Tuesday, September 9, 2003                   Edition: #2618
Get Your BS Here, Hot ‘N Fresh!

TODAY Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel have called a press conference in NYC, likely to announce their first reunion tour since 1994 (this is shocking – they’re still alive?) . . . He was back in competition LAST NIGHT, but word is “Canadian Idol” finalist Billy Klippert checked into hospital on the weekend due to concerns about his voice & symptoms of exhaustion . . . J-Lo & Ben Affleck have reportedly turned down magazine offers of well over $1 million for pictures of their wedding and are instead expected to release a single photo of the event (aww shuddup about it and just do it) . . . Halle Berry has reportedly agreed to appear in the upcoming Limp Bizkit video, a remake of The Who tune “Behind Blue Eyes” (how does an ugly guy like Fred Durst always end up next to such beauteous babes?) . . . Actress Gwyneth Paltrow has come up with a unique way to deal with the paparazzi that constantly tail her – she’s armed herself with a video camera so she can shoot them shooting her (documentary potential?) . . . According to showbiz magazine “Heat”, Justin Timberlake is so smitten with girlfriend Cameron Diaz he’s mixed her a collection of old-fashioned love songs that includes Frank Sinatra’s “All the Things You Are”, Al Green’s “Let’s Stay Together”, and Sam Cooke’s classic “You Send Me” (mercifully he didn’t include any of his own) . . . And here’s a really unusual movie star demand – Irish actor Colin Farrell was booked into the luxurious La Mamounia Hotel in Marrakesh, Morocco along with Angelina Jolie to begin filming the Oliver Stone epic “Alexander” but asked to be moved because – the place was just too swanky for his taste.

• “Malibu’s Most Wanted” (Comedy – DVD/VHS): Jamie Kennedy plays ‘B-Rad’, a white, Jewish wannabe rapper who’s an embarrassment to his father (Ryan O’Neal), a candidate for California governor. Snoop Dogg makes an appearance.
• “Bulletproof Monk” (Martial Arts Action – DVD): Chow Yun-fat plays one of a long line of Buddhist monks entrusted with protecting a powerful ancient scroll who must pass the job on to the next in line, a petty thief and street thug played by Seann William Scott.
• “View From the Top” (Comedy – DVD): Gwyneth Paltrow plays a young woman who escapes her trailer park home by getting a job as a flight attendant. Along the way she meets a couple of mentors (Kelly Preston & Candice Bergen), a backstabbing rival (Christina Applegate) and a love interest (Mark Ruffalo). Mike Myers & Rob Lowe do cameos.
• “The Core” (Sci-Fi Fantasy – DVD): A team of scientists travel to the center of the Earth to save the world from destruction after Earth’s core mysteriously stops rotating. Aaron Eckhart, Stanley Tucci & Hilary Swank play ‘terranauts’ on the rescue team.
• “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” (Drama/Comedy – DVD): George Clooney’s directorial
debut is an adaptation of the bizarre memoir of TV game show creator Chuck Barris (“The Newlywed Game”, “The Dating Game”, “The Gong Show”), in which he purports to have been a CIA hit man. Sam Rockwell stars alongside Drew Barrymore & Julia Roberts.

A 220-suite undersea hotel built of toughened Plexiglas, concrete and steel is planned for the Arab emirate of Dubai. Guests at ‘Hydropolis’ will be able to experience the sensation of sleeping in the ocean by booking a bubble-shaped suite – including a clear glass bathtub – offering views of sea life all around. (“Hello, room service? My breakfast is all wet!”)

The best-looking university instructors seem to get the best student evaluations. According to a University of Texas study, the average difference between the best-looking and the homeliest professor is 1 full point on a 5-point evaluation scale. (The study was conducted by bitter economics prof Daniel Hamermesh, known by his students as ‘Ol’ Butt Ugly’.)

Outdoor advertising is so crowded in Tokyo, Adidas has resorted to adding a human element to a billboard atop a 10-story building. Two players play one-on-one soccer by kicking a tethered ball while swinging from 8-meter (30-ft) ropes. The 10-minute ‘Vertical Soccer’ games, which kick off 5 times each afternoon, are guaranteed traffic stoppers. (Just what clogged and congested Tokyo needs.)

A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say . . . 46% of dogs studied in an experiment began watching for their maters up to an hour before they returned home each day – even when the owners worked irregular hours. (Upon further study, the behavior seems to have some co-relation with the toilet bowl running out of water.)
• Scientists say . . . having a son or sons can shorten a woman’s life span by an average of 34 weeks. The new study shows that mothers who’ve complained for centuries that their sons will be the death of them may have been right! (If you’re [co-host’s] mom, make it 34 years.)
• Scientists say . . . 1 in 5 new drugs has serious side effects that don’t show up until well after the medicine has received government approval. (Maybe that explains why I had a minor rash but now I have dry mouth, diarrhea, coughing, watery and/or itchy eyes, nasal congestion, heart attacks, liver failure, brittle toe nails, fainting spells, constipation, difficulty breathing, clogged arteries, sensitive gums, ringing in the ears, sneezing, and discoloration of the tongue.)
• Scientists say . . . dwelling on negative thoughts can weaken your immune system. (Even worse, it can make you want to get out your old Patsy Cline albums.)
• Scientists say . . . pressure to buy stuff is making us depressed. “Psychology Today” reports that consumer pressure is a major cause for depression in modern society because we’re bombarded with a constant flow of messages urging us to acquire more possessions and made to feel unhappy unless we constantly buy. (We’ll have more on that after these messages …)

The average woman consumes more than 60 lbs of lip gloss in her lifetime. So it’s no surprise that there are so many different flavors from which to choose. You’ve got gloss that tastes like ‘Reese’s’, ‘Blow Pops’, ‘Dots’, ‘Bubble Yum’ … even ‘Tootsie Rolls’. The bottom line is that lip gloss has surpassed lipstick in terms of popularity, with a 40% growth in sales in the last year alone.


