Tuesday, September 30, 2003        Edition: #2633
Sheet Rocks!
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Elton John is auctioning off the entire contents of his plush London home so he can redecorate it in a more contemporary style, and the sculptures, paintings & furniture are expected to generate some $1.6 million (can he shop?) . . . Buzz has it actress Nicole Kidman is now engaged to rocker Lenny Kravitz, a relationship that developed after he rented her his NYC digs . . . Producers of Matt Le Blanc’s “Friends” spin-off “Joey” reportedly want to him to shed 25 lbs before the new sitcom debuts NEXT SEASON . . . Word has it 56-year-old soon-to-be-a-dad David Letterman secretly wed his long-time girlfriend Regina Lasko a few weeks ago on his Montana ranch while the media was obsessed with J-Lo & Ben . . . And Britney Spears has been spotted in Rome, where she’s filming a TV ad, firing paper planes from the window of her hotel room with the help of that dance instructor she was caught kissing LAST WEEK (wow, being rich and famous is so much fun).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “2 Fast 2 Furious” (Thriller – DVD/VHS): The sequel to “The Fast & the Furious“ features Paul Walker as an ex-cop who teams up with an ex-con (Tyrese) to go undercover and bring down a murderous Miami import-export dealer.
• “Bend It Like Beckham” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Parminder Nagra & Keira Knightley star in this Brit movie about the rebellious daughter of orthodox Sikh parents who runs off to Germany with a soccer team.
• “Dreamcatcher” (Horror – DVD/VHS): Stephen King’s story about 4 friends with psychic powers who get together every year to hunt & party in the woods, but they’re celebration is interrupted by a mysterious alien force chased by a psychotic colonel (Morgan Freeman).
• “Boat Trip” (Comedy – DVD): Cuba Gooding Jr & Horatio Sanz play buddies who go on a singles cruise only to find out it’s designed for gays. They’re ready to jump ship – until things start going their way with the women on board.
• There’s also a special “20th Anniversary Edition” DVD of Brian De Palma’s “Scarface” (1983), starring Al Pacino as a Cuban refugee who builds a Florida crime empire, plus Disney’s “The Lion King” for the first time on DVD, being released in conjunction with a new “Special Edition Soundtrack” that includes a remix of “Can You Feel the Love Tonight” and a new song from Elton John.

HANGOVER CURE?
A pill called ‘RU-21′, said to have been developed originally by the KGB for its hard-drinking agents, is becoming increasingly popular through online sales. The manufacturer says it’s a mixture of vitamin C, carbohydrates and amino acids that doesn’t prevent drunkenness but stops the body from producing an enzyme that turns alcohol into acetaldehyde, a toxin that contributes to hangovers. It’s an herbal-based supplement, so it doesn’t require a prescription or any government drug approval. Pills have to be taken before drinking and after every 2 drinks. A packet of 20 sells for about $5. (Time for a studio experiment!)

THE 60-MINUTE SPOUSE:
A company in Russia called ‘Husband For an Hour’ is targeted at the country’s many single women who need someone to do odd jobs around the house. Entrepreneur Nina Rakhmanina   says business has zoomed since she adopted the unique name instead of just advertising home repairs. (What would you do with a ‘Husband For an Hour’?)

BIG BOAT:
The “Queen Mary II” has begun sea trials off the French coast in preparation for its maiden voyage. The $800 million, 150,000-ton liner is the world’s longest, tallest and most expensive luxury ship, designed to accommodate 2,600 well-heeled passengers and featuring a planetarium, 22 elevators, and the largest floating library. It’s first trip across the Atlantic, from Southampton UK to Fort Lauderdale FL, is scheduled for JANUARY. Tickets start at about $1,500. (If you sleep in a lifeboat.)

MONSTER MARATHON:
41-year-old Lloyd Scott of Rainham UK will attempt to complete the annual 26-mile “Loch Ness Marathon” – underwater in an antique diving suit. While 1,300 other runners run the shores of Scotland’s famous loch, Scott hopes to raise £1 million for a cancer charity by completing the stunt 2 weeks from now.

TURNING A HOSE ON THE DOGS:
62-year-old Colorado entrepreneur Gay Balfour runs a company called “Dog-Gone” that plucks prairie dogs right out of the ground using – a giant vacuum. The pests are sucked out of their holes through a 5-inch hose at speeds approaching 60 mph, then plopped into a foam-lined holding bin on his truck. Balfour figures he’s caught some 157,000 of the critters, 95% of which were uninjured. But he isn’t cheap – he charges up to $20,000 for a big job!
PHONER: 970-565-9878 (Dog-Gone Prairie Dog Control)

EARLY TO BED & EARLY TO PARTY:
Mid-week nightclub parties that start and finish early have become popular in Paris. The city’s career-hungry 20-somethings seem to like the idea of an after-work bash without it hurting their professional performance the next morning. ‘Seven to One’ was the first club to offer the early parties (7pm-1am) and LAST WEEK celebrated its 100th bash. (Now there’s a promotion to lure some ad bucks out of a local watering hole!)

IT’S TIME YOU LEFT HOME, DAUGHTER:
The world’s oldest man, retired silkworm breeder Yukichi Chuganji, has died at his home in Japan at age 114, his family confirmed YESTERDAY. He was born March 23, 1889 and had most recently been living with his daughter Kyoko – who’s 72.

HOW TO CHEAT:
Italian detective agency Miriam Tomponzi Investigations has put together a guide for cheating spouses on how not to get caught from using a cell phone. Here are the so-called ‘Five Golden Rules’ –
1. After a call to your lover is made or received, immediately delete every trace of the number from your cell phone, then phone a relative or friend whose number is recognizable to your spouse.
2. Delete all text messages, even the most treasured which you think you’ll want to read again later.
3. Keep a mental list of names related to real situations (such as work) so you can fake a conversation to divert suspicion.
4. If you get a call when your spouse is with you, act as if it’s a wrong number.
5. If you get caught mid-call, unobtrusively turn off the phone and claim you can’t hear anything because there’s a problem with the line.

