Friday, September 20, 2002        Edition: #2382
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY “The Golden Age of Grotesque”, an exhibit of over 50 watercolor paintings by Marilyn Manson, opens at an art gallery in Hollywood, the first-ever showing of his work (who woulda thought?) . . . TOMORROW “Miss America” fans can vote online and even pose questions for finalists buring the ABC telecast (every year fewer people watch – why don’t they put this antiquated contest out of its misery?) . . . TOMORROW Willie Nelson, John Mellencamp, Neil Young, Dave Matthews and Kid Rock perform at “Farm Aid 2002″ outside of Pittsburgh PA . . . TOMORROW Paul McCartney kicks off the 2nd leg of his “Back in the US” tour in Milwaukee WI (it already ranks as one of the year’s top grossers – thanks to an average ticket price of $130!) . . . Britain’s Virgin Radio has banned all ‘manufactured pop groups’ from its airwaves (kewl!) . . . J-Lo’s ex-father-in-law claims she not only cheated on hubby Cris Judd with Ben Affleck, but also with P Diddy (tramp!) . . . George Clooney will star opposite Renee Zellweger in the “Bridget Jones” movie sequel “The Edge of Reason” . . . CBS has ordered up 13 episodes of a TV version of this summer’s surprise movie hit, “My Big Fat Greek”, which will also star the writer, Winnipeg native Nia Vardalos . . . James Brown’s 2 daughters have filed a lawsuit against the ‘Godfather of Soul’, seeking more than $200,000 in royalties for 25 songs they claim they co-wrote, some when they were as young as 3- and 6-years-old! (they’re the hardest-suing daughters in show business!) . . . A new US cable channel called the ‘Naked Shopping Network’ will feature naked hosts touting erotic items (they won’t need to use pointers) . . . And over 100,000 gallons of Celine Dion’s perfume has been loaded onto trucks, ready to be shipped (you know what this means – Canada now has chemical weapons!).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Kate Hudson gave up a chance to play the girlfriend of “Spider-Man” for the role of a Victorian beauty in the war adventure “The Four Feathers”, which stars Heath Ledger as a 19th -century British officer who’s branded a coward for resigning his post just before battle . . . Susan Sarandon & Goldie Hawn play former rock groupies and best friends who reconnect after 20 years in the comedy “The Banger Sisters” . . . Kevin Bacon & Courtney Love play kidnappers whose ‘perfect plan’ goes awry in the action thriller “Trapped” . . . The sci-fi thriller “Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever” features Antonio Banderas & Lucy Liu as secret agents and lifelong enemies who join together to defeat a common threat.

54TH PRIMETIME EMMY AWARDS:
• SUNDAY Conan O’Brien hosts TV’s annual orgy of self-congratulation live from the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles on NBC-TV.
• HBO’s funeral-home drama “Six Feet Under” leads nominations with a total of 23, followed by “The West Wing” with 21 (“The Sopranos” is out of competition for failing to air new episodes within the eligibility period). Buzz is “Friends” will rack up a slew of statues as stars Jennifer Aniston, Matt LeBlanc & Matthew Perry are all up for ‘Lead Actor’ awards for the 1st time.
• Oprah Winfrey adds yet another Emmy to her shelf – the 1st ‘Bob Hope Humanitarian Award’, presented by Tom Hanks. (Her show has already won 35 Emmys.)
• What’s in the gift-bag loot handed out to winners and presenters? Luxury goodies totalling about $24,000, including – designer jewelry made in Bali, a gift certificate for a pair of men’s handmade leather shoes, designer watches, Nokia telephones with a full-color screen & stereo FM radio, a vacuum cleaner, a year’s worth of oral care products and a gift certificate for a teeth ‘whitening’, a 1-year bi-coastal health club membership, a Steuben crystal flower vase, United Airlines upgrade certificates, gift certificates for dinner atop the John Hancock building in Chicago, and 5 nights’ accommodation at the Mauna Lani Bay Hotel in Hawaii.

MARKS UP, DUDE!
Australia’s Southern Cross University is now offering a degree in – surfing. As well as being taught to surf, students in the 1-year program also learn about surf-event management, marketing and public relations in order to earn a diploma in ‘Sport Management – Surfing Studies’. (I majored in surfing, minored in bong.)

BEATS THE HECK OUT OF TUNA BREATH:
Worried your cat doesn’t like you any more? A new study finds that it could be your toothpaste that’s to blame! Researchers say some cats hate the smell of minty toothpaste and will hiss, growl at you, or run away whenever they smell it on your breath. Whereas humans like the minty-fresh aroma of clean teeth, cats apparently find it a turn-off.

