Wednesday, September 8, 2004        Edition: #2861
Sheet, Featuring Bull

TONIGHT the “Fashion Rocks” concert at NYC’s Radio City Music Hall (coinciding with “Fashion Week”) features an all-star line-up that includes Beyoncé, Usher, Rod Stewart, André 3000, Gwen Stefani, Hoobastank, Black Eyed Peas, Mary J Blige, Alicia Keys, Faith Hill, and an intriguing duet with Avril Lavigne & Cyndi Lauper doing Lauper’s classic “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” (the taped concert airs SEPTEMBER 26th on FOX-TV) . . . “Last Comic Standing” funnyman Ralphie May will host a reality TV pilot based on what’s known as baggin’, the derogatory humor of street comedians (such as ‘Yo Mama’ jokes) . . . Billionaire Donald Trump’s ex-wife Ivana is set to host a new FOX-TV reality show, tentatively titled “Ivana Young Man” in which a slew of single 40-something women try to find the ideal partner among a gang of 20-something guys (older women hunting young guys are known as ‘cougars’) . . . Paris Hilton has been offered $1.2 million to become the face of Burger King but she’s said to be still undecided on whether to accept the job (she doesn’t have the buns for it) . . . Filmmaker Michael Moore won’t submit “Fahrenheit 9/11″ for consideration as ‘Best Documentary’ at the “Academy Awards” because he’s going after a bigger prize – ‘Best Picture’ (maybe he’ll win ‘Most Obnoxious Jerk’) . . . Journalist Barbara Walters (who’ll turn 73 on SEPTEMBER 25th) says she’s departing ABC-TV’s “20/20″ after 25 years because she wants to leave at the top and avoid being forced out (or dying on-camera).

• Alan Jackson – TONIGHT he does “Late Show With David Letterman” on CBS-TV.
• Queen – TONIGHT the stage musical based on their music, “We Will Rock You”, opens at the Paris Las Vegas Hotel. It’s been a big hit during a long run in London.
• Dixie Chicks – They’re featured on a new children’s album called “Mary Had a Little Amp” with proceeds going to kids’ charities.
• Tim McGraw – TODAY he’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show” and ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” late night. 
• U2 – They’ve revealed the titles of 6 of the 11 tracks on their as-yet-untitled album due NOVEMBER 23rd. The first single will be “Vertigo” and other songs include “A Man and a Woman”, “Crumbs From Your Table”, “Yahweh”, “City of Blinding Lights” and “Sometimes You Can’t Make It on Your Own”.
• Britney Spears – She’s reportedly been spotted leaving an LA fertility clinic. Start your own rumor!

New terms creeping into our lingo …
• ‘Mantlepiecing’ – Surreptitiously placing framed photos of oneself alongside the famous faces on the mantlepiece, piano, etc while attending house parties. Said to have been invented by self-aggrandizing Hollywood producer Jon Peters.
• ‘Phonality Show’ – A phony TV reality show. It may be unscripted, but it’s manipulated by the producers to ensure the right outcome. (ie: “Last Comic Standing”.)
• ‘Google Politics’ – To make a thousand accusations, none of which are substantiated.

Emergency workers, medical students and doctors often suffer from what’s known as ‘On-Call Syndrome’, losing an average of 1.5 hours sleep per night when on call – even if their services are NOT needed. (Well good thing it’s not someone you need to be sharp as a tack like say a brain surgeon … hey, wait a minute …)
– “American Health”

A new UK study finds that over 30% of us come up with our best ideas – when we’re about to nod off! Just 10% of respondents say they’re hit by flashes of inspiration while on-the-job. University of Hertfordshire psychologist Richard Wiseman says the results show that our minds are at their most creative when we’re relaxed and free from everyday pressures. Researchers recommend employers offer a designated ‘creativity room’ for brainstorming sessions. When tackling a problem, employees should take regular breaks so they can revisit the issue with a fresh mind. (And how ‘bout bunk beds in the coffee room?)
– “The Guardian”

You think traffic’s bad in your town? Norwegian driver Renathe Opedal was so hopelessly stuck in a rush hour traffic jam – she got slapped with a $70 parking ticket! That really ticked her off, so she took the case to court and got the fine reversed, plus she recouped about $600 for her costs. (Around here, 70 bucks for all-day parking is actually a pretty good deal!)

