Monday, September 19, 2005        Edition: #3118
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

WEEKEND TABLOID TRASH:
• Here’s the latest on the Renee Zellweger-Kenny Chesney bust-up: Her publicist says the marriage is being ‘annulled’. His publicist says the couple’s decision to split is ‘mutual’. According to court papers, Renee lists ‘fraud’ as the reason behind the break-up but in a statement, she says that’s simply legal language and not a reflection of Kenny’s character. They first met at JANUARY’s “Concert of Hope” tsunami fundraiser, then wed in a beach ceremony in the Virgin Islands on May 9th, following a quickie romance.
– “People” / “Daily Dish”
• Also on the outs: 32-year-old former “Beverly Hills 90210″ star Tori Spelling has split from her 6-years-younger playwright-husband Charlie Shanian after about a year of wedded hell. They’ve apparently been living apart since AUGUST.
– “Star Magazine”
• 31-year-old UK fashion model Kate Moss has vowed to go into rehab to save her health, career & family. She’s also apologized to clothing retailer H&M for her drug use. Last week, a UK tabloid printed pics from an undercover video showing Moss snorting lines of cocaine with on & off boyfriend Pete Doherty and other members of the rock group Babyshambles. But the apology may not be enough to gave her modeling gig … the Swedish retailer demands its models be ‘healthy, wholesome & sound’. Moss also has contracts with Christian Dior, Chanel and Burberry, none of which have commented on the drug scandal.
–  “Daily Mirror “ / “NY Daily News”
• Speaking of drug abuse: Courtney Love has been sentenced to 180 days in jail for violating probation but will serve her time in a live-in treatment center. An LA judge says she’s being spared jail time because of the headway she’s making in rehab. She’s currently living at a lock-down substance abuse facility.
– “Billboard”
• Steven Spielberg’s terrorist drama “Munich” and Ang Lee’s controversial “Brokeback Mountain” have emerged as the front-runners for ‘Best Film’ at the upcoming 2006 “Academy Awards”, according to movie industry odds Website GoldDerby.com.
– World Entertainment News Network

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aretha Franklin – The heavyweight ‘Queen of Soul’ is hopeful the Jenny Craig Diet will aid her desperate mission to lose weight. She says her biggest problem is not eating healthy while on the road.
• BB King – TONIGHT the just-turned-80 blues great does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Brooks & Dunn – The Country Music Association has presented Kix Brooks with a crystal gavel in honor of his service as chairman of the CMA Board of Directors.
• Franz Ferdinand – Frontman (and former chef) Alex Kapranos has begun a weekly food column in the UK newspaper “The Guardian”. Called “Soundbites”, it will follow the band’s food-related adventures as they travel the world in their upcoming tour.
• Gretchen Wilson – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS-TV.
• John Lennon – Audiences for “Lennon” have dipped to an average of 40% capacity so the Broadway show will shut its doors THIS WEEK after only 49 regular performances.
• Keith Anderson – His new music video for “XXL” will feature cameos by Motley Crue’s Tommy Lee and former NFL player Eddie George of the Tennessee Titans.
•  Lil’ Kim – TODAY she begins her 366-day sentence for lying to a federal grand jury about the details of a 2001 shooting involving her posse outside a NYC radio station. She’s already successfully pitched a reality TV show that will track her fresh start after her release.
• Michael Jackson – While his people continue to tout the ‘big names’ he’s invited to record his Hurricane Katrina benefit song (Mariah Carey, James Brown, Snoop Dogg, Jay-Z, Mary J Blige, Missy Elliott, Lenny Kravitz, R Kelly, Ciara), it’s significant to note that many have yet to give their official acceptance.
• Prince – He’s released the new tracks “SST” and “Brand New Orleans” via download Website iTunes. All funds from their sales go to Red Cross hurricane relief efforts.
• Pussycat Dolls – Jessica Sutta says she was forced to give up her dream of becoming a ballerina … because her boobs got too big.

FOR THE RECORD:
Suresh Joachim of Toronto has broken the Guinness World Record for ‘Longest Time Spent Watching TV’. He finished FRIDAY after a total of 69 hours, 48 minutes.

CLOTHES PIN-TURNED-FORECASTER:
Taking time to give your laundry outdoor freshness by air-drying it on a clothesline the old-fashioned way gets even tougher when it’s doused by unexpected rain. But all that wasted effort may soon be a thing of the past. A British design student has developed a new clothes pin that knows when rain is imminent. When air pressure indicates precipitation is on the way, the hi-tech peg simply won’t open!
– ANI

THE BEST OF THE TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Swimming Pig Saves Boy from Watery Grave!”
• “Dead Grandfather’s Image Appears on Ultrasound of Fetus!”
• “Scientist Clones Husband – Then Marries the Younger Version!“
• “Planet-Dissolving Dust Cloud Is Headed Toward Earth!”
• “World’s First Canine Face-Lift!”

DID YOU KNOW?
William Shakespeare was the first to call a coward a ‘chicken’. Shakespeare is given credit by scholars for introducing as many as 10,000 words and phrases into written language, including ‘skim milk’, ‘alligator’, and ‘hobnob’. But it’s not at all certain that he made that many words up. Most were probably common terms of his time which he was merely first to use in written form in his plays and poems. Some scholars give him credit for thousands but others say he actually coined only a few hundred.
– “Social Studies”

COUGH YOUR WAY TO POPULARITY:
A new study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health shows that popular kids are more likely to be smokers. University of Southern California researchers measured popularity by the number of times a student was named as a ‘friend’ by other students. Students were defined as ‘smokers’ if they had ever smoked, and ‘susceptible to smoking’ if they refused to rule out smoking in their future. Popular students led both categories.
– ANI