GATHER ROUND KIDS, IT’S PORN SATURDAY!
Teres Kirpikli, a Christian Democratic Party candidate running for a seat in Sweden’s parliament, is calling for pornography to be broadcast on TV ALL-DAY EVERY SATURDAY to help boost the population, and therefore the Swedish economy. She claims porn is the best way to get couples to have more sex and procreate. (No no no. Beer goggles!)

LOCK THE STUDIO DOOR!
A gun-toting musician forced disc jockey Marcio Paz at radio station Atlantida FM in Porto Alegre, Brazil to play his debut album “Phases of Life” continuously for more than an hour after having no luck getting airplay elsewhere. Fortunately, no one was injured and the incident ended when Vinicius dos Santos surrendered to police. Unbelievably, DJ Paz then told listeners where they could buy the album. (Wait’ll the promo guys at Sony hear about this one!)

EXCUSE ME, MY PANTS ARE BUZZING:
A new male contraceptive has been developed in China which fits into a man’s underwear and emits electronic pulses (yee-owwww!). The device’s sperm-killing zaps can apparently render a man sterile for up to a month. (And offer new job opportunities as an opera soprano.)

COOL PRIZE:
To promote its newly revamped format, “New Scientist” magazine is offering readers a chance to win the coolest prize of all – cryonic preservation. The lucky winner won’t be able to collect until he or she dies, after which they’ll be preserved in liquid nitrogen at the Cryonics Institute of Michigan, offering the possibility that someday when medical technology allows they may be brought back to life. (Now there’s a contest never done on radio!)

FOR THE RECORD:
SUNDAY 32-inch-tall ‘Mini-Me’ actor Verne Troyer from the “Austin Powers” films will lead at least 20,000 kazoo-blowing party animals playing the “Chicken Dance” song at Cincinnati’s annual “Oktoberfest Zinzinnati”. It’s being billed as ‘The World’s Largest Chicken Dance and Kazoo Band’ and organizers hope it will set a record for the world’s largest musical ensemble.

BS AMAZING FACT:
Genealogists have discovered that Britain’s Prince William and US prez George W Bush are 17th cousins. (No wonder they have lots in common, like dads who don’t do anything.)

THE BULL SHEET 09.20.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [68] Sophia Loren (Scicolone), Pozzuoli ITA, movie actress (“Grumpier Old Men”, Oscar-”Two Women”, 1991 Honorary Academy Award)

1979 [23] Rick Woolstenhulme, Gilbert AZ, rock drummer (Lifehouse-“Hanging By a Moment”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1934 [68] Leonard Cohen, Montréal QC, Canadian icon/songwriter (“Closing Time”, “Bird on a Wire”)
 
1947 [55] Stephen King, Portland ME, semi-retired author (“The Shining”, “Pet Cemetery”)/first major author to release books on the Internet

1950 [52] Bill Murray, Wilmette IL, movie actor (“The Royal Tenenbaums”, “Charlie’s Angels”, “Caddy Shack”)

1960 [42] David James Elliott, Milton ON, 6′-4″ TV actor (Cmdr Harmon Rabb Jr-“JAG” since 1995)

1967 [35] Faith Hill (Audrey Faith Perry), Jackson MS, country superstar (“Cry”, “This Kiss”)/Mrs Tim McGraw

1967 [35] Tyler Stewart, Scarborough ON, rock drummer (Barenaked Ladies-“One Week”, “It’s All Been Done”)

1968 [34] Ricki Lake, Hastings-on-Hudson NY, TV talk show host (“Ricki Lake” since 1993)/TV actress (Stephanie Heffernan-“The King of Queens”)

1972 [30] Liam Gallagher, Burnage ENG, rock singer/professional a**hole (Oasis-“Champagne Supernova”)/soon to marry All Saints singer Nicole Appleton with whom he has a child

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Jewish] Sukkot begins at sundown

TODAY is “International Student Day”, honoring the ‘diligence and hard work’ of students everywhere. (Hah! You think you’ve got it tough? When I was your age, I had to crawl 6 miles to school through 10 feet of snow – uphill both ways!)

