September 13, 2000                                     Edition:  #1888

The special Canadian edition of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” airs on CTV TONIGHT and tomorrow night. The two hour-long shows, hosted by Pamela Wallin, were taped last week with the winners (if any) sworn to secrecy. But here’s a . . .
BS PREVIEW OF TONIGHT’S ‘FASTEST FINGER’ QUESTIONS:
• Put the following in order of their likelihood of becoming extinct — a) Newfoundland cod fishermen  b) Toronto squeegee kids  c) Federal Progressive Conservatives
• Which has the most leaks — a) A Canadian Armed Forces cruiser  b) Finance Minister Paul Martin’s secret campaign for PM  c) [Your co-host] during ‘Happy Hour’
• Put the following in order according to the number of strokes –  a) The Canadian Senate during an average year  b) Tiger Woods at the Canadian Open  c) [Your co-host] on his honeymoon
• Who strikes out most often –  a) Toronto Blue Jays  b) Mike Bullard during his nightly monologue c) [Your co-host] on his honeymoon
• Which day is currently the most popular –  a) Saturday  b) Christmas Day  c) Stockwell
• Put the following in order of having the most hair — a) Peter Mansbridge’s head  b) 12-day old donuts in a Tim Horton’s markdown bag  c) Disqualified Olympic hammer thrower Robin Lyons’ chest

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Guess who’s Hollywood’s new ‘Mr Difficult’? The new “Vanity Fair” says its Mike Myers, citing several examples, including threatening to quit a production because the caterer only supplied butter and not margarine (the sequel to “Last Tango in Paris” was shot anyway) . . . The remaining 6 “Big Brother” contestants are threatening to walk off the show before the scheduled SEPTEMBER 30 finale (apparently they’re as bored with it as we are) . . . Priscilla Presley has been named to the Board of Directors of MGM Corporation (she’s used to making money from bloated corps).

BS AMAZIN’ FACTS:
• 3.9% of women don’t wear underwear, according to the book “Are You Normal?”.
• Researchers estimate the average duration of a sexual encounter between chimpanzees is 10 seconds. (Just call me ‘Cheetah’.)
• In a new a survey for a bra manufacturer, 11% of women admit they are unable to engage in sports like skating or roller blading because their chests are so oversized, they find it impossible to keep their balance. (I have the same problem with pogo.)

MAKES SCENTS:
Guys, forget the aftershave! Researchers at the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation say one of the scents that turns women on most is cucumber. They have no idea why the aroma proves so arousing. (But they note that substituting mini-gherkins doesn’t work.)

SALARY CUTS:
Would you be willing to chop off one of your fingers if it meant keeping your job? A new poll in Denmark reveals 87% of respondents would. And even more surprising — 48% say they’d have a foot amputated if it meant they could double their salary and be guaranteed a job for life. (And for stock options, 45% of Danish men are willing to become sopranos!)

THE BULL SHEET 09.13.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1938    [62] Judith Martin, Washington DC, etiquette columnist (“Miss Manners”)
1944    [56] Jacqueline Bisset, Weybridge ENG, TV actress (Mary-“Jesus”)/movie actress (“The Deep”)
1971    [29] Stella McCartney, UK, fashion designer (Chloé)/Paul & Linda McCartney’s daughter
1977    [23] Fiona Apple (McAfee), NYC, rock singer (“Criminal”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY (being the 13th) is “Defy Superstition Day”, a day to debunk old superstitions. For instance, there’s a superstition in Iceland that a pregnant woman should never drink from a cracked coffee because her baby will be born with a stutter. (It isn’t the chipped cup, it’s the caffeine in the coffee!)

The full moon TONIGHT is known as the “Harvest Moon”, so called because the full moon nearest the autumnal equinox gives farmers extra hours in the evening to harvest their crops.

THIS WEEK’s “International Housekeepers Week”, honors the efforts of all household staff. So be sure to give your servants a day off.
PHONER: 800-200-6342 (IEHA)

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1996    [04] USA defeats Canada 5-2 in sudden-death final of 1st (and last?) “World Cup of Hockey”
1997    [03] Best-selling single recording of all-time is released (Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle in the Wind 1997″)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1907    [93] ‘Interprovincial Rugby Football Union’ (‘Big Four’) forms with Hamilton Tigers, Toronto Argonauts, Ottawa Rough Riders and Montreal Foot Ball Club
1990    [10] TV drama “Law & Order” debuts (a 2nd spin-off is now being developed)
1996    [04] Toronto Blue Jay Charlie O’Brien becomes 1st catcher to wear a hockey goalie mask in  MLB game

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1922    [78] Highest outdoor temperature ever recorded (136 degrees F in Azizia, Libya)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Sydney Olympics opening
[Sat] National Kids Day
[Sun] 20th Annual Terry Fox Run
Vegetarian Awareness Week
Be Kind to Editors and Writers Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS RADIO JEOPARDY
: (Contestant must attempt to answer in the form of a question. When they can’t — you provide the zinger!)
• The answer is — PRIMARY ATMOSPHERIC GAS. (The correct question is – “What was created when Captain Kirk ate Mexican?”)
• SURGEON’S FAVORITE TOOL. (“What is the golf club?”)
• BREAKFAST, LUNCH OR DINNER. (“What is [local fat person’s] favorite time of day?”)
• CANNIBAL (“What do you call a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter?”)

BS TAG LINE: Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.


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