The new “Hawaiian Diet” is based on the low fats and complex carbohydrates consumed by ancient Hawaiians. It’s also known as the “Shintani Diet”, after it’s modern-day proponent, Dr Terry Shintani. He recommends fresh fish, Hawaiian fruits such as pineapple and papaya, and poi, made from a potato-like root vegetable. The combination is said to produce long-lasting weight loss. (Wait a sec here … have you ever seen a skinny Hawaiian?)
– “Newstimes 180″

A British study that monitored the lifestyles of 10,000 adults over 10 years has found that, for both men and women, being single is as unhealthy to long life as smoking. University of Warwick researcher Andrew Oswald says the negative effects of being alone are thought to kick in around the age of 30, but just why being single is so unhealthy is unclear. (Something to do with actually going out after dark?)
– “The Independent”

According to a recent study, older men are more likely to suffer heart attacks on their birthday. (If you have a rich geezer uncle, this might be a good year to throw him a big surprise party!)
– “Journal of the American Medical Association”

The hair on your head grows about half-an-inch (1.25 cm) a month, faster in summer than in winter. The growth phase lasts 3 to 5 years, so full-grown hair averages 18 to 30 inches. The hair then enters a ‘resting phase’ for 3 months when it is released and falls out, and then the whole process is repeated. Each follicle has its own growth cycle, otherwise all our hair would fall out at once. With an average growth phase of 4 years, you can afford to lose 75 to 80 hairs a day and still maintain a full head of hair. (Hmm, better start counting that thatched floor in your shower.]
– “Newcastle Evening Chronicle”

Beans ‘n toast is a favorite in the UK and Ireland – for breakfast! Witness the proof …
1. Ireland (5.6 kg/12.3 lbs per capita per year)
2. Britain (4.8 kg/10.5 lbs)
3. New Zealand (2.3 kg/5 lbs)
4. USA (2 kg/4.4 lbs)
5. Australia (1.9 kg/4.2 lbs)
(Canada ties Mexico for 10th at 1.2 kg/2.6 lbs)
– “Top 10 of Everything 2005″

• People who experience little or no chest pain during a heart attack are more likely to die from the attack.
• 40% of people over age 65 use 5 or more medications per week.

“I certainly admired the exquisite lines of this piece.” – John Souglides of auction house Phillips De Pury & Co, who used the principles of jewelry evaluation (length, shape, rarity & commercial value) to place a value on German model Heidi Klum’s long legs for insurance purposes. Bottom line – she’s got $1.8 million gams!


1971 [33] David Arquette, Winchester VA, movie actor (“Scream 1-3″)/Mr Courteney Cox since 1999/brother of actresses Patricia & Rosanna Arquette

1979 [25] Pink (Alecia Moore), Doylestown PA, pop singer (2004 Grammy Award-“Trouble”, “Get The Party Started”)

TODAY is “International Literacy Day”, established by the United Nations to promote reading & writing programs worldwide. (For more information, read their leaflet.)

THIS MONTH is “National Coupon Month”, highlighting the benefits of coupon clipping which advocates say can lead to savings of up to 20% on grocery bills. In an average year, shoppers redeem close to $4 billion in coupons.

1966 [38] “Star Trek” premieres on NBC-TV (cancelled in April, 1969 after just 79 episodes)

1921 [83] 15-year-old Margaret Gorman from Washington DC (30-25-32) is crowned 1st ‘Miss America’ in 1st-ever bathing beauty contest (2-day pageant)

1977 [27] Toronto’s Cindy Nicholas becomes 1st to swim English Channel non-stop – both ways!