BS SHOCKING FACT:
In the newly-released “2002 Ethnic Diversity Survey” from StatsCan, more than a third of Canada’s visible minorities say they have faced discrimination or unfair treatment within the past 5 years.

THE BULL SHEET 09.30.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [45] Marty Stuart, Philadelphia MS, country singer (“The Whiskey Ain’t Workin”)/Grand Ole Opry member

1963 [40] Eddie Montgomery, Danville KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“Hell Yeah”)

1964 [39] Robby Takac, Buffalo NY, rock bassist (Goo Goo Dolls-“Iris”)

1968 [35] Monica Bellucci, Citta di Castello ITA, movie actress (Persephone-“The Matrix Reloaded”)

1980 [23] Martina Hingis, Kosice SLOV, pro tennis player (won 1st Grand Slam title at age 16)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Mud Pack Day”, proving there’s a day to honor just about any damn thing you can think of.

TODAY is “Do Something Wacky with a Grandparent Day”. Just don’t get caught.

TODAY is “St Jerome’s Day”, patron saint of librarians (to celebrate, SHHHHHHH!). Here’s a few other unusual patron saints –
• St Zita is said to help people find lost items.
• St Servatius is the patron saint of foot problems.
• St Maurus offers protection from cold.
• St Apollonia is the patron saint of toothaches.
Source: “Saintly Support” by Andrews McMeel.

TOMORROW is “World Vegetarian Day”, celebrated since 1977 to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health & humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. About 1 million people a year become vegetarians in North America, but still 660,000 animals are killed for meat every hour. An Oxford University study finds that vegetarians have a 40% lower risk of cancer and 30% lower risk of heart disease than meat-eaters, and are 20% less likely to die of any cause.
PHONER: 518-568-7970 (North American Vegetarian Society-Dolgeville NY)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1841 [162] 1st ‘stapler’ invented by Sam Slocum

1846 [157] Boston’s Dr William Morton becomes 1st dentist to use ‘anesthetic’

1950 [53] 1st ‘Grand Ole Opry’ to be televised

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2002 [01] Chris McAlister of Baltimore Ravens sets record for ‘longest play in NFL history’ by returning missed field goal 107 yards for a touchdown

BS MONTHLY PLANNING CALENDAR . . .
[Oct 1] Homemade Cookie Day / World Vegetarian Day
[Oct 2] 14th International Bluegrass Music Awards / Name Your Car Day / World Farm Animal Day / Custodial Workers Day
[Oct 4] National Denim Day / Toot Your Flute Day / “Queer For The Straight Guy” debuts on Bravo Canada
[Oct 5] Techies Day / National Story Telling Day / World Smile Day / World Teachers Day
[Oct 6] Come & Take It Day / International Frugal Fun Day / Physician Assistant Day / Lawyers Day / Yom Kippur / Universal Children’s Day / UN World Habitat Day
[Oct 7] “Elvis 2nd to None” compilation released / Child Health Day
[Oct 8] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day / UN International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Oct 9] National Dessert Day
[Oct 10] Full Moon (Hunter’s Moon)
[Oct 11] Emergency Nurses Day
[Oct 12] International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day / Farmers Day / World Egg Day
[Oct 13] Thanksgiving Day (Canada)
[Oct 14] Be Bald & Be Free Day
[Oct 15] National Grouch Day / National Poetry Day
[Oct 16] Dictionary Day / World Food Day / School Librarian Day
[Oct 17] Gaudy Day
[Oct 18] Persons Day (Canada) / No Beard Day / Sweetest Day
[Oct 19] Evaluate Your Life Day / National Bosses Day / Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day
[Oct 20] Gemini Awards
[Oct 21] Babbling Day / National Reptile Day
[Oct 23] Canned Food Day / TV Talk Show Host Day / Final flight of the Concorde aircraft
[Oct 24] United Nations Day / National Bologna Day / Frankenstein Friday
[Oct 25] Punk For A Day Day
[Oct 26] Mother-In-Laws Day / Daylight Saving Time ends (2am)
[Oct 27] Ramadan / Make a Difference Day / Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Oct 28] National Chocolate Day / Plush Animal Lovers Day
[Oct 29] Hermit Day / International Internet Day
[Oct 30] Devils Night / Mischief Night
[Oct 31] Halloween / National Magic Day / Increase Your Psychic Powers Day / UNICEF Day / Cher’s final farewell concert (Toronto)
[Nov 5] 37th CMA Awards
[Nov 16] 31st American Music Awards

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DILEMMAS:

• Your former lover becomes famous. A tabloid offers you $100,000 for nude pictures and a tell-all. Do you sell?
• Guests are due when your dog snatches the roast beef and drags it out the door. Do you retrieve and serve it?
• You’re buying a car from someone who has lost his job and needs to sell. Do you offer much less than it’s worth?
• Your fiancé gives you a new video camera as a gift. When you agree to break off the engagement you’re asked to return the camera. Do you?
• A friend who is a strict vegetarian is coming for dinner. You’re feeling proud of your bean stew until you remember that you used beef stock. Do you keep quiet and serve the dish?

BS PHONE STARTER:
“Should people who are in shape get a tax credit?” (A special ‘fat tax’ on people who fail to do enough exercise is being proposed in Australia. Supporters say people who slim down should get cheaper health-care rates.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you are average, you have 7 of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Keys on your key chain.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated … but not be able to say it.


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