Thursday, September 5, 2002        Edition: #2371
King Sheet!

YESTERDAY Beyonce Knowles celebrated her 21st birthday at a roller rink in Atlanta and blew out the candles on a cake shaped like a giant roller skate . . . Cedar Bridge, the covered wooden bridge in Iowa made famous in Clint Eastwood’s 1995 movie “The Bridges Of Madison County”, has been virtually destroyed by fire, with only the charred shell remaining (real men everywhere will be cheering – no sequel!) . . . For Ben Affleck’s 30th birthday, girlfriend Jennifer Lopez reportedly presented him with a sizzling set of naked photos of herself taken by celeb photographer Herb Ritts (using a WIDE-angle lens) . . . Meantime, buzz is Affleck’s been wearing a hairpiece to cover up the well-hidden fact that he’s going bald (from repeatedly banging his head on J-Lo’s headboard) . . . It’s the end of an era – ALL of Napster’s employees have been handed pink slips following a judge’s decision to block the sale of the
formerly high-flying music download dotcom . . . Heather Mills tells “Vanity Fair” that she offered to sign a pre-nup agreement with hubby Paul McCartney but he turned down the offer (whew man, that could be a $500-million mistake!) . . . And poor Jim Carey is grieving after staging a traditional Viking funeral for his pet hamster, setting fire to a tiny burning boat containing ‘Merle’, his favorite little ball and blanket, and then pushing it out to sea at Malibu CA (while bending over to provide wind for its sail).

Shooting is underway in Winnipeg on “Three’s Company Revisited”, an NBC TV-movie based on the late ‘70s sitcom starring Suzanne Somers, John Ritter & Joyce DeWitt (geez, what’s next – ‘Gilligan’s Rest Home’?) . . . Newcomer Kristoffer Polaha will star as JFK Jr opposite “Ally McBeal’s” Portia de Rossi as Carolyn Bessette Kennedy in the TBS TV-movie “America’s Prince: The John F Kennedy Jr Story”, expected to air in December or January . . . Steven Soderbergh & George Clooney will produce a new movie about gangster John Dillinger to be written by David Mamet, who previously wrote the script for “The Untouchables” . . . NEXT MONTH Johnny Depp & Geoffrey Rush begin filming “The Pirates of the Caribbean”, a swashbuckling adventure inspired by the popular Disney theme park attraction (thank gawd they aren’t making ‘It’s a Small World After All’) . . . And Nicole Kidman is set to play nightclub singer ‘Sally Bowles’ in a proposed remake of the musical “Cabaret”, the role first made famous by Liza Minnelli (just call it ‘Moulin Rouge 2′).

Animal behaviorist Hermann Bubna-Littitz, a professor at the Veterinary University of Vienna, claims he’s designed music to lull cats into a pleasant, relaxed state. “Music for Cats and Friends” features electronically-composed numbers such as “Moonlight Walk”, “Endless Time”, and “Coming Home.” The 2-CD set sells for about $20 online. Try playing some sound samples, then ask cat owners if they notice any difference in puss’s mood.

Research reported in the “London Times” shows that 46% of dogs begin watching for their masters up to an hour BEFORE they return home each day – even when the owners work irregular hours. (The other 54% spend the entire time their master is at work staring stupidly out the window saying, “Is he home yet? Is he home yet? Is he home yet?”)

A new survey of 360,000 workers in several countries by International Survey Research finds that over 70% of Canadian employees want to stay with their current employer and would recommend their company as a good place to work. Brazil has the highest level of employee commitment at 79%, while Japan has the least – just 50%. Experts say committed employees are more likely to stay with an organization and put maximum effort into their work. (A related study finds radio personalities are the most likely to be committed – to institutions.)

‘Mixed-gender sleepovers’ are gaining popularity among teens. Of close to a thousand young people polled by “Teen People” magazine, over half say they’ve been to a co-ed sleepover and 83% say they’ve seen or heard of their peers ‘fooling around’ while at such an event. Teens say they’re just another way to hang out, a result of mixed groups of friends who want to spend even more time together. (And have babies.)

According to a new survey by marketing agency Integer Group, women who are grocery shopping feel the ‘most sensual’ when they are in the shampoo aisle. And when they’re feeling ‘romantic’, they head for the candy aisle. (Wonder what they’re feeling when they hang out near the vegetables?)

• Pilgrims are flocking to a house in Bombay, India where they believe that the elephant-headed Hindu god Lord Ganesha has appeared – in the shape of a potato. Around 60 or 70 people a day are visiting the shrine to leave gifts of flowers and money in order to seek the blessing of the ‘divine vegetable’.
• Rescue crews had to be called in to save an 80-year-old Perth, Australia woman after she fell into – her septic tank. A firefighter wearing a special, helmeted ‘splash suit’ was winched down into the tank in a rescue operation that took over an hour. (And you think YOUR job stinks!)
• 63-year-old Vittorio Greco from Lascari, Sicily was visiting the village cemetery where he’d commissioned a marble mausoleum to be built as his family tomb. But after stepping up on a ladder to get a better view, he slipped, hit his head on a marble step – and died. (Thereby saving transportation costs.)
• The Vienna Vegetable Orchestra plays carved-out carrots, pumpkins and other vegetables to packed houses in Austria. Jorg Piringer, who plays a hollowed-out cucumber called a ‘gurkophone’ – leads the band of up to 20 vegetablists who have to carve their unique instruments before each concert. Afterwards, a chef adds them to a big pot of soup or stew for the players and audience to share. (Ew, do they empty out the ‘spit valves’ first?)
• In a move that’s hard to believe, the government of Greece has banned ALL electronic games. That’s right, something as innocent as playing computer solitaire on your laptop in a hotel lobby is now a crime with penalties of up to 3 months in a Greek slammer and a fine close to $10,000. The purpose behind this overboard legislation is to crack down on Internet gambling. But lawmakers had trouble distinguishing between gambling, computer games and video games.

