Monday, September 20, 2004        Edition: #2869
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

FROM THE WEEKEND TABLOIDS:
•  Britney Spears & Kevin Federline reportedly pulled a quick one on everyone by saying ‘I do’ at what was supposed to be an engagement party. It happened SATURDAY night at the relatively modest Studio City CA home of Britney & Kevin’s tailor, who custom-made the tuxedos for the groom and supporting men. Only 20 immediate family and friends were present. Britney wore a strapless white dress with long veil and tiara, and carried a bouquet of pink and white roses; Kevin suited up in black tux. Five bridesmaids and a maid of honor all wore burgundy and carried red roses. Guests dined on chicken fingers, crab cakes, ribs, and Waldorf salad, and the newlyweds danced to Journey’s classic hit “City by the Bay”. Britney gave Kevin a platinum ring with diamonds, and she received a platinum band. The actual ceremony lasted just 5 minutes. (Please, please, PLEASE let it be true! Then we’ll never have to speculate on this again.)
– “Star Magazine”/”News of the World”
• Meantime, Spears’s people are said to be upset Rogue Pictures used her song “Baby One More Time” in an ‘inappropriate’ manner in the next ‘Chucky’ horror flick, “Seed of Chucky”. Word is Chucky has relations with a Spears look-alike doll to the song, producing the satanic heir to the ‘Chucky’ throne. Cease and desist letters were sent, the song has been taken out, and the flick will now be marketed as ‘The movie Britney doesn’t want you to see’. (Wouldn’t the offspring of a blow-up doll more likely be something like a Playtex glove?)
– “NY Post”
• Former “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” star Sarah Michelle Gellar has won the lead role in a movie adaptation of “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”, set to debut in 2006. She apparently beat out Britney Spears for the part. An insider says Gellar may be a bit older but she ‘still looks fantastic’. (At the creaky old age of 27.)
– “Teen Hollywood”
• TONIGHT Sean Penn and Elvis Costello will guest-star as themselves on the season premiere of CBS-TV’s “Two and a Half Men”. (What could possibly entice an Oscar winner to do this lame show?)
– World Entertainment News
• Actress and new mom Gwyneth Paltrow is said to be getting $3.5 million for 1 day’s work, singing a 3-minute song. She’ll play legendary vocalist Peggy Lee performing “What Is This Thing Called Love” in the opening scene of  “Every Word is True”, a biopic about late author Truman Capote. It will reportedly make her the highest-paid actress for a single day’s work and, at the same time, the highest-paid singer for warbling a single song.
– “UK Sun”
• 24-year-old actor Macaulay Culkin (most famous for the “Home Alone” movies) has been busted in Oklahoma City for possession of marijuana and a ‘controlled dangerous substance’ (Xanax) for which he did not have a prescription. Culkin was jailed, then released on $4,000 bond. (His next film … “Home Alone: In the Big House”.)
– “Smoking Gun”/”E! Online”
• Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake have allegedly agreed to a trial separation to give them time to consider whether to give their 15-month relationship another try. They’re said to be stressed because every aspect of their relationship is under the microscope and they both find it hard to cope with. Recent allegations that Justin slept with Brit model Lucy Clarkson are also said to have prompted the breather. (Ah! Now we get to the truth … he got caught!)
– “Daily Mirror”
• Did you think dodgeball was the only semi-sport that deserved over-the-top movie comedy treatment? Think again, as New Line Cinema has picked up a ping-pong-themed script called – oh stop it! – “Balls of Fury”.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
• Paris Hilton has not only trademarked her name but also the term “That’s Hot”. She claims she’s been saying it ‘forever’ and wants to put it on T-shirts and ‘stuff like that’. (She’s next planning to trademark the word ‘The’.)
– “Daily Dish”
• Actor Nicolas Cage’s 3rd marriage is reportedly in trouble – just 2 months after the wedding. Seems he and 20-year-old former waitress Alice Kim have been fighting since he banned her from attending college, telling her the press would never leave her alone. (He’s also imposed a strict 9 pm curfew and makes her clean up her room or there’s no allowance.)
– “OK! Magazine”

TRASHIEST TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Charles Manson Gets His Own Talk Show!”
• “Antichrist Will Bring Peace & Prosperity on Earth!”
• “Scientists Clone Jerry Springer!”
• “Half of Pentagon Generals Speak with a Lisp!”
• “Discovered: The Sabertooth Gerbil!”
• “Blindness Causes Masturbation!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashanti – Looks like things may be getting serious with boyfriend Nelly; she’s reportedly taken him back home to meet her family in Long Island NY.
• Deanna Carter – The country star & indie filmmaker hubby Chris Hicky are the proud parents of a new baby boy, delivered by C-section at LA’s Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. No word on a name yet.
• Mariah Carey – Word is she’s turning a song she originally sang for a Japanese Tea commercial into a single for her next CD.
• Johnny Cash – The 3-day auction of memorabilia from the estate of Johnny & June Carter Cash raised $3,984,260 for their survivors. Sotheby’s experts had estimated the sale would total only $1.5 million. A 1986 Grammy Award raised the most Cash cash – $160,000!

