Friday, September 13, 2002        Edition: #2377
Argggh! It’s Friday the 13th!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TOMORROW No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani will marry Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale at a secret location in London ENG, but it has been revealed her wedding dress is by celeb designer John Galliano . . . SUNDAY the 4th season of “The Sopranos” kicks off with some mention of 9/11 as Soprano family soldier ‘Bobby Bacala’ tells ‘Tony’, “Quasimodo predicted all this!” and Tony responds, “That was Nostradamus!” (Bobby never was too swift) . . . The Pretenders have invited Russell Crowe’s band 40 Odd Foot Of Grunts to tour North America with them in January & February (just who would be helping who here?) . . . A new NBC-TV reality series called “The Next Action Star” is being developed by Joel Silver (producer of “The Matrix” and “Lethal Weapon” movies) in which 12 newcomers will compete to win the lead role in a made-for-TV action movie, currently titled “Hit Me” . . . Kelly Osbourne has dropped out of making her film debut as the ‘musically inclined best friend’ in a remake of “Freaky Friday” due to ‘personal reasons’ (she discovered she has no identifiable talent?) . . . Michael Jackson’s interior decorator has revealed that the weirdo keeps a family of 17 fully-dressed, life-size mannequins in his bedroom for company (and spare parts) . . . Meantime, word is Janet Jackson has been trying to convince her label, Virgin Records, to take on big brother Michael (uh, what’s in it for them?) . . . And the new issue of ”Parade” magazine says there’s a ‘50-50′ chance that Bruce Willis & Demi Moore may get back together (likely because after years of trying they can’t find anyone else who’ll put up with them).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Jason Lee & Tom Green star in the comedy “Stealing Harvard”, story of a guy who turns to a life of crime in order to finance his niece’s first year at Harvard U (Green recently told “FHM” magazine that he wishes he would have kept the testicle that was removed during his cancer surgery – and, ewwwww, eaten it) . . . A day in the life of a Southside Chicago barbershop is showcased in the appropriately-titled urban comedy “Barbershop”, featuring an ensemble cast led by Ice Cube & Cedric the Entertainer . . . And “Apollo 13″, the first movie to undergo a new remastering process to adapt regular-sized movies to gigantic IMAX screens, premieres at the IMAX theater in LA TODAY (next film to get the treatment – “Star Wars: Attack of the Clones”).

LET’S ROLL!
Charles Akemann of Goleta CA is offering free lapel pins to air travellers who want it known that are ready for ‘fast action’ in case of a terrorism emergency. The idea is inspired by the passengers who took over Flight 93 on 9/11 and forced it down short of its target. (If you’re on a hijacked plane, would you wanna be wearing a pin that says you’re likely to cause trouble?)
NET: http://readytoroll.org

SOMEONE SHOULD’VE CHECKED A MAP:
Archeology student Zvi Koenigsberg, author of the new book “The Lost Temple Of Israel”, says mounting archeological evidence suggests that the site of the First Temple of Israel was not at  the Dome of the Rock in Jerusalem at all, but 40 miles away at Mt Ebal in the Israeli West Bank. If his theory could be proven, it might de-fuse the long-running dispute between Muslims and Jews over what has been considered a holy site by both religions. As Koenigsberg puts it, “If we’re going to fight for our lives, we should at least have our facts straight.”

SOCIAL STUDIES:
• A Vanderbilt University study has determined that, contrary to what parents may think, the sugar in candy does NOT cause hyperactivity in children. (That’s caused by the fact that they’re – children.)
• TOMORROW is “Pregnant Women’s Day”. According to a new study, less than half of women are happy with the maternity care they get in hospitals and see giving birth as a ‘conveyor belt’ experience. (Most new moms would use far more descriptive words to sum up giving birth.)

SUPERPANTS:
Carry your cell in your pocket? Worried that radiation might fry your ‘nads? Worry no
more because Levi Strauss is coming out with new ‘anti-radiation pants’! The company will launch a new line of Dockers NEXT YEAR that feature a specially-lined pocket meant for mobile phones that purportedly prevents radiation from reaching the skin. While studies have concluded there’s no evidence this ever happens, Levi Strauss says it’s merely responding to ‘consumer concerns’.

