Tuesday, September 4, 2001        Edition: #2124
Planning Calendar for the Month in Today’s Issue!

TODAY is back-to-school day for most Canadian students, a good day to take calls from 6- or 7-year-olds offering advice to ‘youngsters’. Here’s some . . .
REAL TIPS FROM 2ND GRADERS FOR KIDS ENTERING GRADE 1:

• “Don’t burp out loud.”
• “Try to put your capital letters in the right place.”
• “Keep your desk clean.”
• “If there’s a kindergartner sitting on the bus near you, don’t make fun of them.”
• “Try not to throw up in class.”
• “Don’t put down ‘little’ kids.”
(Source: “Indianapolis Star & News”)

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• Here we go again — tabloid reports that Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are engaged are just ‘rubbish’, according to a spokeswoman for Jive Records. Three London tabloids reported it as well as the “Star”, which claimed Justin popped the question last month during a recording session for their new duet and she said, “Yes, yes, yes.” The tab says Justin was in such a rush to propose that he borrowed one of his mother’s rings to give Britney as an engagement ring, but it was too tight so she’s wearing it around her neck for now. These two have been living together in Britney’s Hollywood home for months and have known each other since they were on the “Mickey Mouse Club” in the early ’90s.
• “E! Online” notes that attendance has fallen at music concerts over the past year. For example, new figures show that 30% of the tickets for a recent ‘N Sync concert in Las Vegas went unsold, and former SRO wrinkle rocker Rod Stewart isn’t drawing more than 8,000 per show. Why? Rising prices (some tix for Madonna’s “Drowned World Tour” are selling for $450), and increased live concert coverage on cable TV.
•  “The Weakest Link’s” Anne Robinson is in the running to win Britain’s ‘Top TV Bitch of All-Time” to be awarded by the UK’s Channel 4, according to “London’s Daily Express”. She’s up against ‘Miss Piggy’, “Dynasty’s” Joan Collins and 7 other catty characters.
• “Enquirer” says NYC’S NASDAQ stock exchange will be hosting a dinner for Michael Jackson at Tavern on the Green in Central Park FRIDAY to celebrate his anniversary concert. Tickets are a whopping $5,000 for a single, $50,000 for a table. Not surprisingly, lots are still available.
• “Star” claims love-struck couple Lisa Marie Presley and Nicolas Cage have been visiting psychics, hoping to channel her pop ‘The King’ to get his blessing so they can get married. So far, their mental missives have apparently come back “Return to Sender”. Seems truly weird Lisa Marie is convinced her marriages to Danny Keough and Michael Jackson both failed because she didn’t consult her father. (Um darlin’, Elvis has left the planet.)
• Parts the autobiography “Learning to Fly” by Victoria Beckham (‘Posh Spice’) published in the UK’s “Mail on Sunday” say she became obsessed with dieting when she was told to lose a few pounds after joining the Spice Girls. She blames part of her battle with eating disorders on former ‘Ginger Spice’ Geri Halliwell. Meantime, ‘Will & Grace” star Debra Messing has lost so much weight over the summer hiatus that she now has to pad her butt to fit into her wardrobe on the show, says “Star”.

HANDS ACROSS THE WATER:
The Odeon movie theater in London’s Covent Garden is giving fans a chance to touch the hands of their favorite celebrities. The complex’s new decor features plaster replicas of stars’ hands. For example, Tom Cruise’s hand serves as the door handle to the women’s washroom and Kate Winslet’s hand is the soap holder in the men’s. (As a security measure the handle on the safe in the manager’s office is made from Michael Jackson’s hand — so nobody will want to touch it.)

HAVE A NICE COMMUTE:
A new Leger Marketing survey finds that 1 in 5 Canadian adults has been the victim of road rage, while about 1 in 3 has witnessed it. Asked to describe the last incident of aggressive behavior from another driver, about 40% say it was an indecent gesture, such as ‘the finger’, and about 27% say it was indecent language. (If I was going to express road rage, I’d be yanking the cell phone out of a driver’s hand and heaving as far away as possible.)

