Thursday, September 18, 2003        Edition: #2625
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

TODAY media conglomerate AOL Time Warner will officially drop ‘AOL’ from its corporate name and also revert to the ‘TWX’ stock-ticker symbol due to recent negative publicity surrounding the AOL brand name . . . TONIGHT CBS/Global-TV kicks off “Survivor: Pearl Islands” marooning the 16 new contestants off the coast of Panama in a region famous for its pirates; a Website is already picking marketing exec ‘Burton’ & mother-of-twins ‘Trish’ as 5-1 co-favorites to win and massage therapist Nicole as 5-8 favorite for being booted off first (due to an extremely rare case of misfiling & oversight this item erroneously appeared yesterday – sincere apologies!) . . . Princess Stephanie of Monaco has quietly wed her latest boyfriend, Portuguese ‘circus acrobat’ Adans Lopez Peres, in Geneva, Switzerland (the guy’s some kind of contortionist – we’re guessing it wasn’t for his money) . . . “The Source” magazine reports that 50 Cent is on the verge of parting ways with his mentor, Eminem, because he feels he’s not getting all the money he should be (maybe 50 Cent is more than just a name – it’s a percentage) . . . Meantime, the latest lawsuit against Eminem has come from 70-year-old Harlene Stein, who claims her late husband’s tune, “Pigs Go Home”, was illegally sampled on the “Slim Shady” CD on a track called “Guilty Conscience” (she just noticed after 4 years because her hearing aid was in the shop) . . . ABC-TV will premiere the new season of “8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter” next TUESDAY as planned, airing 3 episodes that were in the can before John Ritter died, then writing the death of the father into the sitcom storyline (whadya mean callous – we’ve got sponsors signed up!) . . . And a ‘friend’ of J-Lo is blabbing that the jilted bride is so superstitious she has already burned her wedding gown and plans to auction off the gigantic engagement ring from Ben Affleck.

James Brolin is currently in Montréal shooting the HBO movie “The Reagans: The First Family” in which he plays the former president, and word has it his lonely wife Barbra Streisand, who has a fear of flying, borrowed Whoopi Goldberg’s personal minivan & driver for the 47-hour drive from Malibu CA to visit . . . He isn’t a household name (yet), but Welsh actor Christian Bale (“American Psycho”) has been chosen for the lead role in the next “Batman”, so far known only as “Batman 5″, and set to shoot in FEBRUARY . . . Director Ridley Scott has confirmed a “Gladiator” sequel is already written and could be ready to hit theaters in early 2005, but Russell Crowe will NOT be reprising his Oscar-winning role . . . How tight is security on the set of “Star Wars – Episode III”? A guard recently refused to let an employee who’d forgotten his security pass onto the set for 10 minutes until producers intervened – it was director George Lucas!

“New Scientist” magazine says magician David Blaine will become unconscious long before he reaches his goal of 44 days without food while dangling over the Thames in London – unless he’s lying. If he only consumes plain water as claimed, experts say he’ll be unconscious by the end of SEPTEMBER due to lack of salt; therefore if he lasts the entire duration it will be highly likely he’s been lying. Meanwhile, the taunting of this guy continues to be relentless. One report says a remote controlled mini-helicopter has been used to dangle a cheeseburger in front of Blaine’s plexiglass box.

THIS WEEK McDonald’s began test-marketing a new ‘Happy Meal’ at 150 restaurants in Indiana – for adults. The new ‘Go Active Happy Meals’ include a salad, exercise booklet and small pedometer to encourage people to walk more to stay in shape. Sorry, no burger and no toy. (Wow, an exercise book! Excuse me a minute, I just gotta run out and get one!)

The title of ‘Best Pizza Maker’ at this year’s annual “Pizza Festival” in Naples, the home of Italian pizza, has gone to – a Japanese cook. 23-year-old Makoto Onishi, who only learned the art of making pizzas in Naples 2 years ago, beat all Italian competitors for the most delicious pizza topped only with tomato sauce and mozzarella. (Italian chefs are now working up revenge recipes for sushi.)

A non-profit group based in Minnesota called ‘Dads & Daughters’ is using a different tactic to elicit social change – instead of suing corporations, it launches e-mail drives to shame them into dropping inappropriate ads aimed at young teen girls. And it’s working! So far ‘Dads & Daughters’ campaigns have resulted in the cancellation of a sexually explicit ad for blue jeans and a soup ad that glamorized girls’ eating disorders.
PHONER: 888.824.DADS

• Stanford University research shows that laughing 100 times per day provides the same cardiovascular benefits as 10 minutes of rowing. (But it won’t get you across the river.)
• You’re 6 times more likely to talk to yourself than laugh when you’re all alone. (Either way, you need to get out more!)

In a “Prevention” magazine survey, 36% of men and 38% of women admit they’ve been told they talk too much. But fewer men than women will admit to being blabbermouths, 22% vs 35%. (Funny, they brag about everything else.)

