Thursday, September 4, 2008        Edition: #3850
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

‘James Bond’ star Daniel Craig will become the new face of ‘Coke Zero’ in a major sponsorship tie-in with “Quantum of Solace” (opening NOVEMBER 14th) . . . “Desperate Housewives” star Eva Longoria Parker has gossips guessing she’s preggers after sipping water-only and avoiding the sushi at the grand opening of a Vegas restaurant (another slam-dunk for Tony!) . . . 32-year-old golf superstar Tiger Woods is expecting a 2nd cub via babe-wife Elin Nordegren to join their 1-year-old daughter, Sam (is THIS how he threw his knee out?) . . . 23-year-old actress Keira Knightley has come out #1 in a Blistex poll on the ‘Best Pout’, topping Aussie singer Kylie Minogue and movie star Angelina Jolie . . . 30-year-old actor Josh Hartnett has received a stern warning from security at London’s posh Soho Hotel after being caught on camera getting steamy with an unidentified female in the hotel’s reading room (he’s accused of committing the crime with ‘Miss Scarlet’ in the library using a candlestick) . . . It seems the 2nd season of “Flight Of the Conchords” (HBO) will be the last as Bret & Jermaine realize that writing songs is just too damn hard . . . In case you were worried TV isn’t snooty enough, it looks like Brit personality Piers Morgan (“America’s Got Talent”, “Celebrity Apprentice”) may soon be hosting his own NBC talk show (if Rachael Ray can do it, any loudmouth can) . . . “Vanity Fair” claims that, before he was nabbed by the feds, con-man Raffaello Follieri was sucking thousands-upon-thousands from ex-GF Anne Hathaway’s bank account, including several month’s rent at $37,000 per . . . And ‘WebVet’, which is striving to be the ‘WebMD for pets’ is staging an online ‘Songbird Contest’ that will pit winged creatures against one another in a quest to be named the ‘Avian Idol’ (you know your TV show’s in decline when …).

• “BMI Urban Awards” – The 8th annual in Beverly Hills CA honors the songwriters, producers, and publishers of the most-performed R&B/hip-hop songs of the past year. 1970s hitmakers The Jacksons are honored as this year’s ‘BMI Icons’. But don’t bet on Michael showing up.
• “Entourage” (HBO) – The first-ever inflight TV show premiere takes place as Virgin CEO Richard Branson & members of the cast unveil ‘Entourage Air’, a custom-wrapped Airbus A320 aboard which Episode 1 of the show’s 5th season will be publicly screened en route to Vegas. There’ll be a send-off party at JFK in NYC, complete with a champagne bar. Guests have been warned that, while the dress-code is casual, they should ‘think Vince, not Turtle’.
• “It’s More Than Rock & Roll” – A huge collection of rock memorabilia goes up for auction at the Idea Generation Gallery in London. Among the lots: The Beatles’ first contract with legendary manager Brian Epstein, expected to attract $500,000; Elvis Presley’s fingerprints from a gun permit application, thought to be the only ones in existence; a notebook belonging to late Doors frontman Jim Morrison; the drum kit used by Led Zeppelin’s John Bonham; and a 1967 Jimi Hendrix Fender Stratocaster that’s expected to fetch as much as $1 million.
• “Kitchen Nightmares” (FOX) – Hair-trigger chef Gordon Ramsay drops by 6 restaurants from LAST SEASON to see if they’ve slipped up. No doubt they’ll be thrilled to see him.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – UK soul/pop/jazz singer Adele is interviewed.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Welsh soul singer Duffy (“Mercy”) performs.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Country star LeAnn Rimes is on.
• Mercury Music Prize – The winner of Britain’s prestigious $40,000 annual award for music innovation is announced in a live ceremony. Among the nominees: Arctic Monkeys frontman Alex Turner; Adele; Estelle; Radiohead; and Robert Plant & Alison Krauss.
• “90210” (CW) – If you missed the premiere TUESDAY, here it comes again. Think they’re expecting this to be a hit or something?
• “NFL Kickoff ‘08” (NFL Network/NBC) – Keith Urban, Natasha Bedingfield, and Usher perform a free show at the kickoff party in NYC’s Columbus Circle just ahead of the season opener: Washington Redskins @ NY Giants.
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – Aging pop stars Cher and Tina Turner are guests.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC): Rapper The Game is the musical guest.
• “Toronto International Film Festival“ – The 33rd edition of the one of the world’s top film fests reels through SEPTEMBER 11th. Among the stars expected: Anne Hathaway, Antonio Banderas, Benicio Del Toro, Brad Pitt, Colin Farrell, Edward Norton, Guy Ritchie, Josh Brolin, Liam Neeson, Matt Damon, and Michael Caine. Of the 249 scheduled films, 116 are premieres.