WEALTHIEST AUSTRALIAN CELEBS:
A new ranking of the fabulous fortunes of famous Aussies under 40 in US dollars …
3. Russell Crowe ($33 million)
2. [Tie] Kylie Minogue / Elle MacPherson ($45 million)
1. Nicole Kidman ($119 million)
– “Australian Business Review Weekly”

ADD ANOTHER TO YOUR BASKET OF REMOTES:
Nintendo has unveiled a 1-handed remote controller that’s stolen the spotlight from Microsoft’s latest Xbox at “Tokyo Game Show 2005″. The innovation breaks with more than 20 years of video game history by abandoning the traditional controller held with 2 hands and introducing an all-new freehand-style unit held with one. Using separate controllers, several players will now be able to compete against each other simultaneously.
– “The Bosh”

AND WE QUOTE:
• “Nobody has achievements like this, Peter. I can say that to you objectively. You cannot name a Canadian prime minister who has done as many significant things as I did, because there are none.”
– Former PM Brian Mulroney blowing his own horn in Peter C Newsman’s new book “The Secret Mulroney Tapes”. Preliminary sales figures suggest it’s already a bestseller.
• “I think I may need a bathroom break? Is this possible?”
– A note scrawled in pencil by George W Bush at the largest-ever gathering of world leaders in NYC to mark the UN’s 60th anniversary. It was accidentally captured by a photographer’s zoom lens.

THE BULL SHEET 09.19.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [81] Don Harron, Toronto ON, TV actor (‘Charlie Farquharson’)/playwright (“Anne of Green Gables”)/Order of Canada (1980)

1940 [65] Sylvia (Fricker) Tyson, Chatham ON, folk/country singer (Ian & Sylvia-“Four Strong Winds”)/songwriter (“You Were On My Mind”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1992)/CCMA Hall of Fame (2003)

1948 [57] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (1991 Academy Award-“Reversal of Fortune”)

1951 [54] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer/songwriter/music producer (U2, Peter Gabriel, Gordon Lightfoot)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)

1963 [42] Jeff Bates, Bunker Hill MS, country singer (“Good People”)

1964 [41] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, country singer (“Georgia Rain”)/Garth Brooks’ girlfriend

1974 [31] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Fever Pitch)/former TV actor (“Saturday Night Live” 1998-2004)

1977 [28] Ryan Dusick, LA CA, pop drummer (Maroon 5-”This Love”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY, apparently for no particular reason, is “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers! Kinda fun, ain’t it?

TODAY is “Evaluate Your Life Day”. (Followed by ‘Drink Till You Forget What a Loser You Are Night’.)

TODAY is “National Vision Rehabilitation Day”. (Mom warned you you’d go blind!)

THIS WEEK is “National Dog Week”. A recent study shows that men who are crazy about dogs make better fathers. The research suggests that dog lovers exhibit more love for their children and spend more time with them.

THIS WEEK is also “Farm Animals Awareness Week”. Every day, 6 million tons of manure hit the ground behind farm animals in North America. That’s enough manure to fill a creek 50 feet wide, 10 feet deep, and 70 miles long!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [11] Hospital drama “ER” debuts on NBC-TV

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1981 [24] Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel reunite for a free concert that attracts 500,000 to NYC’s Central Park

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1649 [356] 1st tavern in Canada opens in Québec City, featuring a powerful brew called ‘spruce beer’ (customers who drink too much are said to be ‘all spruced up’)

1893 [112] New Zealand becomes 1st country to give women the right to vote

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] International Student Day
[Tues] ABC-TV’s “Dancing with the Stars: Dance-Off”
[Tues] UN International Day of Peace
[Wed] Miniature Golf Day
[Thurs] Hobbit Day
[Thurs] Elephant Appreciation Day
[Thurs] Autumn begins

THIS WEEK IS . . .
US Constitution Week / Build A Better Image Week / Deaf Awareness Week / Singles Week / Balance Awareness Week / Farm & Ranch Safety Week / Rehabilitation Awareness Celebration / Tolkien Week / Baby Safety Week / Love Your Files Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WEB GOODIE:

Animal rights activists are upset with a Croatian Website. In a bizarre online game, 7 sheep in a house in Zagreb are filmed non-stop as viewers vote on which should be tossed out. After each eviction, the losing sheep has to be immediately adopted or it’s sent straight to slaughter. The Website’s creator says he simply wants to show that people used in reality TV shows become nothing more than sheep.
NET: http://www.stado.org

BS Q&A:
Q: What’s the most common way to order coffee?
A: A coffee industry poll shows 37% of us drink our java with cream and sugar (the reason it’s called ‘regular’), 33% with just cream, 21% black, and 8% prefer just sugar.

BS PHONE STARTER:
• What is the most extreme thing you’ve done in an attempt to appear more attractive?
• If you were the opposite sex, what job would you like to have?
• What was the most useless piece of advice your parents ever gave you?

BS FIND THE PHOBIA:
‘Ostraconophobia’ is the fear of what?
a. Shellfish. [CORRECT]
b. Stairways.
c. Being on stage.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Sony has developed a robot that can sing and dance … which means it’s twice as talented as Ashlee Simpson.
• I feel tired today. I’m moving slower than Angelina Jolie’s doctor at check-up time.

BS SPOT THE SPOOF:
Is it a genuine music group or completely made-up?
• A Perplexing Directive [BS]
• Haircuts That Kill [GROUP]
• MC F Murray Abraham [BS]
• Mozart Air Raid [GROUP]
• Fat Luv [GROUP]
• In Your Eyes, Officer [BS]
• Exploding Tits [GROUP]
• Rocket Fool [BS]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: On average, 8,000 people a year injure themselves while performing THIS household chore.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Ironing.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Pro-life: Because gridlock isn’t bad enough already.


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