Monday, September 15, 2008        Edition: #3857
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• British director Danny Boyle has won the top honor at the just-completed “Toronto Film Festival” for his movie “Slumdog Millionaire”. He was presented with the fan-voted ‘People’s Choice Award’ SATURDAY. (This is the film screening in which Roger Ebert was beaten with a rolled up program when he asked another critic to move over a bit so he could see better.)
– ContactMusic.com
• 22-year-old “The Hills” star Lauren Conrad has signed a 3-book deal for a series of young adult fiction novels. She’s been signed by HarperCollins for the series called “LA Candy”, which will be loosely based on her ‘transition from regular gal to recognizable face’. The first book is due NEXT SUMMER. (Get the Pulitzer Prize ready!)
– StarPulse.com
• 37-year-old actress Shannen Doherty has finished filming her 4-episode guest arc for “90210″ (CW), but don’t bet the sequel show has seen the last of ‘Brenda Walsh’. The network says there’s ‘definitely a possibility’ of more appearances and Doherty’s rep says the actress would happily consider an offer for additional episodes. (It’s not like she’s busy elsewhere – her most recent movie is “The Rendering” … shot in 2002.)
– AP
• 40-year-old “Lost” actor Daniel Dae Kim (‘Jin Kwon’) has just pleaded guilty in that DUI incident last OCTOBER in Honolulu when he was found to have twice the legal limit of booze in his bloodstream. He’s been handed a fine, a 6-month driving ban, and 72 hours of community service. The previous 2 cast members convicted of DUI, Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros, were systematically eliminated from the show soon afterward. (Spoiler alert!)
– TMZ.com
• Singer/actress/fashionista Jennifer Lopez has dropped out as a judge on the 2-part 5th-season finalé of “Project Runway” (Bravo). Fashion guru Tim Gunn, who mentors the contestants, has filled in for her. The excuse for J-Lo’s failure to show for FRIDAY’s taping … an injured foot. (BS translation: Heidi Klum makes HOW MUCH? Gimme more or I ain’t comin’!)
– UsMagazine.com
• Asked by “Maxim” magazine who his #1 fantasy woman would be, 22-year-old actor Shia LaBeouf (“Indiana Jones & The Kingdom Of the Crystal Skull”) has admitted he harbors a crush for … 62-year-old “Good Morning America” anchor Diane Sawyer, fully 40 years his senior. Quote: “She just does it for me.” (Dude, if you saw her without all the plastic and the makeup …)
– World Entertainment News Network
• The 60th annual “Creative Arts Emmy Awards” were handed out SATURDAY in LA (the ones for people with actual talent). Among the winners: TV mini-series “John Adams” (HBO), taking 8 of its 23 nominations; “Pushing Daisies” (ABC) with 9 awards; Sarah Silverman, scooping 2 awards for her comedic “I’m F—king Matt Damon” video, first shown on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC); and, for the 2nd year-in-a-row, 47-year-old Kathy Griffin has won the ‘Best Reality Program’ trophy for “My Life On the D-List” (Bravo). Quote: “I’d make love to this thing if I could.”
– “Hollywood Reporter”

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – James Taylor performs live.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – MTV VMA ‘Best New Artist’ winner Tokio Hotel performs.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Brit pop duo the Ting Tings (“Shut Up & Let Me Go”) are on.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – The surprising news: She made it to age 25. The not-surprising news: She didn’t show up to her own birthday party at the Jazz After Dark Club in Soho, London. According to “The Sun”, just like many of her concerts … ‘Ms Cracky‘ never showed.
• Black Sabbath – The ‘devil’s horns’ salute, hand upraised with index finger & pinky extended and the digits between them folded down, was first popularized by 66-year-old vocalist Ronnie James Dio. He learned the gesture from his Italian grandmother, who used it to ward off the evil eye. (There are a lot of folk at the University of Texas who’ll tell you the Longhorns invented it.)
• Britney Spears – SATURDAY she threw a birthday bash for her 2 sons, Sean Preston (3) & Jayden James (2), attended by the likes of Gwen Stefani, Jenny McCarthy, and their spawn. Meantime, rumor has it she’s planning a New Year’s Eve show at the Palms Resort in Las Vegas to launch her upcoming 6th studio album … and possibly to kick off a world tour.
• Gwen Stefani– Her LAMB fashion label is creating new uniforms for the female employees of the W hotel chain. The new look will be unveiled THIS AUTUMN.
• Paul McCartney – Ex-wife Heather Mills has put her $6.4-million English country house on the market but is refusing to sell it to her former husband … apparently out of spite.
• Taylor Swift – Her latest single, “Love Story”, is the first from her new album, “Fearless”, to be released NOVEMBER 11th.

