Friday, September 26, 2003        Edition: #2631
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
 TODAY the 2-and-a-half minute trailer for “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King” debuts in theaters worldwide (movie opens DECEMBER 17th) . . . The movie’s only been out a week, but “Underworld“ director Len Wiseman already has a deal to make the hit thriller into a trilogy . . . Just days after “The West Wing” scooped its 4th ‘Best Drama’ Emmy, stars Allison Janney, Richard Schiff, Bradley Whitford & John Spencer have quietly settled on big (but unspecified) pay raises that rank them among the highest paid TV actors . . . 50 Cent has been forced to reshoot the video for “PIMP” because MTV decided the original, featuring topless women, was just too raunchy to air . . . The American Film Institute will present its inaugural ‘Charlton Heston Award’ for outstanding contribution to movies & TV to – Charlton Heston . . . THIS SEASON it’ll be a kinder, gentler “CSI” – producers are promising to cut back on seamy scenes after a watchdog group named it last season’s ‘Least Family-Friendly TV Program’ (CSIs use state-of-the-art DNA sampling to track a lost puppy?) . . . NBC-TV’s racy new sitcom “Coupling”, which premiered LAST NIGHT, is adapted from a Brit show and designed to replace “Friends” as the network’s lead show of the future . . . And because you really need to know – Gwyneth Paltrow has been spotted at Manhattan’s Pleasure Chest sex shop buying 5 vibrators, including the store’s top-seller, the 80-dollar ‘Rabbit Habit’ (maybe Coldplay’s more than a band name for boyfriend Chris Martin?).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Duplex” (Crime Comedy): Danny DeVito directs Ben Stiller & Drew Barrymore as a yuppie couple who buy their dream home, then have to deal with the old lady who lives upstairs (Eileen Essel) who makes their life a living hell.
• “The Rundown” (Action Adventure): The Rock plays a bounty hunter hired to retrieve a wayward son (Seann William Scott) from the Amazon jungle, but instead the two team up to search for hidden gold.
• “Under the Tuscan Sun” (Romantic Comedy): Diane Lane plays a depressed author suffering from writer’s block who takes a vacation in Tuscany. She likes it so much she buys a villa and becomes part of the local life.
• “Lost in Translation” (Romantic Comedy opening wider): A fading movie star (Bill Murray) and a neglected married woman (Scarlett Johansson) meet in a Tokyo hotel bar, then spend an adventure-filled week together taking in the sights. Worth watching for – director Sofia Coppola reportedly based the annoying, cloying, ditzy-blonde actress role of ‘Kelly’ (played by Anna Faris) on Cameron Diaz.

WOW, KIDS HAVE BRAINS TOO:
A new study of 9- to 13-year-olds by the UK’s Independent Television Commission has discovered that children can differentiate between fictional and real-life violence. In fact, they are affected more by violence on TV news than in fictional TV shows and movies. The study also shows that children are more likely than adults to judge scenes as violent according to their emotional impact.

SKINNIEST SCREEN:
Scientists at Philips Research in the Netherlands are working to develop high-definition motion pictures that can be shown on a new electronic paper called the ‘e-page’. The wafer-thin foldable screen is already able to display type which can be overwritten. The researchers say the addition of motion pictures could lead to a variety of future uses – newspapers, computer screens, even wearable cinematic fashions. With e-paper sewn into a jacket, wearers could read e-mail or even watch the news on their sleeves. (No room on mine, that’s where I wear my emotions.)

WHEN EATING DISORDERS BEGIN:
About 40% of 9- and 10-year-old girls are trying to lose weight, according to a new study published in the journal “Pediatrics”. What frightens researchers is that many of these girls aren’t even overweight to begin with.

YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS STUFF UP:
• If you get a penny for your thoughts, this guy must have a lot of ‘em. Detroit artist Tyree Guyton’s latest work “The House That Makes Sense” is a 2-story house covered with 384,000 glued-on pennies. But hey, this is Detroit, so for security they’ve had to cover the entire ‘art work’ in chicken wire.
• Talk about a bad hair day! After 6 hours in a Nanchang, China beauty salon, a customer claimed her money was missing and she couldn’t pay the bill. The furious hairstylist had co-workers hold the woman down while he cut off ALL her hair.
• They even had an official greeter! 300 guests showed up as 41-year-old Lloyd Forsythe wed his 47-year-old bride, Mary Halford, in the Houma, Louisiana Wal-Mart where she works. (Attention shoppers, a garter belt is about to go whipping over aisle 16 …”)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Each year, lightning starts more than 10,000 home and building fires in Canada, according to David Phillips’ new “2004 Canadian Weather Trivia Calendar”.
• The “Guinness Book of World Records” gets 60,000 claims of new records every year.
• Every year, 2 million pets in the United States are stolen.

THE BULL SHEET 09.26.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [55] Olivia Newton-John, Cambridge ENG [raised Melbourne AUS], oldies singer (“Physical”, w/John Travolta “You’re the One That I Want”, “I Honestly Love You”)/movie actress (“Grease”)

1968 [35] Jim Caviezel, Mount Vernon WA, movie actor (“The Count of Monte Cristo”)  UP NEXT: Plays Christ in Mel Gibson’s controversial film, “The Passion”, set to open in time for Easter 2004.