The International Cremation Federation is looking for eco-friendly ways to handle the sharp increase in business over the next 40 years as the Baby Boom generation kicks the bucket and makes an ash of itself. Several alternatives to cut the waste resulting from traditional burials and air pollution from standard cremations were kicked around at a conference in Sofia, Bulgaria. Among them – freezing bodies and breaking them down with sound waves. (Or you could have Frank from “Trading Spaces” come in and make a nice slip cover for grandpa.)

• The average pair of shoes is good for 1,000 miles.
• The flatter the key, the more worthless the lock.
• One ostrich egg will serve 24 people for brunch.


1933 [70] Robert Blake (Michael James Vijencio Gubitosi), Nutley NJ, former TV actor (“Baretta” 1975-78) & movie actor (“In Cold Blood”) charged with May 2001 murder of his wife
1961 [42] James Gandolfini, Westwood NJ, TV actor (2 Emmy Awards as Tony Soprano Sr-“The Sopranos” since 1999)/movie actor (“The Mexican”, “A Civil Action”)

1971 [32] Jada Pinkett Smith, Baltimore MD, movie actress (“The Matrix Reloaded”, “Ali”, “The Nutty Professor”)/Mrs Will Smith since 1997 (he’s 6’2″, she’s 5′)  NEXT FILM: “The Matrix Revolutions”, opening NOVEMBER 5th.

1971 [32] Lance Armstrong, Plano TX, cyclist with 5 consecutive Tour de France wins (1999-2003) after battling cancer  FACTOID: His heart is one-third larger than a normal man’s.

1973 [30] James Marsden, Stillwater OK, movie actor (Scott Summers/Cyclops-“X-Men 1 & 2)

THIS WEEK is “National Farm Animals Awareness Week”. Every day, 6 million tons of manure hit the ground behind farm animals in North America. That’s enough manure to fill a creek 50 feet wide, 10 feet deep, and 70 miles long. Phew!                             

THIS WEEK is “National Singles Week”, recognizing the single lifestyle and promoting the option of living alone. (Is it an option, a burden or just fate?)
PHONER: 800-993-2277

1970 [33] Guitar legend Jimi Hendrix dies in London at age 27 after taking 9 sleeping pills

1851 [152] 1st edition of “New York Times” costs 2 cents (“All the News That’s Fit to Print”)

1895 [108] 1st ‘chiropractor’ (Canadian-born David Daniel Palmer-Davenport IA)  FACTOID: Some 30 million ‘back adjustments’ are now performed in Canada annually

1955 [48] Kenner Company introduces “Play-Doh”

1985 [18] 1st ‘Top 10 List’ on “Late Night with David Letterman” is titled ‘Top 10 Things That Almost Rhyme With Peas’. And, for what it’s worth, here it is …
10. Heats
9. Rice
8. Moss
7. Ties
6. Needs
5. Lens
4. Ice
3. Nurse
2. Leaks
1. Meats
(Maybe it’s in the delivery?)

1999 [04] 1st husband and wife to change genders, each undergoing a sex change operation (Szekesfehervar, Hungary)

1990 [13] 500-lb, 6-foot ‘Hershey Kiss’ is displayed in NYC’s Times Square

[Fri] Talk Like a Pirate Day
[Sat] International Student Day
[Sun] 55th Primetime Emmy Awards
[Mon] Hobbit Day
[Tues] Autumn begins
This Week Is – Chiropractic Week
This Month Is – Hispanic Heritage Month / Piano Month


Sleep expert Chris Idzikowski claims to have discovered a direct link between people’s favorite sleeping position and their personality. Here are his 6 main positions …
• ‘Fetus’ – 41% of people, including 51% of women, sleep curled up on their side, holding on to a pillow, making this position the most popular. These people are sensitive souls right to the core even if they appear tough, and are often shy.
• ‘Starfish’ – Those who sleep spread-eagled on their back tend to be good listeners who make
friends easily. They do not like to be the center of attention, preferring to let others take the limelight. ‘Starfish’ often suffer a bad night’s sleep.
• ‘Freefall’ – Just 6.5% choose to sleep on their fronts, making this the rarest position. They tend to have a brash and gregarious exterior, but this confident front often hides a nervous personality that responds poorly to personal criticism. This position is good for digestion.
• ‘Soldier’ – People who sleep on their backs tend to be quiet and reserved, setting high standards for themselves. ‘Soldiers’ are more likely to snore.
• ‘Log’ – People who sleep on their sides are usually relaxed and social.
• ‘Yearning’ – Similar to the ‘Log’ but with arms reaching out across the bed. These people are commonly suspicious and cynical.

Ask listeners to call in handy methods for making quick measurements. For instance – your wedding ring size is the same as your hat size, the distance from your elbow to your wrist equals the length of your foot, and the size of a man’s feet are an indication of the size of … well you get the idea.

“What really dumb thing did you do when your where a kid that landed you in hospital?”

• Don’t knock the weather report. If it weren’t for it, 7 out of 10 people couldn’t start a conversation.
• I don’t have a solution but I admire the problem.
• [Co-host] saw a sign saying ‘Wet Floor’ … so he did.
• When I finished school I took one of those career aptitude tests and, based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime.

Today’s Question: More than two-thirds of women claim they can do THIS at least 10 times. No cheating!
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Push-ups.

Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone with it.

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