SCHOOL DAZE:
• The average length of the school year in Canada is 186 days, in the US 180 days, and in England 192. But in Japan, students are stuck in the classroom an average of 243 days.
• In Russia, the smallest girl in 1st grade stands on the shoulders of the tallest senior student and rings a handbell to start the school year. In May, the ceremony is repeated for ‘last bell’.
• Kids a little cranky? There’s good reason. The “Complete Book of Parenting” says a full 90% of young children become sick more often when starting school or daycare.
• Only 29% of kids pack their own school lunch, while 40% rely on a parent to do it. (Leaving 31% . . . who have it catered?)
• A student study finds the most-hated foods in school lunches are lamb, beans, sour cream, and fish (what about the old wiener on a string in a Thermos?). Homemade school lunches most often contain sandwiches (85.6%) and soup (55%). What’s the weirdest thing you ever put in your kid’s lunch?

SMELL SIGNALS:
Swedish researchers have found new evidence that men and women can, in fact, send and receive subconscious sexual signals — by emitting odors. (Well, I seem to be receiving a message loud and clear from [co-host] this morning!)

BATTLE OF THE CHEEKS:
In a recent survey of women, 40% say their man’s butt is more attractive than his face. (Results may be skewed however, as 7% say they can’t tell them apart.)

MORALE BOOST:
“Entrepreneur” magazine says you can boost employee morale by making sure they get freebies. For instance, if you have T-shirts with the corporate logo on them, instead of just giving them to customers and suppliers, you should make sure employees get them too. (Now there’s an excuse next time you’re caught hauling company stuff out the back door!)

THE BULL SHEET 09.04.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1918 [83] Paul Harvey, Tulsa OK, syndicated radio commentator (after a recent illness he’s back doing “The R-R-R-R-Rest of the Story” [since 1976])/largest one-man radio network, consisting of over 1200 radio stations

1957 [44] Khandi Alexander, NYC, TV actress (Jackie Benton-”ER, since 1995)

1960 [41] Damon Wayans, NYC, TV actor (Michael Kyle-“My Wife and Kids”)/movie actor (“Bamboozled”, Celtic Pride”, “Major Payne”)/Shawn, Marlon, Keenen & Kim’s brother

1968 [33] Mike Piazza, Norristown PA, All-Star MLB catcher (NY Mets)

1969 [32] Noah Taylor, London ENG, movie actor (“Almost Famous”, “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”) NEXT FILM The Tom Cruise/Penelope Cruz thriller “Vanilla Sky”, opening DECEMBER 14

1980 [21] Dan Miller, Twinsberg OH, pop singer (O-Town-“All or Nothing”, “Liquid Dreams”)/TV actor (“Making the Band” [made the band as Ikaika's replacement])

1981 [20] Beyonce Knowles, Houston TX, pop singer (Destiny’s Child-“Survivor”, “Say My Name”)/TV actress (“Carmen: A Hip Hopera”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “International Newspaper Carrier Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news boy’. 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 168 years ago in 1833. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve found your paper after it was ‘delivered’?

TODAY is the 220th birthday of Los Angeles, founded in 1781 by 44 Spanish settlers in the Bahia de las Fumas (Valley of Smokes). Its original name was ‘El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula’, which makes ‘LA’ the world’s most abbreviated nickname for a city. It has some competition however from Bangkok, Thailand. Its full name is Krungthep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Ayutthaya Mahadilokphop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Piman Awatan Sathit Sakkathatthiya Witsanukam Prasit. But this is so long that residents of Bangkok, founded 219 years ago by King Rama I, generally refer to the city by its shorter name of Krungthep, which is Thai for ‘City of Angels’.