1951 [52] Michael Keaton (Douglas), Coraopolis PA, movie actor (“Batman”, “Jackie Brown”, “Jack Frost”)

1952 [51] Dave Stewart, Sunderland ENG, classic rock musician/producer (Eurythmics-“Here Comes the Rain Again”, “Sweet Dreams”)

1960 [43] Hugh Grant, London ENG, movie actor (“Two Weeks Notice”, “Notting Hill”, “Four Weddings & a Funeral”)/actress Elizabeth Hurley’s longtime buddy  UP NEXT: The sequel “Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason”, coming in 2004.

1966 [37] Adam Sandler, Brooklyn NY, $25 million-per-film movie actor (“Anger Management”, “Mr Deeds”)  FACTOID: Wed longtime girlfriend Jackie Titone JUNE 22nd in a ceremony that included his dog.

1970 [33] Macy Gray, Canton OH, pop singer (“I Try”)

1972 [31] Goran Visnjic, Sibenik, Croatia, TV actor (Dr Luka Kovac-“ER” since 1999)

1980 [23] Michelle Williams, Kalispell MT, TV actress (“Dawson’s Creek” 1998-2003)

TODAY has been declared “Expectant Father’s Day”, a day for neglected first-time dads to get some much needed recognition. The idea was concocted by actor Alan Thicke, who’s promoting his new book on fatherhood.

TODAY one of Britain’s longest-standing rural traditions, “The Horn Dance”, takes place in the village of Abbots Bromley. Participants perform a ritualistic dance to traditional music along a 10-mile route, taking in farms and pubs around the village. Some don antlers to become ‘deer-men’, and there’s also a costumed ‘fool’, ‘hobby horse’, ‘bowman’ and a ‘Maid Marion’. The tradition goes back to 1226, and now attracts visitors from around-the-world. (Somebody oughta check the local water.)

TODAY is “Teddy Bear Day”, honoring the first and most popular plush animal that was inspired by the helpless cub US President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot while hunting on November 14, 1902. Morris & Rose Mitchom, owners of a Brooklyn NY candy store, took credit for creating the 1st ‘teddy bear’ in the USA shortly after that incident, but it may be that renowned German toymaker Steiff was already making bears by then. “American Idol 2″ winner Ruben Studdard is getting his own stuffed bear called “Ruben Studdard: The Velvet Teddy Bear”, hitting stores any day now.
NET: http://www.teddy-bear-uk.com/learning/name.htm
NET: http://familyscreenscene.allinfoabout.com/features/teddy.html

TODAY is “Aunts Day”, a day of recognition for ‘those special women in our lives who provide guidance and humor’. (Another Hallmark moment.)

THIS MONTH is “National Coupon Month”, highlighting the benefits of coupon clipping which can lead to savings of up to 20% on grocery bills. In an average year, shoppers redeem close to $4 billion in coupons.

1884 [119] 1st ‘hot dog’ created by Antoine Feuchtwanger, adding a bun so juice wouldn’t drip all over frankfurter eaters (thank goodness he didn’t name it after himself!)

1904 [99] 1st reference to NYC ball club as the ‘Yankees’ (“Boston Herald”)

1950 [53] 1st ‘laugh track’ on TV (“The Hank McCune Show”)

1984 [19] 1st pontiff to tour Canada (Pope John Paul II)

1995 [08] Sony ‘PlayStation’ 1st goes on sale

[Wed] Swap Ideas Day
[Thurs] I Want to Start My Own Business Day
[Fri] Video Game Day
[Sat] Positive Thinking Day
This Week Is . . . National 5-A-Day Week (fruits & vegetables)
This Month Is . . . Cholesteral Education & Awareness Month


Your phone caller or studio guest picks one from each pair as you read ‘em off rapid-fire …
• Newspapers or magazines?
• Bacon & eggs or cereal?
• Elvis or Justin?
• E-mail or telephone?
• Baked potato or fries?
• Tattoo or piercing?
• Fiction or non-fiction?
• Europe or Hawaii?
• Tennis or golf?
• Top or bottom?

• There are more chickens in the world than people. (TRUE)
• Goats eat tin cans. (BS. They merely nibble at them for the tasty glue on the labels.)
• In Sweden, it’s against the law to train a seal to balance a ball on its nose. (TRUE)
• The blue whale’s navel is the same size as ours. (BS. It’s about 8 inches in diameter.)
• When they leave home, about one-third of pet owners turn on a radio or TV to keep their pets company. (TRUE)

Janssen-Ortho Pharmaceuticals operates the “History of Contraception Museum” in Toronto that includes more than 600 condoms, sponges, cervical caps and other birth-control devices from through the ages. Among its oddities are a diaphragm made from  plastic wrap and a teapot lid, and candy wrappers that Australian teens used as condoms in the early ‘90s. One of the strangest items is a 6-sided wooden block once used as a chastity barrier for women in China which was officially declared an instrument of torture in the 1930s.
PHONER: 800.387.8781 or 416.382.5980 (Percy Skuy)

• Fill in the blanks – “In my life, I was … and now I …” (You’ll find the answers to be very enlightening, whatever they are.)
• If you joined the circus, what type of act would you want to be?

Today’s Question: 18% of women admit to having been in THIS place, even though they probably weren’t supposed to be.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: A men’s locker room.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Printer Friendly Version