Thursday, September 4, 2003        Edition: #2615
Deja Moo!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
THIS WEEK actors Jake Gyllenhaal (“Moonlight Mile”), Christian Bale (“American Psycho”) & Joshua Jackson (“Dawson’s Creek”) are among those testing for the lead role in the next “Batman” movie . . . Cameron Diaz is sporting a pair of bandages on the bridge of her nose after breaking her schnoz surfing in Hawaii on her 31st birthday . . . Following his Broadway success in “Nine”, Antonio Banderas is now in negotiations to star in a stage musical about – Napoleon (he’s too tall!) . . . Picture this – 50 Cent has discovered yoga after being introduced to Reign’s Tribal Yoga in NYC by his buddy Lil’ Kim (now he’s “In Da Pose”) . . . Janet Jackson has reportedly dumped her music producer boyfriend Jermaine Dupri – over the phone (he knew right away – his cell phone ring tone was “That’s the Way Love Goes”) . . . On their current tour, the primeval Rolling Stones (combined age 237) have some serious medical equipment available backstage at all times – including a heart defibrillator . . . Justin Timberlake is the new worldwide spokesperson for McDonald’s with ads already debuting in Europe . . . “Sex & the City’s” Kim Cattrall has signed up to be the new face of luxurious Bentley motorcars (hey, she knows all about a good ride) . . . “Harry Potter & The Mudblood Revolt” and “Harry Potter & The Quest Of The Centaur” have just been registered as trademarks at Britain’s patent office (the 6th & 7th novels by JK Rowling or just a deception?) . . . And thanks to her ‘drag-slag’ dresses, Christina Aguilera has been named ‘World’s Worst Dressed Celebrity’ by the readers of “Prima” magazine (both of them).

FUTURE FLICKS:
Fans of “Get Fuzzy” will be thrilled the popular comic strip about a cat-with-attitude is being made into a computer-animation/live-action family movie by “Stuart Little” director Rob Minkoff . . . Actor Ving Rhames & rapper Ja Rule will co-star in the indie feature “Back in the Day”, about a dawg from the right side of the tracks who gets caught up in gang life . . . 61-year-old Harrison Ford has confirmed he will begin shooting a 4th “Indiana Jones” movie NEXT SUMMER, but he may play a more subdued ‘Indy’ as he has problems with both knees, a bum Achilles heel, and is awaiting an operation for a broken vertebra . . . And shooting on the final installment of George Lucas’ “Star Wars” series is rapidly moving along, with scenes featuring ‘Darth Vader’ reportedly to be shot THIS WEEK though ‘Darth’s’ menacing voice, courtesy of ballsy actor James Earl Jones, will be dubbed in later.
BS REJECTED NAMES FOR “EPISODE III: PART III”:

• “The Clone Ranger”
• “My Franchise for a Toy”
• “Jedis Gone Wild! Part 3″
• “Hey, It’s Better Than Star Trek 5!”

ALL-TIME SEXIEST MOVIE SCENES WITHOUT ANY SEX:
1. Jennifer Lopez & George Clooney in the trunk of a car in “Out Of Sight” [1998].
2. Catherine Zeta-Jones & Antonio Banderas in the sword fighting scene from “The Mask Of Zorro” [1998].
3. Mena Suvari’s pouting cheerleader routine in “American Beauty” [1999].
Source: New top 50 ranking by movie magazine “Empire”.

COMEDIC TIMING:
How long does it take for the average person to understand a punch line? Believe it or not, researchers at Texas A&M University actually tested it out. The average time taken to process a one-line joke (aka to ‘get it’) was 450 milliseconds … just under a half-second. (When you tell [traffic reporter] a joke, you need an egg timer.)

OR YOU CAN JUST SPIT ON YOUR FACECLOTH:
There is now a facial cream that costs a whopping $250 for 1.7 ounces because your own DNA is incorporated into the cream itself. The manufacturer claims that your own DNA will help your skin heal better and take away wrinkles. (Michael Jackson is having trouble finding the DNA for plastic.)