TOMORROW is “Be Late For Something Day”, sponsored by ‘The Procrastinators Club’. Its purpose is to let people know that procrastination is not a bad thing. In fact, if you put things off long enough — you won’t have to do them at all! The Procrastinators Club has about 15,000 members worldwide. In the spirit of their philosophy, perhaps next week is a good time to call. By the way, opponents of these lackadaisical louts have declared THURSDAY “Fight Procrastination Day”.
PHONER: 215-947-4567 (Les Waas-Huntingdon Valley PA)

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2000 “ABC’s Monday Night Football” premieres its 31st season with a new lineup in the broadcast booth — returning play-by-play man Al Michaels, plus newcomers, San Diego Chargers famed QB Dan Fouts, and erudite comedian Dennis Miller (who’s actually not so bad now that he’s quit trying to crack wise with every single comment)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1885 [116] 1st ‘cafeteria’ opens, in NYC (next day, the 1st ‘10W30′ leftover gravy)

1953 [48] 1st MLB team to win 5 consecutive championships (NY Yankees. Can they do it again?)

1994 [07] “NFL Sunday” debuts on FOX-TV, as net steals NFC rights from CBS (along with announcers Pat Summerall and John Madden)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1950 [51] DM Hodgson of St Ann Bay NS catches record 997-lb tuna

1954 [47] American Peter Cortese does one-arm deadlift of 370 lbs, more than triple his weight

1983 [18] Scott Michael Pellaton sets ‘barefoot waterski’ speed record at 119.36 mph

SEPTEMBER AT-A-GLANCE . . .
[Wed] Jean Chrétien scheduled to play Tiger Woods at Canadian Open pro-am event
[Thurs] Toronto Film Festival begins
[Thurs] MTV Music Awards
[Thurs] Bell Canadian Open begins (Montréal)
[Thurs] Read a Book Day
[Fri] Canadian Country Music Week begins (Calgary)
[Fri] 17 new digital TV channels go on-air in Canada
[Fri/Mon] “Michael Jackson: 30th Anniversary Celebration, the Solo Years” (NYC)
[Sat] Celebrate Pregnant Women Day
[Sun] NFL Season opens
[Sun] Grandparents Day
[Sept 10] Canadian Country Music Awards
[Sept 12] Barbara Walters makes Mariah Carey cry on ABC’s “20/20″
[Sept 12] Video Games Day
[Sept 12] Pet Memorial Day
[Sept 16] Prime-Time Emmy Awards
[Sept 16] National Working Parents Day
[Sept 16] National Singles Week begins
[Sept 17] Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown
[Sept 19] ‘President Josiah Bartlet’ runs for re-election on “The West Wing”
[Sept 20] National Student Day
[Sept 21] UN International Day of Peace
[Sept 22] Business Women’s Day
[Sept 22] Hobbit Day
[Sept 22] National Centenarians Day
[Sept 22] Hunting & Fishing Day
[Sept 22] 1st day of Autumn
[Sept 22] 81st “Miss America Pageant”
[Sept 23] MuchMusic Video Awards
[Sept 23] National Dog Week begins
[Sept 25] One Hit Wonders Day
[Sept 26] Food Service Employees Day
[Sept 26] Yom Kippur begins at sundown
[Sept 28] Ask A Stupid Question Day

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PHONE STARTER:

“What’s your kid need for back-to-school that you never did?” (Mobile phone? 20 bucks for lunch? E-mail address? Pre-packaged crackers and fake cheese? Bullet-proof warm-up jacket? Condoms?)

BS TRIVIA:
Q: What country became totally independent when it gained control over its constitution from Great Britain on April 17, 1981?
A: Um, that would be Canada.

Q: Where does Canadian mail go when it has a postal code starting with ‘X’?
A: Somewhere in the Northwest Territories.

BS TAG LINE:
Teaching is the art of assisting discovery.

HOWDY!
This week we have “Bull Sheet” samplers in Alberta, Yukon, Ohio, Missouri, South Africa, the UK and Guam. Welcome on board! And remember, you can subscribe to “BS” simply by clicking the link at the top of the page.


Printer Friendly Version