1972 [31] Shawn Stockman, Philadelphia PA, R&B/pop singer (Boyz II Men, who had 6 #1 hits in the ‘90s including some of the longest charted singles of all-time, “I’ll Make Love to You” and “The End of the Road”)

1981 [22] Serena Williams, Saginaw MI, top-ranked women’s tennis player (won 2002 French Open, US Open, Wimbledon & 2003 Australian Open all by defeating older sister Venus)  FACTOID: Her scenes with Martin Lawrence in her first movie “Black Knight” (2001) were all left on the cutting room floor.

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [60] Randy Bachman, Winnipeg MB, classic rock musician (Guess Who-“American Woman”, BTO-“Takin’ Care of Business”)/Tal Bachman’s pop  FACTOID: He recently cut a jazz album called “Jazzthing” and is currently looking for a jazz label to release it NEXT SPRING.

1951 [52] Meat Loaf (Marvin Lee Aday), Dallas TX, classic rock singer (“Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad”, “Paradise by the Dashboard Lights”)/movie actor (“Fight Club”, “Rocky Horror Picture Show”)

1964 [39] Stephan Jenkins, Oakland CA, rock singer (Third Eye Blind-“Jumper”, ”I Want You”)

1984 [19] Avril Lavigne, Napanee ON, pop singer (“I’m With You”, “Sk8ter Boi”, “Complicated”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Food Service Employees Day”, honoring those dedicated folks who slop your plate full in the cafeteria each day.

TODAY is “Native American Day”, observed on the 4th Friday each September. According to the US Bureau of the Census, the number of Indigenous people in America is increasing, and there is a renewed interest in learning American Indian languages.

TODAY-Sunday, the 28th annual “James Dean Festival” in his hometown of Fairmount IN will attract some 25,000 fans from around-the-world despite the fact he only made 3 major movies (“Giant”, “East of Eden”, “Rebel Without a Cause”) and died 48 years ago in 1955.
PHONER: 765-948-4555 (Fairmount Historical Museum)
NET: http://www.jamesdean.com/fans/festival/festival2003.htm

TOMORROW is “World Tourism Day” as declared by the UN’s World Tourism Organization. The theme for this year’s observance is “Tourism: A Driving Force for Poverty Alleviation, Job Creation and Social Harmony.” (Kinda snappy, ain’t it?)

TOMORROW is “Ancestor Appreciation Day”, a day to learn about and appreciate one’s forebears. (A good day to visit Uncle Bob and see how the old will’s coming along.)

SUNDAY is “Ask a Stupid Question Day”, created by some unknown keener who decided that ‘asking a stupid question is better than repairing a stupid mistake’.

SUNDAY is “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1892 [111] 1st ‘matchbook’ (Diamond Match)

1964 [39] 1st episode of “Gilligan’s Island” (“Survivor” … 1960s-style)

1969 [34] 1st episode of TV’s “The Brady Bunch” (“Mike & Carol’s Wedding”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1960 [43] Longest speech in United Nations history (4 hours, 29 minutes by Fidel Castro)

1983 [20] Longest winning streak in sports (132 years) comes to an end as challenger “Australia II” defeats USA in “America’s Cup” yacht racing

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Rosh Hashanah (Jewish)
[Sun] Family Health & Fitness Day
[Sun] Hunting & Fishing Day
[Mon] National Goose Day
[Mon] Pumpkin Day
[Tues] National Mud Pack Day
This Week is – Roller Skating Week
This Month is – Cable TV Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS QUICK-PICK QUIZ:

• What are the 2 main flavors in original bubble gum?
a. Spearmint & clove.
b. Wintergreen & vanilla. [CORRECT]
c. Salt & vinegar.

• What is the shape of a pretzel meant to symbolize?
a. A reef knot used in nautical applications.
b. The arms of a child in prayer. [CORRECT. Goes back to 610 AD.]
c. Nothing. It’s just a random shape, stupid!

• How are the pins in men’s dress shirts put in?
a. By hand. [CORRECT]
b. By a pin installing machine.
c. By the pin fairy.

• Why are bowling shoes so ugly?
a. Bowlers originally wanted shoes to match their colorful uniforms.
b. They may be considered ugly now, but when first invented they were quite fashionable.
c. So they won’t get stolen. [CORRECT]

• Why did pirates wear earrings?
a. Captains originally had sailors who were pressed into service pierced with rings so a rope could be threaded through to prevent them from running off.
b. To improve their vision. [CORRECT. An idea picked up from acupuncturists in the Far East.]
c. Just stylin’, matey!
Source for all: “Imponderables”, by David Feldman.

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “Are single dads to often disrespected as parents?” (The speaker of the South Australian Parliament, Peter Lewis, is also patron of a separated fathers’ support group. He claims family courts wrongly presume that women automatically make better parents than men. He also says people should be licensed to have children.)
• “What one feature do you think heaven should have?” (In his new book, “A Travel Guide to Heaven”, author Anthony DeStefano claims there will be food, pets and sex. Yeehaw!!! Pets!)

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I had plastic surgery last week. I cut up my credit cards.
• I’m on the ‘Whiskey Diet’. I’ve lost 3 days already!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 76% of us do THIS alone, even though we’d prefer to have a partner.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Drive to work.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Trust everybody … then cut the cards.


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