennifer Garner, who’s pregnant … at the hands of Ben Affleck.

WOMEN’S TOP DREAM TOPICS:
5. A Kiss.
4. Anxiety.
3. Boy(s).
2. Love.
1. An Ex-Boyfriend.
– “Glamour”

THE BULL SHEET 09.20.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [71] Sophia Loren (Scicolone), Pozzuoli, Italy, movie actress (Oscar-“Two Women”, 1991 Honorary Academy Award)

1979 [26] Rick Woolstenhulme, Gilbert AZ, rock drummer (Lifehouse-“Hanging By a Moment”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Student Day”, honoring the ‘diligence & hard work’ of students everywhere. Snort!

TODAY is “UN International Day of Peace”. Yeah, that’ll make it happen … throw a special day.

THIS WEEK is “National Dog Week”, celebrating ‘mankind’s best friend’.

THIS WEEK is “National Singles Week”, celebrating the lifestyle that gives you freedom to do whatever you want without getting permission from someone else.
BS PERKS OF BEING SINGLE:
• Sleeping diagonally on the bed.
• Using up all the hot water in the shower.
• If you win a trip for 2, you can go twice!
• The last cold beer is always yours.
• Absolutely no conflict if you fall in love with someone else.
• None of those annoying demands for yucky sex.
(Ask listeners for other advantages of being single.)

THIS WEEK is “Religious Freedom Week”, which commemorates the First Amendment to the US Constitution that guarantees an individual’s right to practice their religious beliefs without fear. (As long as it’s MY religion.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1946 [59] “Cannes Film Festival” debuts on the French Riviera (worlds top-ranked, ahead of Toronto)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1917 [88] 1st Canadian income tax begins as ‘temporary war measure’ (um, is the war over yet?)

1921 [84] 1st ‘radio newscast’ airs (KDKA Pittsburgh PA)

1995 [10] 1st team to clinch National League’s new ‘Central’ division (great trivia question – it was the Cincinnati Reds)

1998 [07] In a surgical 1st, doctors in Lyon, France sew a donor’s hand onto a man whose own had been amputated in an accident 14 years previously (“My god, I can clap again!”)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Miniature Golf Day
[Wed] World Gratitude Day
[Wed] “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” debuts
[Thurs] “The Apprentice 4″ season premiere
[Thurs] Autumn begins (6:23 pm EDT)
[Fri-Oct 9] 43rd “New York Film Festival”

[Fri] Native American Day
This Week Is . . . Balance Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Self-Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
WHAT YOU ‘FAVORITES’ FOLDER SAYS ABOUT YOU:

Try doing a personality reading of a co-worker, studio guest or phone caller by interpreting what the Websites mean that appear as ‘Favorites’ on their computer. For instance, the presence of Amazon.com might mean they’re into music & books. ItalyTourism.com might indicate they’re going on a European vacation. You can also spot characteristics by the way people organize their favorites. Someone with sorted sub-folders that are categorized too neatly is also likely to file music CDs in strict alphabetical order … and probably has sock dividers in dresser drawers.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• You know, what we could really use is freedom FROM the press.
• The amazing thing about kids is how, despite the disadvantage of having no income, they can generate their own weight in trash every day.

WHAT WOMEN ARE READING THIS MONTH:
• REDBOOK ….
– “The 13 Moves That Drive Guys Totally Wild”
– “Fall For Your Guy (All Over Again) this Autumn”
• CHATELAINE …
– “No More Bad Hair Days!”
• LADIES’ HOME JOURNAL …
– “8 Tasty Ways to Cut the Fat”
– “How to Grow Your Hair Out”
• CLEO …
– “Dream Guy … Bad in Bed. Here’s How to Fix Him.”
• COSMOPOLITAN …
– “His Sexiest Time of Day”
– “How to Achieve the New Fuller, Face-Flattering Brow Shape”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women are more likely to smile than men while doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Giving bad news.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
What you don’t do is always more important than what you do do.


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