Monday, September 29, 2008        Edition: #3867
There’s No BS Like Show BS …

• Wed on the weekend: 23-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson & her 31-year-old Canadian actor-BF Ryan Reynolds in a quiet ceremony in what their rep describes as a ‘remote wilderness resort’ outside Vancouver (is this how they’re describing overrun future Olympic site Whistler?). All other details are being kept under wraps. The couple started dating in Spring ‘07 and announced their engagement in MAY ‘08. (How long do you give ‘em?)
• After months of closed-door court meetings, it’s been decided ALL of Heath Ledger’s estimated $20-million estate will go to his 2-year-old daughter via actress Michelle Williams, Matilda Rose. According to reports, Heath’s dad Kim Ledger says the will had assets divided among the parents and sisters, but Heath’s family thought the right thing to do was to give it all up … for the benefit of 2-year-old Matilda. (Wow, actual human decency. This IS news!)
• “Gossip Girl” (CW) star Leighton Meester has revealed she was born in a halfway house while her mother was completing a sentence that included prison time. (This kid’s life had nowhere to go but up!)
– StarPulse News Blog
• Madonna has been slapped with a fine circa $250,000 for her “Sticky & Sweet” concert running overtime at London’s Wembley Stadium. The SEPTEMBER 11th show was scheduled to start at 8.30 pm but she showed up onstage 40 minutes late. That caused the gig to run beyond the stadium’s strict 10.30 pm curfew. The penalty is £50,000 for every additional 15 minutes. (In response, she’s ordered hubby Guy to ‘make another one of his little movies’ to pay the tab.)
– “The Sun”
• 22-year-old “Transformers“ actor Shia LaBeouf could have his driver’s licence suspended for refusing a Breathalyzer test but will NOT be charged with DUI for his involvement in that JULY 27th traffic accident that badly injured his hand. (The reason being … he’s too cute.)
• Reports say Johnny Depp’s recently-announced role in the upcoming bigscreen Western “The Lone Ranger” will be as the masked man’s sidekick, ‘Tonto’. So who’ll play the lead? Rumors suggest none other than Hollywood heart-throb George Clooney is giving it consideration. The screenplay’s being written by the same team who scripted the 3 “Pirates Of the Caribbean” films. (Unless Depp has some Native American heritage tucked away somewhere in the attic, this’ll likely never fly.)
• 40-year-old Aussie singer Kylie Minogue’s upcoming UAE concert may be in jeopardy after British intelligence has uncovered a possible Al-Qaeda plan to attack the venue. She’s scheduled to entertain a party of some 2,000 high-rollers at the opening of Dubai’s $25,000-a-night Atlantis Resort NOVEMBER 20th, an intimate little gig for which she’s reportedly expected to scoop a fee circa $3.7 million. (So there’s close to 4 million reasons she’ll show.)
– “Daily Star”
• And 82-year-old “Playboy” founder Hugh Hefner says he’d welcome the idea of 44-year-old Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin posing in the buff in the mag because ‘there’s something about a really sexy-looking woman wearing glasses’. Hef’ says she’d make a great centerfold plus add new meaning to the term ‘VICE President’. (He’s getting creepier & creepier, isn’t he?)
– “OK! Magazine”

• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Rocker/cancer survivor Melissa Etheridge is on.
• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) – Ted McGinley is gone, following the exit of Jeffrey Ross. Now the 11 remaining stars must tackle the paso doble or rumba.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Solange (“I Decided”) performs.
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS): Scottish singer/songwriter Amy MacDonald is featured.
• “Polaris Music Prize”: The 3rd annual $20,000-music award for the best full-length Canadian album of the past year, based solely on merit (as opposed to sales), at Toronto’s Phoenix Concert Theatre. It’s the one award with a short list of nominees that hardly anyone’s heard of.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Actress/singer Jennifer Hudson (“Spotlight”) is a guest.