NICE THONG, SOON-YI:
In the West most women try to reduce genital hair as much as possible but in Korea the trend is for … well er, forestation. In fact, transplanted pubic hair is the latest trend in South Korea, where it is regarded as a sign of fertility. Women are paying as much as $2,700 to have hair transplanted from their heads. (Finally a practical use for [co-host’s] toupee!)

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
• 6% of executives say they only take notes in meetings – in order to look busy. Many of them admit they are just appearing to take notes while actually doodling.
• 36% of us have a problem with stress in our lives. Families with teenagers are 25% more likely to have a problem with stress. (For more info, see the comic strip “Zits”.)
• 70% of new mothers say grandma is spoiling their kids (that’s their job!). The good news is over half of young moms say their relationship with their own mother improved after they became moms themselves.
• 86% of men say it was love at first sight when they initially met their future spouse. But interestingly, only 41% of women say they felt that way. (A guy’s first clue he’s ‘in love’ – she’s breathing.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
With Charles Bronson’s death AUGUST 30th (now revealed to be at age 89, not 81), the cast of the all-time classic 1960 movie Western “The Magnificent Seven” is now down to just one survivor – Robert Vaughn, who is 70. Horst Buchholz died in MARCH at 69. James Coburn (74) and Brad Dexter (85) died LAST YEAR. Yul Brynner (70) kicked in 1985, and Steve McQueen died in 1980 at age 50.
Source: “Sun”
 
THE BULL SHEET 09.04.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1918 [85] Paul Harvey, Tulsa OK, syndicated radio commentator (“The R-R-R-R-Rest of the Story” since 1976)/Radio Hall of Fame (1990)

1957 [46] Khandi Alexander, NYC, TV actress (Chief Medical Examiner Alexx Woods-”CSI: Miami”)

1960 [43] Damon Wayans, NYC, TV actor (Michael Kyle-“My Wife and Kids”)/movie actor (“Marci X”, “Major Payne”)/Shawn, Marlon, Keenen & Kim’s brother

1968 [35] Mike Piazza, Norristown PA, All-Star MLB catcher who signed a 7-year, $91-million contract with the New York Mets in 1999

1980 [23] Dan Miller, Twinsberg OH, washed-up pop singer (O-Town-“All or Nothing”, “Liquid Dreams”)

1981 [22] Beyoncé Knowles, Houston TX, pop singer (“Crazy in Love”, Destiny’s Child-“Survivor”, “Say My Name”)/movie actress (“Austin Powers in Goldmember”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Hamilton ON] 2003 “Bell Canadian Open Golf Championship” begins

TODAY is “International Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 170 years ago in 1833. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve found your paper after it was ‘delivered’?

TODAY is the 222nd birthday of Los Angeles, founded in 1781 by 44 Spanish settlers in the Bahia de las Fumas (Valley of Smokes). Its original name was ‘El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula’, which makes ‘LA’ the world’s most abbreviated nickname for a city.

TONIGHT-September 13th is the 29th annual “Toronto International Film Festival” featuring some 336 films from 55 countries.
• Nicole Kidman, Robert Downey Jr, Anthony Hopkins, Nicholas Cage, Meg Ryan & Denzel Washington are among the stars expected to attend.
• Highlights include Ridley Scott’s new ‘Director’s Cut’ of the sci-fi classic “Alien”, and the world premieres of Robert Altman’s “The Company” and Meg Ryan’s new sex thriller “In The Cut”.
• The opening gala will be Denys Arcand’s “Les invasions barbares” (“The Barbarian Invasions”), a sequel to his 1987 Cannes winner “The Decline of the American Empire”.

TONIGHT the 2003 “NFL Season” opens with a giant extravaganza on the National Mall in Washington DC. The “Kickoff Concert” on ABC-TV (8pm ET/5pm PT) features Britney Spears, Mary J Blige, Aerosmith & Aretha Franklin. The concert will salute America’s armed forces and thousands of military personnel are expected to attend. Oh yeah, there’ll also be an actual football game as the Washington Redskins & NY Jets open the season. (Don’t forget your pool picks!)