1. Edward Burns
2. George Clooney
3. P Diddy
4. Matt Damon
5. Calvin Klein model Travis Fimmel
Source: “Parade” magazine


1921 [81] Jack Valenti, Houston TX, longtime chairman & CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America

1940 [62] Raquel Welch (Tejada), Chicago IL, aging former movie ‘sex symbol’ (“Legally Blonde”, “100 Rifles”)

1950 [52] Cathy Guisewite, Dayton OH, comic strip cartoonist (“Cathy”)

1973 [29] Rose McGowan, Florence ITA, TV actress (Paige Halliwell-“Charmed)/movie actress (“Monkeybone”, “Scream”)

[Markham ON] “Canadian Open Golf Championship” begins
[Procrastinators’ Club] “Be Late For Something Day”

TONIGHT the 27th “Toronto International Film Festival” kicks off with Atom Egoyan’s drama “Ararat” and reels through September 14th. Some highlights –
• Premieres include Eminem’s acting debut in “Eight Mile”, director Brian De Palma’s new film “Femme Fatale”, the biopic “Frida” starring Salma Hayek,  Denzel Washington’s directorial debut “Antwone Fisher”, and David Cronenberg’s new thriller “Spider” starring Ralph Fiennes.
• Guest list includes Sophia Loren, Dustin Hoffman, Adam Sandler, Pierce Brosnan, Matt Dillon, Kate Hudson, Michelle Pfeiffer and Denzel Washington.
PHONER: 416-968-3456

TODAY the 2002 NFL season kicks off with the “World’s Largest Tailgate Party” in NYC’s Times Square. Bon Jovi headlines the bash cumbersomely titled “New York City and The NFL Present: NFL Kickoff Live from Times Square” scheduled to begin about 3pm, and there are also planned performances by Enrique Iglesias, and Eve with Alicia Keys. All of this of course is to hype the first ever Thursday NFL season opener as the NY Giants host the San Francisco 49ers TONIGHT at 8:30pm ET.

1885 [117] 1st ‘gasoline pump’, in Ft Wayne IN (before that you bought it in a paper bag)

1914 [88] Babe Ruth hits 1st pro HR, playing for minor league Providence team in Toronto

1999 [03] La-Z-Boy 1st markets its ‘Oasis’ recliner designed for football fans, equipped with phone, heat, massager, and a cooler large enough to chill a 6-pack

1989 [13] World’s ‘longest zipper’ (9,353 ft long with 2,565,900 teeth) is produced by the Yoshida Co of Sneek, Netherlands (on a pair of pants for Oprah)

[Fri] Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown
[Fri] Fight Procrastination Day–Do It! Day
[Sun] Pet Memorial Day
[Mon] Canadian Country Music Awards (Calgary)
[Mon] National Boss/Employee Exchange Day
This Week is – Tools of the Trade Week
This Month is – Menopause Awareness Month


• Peanut Butter & Jelly – You are artistic and adventurous, and you like bringing different people and ideas together. That’s especially true if you prefer the crunchy style of peanut butter. You don’t mind when things get a little messy sometimes.
• Tuna Salad – Your calm, serene outlook has many people looking to you for guidance. You’re a problem solver who doesn’t waste time assigning blame when things go wrong. Just don’t take all those problems on your own narrow shoulders. It’s not always your responsibility.
• Ham & Cheese – You are quiet and reserved, very private and have only a small number of friends but are extremely close to them. You’re fiercely loyal and supportive, but can also be stubborn and have trouble letting go of old ideas.
• Turkey – You’re somewhat shy and rarely volunteer, but once asked, you pitch right in and get the job done. You hate conflict, and tend to back away when things get rough. You’re not much of a risk-taker, but you’re a good parent and provider.
• Club – Generous and big-hearted, you never do anything halfway for yourself or others. You’re creative, innovative and mechanically inclined. But you sometimes make things too complicated. You need to try to relax a little.
• Sub or Hero – Strong-willed and brash, you’re a hard-charging achiever who likes to take risks. You’re a strong leader, but you sometimes forget to check if anyone’s following. You need to learn to listen a little more to the advice of friends and colleagues.
• Bologna – You’re a traditionalist whose tastes are simple and plain. You’re straightforward and direct. You value honesty above all other values. You’re also a little naive, and can sometimes be too trusting.
Source: “Weekly World News”

• No matter how tempting it is, never try to vacuum a sleeping grandparent.
• Do not attempt to change a light bulb while standing on the dog.
• When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘Uh-oh’, it’s already too late.
• No matter how much he enjoys it, never let the gerbil ride the ceiling fan.
• Always wear protective goggles when operating a weed whacker, working with power tools, or teasing your wife.

Q: Who holds the record for the highest-grossing concert tour ever?
a) The Three Tenors
b) The Rolling Stones
c) Stompin’ Tom
A: The Stones, who just kicked off their “Licks World Tour”. Their 1994 tour brought in a record $121.2 million.

Today’s Question: Three-quarters of women say they enjoy this about their man, while others think it’s disgusting!
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Chest hair.

• School is where you always try to do your best – except when your friends are watching.
• There are a lot of foreign students in this country. They’re easy to spot. They’re the ones going to class.

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