• Amy Winehouse – Doctors are now reportedly worried her most recent overdose has left her permanently brain-damaged and one more overdose may kill her.
• Fall Out Boy – Ashlee Simpson’s baby-daddy Pete Wentz says he’s turning to Good Charlotte’s Joel Madden (Mr Nicole Richie) for parenting advice. Hope it doesn’t include suggesting baby names. Harlow? What were they thinking?
• Miley Cyrus – The director of her heartbreak anthem “7 Things”, Brett Ratner, hints that the song is, in fact, all about her ex-boyfriend Nick Jonas.
• Ne-Yo – He’s been awarded circa $700,000 by a superior court judge after suing R Kelly over being dropped from the 2007 “Double Up” tour after just 2 shows. Rowe Entertainment (Kelly’s promotion arm) has been ordered to make the big pay-out after failing to respond to the lawsuit.
• Usher – He’s planning a string of dates at which only women will be permitted. The “One Night Stand” tour will support his album “Here I Stand”. If it’s ladies only, he’ll have a string of dates alright.

A BS review of movies in the works …
• “Billy: The Early Years” – The story of how evangelist Bill Graham became a household name opens OCTOBER 10th. The soundtrack (out OCTOBER 7th) is loaded with country stars, including Alan Jackson, Brad Paisley, Brooks & Dunn, Sara Evans and Josh Turner, who also appears in the film. Little-known 21-year-old actor Armie Hammer plays Graham as a young man; Lindsay Wagner co-stars as his influential mother, Morrow Graham.
• Facebook Movie – Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin (“Charlie Wilson’s War”, “Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip”, “The West Wing”) has agreed to make a film about the wildly popular social networking website. He’s even opened a Facebook account to aid his research. Mark Zuckerberg founded Facebook in 2004 while still a student at Harvard University. A number of former classmates have since claimed he stole their source code and other intellectual property. The as-yet-untitled movie is still in development.
• “Nowhere Boy” – This upcoming bio-pic about John Lennon will be directed by visual artist Sam Taylor-Wood. The script focuses on Lennon as a lonely teenager torn between his aunt and the mother who gave him up. His only escape is music, art, and his fateful friendship with Paul McCartney. Filming is set to take place on location in Liverpool. Casting is currently underway.

In Serbia, government officials are aiming to import 250,000 brides for frustrated bachelors. Talks are already underway with neighboring countries like the Ukraine, Moldova, and Russia. The Serbian Secretary of State for Social Policy says women may also be enticed from further afield. There’s a lot of potential in brides from Cambodia, Laos, Burma, and Vietnam, he claims, because girls from those countries have a tradition of bearing children and are also good at agricultural work. (Hey, thanks for setting back the women’s movement 50 years.)

A new study suggests that kids of older dads have increased risk of being bipolar. After analyzing data from thousands of cases, Swedish researchers have determined the risk starts increasing around age 40 but is strongest among those 55 and older. Children of these geezer-dads are fully 37% more likely to develop bipolar disorder than those born to men in their 20s. (Also less likely to play “Guitar Hero” with daddy.)

Drunk university students in the UK have made the stunning discovery that the so-called ‘Beer Goggle Effect’ is a real phenomenon. After plying a random cross-section of male & female students with a few drinks, researchers asked them to rate the attractiveness of various people in photos. Not surprisingly, both men & women who’d been drinking rated the faces as being more attractive than the sober control group. What’s a bit surprising is they also rated people of their own gender as more attractive. (“And that chair over there is rully rully cute, too. Hic.”)
– “New Scientist”

Sony has announced it will use its movie library to make its Bravia flat-screen HDTV sets equipped with Internet Video Link more attractive. The IVL module costs $299 but the content is free. For instance, THIS FALL the Will Smith movie “Hancock” will be streamed to Bravia owners prior to the actual DVD release. That’ll be a first. As Sony has its own movie studio, there’ll be lots more to come. (For 300 bucks, you could rent a lot of movies, but then … you’d have to get off the couch.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

In Britain, the new National Child Measurement Program aims to take the height and weight of all children in the 1st year of school and again 5 years later. And just in case parents hadn’t noticed, an official letter will be sent telling them if their kids are fat. Starting THIS MONTH, all parents who allow their child to be weighed and measured as part of the government’s drive to solve the childhood obesity crisis will automatically receive results in the mail. The size report card will plot where the child falls on a scale from ‘Underweight’, to ‘Healthy Weight’, ‘Overweight’ and ‘Very Overweight’. (That ought to bolster the little rascal’s confidence, eh?)
– “Telegraph”

The world record for ‘Number of High-Heeled Sprinters in a Race’ has been smashed by a group of women in Australia. An amazing 265 women took part in the 80-meter dash in Sydney while wearing 3-inch heels. Professional hurdler Brittney McGlone easily outran her competitors, taking home $5,000 … and a pair of gold stilettos.
– BBC News

On average, 150 couples get married in Las Vegas … each day.