TOMORROW over 60 ‘ironists’ are expected for the 1st-ever “Extreme Ironing World Championships” in Munich, Germany, a 2-day competition that coincides with the city’s annual “Oktoberfest”. Events include ‘ironing while standing on a mountainside’, ‘ironing while standing in the woods’ and ‘ironing in water’. A jury grades the competitors on creativity, style, time and result. The reigning world champion is the UK’s Phil Shaw, who invented the ‘sport’. The motto of ironists is ‘Have Fun, Look Tidy!’
NET: http://www.extremeironing.info

TOMORROW is “Miniature Golf Day”. The first mini-golf was the ‘Tom Thumb Golf Course’ built in 1929 in Chattanooga TN by John Garnet Carter. Nowadays there’s a ‘Professional Miniature Golf Association’ that holds the ‘PMGA Championship’ each year. (Try some golf-whisper play-by-play – “Oooooh, looks like he’s got a bad lie underneath the windmill…”)
NET: http://www.thePmga.com

TOMORROW is “World Gratitude Day”, ‘to unite all people in a positive emotion of gratitude, creating a world community.’ (Another observance from the ‘Association of the Hopelessly Over-Optimistic’.)

SUNDAY is “Hobbit Day”, commemorating author JRR Tolkein and the birthdays of his “Lord of the Rings” characters ‘Frodo’ and ‘Bilbo Baggins’. Tolkein’s “The Hobbit” was first published 65 years ago on this day (1937). The next movie in the “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, “The Two Towers”, opens DECEMBER 18.

SUNDAY is “National Centenarians Day”, honoring those who’ve lived 100 years or more. According to StatsCan, there has been a 21% increase in the number of centenarians in Canada over the past decade. The majority – 3,055 of 3,795 – are women. Just think – anyone who is 102 or more has now lived in 3 different centuries!
The number of centenarians in America has doubled over the past decade to about 45,000. That makes centenarians the most rapidly growing age group within the fastest-growing segment of the US population – those 85 and over. (In related news, this station is changing to a new format – Ragtime.)

SUNDAY is the last day of summer in the Northern Hemisphere. MONDAY the equinox occurs at 12:55am EDT, marking the beginning of “Autumn” in the Northern Hemisphere and the start of “Spring” in the Southern Hemisphere. Day and night will be approximately equal in duration.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1917 [85] 1st Canadian income tax begins as ‘temporary war measure’ (um, is the war over yet?)

1933 [69] Pittsburgh Steelers play their 1st NFL game (as ‘Pirates’)

1946 [56] 1st ‘Cannes Film Festival’ (worlds top-ranked, just ahead of Toronto)

1962 [40] Beatles’ 1st hit single released (“Love Me Do”)

1998 [04] In a surgical 1st, doctors in Lyon, France sew a donor’s hand on a man whose own had been amputated in an accident 14 years earlier (“My god, I can clap again!”)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sun] Dear Diary Day
[Sun] American Business Women’s Day
[Sun] Good Neighbor Day
This Week is – National Courtesy Week (thank you very much)
This Month is – Organic Harvest Month (put that spleen down – I said ‘organic’, not ‘organ’!)

BULL’S BITS . . .
SUNDAY is the annual “Elephant Appreciation Day”, to celebrate the world’s most interesting and noble endangered land animal.
NET: http://www.elephanteria.com/eday/main_eday.html
COUNTRIES WITH MOST ELEPHANTS IN CAPTIVITY:

1. United States (624)
2. Germany (276)
3. Britain (129)
4. Italy (74)
5. Japan (68)
(Canada ranks 10th, with 45 elephants in captivity.)
Source: “The Top 10 of Everything 2003″

WEB GOODIE:
Find out what hourly wage a full-time worker must earn to afford to rent a modest 2-bedroom home, state-by-state, according to the National Low Incoming Housing Coalition. Not surprisingly, California’s the most expensive ($19.69) and Mississippi’s cheapest ($9.05).
NET: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0918HomeAfford18-ON.html

BS QUICK-PICK TRIVIA:
Q: This schoolyard game was originally a training exercise for Roman soldiers.
a) Hopscotch
b) Red Rover
c) Tag
A: Hopscotch began in Roman Britain. The original hopscotch courts were over 100 feet long and used for military training. Roman foot soldiers ran the course in full armor and field packs as it was thought that hopscotch would improve their footwork. Children imitated the soldiers by drawing their own board and creating a scoring system.
Source: streetplay.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
New stats show Canadians spent nearly $2 billion shopping on the Internet in 2001, up substantially from the previous year. Which things are better to shop for online than in person? (Utilities? Insurance? Check out http://energyshop.com)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When we daydream in the office, 53% of us dream about this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Money.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
TV has proven that people will look at anything rather than each other.


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