September 19 2018

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

Wednesday, September 19, 2018        Edition: #6296

Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

★ If you want to hear something that’ll melt your mind, buckle up, because Chrissy Teigen has let the world know that we’ve been pronouncing her last name wrong.  After someone tweeted about the fact that everyone says Ariana Grande’s last name wrong (Ariana has gone on record pronouncing her surname “GRAND-ee”), someone replied, saying “Well we pronounce @chrissyteigen’s name wrong all the time.”  So of course, Chrissy being Chrissy, she chimed in to deliver the facts. Apparently, it’s TIE-gen, not TEE-gen.
★ Julie Chen will be leaving her daytime gig at “The Talk”. It seemed inevitable that her days were numbered on the show, where discussions frequently involve issues like sexual misdeeds. Although her husband, Les Moonves, has denied any improper conduct, the fact that 12 women accuse him of improper conduct, and that he was forced out, certainly put Chen in an awkward position.  Julie did appear on “Big Brother” last week and it seems she’ll hang onto that job, at least in the short term. She made it clear she’s standing by her husband at the end of last week’s show, when she signed off as “Julie Chen Moonves.”
★ Roseanne Barr has revealed how she says ABC is going to deal with her iconic character on “The Connors”, the new spin-off version of her former show, and she says the send-off is cruel and insulting. Barr appeared on Brandon Straka’s YouTube show, saying that Roseanne isn’t getting a gentle send-off. Quote: “Oh yeah, they killed her. They have her die of an opioid overdose.” Barr says the real travesty is for the fans to see such a grisly end and she is upset that ABC had to “so cruelly insult the people who loved that family in that show.”
★ We now seemingly have official word that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are married.  People magazine says they have been able to confirm that the couple tied the knot on Thursday.  After the secret vow exchange at a courthouse in New York City, Bieber’s mom, Pattie Mallette, tweeted, “Love is unconditional.”  A friend of the couple is quoted as saying, “They went ahead and did it without listening to anyone.”
★ Sally Field says she was ”always flattered” when Burt Reynolds referred to her as the ‘love of his life’. Reynolds passed away earlier this month at the age of 82, and his former partner Field – whom he hated for five years upon meeting in 1977 – says she was fond of being referred to as the love of the legendary actor’s life, despite calling him ”complicated”.  She is currently promoting her new memoir, “In Pieces”, which details parts of her relationship with Reynolds, and she admits she’s ”glad” he won’t be able to read it because she was scared some of her words ”would hurt him”.

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Peter Dinklage, Issa Rae, Ann Wilson
• “The Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV): Kevin Hart, Robert Irwin
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Jane Fonda, Willie Nelson
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Matthew McConaughey, Taran Killam, Lady Antebellum, Sean Kinney
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kaley Cuoco, Joel McHale, Gaz Coombes
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Fred Armisen, Alice Eve, Jonathan Wilson
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Leeanne Locken, Brendan Schaub
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Chrissy Teigen, Taran Killam
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Penelope Cruz, Carrie Underwood
• “Black Ink Crew” (VH1): In the Season 7 premiere, Ceaser expands his Black Ink Empire by opening up a shop in New Orleans.
• “I Feel Bad” (NBC): Series premiere. An Amy Poehler-produced comedy about the difficulties a woman faces in her personal and professional lives.
• “Total Divas” (E!): Season 8 premiere

• Cardi B – (***Note Content***) denies she used a transphobic slur in a social media post, saying that a former member of her staff wrote it. On Sunday, a cartoon image of a man walking through a door with a caption which reads, “I hope nobody see this tr**ny leave my house,” was posted to her Facebook page.
• Shakira – has announced her new fragrance, “Dream”, a perfume that is described as “a dream come true.”  It is her fourth fragrance. Oh, and she has another coming in March.
• Cher — has opened up about her fling with Tom Cruise.  The 72-year-old had previously said that Cruise was one of her best lovers and that they are still friends today. She says they met at Madonna and Sean Penn’s wedding in 1985 when he was 22 years old, but didn’t hook up until much later.  Their initial connection?  They’re both dyslexic.
• Lenny Kravitz — has co-founded a toothpaste brand to benefit charity. He has teamed up with brothers Cody and Julian Levine to create “Twice”, a tooth-cleaning product made specifically for twice-a-day use.  10% of proceeds go to the GLO Good Foundation, which provides dental care to under-served communities. (How is that different from your current toothpaste?)
• Kaiser Chiefs – will release a new album shortly into the new year and have announced a 2019 UK tour starting January 24. Frontman Ricky Wilson admits that the group ”scared” fans with their last album: “We’ve made six records and they’ve been different, like, what’s the point of making the same record?”
• Paul McCartney — scored his first No. 1 album on the Billboard 200 chart in over 36 years with his new studio effort Egypt Station”.  That is Sir Paul’s first number one since “Tug of War in 1982, and his eighth Billboard No. 1, not counting his Beatles stuff (of course).
• Brett Young – even though his father is a preacher, he won’t be officiating Brett’s November wedding ceremony to Taylor Mills.  Young posted that one of his close friends will be the one to lead the wedding, so dad can attend “as a father”.  His dad will still “get up at the very end for the official part” to pronounce the couple man and wife.”
• The Band Perry — will release a new five-song EP on Friday called “Coordinates.”  “Variety” is calling it “so unapologetically electronic it makes their previous couple of unabashedly pop singles sound like vintage Carter Family.” The new music follows a year-long break that followed a foray into pop music.