WEIRD SCIENCE:
• Scientists at Harvard Medical College report they’ve had success growing working penile parts of rabbits in test tubes. They say the next step is to try to grow an entire rabbit penis. (And why would they wanna grow a pecker in a beaker? Because they can.)
• Scientists at the UK’s Babraham Institute have found that sheep can remember at least 50 other sheep faces and also the faces of up to 10 humans for more than 2 years. (That’s why it’s always best to sneak up on them from behind.)
• A study at the University of Bristol in England has determined that pigs use their brains to outwit each other in much the same way as humans and chimps. Although pigs often fight aggressively, researchers found they also adopt more subtle ploys to keep ahead of rivals. (“Hey, forget about eating slop, you guys – the casting director for ‘Babe 3′ is in the barn!”)
• The new issue of the journal “Nature” examines that staple of stadium fan activity ‘The Wave’, aka ‘The Mexican Wave’ because it began at the 1986 “World Cup” in Mexico. A mathematical study by Hungarian researchers finds that to begin a wave you need at least 2 dozen other willing participants nearby. It also notes that waves normally travel clockwise because most people are right-handed. And one of the main reasons a wave gets started? Bored spectators! (The reason one of these studies gets started? Bored scientists!)

BS AMAZING FACT:
The Ichub Club in Bangkok, Thailand now offers ‘karaoke for fat people’ 2 nights a week. (Hey, that’s discrimination against all the other losers!)

THE BULL SHEET 09.13.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1944 [58] Jacqueline Bisset, Weybridge ENG, movie actress (“Rich & Famous”, “The Deep”)  UP NEXT: Will play Jackie O in the upcoming TV movie “America’s Prince: The JFK Jr Story”

1952 [50] Randy Jones, NYC, former pop star (the cowboy in the Village People-“YMCA”)

1968 [34] Brad Johnson, Marietta GA, NFL QB (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)

1968 [34] Bernie Williams, San Juan PR, MLB outfielder (NY Yankees)

1971 [31] Stella McCartney, London ENG, fashion designer (Gucci)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [55] Sam Neill, Omagh N IRE, movie actor (“Jurassic Park 1 & 3″, “The Piano”)

1973 [29] Nas (Nasir Jones), Long Island NY, rapper (Jennifer Lopez Featuring Nas-“I’m Gonna Be Alright”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Friday the 13th”, one of 2 in 2002 (next one is DECEMBER). Some fast facts –
• Months that begin with Sunday, like this one, will always have a “Friday the 13th”.
• The 13th of the month falls on Friday more often than on any other day of the week. In a 400-year period, there will be 688 Friday the 13ths, as compared to 687 Sundays or Wednesdays, the next highest number.

TODAY is also “Defy Superstition Day”, a day to debunk old superstitions. To celebrate, the Center for Inquiry-West in Los Angeles is throwing a party where guests are encouraged to test superstitions by smashing mirrors, opening umbrellas indoors and leaving hats on beds. Participants are required to walk up a cracked sidewalk and under a ladder just to get in! In the 4 years the group of skeptics has gathered for the anti-superstition party, not one person has broken their mother’s back or been dealt 7 years’ bad luck.

TODAY is “Blame Someone Else Day”, always on Friday the 13th, it’s a day to saddle others with the responsibility for the mess we’re in.

TODAY is “Positive Thinking Day”, thanks to some eager-beaver keener somewhere. (I dunno, I really don’t see the point in this.)

