September 29, 2000           Thanks to You This is…  Edition #1900!

BS SIGNS YOU’RE SICK OF OLYMPICS:
• You know all the words to the Romanian national anthem.
• All that’s left of your ‘Olympic Fever’ is a dry hacking cough.
• Every time CBC’s Brian Williams starts ranting again you find you’ve put another fork into the back of your hand.
• You find yourself saying, “Oh good, there’s a “Seinfeld” rerun on tonight.”
• You find out the closing ceremonies actually took place August 23rd.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT CBS-TV’S “Big Brother” mercifully comes to an end as a phone poll will determine which of the remaining 3 contestants — Eddie, Curtis or Josh — will leave with a half-million bucks (someone call – please!) . . . SUNDAY the “2000 Prairie Music Awards” are handed out in Saskatoon, with Chantal Kreviazuk and McMaster & James leading the way with 4 nominations each . . . Squeezing every last moment out of her 15th minute of fame, “Survivor’s” Colleen Haskell has landed a film role as Rob Schneider’s love interest in the upcoming comedy ”Animal” (producers were looking for someone with scabby legs).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Denzel Washington stars in the drama “Remember The Titans” as a football coach hired in the early ‘70s just as a high school has been integrated to allow blacks . . . Michelle Rodriguez plays a feisty teenager who takes her fighting out of the school yard and into the boxing ring in the drama “Girlfight”.

WEIRD SCIENCE:
• New research by Florida International University biologists suggests that autumn leaves turn color in a crazed metamorphosis to better absorb ultraviolet rays and remain alive a little longer. The biologists believe trees purposefully produce the colors as a last gasp attempt to keep the leaves attached. (If you listen REAL closely you can hear them screaming, “Hep me hep me! AGHGHGH!!!”).
• To create his new ‘work of transgenic art’, Chicago artist Eduardo Kac worked with French geneticists to inject genes similar to those found in fluorescent jellyfish into a rabbit embryo. The result — a white bunny called ‘Alba’ that looks normal but glows an eerie green when placed under the right light.

RECORD ROAR:
SUNDAY NFL fans in Denver will attempt to break the Guinness World Record for the ‘Loudest Roar in a Stadium’ during half-time of the Broncos-Patriots game. The crowd will be encouraged to make as much noise as possible for 10 seconds in order to break the 125.4 decibel-record set in Dublin, Ireland last year. (And likely equaled by the 120,000 in Stadium Australia when Cathy Freeman won the 400.)

INTERNATIONAL CHART TOPPERS:
• Designed as an early-morning payback for noisy neighbors, a New Zealand man has released a CD with 64 minutes of lawnmower noise. So far, he’s sold over 1000 copies!
• In Germany, comedian Stefan Raab has a hit after taking a recording of Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder saying “Get me a beer!” and adding music and the glug-glug SFX of Oktoberfest. It’s said to be the first ‘political beer rap song’. (We’re hard-pressed to think of another.)

THE BULL SHEET 09.29.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935    [65] Jerry Lee Lewis (“Killer”), Ferriday LA, oldies rock ‘n roll singer (“Great Balls of Fire”)
1948    [52] Bryant Gumbel, New Orleans LA, CBS-TV anchor (“The Early Show”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1958    [42] Marty Stuart, Philadelphia MS, country singer (“The Whiskey Ain’t Workin”)
1964    [36] Robby Takac, Buffalo NY, rock musician (Goo Goo Dolls-“Iris”)
1971    [29] Jenna Elfman, LA CA, TV sitcom actress (Dharma Montgomery-“Dharma & Gregg”)
1980    [20] Martina Hingis, Kosice SLOV, top-rated pro tennis player

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. A year ago today, the Chicago Catholic archdiocese hired a priest to serve as a full-time exorcist to help those who fear they’ve been possessed by the ‘Evil One’, just like Linda Blair. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.” (A goose on an elevator means you can sue.)

TODAY they hold the annual “Office Olympics” in downtown Shreveport LA. Events include the ‘Office Chair Roll-Off’, ‘The Human Post-It Note’, ‘Musical Office Chairs’ and — our fave — ‘Toss the Boss’. Note that this all started years ago as a radio promotion with an office supplies store.

SUNDAY’s “Closing Ceremonies” for the Sydney Summer Olympics take place 4-8am EDT (CBC-TV will repeat them 7-11pm). Muscle-bound gay men — known locally as ‘Muscle Marys’ — are scheduled to participate for the first time in history, a big source of controversy down under.

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993    [07] Toronto Blue Jays ‘World Series’ tickets go on sale (them was the days)
1999    [01] Spouses of Western Hemisphere leaders gather for their 9th annual conference, hosted by Aline Chretien in Ottawa (“He just never has time for the family anymore . . .”)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] CMA Awards
[Oct 9] Thanksgiving Day
Deaf Awareness Week
National Chicken Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
PHONE STARTER:

“What do women notice first when they look at a guy?” [A new poll finds the following – face (56%), chest (21%), eyes (12%), buns (8%), and legs (3%).] (Well, might as well throw out that codpiece.)

BS RADIO JEOPARDY: (Just like TV, your phone contestant must answer in the form of a question.)
• Answer is – It’s not hard. [Correct question is -- How can you spot the blind guy in a nudist colony?]
• A: Thor-pe-do. [Q: What does a urologist nickname his fees?]
• A: Decomposes. [Q: What does a dead songwriter do?]
• A: Slow down. [Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?]
• A: Pretzel. [Q: What do you look like after foreplay with an Olympic gymnast?]
• A: The grip. [Q: What's the difference between pink and purple?]

BS TAG LINE: May your life be like toilet paper — long and useful.


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