TOMORROW is “Be Late For Something Day”, sponsored by ‘The Procrastinators Club’. Its purpose is to let people know that procrastination is not a bad thing. In fact, if you put things off long enough – you won’t have to do them at all! The Procrastinators Club has about 15,000 members worldwide. In the spirit of their philosophy, perhaps next week is a good time to call. By the way, opponents of these lackadaisical louts have declared the day after “Do It! – Fight Procrastination Day”.
PHONER: 215-947-4567 (Les Waas-Huntingdon Valley PA)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1885 [118] 1st ‘cafeteria’ opens (The Exchange Buffet in NYC)

1953 [50] 1st MLB team to win 5 consecutive championships (NY Yankees)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1950 [53] DM Hodgson of St Ann Bay NS catches record 997-lb tuna

1972 [31] USA swimmer Mark Spitz wins record 7th gold medal in single Olympic games

1982 [21] 8,659 dancers form ‘longest conga line’ near London UK

1983 [20] Scott Michael Pellaton sets ‘barefoot waterski speed record’ at 119.36 mph

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] Iguana Awareness Day
[Sat] Federal Lands Cleanup Day
[Mon] International Literacy Day
[Sun] Working Mothers Day
[Mon] Canadian Country Music Awards (Calgary)
[Mon] Boss/Employee Exchange Day
This Week Is . . . National Financial Services Week
This Month Is . . . Attention Deficit Disorder Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS DILEMMAS:

• It’s late and your 18-year-old asks permission for his/her steady to spend the night in his/her room. Do you permit it?
• You’re awarded a major contract that requires you to be out-of-town when your wife is due to give birth. Do you turn down the contract?
• A friend gets drunk and confides that a month ago he injured a cyclist and didn’t stop. Do you report your friend?
• You want a job that requires experience you don’t have. Do you lie on you résumé?
• You’ve been looking for a personal Mp3 Player. On the street someone offers to sell you a new one for $10. Do you buy it?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• To do this show I have to get up really early. Sometimes I wake up grumpy, but most of the time I let her sleep.
• When [co-host] dies, he’s going to leave his body to science fiction.
• I once asked my dad if I was a gifted child, and he said he certainly wouldn’t have paid.
• [Co-host] thinks that animal testing is terrible, because they might get nervous and give wrong answers.

BS PICK-YOUR-OWN FRUIT QUIZ:
• How many lemons does the average lemon tree yield in a year …
a. 15
b. 150
c. 1500 [CORRECT. Lemon trees bloom throughout the year and fruit can be picked 6-10 times.]

• Which is the largest fruit crop on Earth …
a. Bananas
b. Grapes [CORRECT. Followed by bananas.]
c. Garlic

• Which name is shared by a citrus fruit and the citizens of an African capital …
a. Lemon
b. Tangerine [CORRECT. Tangiers is the summer capital of Morocco.]
c. Grapefruit

• Which part of the strawberry plant is the true fruit …
a. The green stem.
b. The red pulp.
c. The seeds. [CORRECT. The part that we like to eat is actually the swollen end of the stem called a ‘drupe’.]

BS ‘WHO’S YOUNGER?’:
(Correct answers in uppercase. Ages in parentheses.)
• Who’s younger … PETER JENNINGS or Dan Rather? [65/71]
• Who’s younger … Arnold Schwarzenegger or JESSE VENTURA? [56/52]
• Who’s younger … PETER MANSBRIDGE or Lloyd Robertson? [55/69]
• Who’s younger … Nicole Kidman or JULIA ROBERTS? [36/35, younger by 4 months]
• Who’s younger … Martha Stewart or HILLARY CLINTON? [62/55]
• Who’s younger … DEMI MOORE or Meg Ryan? [40/41]
• Who’s younger … TOM CRUISE or George Clooney? [41/42]
• Who’s younger … Shania Twain or FAITH HILL? [38/35]
• Who’s younger … ‘TONY THE TIGER’ or ‘Snap, Crackle & Pop’? [51/70]
• Who’s younger … SHEILA COPPS or the Hamilton Tiger-Cats? [51/53]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 91% of Canadians polled say they’ve accidentally had a hand crushed between balls while doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Bowling, and getting their hands caught between balls on the return chute.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back in the same box.


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