It seems that some evacuees of Hurricane Florence decided to try and make the best of a bad situation.  Apparently, a surprising number of people who were forced to migrate from North and South Carolina to the Washington DC area got busy trying to get busy by putting the words “hurricane evacuee” or “just escaping the hurricane” as their Tinder bio.  It seems that not only did some people find themselves bored with their new location, they were hoping for a little sympathy and ‘what-not’ from some of the locals.  Others apparently kept themselves busy by making plans for a “hurricane party” and publicizing it online.
(Probably the most truthful bios on Tinder!)
(We’ll just hope that their homes weren’t ‘swiped’ off the map while they are away…)

We tend to bring up the subject of coffee fairly regularly, so maybe it’s time we gave some love to that other drink that I’ve heard some people enjoy…tea.  Dr Stuart Farrimond, an expert in the science of tea making, says that he knows how to brew the perfect cup of tea.  According to him, one of the biggest mistakes that people make is not letting the tea brew for long enough. Some feel that a quick 30 second dip and a squeeze of the bag is enough, this guy says you should let the tea brew for exactly five minutes, and you’ll have a healthier, more delicious cup.  Not only do antioxidant levels increase the longer tea is brewed, the caffeine level increases too.  Next, pay attention to the color of your mug.  Dr. Farrimond says that tea drunk from a red or pink mug will taste sweeter than from a white or blue one.  It has to do with psychology, but hey, whatever it takes to get the most from your tea drinking experience.  He also advises avoiding Styrofoam cups entirely to maximize the taste of your tea, and always using a filter if you live in an area with hard water to prevent scum forming.
(Sorry, but to me, the perfect cup of tea…is coffee!)
(Sorry, but to me, the perfect cup of tea is sweet and iced!)
(How long should I brew my K-cups?)

✗ Eyes:  Our pupils constrict when we see things we don’t like, and they dilate when we see someone who is beautiful.  We have no control over that.  (And this is why I’ve never noticed someone’s eyes dilating…)
✗ Feet:  When we see someone we have had issues with, we may look at them politely, but our feet will instinctively orient away from them.  (Either that or instinctively orient toward their butt!)
✗ Lips:  We tend to purse our lips when in an undesirable situation, such as when we are dealing with someone whom we’d rather not.  (Or when I check my bank balance…)
✗ Cheek:  The tongue-in-cheek move doesn’t always refer to someone who is joking.  If someone literally moves their tongue into their cheek when they encounter you, that could mean they aren’t fond of you – no kidding.
✗ Neck:  Neck touching, especially at the base of the front of the neck can mean that someone has had it just about “up to here” with you.
✓ Arms:  Interestingly, the sign that is most commonly thought to indicate a closed-off attitude, arms folded across your chest, is actually just “a self-comforting behavior,” and shouldn’t be interpreted as a negative.
(Another subtle sign that someone doesn’t like you is when they cut you out of their will…)
(Why does this list describe to a ‘T’ every date that I’ve ever been on in my life?)