SEX ON TV:
A Rand Corp survey of close to 2,000 adolescents has concluded that teens who watch a lot of sexually suggestive TV programming (which would be most of it) are almost twice as likely to have sex earlier than teens who don’t. While the link between television and risky teen behaviors – including violence, drinking and sex – has been shown in other research, the new Rand study is the first to find a direct cause-and-effect link specifically to sexual activity. (They’ve also noted that teens who watch people breathing on TV are also likely to pick up the habit.)
– “Pittsburgh Post-Gazette”

BEER’S AS GOOD AS WINE:
A new study reveals that beer can be as good as red wine when it comes to fighting off cancer and heart disease. However, professor John Trevithick, who led the study of the University of Western Ontario, cautions that a limit of up to 3 pints a day is good for you, with any more increasing the risk of disease. Beer contains antioxidants that are believed to help prevent the spread of cancer and lower blood cholesterol. (Interesting that UWO is located in London ON, also home to the head office of … Labatt’s Breweries.)
– ANI

TAKE THIS JOB & SHOVE IT:
British author Dan Kieran has compiled stories about really rotten occupations for his upcoming book “Idler Book of Crap Jobs”. Among the worst … ‘turkey-beheader’, ‘pea checker’, ‘maggot farmer’, and ‘phone sex operator’.
– “Social Studies”

THRILL-SEEKERS YOUNG & OLD:
Young people (under 45) born between October and March are more likely to seek out adventurous thrills than people born between April and September, according to a study from researchers at the UK’s Open University. The opposite is true for older people over 45. While fall and winter babies become less adventurous as they age, spring and summer babies become more so. Lead researcher Dr Carol Joinson thinks the effects of sunlight exposure on the chemicals in the brain – which would be different based on the season in which we are born – could affect our behavior. In addition, as we age, the brain chemical balance changes, which could explain the shift in thrill-seeking behavior.
– “Journal of the British Psychological Society”

TOP BABY NAMES OF THE PAST YEAR:
GIRLS’ NAMES …
   1. Emily
   2. Emma
   3. Madison
   4. Hannah
   5. Olivia
BOYS’ NAMES …
   1. Jacob
   2. Michael
   3. Joshua
   4. Matthew
   5. Andrew
– Babynames.com

AND WE QUOTE:
“I still say stupid things with brown hair too.”
– “Legally Blonde” star Reese Witherspoon on her new brunette ‘do.

THE BULL SHEET 09.20.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [70] Sophia Loren (Scicolone), Pozzuoli ITA, movie actress (“Grumpier Old Men”, Oscar-“Two Women”, 1991 Honorary Academy Award)

1979 [25] Rick Woolstenhulme, Gilbert AZ, rock drummer (Lifehouse-“Hanging By a Moment”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Student Day”, honoring the ‘diligence and hard work’ of students everywhere. (Hah! You think you’ve got it tough? When I was your age, I had to crawl 6 miles to school through 10 feet of snow – uphill both ways!)

THIS WEEK is “National Dog Week”, celebrating ‘mankind’s best friend’.
BS THINGS YOU CAN LEARN FROM YOUR DOG:
• When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
• Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
• Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
• On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.
• Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you’ve had enough.
• If what you want is buried, dig until you find it.
• When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

THIS WEEK is “National Singles Week”, celebrating the lifestyle that gives you freedom to do whatever you want without getting permission from someone else. An estimated 84 million Americans are singles with no ‘significant other’.
NAME THESE FAMOUS SINGLES:

• He likes to make movies with friends, first with 11 and more recently with 12. [George Clooney]
• He left Ivana for Marla, then he left Marla for broke. [Donald Trump]
• He left ‘England’s Rose’ for ‘The Rotweiller’. [Prince Charles]
• His marriage ‘died hard’ but now he parties with P Diddy. [Bruce Willis]
• His mother was quite ‘graceful’ until her untimely death. [Prince Albert of Monaco]

THIS WEEK is “Religious Freedom Week”, which commemorates the First Amendment to the US Constitution that guarantees an individual¹s right to practice their religious beliefs without fear. (As long as it’s OUR religion.)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1946 [58] 1st ‘Cannes Film Festival’ (worlds top-ranked, ahead of Toronto)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1917 [87] 1st Canadian income tax begins as ‘temporary war measure’ (um, is the war over yet?)

1995 [09] 1st team to clinch National League’s new ‘Central’ division (great trivia question – it was the Cincinnati Reds)

1998 [06] In a surgical 1st, doctors in Lyon, France sew a donor’s hand on a man whose own had been amputated in an accident 14 years earlier (“My god, I can clap again!”)

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] UN International Day of Peace
[Tues] “Special Edition Star Wars Trilogy” released on DVD
[Wed] Ice Cream Cone 100th Anniversary
[Wed] Hobbit Day
[Wed] Autumn begins
[Fri] Native American Day
[Sat] One Hit Wonder Day
[Sat] National Hunting & Fishing Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Banned Book Week
Deaf Awareness Week
Farm & Ranch Safety & Health Week
Rehabilitation Awareness Celebration
JRR Tolkien Week
Love Your Files Week
Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness
Minority Enterprise Development Week
Older Workers Employment Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS WORLD MUSIC GAME:

We give you the name of a singer or singing group, you pick the country in which they’re the #1 top-selling recording act …
• DJ Tiesto – The Netherlands [CORRECT], the Bahamas, or Brazil?
• Ruslana – Ukraine [CORRECT], Egypt or Turkey?
• Delta Goodrem – Bermuda, Singapore, or Australia [CORRECT]?
• Dido – Italy, Spain, or the UK [CORRECT].
• Kyo – Belarus, Dominican Republic, or France [CORRECT]?
• Jay Chou – China [CORRECT], Sweden or Uruguay?
• Philip Kirkorov – Finland, Russia [CORRECT], or Canada?
• Westlife – Liechtenstein, Ireland [CORRECT] or Japan?
• Sarah Connor – England, Zimbabwe, or Germany [CORRECT]
• DJ Bobo – Tanzania, Switzerland [CORRECT], or Mexico?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: A decade ago they didn’t even exist, but nowadays 1 in 5 of us is using one of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A teeth-whitening product.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
I like work. I can sit and watch it for hours.


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