1965 [39] Kansas City Athletics’ Bert Campaneris plays all 9 positions in a single Major League baseball game

[Thurs] Teddy Bear Day
[Thurs] 2004 NFL Season Kickoff Concert (Foxboro MA)
[Thurs-Sept 18] Toronto International Film Festival
[Fri] Hot Dog Day
[Fri-Sept 13] Canadian Country Music Week (Edmonton)
[Sat] 9/11 Remembrance Day
[Sat] Federal Lands Cleanup Day
This Week Is . . . Fall Hat Week
This Month Is . . . Cable TV Month


Lots of teenage boys fantasize about a teacher. Now author Jim Hastleberry has put together the how-to manual, “Nailing Miss Crabtree: How to Become a Real Teacher’s Pet”, intended to help high school seniors over 18 years of age fulfill their dream. Among his top tips …
• Choose a hot-to-trot target. A teacher who always shows off in micro-miniskirts craves more male attention than she’s getting at home.
• If you want ‘Miss Hottie’ to notice you, sit in the front row so she can feel your eyes on her whenever she erases the blackboard.
• Make eye contact. No matter how boring the words coming out of her mouth during a lecture, behave like you’re entranced.
• Take a dive on a test. It may break your heart to deliberately flunk a test, but that ‘F’ can earn you some one-on-one after-school tutoring.
• Bring her a gift. It can be as cheap as a container of Pez, but she’ll appreciate the gesture.
• Ask about her home life after class, then pretend to listen as she unloads about adult problems and hopefully, marital woes. Nod sympathetically.
• Hit her up for a ‘cultural’ date. Notice a subject she won’t stop talking about, such as art, then ask her to accompany you on an innocent outing to a museum.
• Offer to pay, even if it’s only for an ice cream cone. That signals that you’re ready to be ‘the man’ in a relationship.
(Note: A Web search for this ‘author’ turned up zilch. So it’s all likely made-up BS, but amusing all the same.)
– “Weekly World News”

• How much would you spend to save your pet? (A Washington DC-area woman has spent over $25,000 on kidney-transplant surgery … for her cat.)
• It’s “Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week”. What’s the cruelest thing your class ever did to a ‘sub’?

BS ‘90s QUIZ:
Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be. It seems ‘the good old days’ are only 5-years-old. VH-1’s new “I Love the ‘90s” series reflects on pop culture of the decade; Trivial Pursuit recently launched a “90s Time Capsule Edition”; and THIS FALL a ‘90s-themed club named ‘Nirvana’ will open in NYC. So let’s see if you recall or remember at all …
• Who got his show biz break starring in TV’s “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”? [Will Smith, from 1990-96.]
• What one-hit wonder sang “Achy Breaky Heart”? [Billy Ray Cyrus in 1992.]
• What one-hit wonder recorded “U Can’t Touch This”? [MC Hammer in 1990.]
• What was Kato Kaelin famous for? [Being OJ Simpson’s freeloading houseguest during the Nicole Brown Simpson-Ronald Goldman murders.]
• What giggly toy was all the rage for Christmas, 1996? [Tickle Me Elmo.]
• What skater was convicted in 1994 for her role in having a competitor’s knee whacked? [Tonya Harding.]
• Finish the movie line from the 1996 blockbuster “Jerry Maguire”: “Show me … [the money!”]
• Finish the movie line from 1994’s “Forrest Gump”: “Life is like … [a box of chocolates.”]
• What top TV show starred Shannen Doherty, Luke Perry & Jason Priestley? [“Beverly Hills 90210″ 1990-2000.]
• Who was nominated for two 1997 Grammy Awards for singing “1979″? [Smashing Pumpkins.]

Today’s Question: 70% of college students say they need a cell phone for THIS reason.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: So they can play games.

Poverty begins at home.

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