1918 [90] Paul Harvey, Tulsa OK, syndicated radio commentator (“The R-R-R-R-Rest of the Story” since 1976)/Radio Hall of Fame (1990)  FACTOID: He’s actually older than the first radio stations: CFCF Montréal, KDKA Pittsburgh, and WWJ Detroit, all of which went on-air in 1920.

1957 [51] Khandi Alexander, NYC, TV actress (‘Chief Medical Examiner Alexx Woods’ on “CSI: Miami” 2002-08)

1958 [50] Dr Drew Pinsky, Pasadena CA, TV personality (“Celebrity Rehab With Dr Drew”)/syndicated radio talk-show personality (“Loveline”)

1960 [48] Damon Wayans, NYC, TV actor (“My Wife & Kids” 2001-05)/movie actor (“Celtic Pride”, “Major Payne”)/Shawn, Marlon, Keenen & Kim’s brother

1981 [27] Beyoncé Knowles, Houston TX, pop singer (“Irreplaceable”, Destiny’s Child-“Lose My Breath”)/movie actress (“Dreamgirls”, “Austin Powers in Goldmember”)

• “Cheese Pizza Day”, celebrating the favorite order of cheapskates everywhere.

• “Newspaper Carriers’ Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the 1st recorded ‘news boy’, 10 year-old Barney Flaherty, who began hawking the “New York Sun” 175 years ago in 1833. Where’s the most unusual place you’ve found your paper after it was ‘delivered’?

1781 [227] What is now LA, California is founded as ‘El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles’

1953 [55] 1st MLB baseball team to win 5 consecutive championships (NY Yankees)

1950 [58] DM Hodgson of St Ann Bay NS catches record 997-lb tuna (enough for 3,988 cans)

1972 [36] USA swimmer Mark Spitz wins record 7th Gold Medal in single Olympic games (a record that stands until Michael Phelps wins 8 in Beijing in 2008)

1982 [26] 8,659 dancers form the record ‘Longest Conga Line’ (London UK)

[Fri] 4th Fashion Rocks Concert (NYC)
[Fri] Be Late For Something Day
[Fri] Stand Up to Cancer telethon airs (ABC/CBS/NBC)
[Sat] Canada’s Walk of Fame 2008 induction ceremony
[Sat] Toronto Virgin Festival begins
[Sat] Federal Lands Cleanup Day
[Sun] “Rent” closes on Broadway (NYC)
[Sun] “Sunday Night Football” debuts (NBC)
[Sun] Grandparents Day
[Sun] Working Mother’s Day
[Sun] 25th MTV Video Music Awards (LA CA)
This Week Is … Child Injury Prevention Week
This Month Is … Baby Safety Month

Tired of all the sugary sentiments in greeting cards? The new line of ‘Unmentionables’ from Shinebox Print says things you might be thinking but are likely too polite to say out loud. For instance …
• ”You looked in the mirror today and still wore that?”
• ”Thanks for being of no help whatsoever.”
• ”People like you are the reason there’s therapy.”
• ”With those customer service skills, you should work for the government.”
• ”If I wanted to hear you talk on the phone, I’d give you my number.”
• ”I’m having the ‘reply all’ button removed from your email.”
• ”Thanks for the raise. I’m going to treat myself to a package of Ramen.”
• ”News flash: Your screaming kids aren’t cute.”
• ”You need a mute button.”
• ”Please do not procreate.”

Where is the most beautiful place in the world?

In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word for you to toss around for the day …
• Groak – To stare at someone longingly, especially when they’re eating something good.
– “Foyle’s Philavery: A Treasury of Unusual Words”

Some of the following are real present or past band names; some total BS. Which are which?
• Kung Fu Grip [REAL]
• Dumpster Divas
• Drooling Band Joes
• Ebola Cola [REAL]
• Spam Jam
• Charlie Don’t Surf [REAL]
• Hairball
• Blind Man’s Monocle [REAL]
• Minnie Soda
• Punk Monkees [REAL]

A bachelor never makes the same mistake once.

Today’s Question: The average age of THIS has gone up to 35.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Household gamers.               

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the kind of money where I don’t really care either way.

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