A Reddit thread asked users what words or terms have become annoying because of the way they are used. Making the list …
✗ Moist
✗ Epic
✗ Cringe
✗ Would of (instead of would have)
✗ Slay
✗ Just sayin’
✗ Literally
✗ Anywho (instead of anyway)
✗ Chillax
✗ Bae
– (First published in BS in 2016)


1948 [70] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (“Reversal of Fortune”, “The Lion King”)/TV actor (“The Borgias”)

1951 [67] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer-songwriter-music producer (U2, The Killers, Neil Young)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)

1958 [60] Lita Ford, London England, guitarist/singer (Lead guitarist of “The Runaways”, solo artist (w/Ozzy Osbourne: ‘Close My Eyes Forever’)

‘1964 [54] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, country singer (‘XXX’s and OOO’s [An American Girl]’, ‘She’s in Love with the Boy’)/ TV personality (“Trisha’s Southern Kitchen”)/Mrs. Garth Brooks since 2005

1964 [54] Kim Richards, Long Island NY, reality star (“The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” 2010-17)

1974 [44] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, TV personality (“Tonight Show” host 2014-present, “Late Night” host 2009-14, “Saturday Night Live” 1998-2006)/movie actor (“Fever Pitch”)

1976 [42] Alison Sweeney, Los Angeles CA, soap opera actress (“Days of Our Lives” 1993-2015), TV host (“The Biggest Loser” 2006-2015)

1980 [38] Tegan & Sara Quin, Calgary AB, twin sister indie-rock singer-songwriters (Tegan & Sara-‘Closer’, ‘I Was a Fool’)

• “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers!
Change the language settings on your station Facebook page to ‘pirate’:

• “Butterscotch Pudding Day”, because apparently every single thing in existence deserves its own holiday.

•“Woman Road Warrior Day”, a day to honor women who travel for business. While men were the main business travelers in the past, women now account for half of all work-related travel. (As opposed to my mother, who is a ‘Road Worrier’.)

•“Yom Kippur” or “Day of Atonement”, one of the most solemn Jewish holidays. Those who don’t regularly observe other holidays often make an exception for this one. To emphasize feelings of humility, eating & drinking, bathing, anointing (applying creams & lotions), sex, and wearing leather shoes are prohibited for the day.

[Thurs] Pepperoni Pizza Day
[Thurs] Gibberish Day
[Fri] Miniature Golf Day
[Fri] World Alzheimer’s Day

1988 [30] Bon Jovi release their 4th album “New Jersey” – containing the most top ten hits of any rock/glam metal album (5)

2004 [14] With their latest hit ‘You’ll Come Around’, Status Quo becomes the artist with most all-time hits in the UK, with 61 charted singles dating from 1968’s ‘Pictures of Matchstick Men’ (their only North American hit)

1982 [36] Carnegie Mellon University professor Scott Fahlman produces 1st ‘smiley face’ to punctuate humorous computer messages by employing a colon followed by a hyphen and a parenthesis [:-)]     (the first emoji?)

2011 [07] Relief pitcher Mariano Rivera of the New York Yankees surpasses Trevor Hoffman to become Major League Baseball’s all-time saves leader with 602 (retired in 2013 with 652)


✓ Ostriches can run faster than horses, and male ostriches can roar like lions.
✓ A lion usually makes no more than twenty kills per year.
✓ There is an average of 50,000 spiders per acre in green areas.
✓ A housefly hums in the key of F.
✓ Ants never sleep.
✓ Cows can sleep standing up, but they can only dream while lying down.

• Keep me grounded.
• Increase sales of high-end bras.
• Crack your phone screen.
• Put George Clooney and Sandra Bullock together in space!
• Move your tattoo from lower back to lower butt.
• I don’t know, but whatever gravity can do, I can do better!
• Turn icicles into deadly weapons.
• Make your mashed potatoes taste delicious. Wait, did you say ‘gravity?’
• Make me fall out of the cab.  It was the gravity, honest!

Best of BS:

• The office furniture is made of old vertebrae.
• There’s a 2-drink minimum.
• He rushes in late to your appointment still wearing his McDonald’s uniform.
• Asks you, “What’s a joint like this doing in a girl like you?”
• Over and over, you hear crunching sounds followed by, “Uh-oh!”
• Tries to perform an adjustment on your wallet.
• At the end of a session he lies down on the table and says, “OK, my turn!”
• Now when you walk, you make a wacky accordion sound.
-First published in BS in 2012

Why are bowling shoes so ugly?
a. Bowlers originally wanted shoes to match their colorful uniforms.
b. They may be considered ugly now, but when first invented they were quite fashionable.
c. So they won’t get stolen. [CORRECT]
– “Imponderables”

What’s the weirdest thing you ever put in your kid’s lunch?

I believe in you.  I also believe in Bigfoot, so don’t get too excited.

Question:  A survey found that the average man loses THIS at age 53.  What?
Answer:  His fashion sense

The best apology is changed behavior.


Like this article?

Share on facebook
Share on Facebook
Share on twitter
Share on Twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on Linkdin
Share on pinterest
Share on Pinterest

Leave a comment