THIS WEEKEND the 29th annual “Bald is Beautiful Convention” is scheduled for Morehead City NC, where they have ‘more head and less hair’.
PHONER: 252-726-1855 (John W Capps III, founder of the Bald Headed Men of America)

SUNDAY is the 22nd annual “Terry Fox Run” across Canada and in several other countries. The event has raised over $300 million for cancer research since 1981. A million Canadians usually take part in local runs, which can optionally be walked or cycled.
PHONER: 888-836-9786
NET: http://www.terryfoxrun.org

10 YEARS AGO . . .
1992 1st ‘puntless’ football game in NFL history as Jim Kelly-led Buffalo Bills and San Francisco 49ers led by Steve Young rack up 1,086 yards in total offense – without punting the ball once (Bills win 34-31)

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1997 Best-selling single recording of all-time is released (Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle in the Wind 1997″)

2 YEARS AGO . . .
2000 1st night of 2-episode special Canadian edition of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” on CTV, hosted by Pamela Wallin (about $60,000 is given away after Canadians spend well over a million bucks on $2-phone calls attempting to qualify)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1907 [95] ‘Interprovincial Rugby Football Union’ (‘Big Four’) forms with Hamilton Tigers, Toronto Argonauts, Ottawa Rough Riders and Montréal Foot Ball Club

1990 [12] TV drama “Law & Order” debuts (eventually spawns the spin-off shows “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” and “Law & Order: Criminal Intent”)

1993 [09] 1st episode of “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” on NBC-TV

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1922 [80] Maximum outdoor temperature ever recorded (58 C/136 F at Al’azizyah, Libya)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] International Cross-Culture Day
[Sun] Yom Kippur begins at sundown
[Sun] National Care Givers Day
[Mon] National Working Parents Day
[Mon] Women’s Friendship Day
This Week is – National 5-A-Day Week
This Month is – Subliminal Marketing Month / Update Your Resume Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER ON FRIDAY THE 13TH:

• Never trust a rabbit that tries to sell you his foot.
• Never walk under a mirror or break a black cat.
• 4-leaf clovers are lucky today – but not if you smoke them.
• It is very unlucky today if a black cat crosses your path or gets flushed down your toilet.
• If you’re in the bathroom and you raise your arm to apply deodorant and the mirror cracks – you will have 7 years of bad body odor.

MORE BS WHYZITS:       
• If this is the computer age, whyzit shoe stores still use that medieval looking device to measure your feet?
• Whyzit every time you lose weight it finds you again?
• Whyzit they don’t give Air Miles for the lengthy distances travelled while circling airports waiting to land?
• Whyzit we still measure the power of a car by the number of horses it takes to pull it?
• Whyzit all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the universe are pointed AWAY from the Earth?

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
ARIES: You will find happiness. It will look a lot like tranquillity, only a bit fluffier.
TAURUS: You will have a rather unfortunate episode involving turnips today. Later, however, you’ll be able to write a killer song about it.
GEMINI: Don’t let your friend’s happiness get you down.
CANCER: Someone will soon approach you with an idea. Stay well clear of it.
LEO: You will develop a sudden bizarre craving for a bologna sandwich on white bread with mayonnaise and iceberg lettuce. Fight it!
VIRGO: Another day of social convention defiance. You’ll refuse to wear clothes in the ‘normal fashion’ if at all, and you’ll begin all your business correspondence, ‘My Darling Snookums’.
LIBRA: Today is an excellent day to do something new with bean curd!
SCORPIO: Your window of opportunity is rapidly closing! Don’t worry too much though – the screen door of possibility is still ajar.
SAGITTARIUS: A blunt remark will get you into trouble. Butthead!
CAPRICORN: Good time to start work on that screenplay. It won’t sell, of course, but there’s nothing like trying something new to find out how much harder it is than it looks. Of course, any parent can tell you that.
AQUARIUS: It’s time to get a new perspective on your job. Try to think of work as a great big funhouse. Just without the fun.
PISCES: People will tease you about wearing your golf shoes indoors. Don’t let them bother you – they’re undoubtedly just jealous.

AND WE QUOTE:
Q: What’s long and hard on a white rapper?
A: Grade 9, apparently. That’s the high-school grade Eminem failed 3 times before he threw in the towel on formal education.
Source: Liz Braun, “Toronto Sun”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: In the 1940s, the average kid had 11 of these but nowadays they have only about 3.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cavities.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don’t.


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