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ –
• Scientists say . . . love at first sight truly exists! Recent research that paired up scores of strangers has determined that most people decide what kind of relationship they want within minutes of meeting someone. (So ‘speed dating’ works!)
• Scientists say . . . our right and left ears process sound differently. A UCLA study of the hearing of babies finds that the right ear is better at picking up speech-like sounds and the left ear is more attuned to music. (So to thoroughly appreciate this show … spin!)
• Scientists say . . . kids have less ‘free time’ than ever. A University of Michigan study finds it’s decreased by 16% in a single generation, from 63 hours a week to 51. (Of course, ‘free time’ to kids is what’s left over when they’re not playing videogames, talking on the phone, texting …)

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• In Scotland, a 72-year-old Blackburn man is threatening to sue St John’s Hospital in Livingston for mistakenly diagnosing him with terminal cancer. Andy Lees subsequently gave away $21,000 to his friends & family and spent the rest of his life savings planning his own funeral. A year later, the medics admit … he doesn’t have cancer at all. Lees is now flat broke.
– “Times of London”
• In Florida, a trio of kidnappers has been busted after forcing their victim into the back of a car and peeling out for their hideout. Along the way, one of the abductors became distracted and temporarily set his gun in his lap. The victim quickly snatched it, shot the 2 thugs in the back seat, jammed the gun upside the head of the driver and forced him to stop, then called the cops. So why did the perp set the gun down? To send a text message.
– “Tampa Tribune”
• In France, a suspect has been paraded in a Nanterre court to see how a specific witness would react. The witness barked furiously … because he’s a dog named ‘Scooby’. The pooch’s 59-year-old owner had been found hanged in her Paris flat, which police believed was suicide but her family is sure was murder. Prosecutors wanted to see the reaction of the dog which was in the apartment at the time of death. A decision on the case is pending.
– “Daily Mail”

IS BALD BEAUTIFUL?
Jennifer Martinick, president of the Australasian Society of Hair Restoration Surgery, says increasingly more women are suffering from hair loss problems dues to stress, pollution, the contraceptive pill, and the use of hormones in food. Other factors that can contribute to female hair loss include fever, childbirth, and chronic malnutrition. (Not to mention, a really bad ‘do.)
– news.com.au

NO WONDER YOU HAVE A BIG HEAD:
Researchers have calculated the power of a single brain in terms of memory capacity and discovered that it is greater than all the computers ever made. While the largest existing computer has a capacity in bytes of about 10 to the power of 12, the human brain has a colossal 10 followed by 8,432 zeroes, according to the calculations. (Of course, they’re talking capacity … not what’s in there.)
– “Brain & Mind Journal”

WORST INTERVIEW BLUNDERS:
A recent ranking of real-life job interviews gone bad …
3. The applicant confesses she’s not a ‘numbers person’ … while applying for an accounting job.
2, An interviewee tells the recruiter he was fired from his last job … for beating up his boss.
1. The applicant answers a cellphone and asks the interviewer to leave because … it’s a ‘private’ call.
– CareerBuilder.com

TITILLATING TITLES:
“The Bookseller”, the trade magazine that bring us the annual ‘World’s Oddest Book Title’ competition, has celebrated the 30th anniversary of the prize by choosing the oddest book title of the past 3 decades. And the winner is – “Greek Rural Postmen & Their Cancellation Numbers”, a thrilling tome which carefully records Greece’s letter carriers and their postal routes. Somehow that title beat out the likes of “People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead”, “How to Avoid Huge Ships”, “How to Bombproof Your Horse”, and “Cheese Problems Solved”. The prize was originally created as a joke at the 1978 “Frankfurt Book Fair” in Germany.
– “Curious Times”

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• At the turn of the 20th century, babies were commonly dressed just the opposite of nowadays. Blue was considered more delicate and best-suited to females, while pink was more assertive and therefore more male-friendly.
– ColorMatters.com
• After surveying 36,000 music lovers, Edinburgh psychologist Adrian North has determined that, just like classical music buffs, metal-heads tend to be gentle and introverted. Unlike their highbrow counterparts, however, they have low self-esteem.
– BBC News
• Although the USA accounts for less than 5% of the world’s population, it has almost one-quarter of the global number of prisoners – 2.3 million, higher than any other country.
– “NY Times”

BS CHRONOMETER 09.15.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1946 [62] Oliver Stone, NYC, movie director/producer/screenwriter (“World Trade Center”, “JFK”)/3 Academy Awards (“Platoon”, “Born On the Fourth of July”, “Midnight Express”)  UP NEXT: The George Bush bio-film, “W”, opening OCTOBER 17th.

1946 [62] Tommy Lee Jones, San Saba TX, movie actor (“No Country For Old Men”, Academy Award-“The Fugitive”)

1961 [47] Dan Marino, Pittsburgh PA, NFL analyst (“The NFL Today on CBS”)/legendary former NFL QB (Miami Dolphins)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (2005)

1962 [46] Dina Lohan, NYC, infamous show biz mom (mother of Lindsay & Ali Lohan)/reality TV personality (“Living Lohan”)  FACTOID: She tells “E! Online” she supports Lindsay and her close pal Samantha Ronson … whether they are lovers or not.

1979 [29] Patrick Marleau, Swift Current SK, NHL center/captain (San Jose Sharks)

1984 [24] Prince Harry (Henry Charles Albert David Windsor of Wales), London UK, Prince Charles & Princess Diana’s #2 son who’s 3rd in line to the British throne (but 1st in line at a pub or party)

1986 [22] Heidi Montag, Crested Butte CO, reality TV star (“The Hills” 2006-08, “Laguna Beach” 2005)/event planner (Bolthouse Productions)/fashion designer (Heidiwood)/wannabe pop singer (“Fashion”)/sometime GF of Spencer Pratt

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Care Givers Day”, recognizing the selfless people who do the chores for the sick and elderly that the rest of us can’t be bothered with. How come one of the most important occupations is one of the poorest paying?

• “Harvest Moon”, the Full Moon of SEPTEMBER, variously known as the “Mulberry Moon”, “Nut Moon”, and “Moon When the Calves Grow Hair”. In Chinese lore, it’s referred to as the “Chrysanthemum Moon”.

• “Hispanic Heritage Month”, through OCTOBER 15th. Felicitaciones!

• “Independence Day” in much of Central America, including Costa Rica, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua (1821).

• “Respect for the Aged Day” in Japan, a national holiday since 1966, celebrated on the 3rd MONDAY of SEPTEMBER to honor the elderly. There may be more centenarians per capita in Okinawa, Japan than anywhere else in the world – about 50 per 100,000 residents. On this day, Japanese media take the opportunity to feature the elderly, reporting the growth in elder population and highlighting the oldest people in the country.

• “School Psychology Day”, a day of recognition for the field of school psychology and its contribution to education. (“Alright Amy, we CAN talk about your test scores but first you have to put down the ax.”)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1993 [15] A 13-year-old boy files a lawsuit against Michael Jackson, alleging abuse and seduction (later settled out-of-court for an estimated $20 million)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1971 [37] 12 members of Vancouver’s ‘Don’t Make a Wave Committee’ found the environmental organization ‘Greenpeace’

1982 [26] 1st edition of “USA Today” newspaper features lead story of Princess Grace dying in auto accident

1983 [25] Former Montréal roommates Chris Haney & Scott Abbott launch the phenomenally successful board game “Trivial Pursuit” (they’ve since sold out to Hasbro)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1992 [16] Buffalo Bills and San Francisco 49ers set NFL record as neither team punts ball through an entire game

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Collect Rocks Day
[Tues] Working Parents Day
[Tues] Independence Day (Mexico)
[Wed] Women’s Friendship Day
[Thurs] Play-Doh Day
[Thurs] New Kids on the Block world tour begins (Toronto)
[Fri] Talk Like a Pirate Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Balance Awareness Week / Build a Better Image Week / Child Care Week / Chiropractic Week / Civic Participation Week / Courtesy Week / Fall Hat Week / Farm Animals Awareness Week / Farm Safety Week / Flower Week / Housekeepers Week / International Priorities Week / Laundry Workers Week / Osteopathic Medicine Week / Women’s e-Commerce Days

BULL’S BITS
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
4 WORDS THAT MEAN TROUBLE:
Here are a few primers, then ask listeners to call in more …
• Jessica Simpson will sing.
• What’s this button do?
• I could be communicable.
• This doesn’t taste right.
• Hey, that’s no violin!
• Here comes the principal!
• No, he’s not hibernating.
• Do you smell that?

BS PHONE STARTER:
It’s “Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week”. What’s the cruelest thing your class ever did to a ‘sub’?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Everybody repeat after me … we are all individuals.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men need an average of 12.2 hours to complete THIS successfully. Women need about 15.3 hours.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Driving instruction.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Money can’t buy love … but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.

NEW SHEETERS WHO WILL PROSPER:
Welcome aboard to our newest samplers that include Nathan Carr @ The Heat 90.1 [CRNC], Welland ON; Al Burke @ NewsTalk KGAL, Albany OR; Bill Wilson @ Radio Uno [CHSC], St Catharines ON; PJ Kay @ PackFM, Calcot UK: Bruce Andrei @ 94.1 The Lounge [CJOC] Lethbridge AB; April Bostian @ MIX 102.3 [WECR] Boone NC; and Robert Donald Philcox @ TUKS FM, Pretoria, South Africa. Hey, thanks a sheetload for your interest!


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