• AC/DC – They’re refusing to sell music on iTunes because they want fans to buy an entire album not just few tracks. Angus Young says their albums belong together as a whole package.
• Amy Winehouse – Police are checking into accusations she punched a fan who asked for a photo and also tried to head-butt a photographer in a separate incident. (Smack problem?)
• Guns ‘N Roses – According to “Rolling Stone”, the long-awaited new album “Chinese Democracy” will have a NOVEMBER 25th release exclusively through Best Buy stores. (But then, don’t hold your breath … we’ve heard these kind of rumors before.)
• Josh Turner – The “Everything Is Fine” singer and Martha Stewart were among the guests at the SATURDAY wedding of his guitarist Kevin Haynie & Martha’s assistant, Liesl Menning, in Nashville. The twosome met when Turner performed on Stewart’s TV show LAST YEAR.
• Kid Rock – He’s set to launch his own brand of beer. The rocker has team with Drinks Americas Holdings to launch a premium domestic beer, which will be released NEXT YEAR.
• Led Zeppelin – The rock legends are finally set to embark on a reunion tour after 60-year-old lead singer Robert Plant reportedly caved in and agreed to join the rest of the band. Guitarist Jimmy Page (64), bassist John Paul Jones (62), and drummer Jason Bonham (42), son of late percussionist John Bonham, were threatening to go on the road without Plant.
• Nickelback – Their 6th studio album, tentatively titled “Dark Horse”, will be a much more ‘adult themed’ than previous efforts, the Kroeger brothers say. In fact, they expect to have difficulty getting tracks played on radio due to ‘truly filthy subject matter’. (Smart move, eh?)
• Red Hot Chili Peppers – While the band is taking some time off, Flea is studying music theory, jazz trumpet, and music composition at the University of Southern California.
• Rolling Stone – Word has it 61-year-old Ronnie Wood is facing a massive $92.5-million payout in his upcoming divorce from estranged wife Jo. If that happens, it would eclipse the $50-million divorce settlement shelled out by Paul McCartney. Wood is now said to be living with his 20-year-old Russian GF.

After analyzing dozens of studies of thousands of workers over 20 years, Penn State University researchers have concluded that working from home has far more benefits than drawbacks. On the upside: ability to self-direct the workday; better relationships with family; more job satisfaction; and far less stress. On the downside, the only demonstrable drawback is a fraying of relationships with co-workers who are office-bound, largely because … they’re jealous. (Another minus they missed …. you wear out bathrobes sooner from wearing them to ‘work’.)
– “Wired Magazine”

Performing ordinary tasks in an unusual manner is a way to ‘cross-train your brain’ and keep mentally sharp, according to the book “Keep Your Brain Alive” by Dr Lawrence Katz. For instance, wearing mittens when you drive, sniffing vanilla in the morning, or eating meals with the wrong hand are all said to improve your memory.  (But cause people to mock you mercilessly.)
– “Psychology Today”

Florida International University biologists have discovered that autumn leaves seem to turn color in a crazed metamorphosis to better absorb ultraviolet rays and remain alive a little longer. The biologists believe trees purposefully produce the colors as a last gasp attempt to keep the leaves attached. (If you listen really closely, you can hear them whimpering.)
– “Social Studies”

Nearly 60% of us describe our own physical appearance as ‘average’. But 31% say they are ‘above-average’ and 5% claim to be ‘handsome’ or ‘beautiful’. (Guess 4% are just ‘butt ugly’.)
– “Redbook”

If you’re feeling happy but others claim you look glum, you might not have the right facial muscles. A comparison of cadavers reveals that the muscles that control facial expressions are not common to everyone. 5 core muscles control our ability to display standard emotions, but individuals may have various others from a repertoire of 19 facial muscles. The face is the only part of the human body with such variation in muscle structure. (What’s your default facial setting?)
– “Focus Magazine“

THIS WEEK Flagg Miller, who teaches Arabic poetry at the University of California at Davis, is publishing a collection of poetry by Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden. It seems the world’s most-wanted terrorist was once in great demand as an after-dinner speaker. Bin Laden’s recitals at wedding banquets and other feasts during the 1990s were recorded on tapes which were recovered from his compound in Afghanistan. (A sample: “Roses are red, violets are blue, why you’ve not caught me, I haven’t a clue …”)
– “Sunday Times of London”

• The average person loses about 25-to-125 hairs a day.
• The average person flexes finger joints 25 million times during their lifetime.
• The dye that makes blue jeans blue is indigo, which traditionally came from Indigofera shrubs but is now mostly synthesized from chemicals in coal tar.
– “Brain Fuel”

1935 [73] Jerry Lee Lewis (‘Killer’), Ferriday LA, oldies rock ‘n roll singer (“Great Balls of Fire”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)/Hollywood Walk of Fame (1989)

1964 [44] Tom Sizemore, Detroit MI, oft-troubled movie actor (“Saving Private Ryan”, “Black Hawk Down”) convicted of assaulting & harassing ex-GF Heidi Fleiss and several charges for possession of a controlled substance

1980 [28] Dallas Green, St Catharines ON, alt-rock singer/songwriter (Alexisonfire-“This Could Be Anywhere In the World”, “Rough Hands”)

1987 [21] Josh Farro, Voorhees NJ, rock guitarist (Paramore-“Crushcrushcrush”, “Hallelujah”)

• “Michaelmas”, the feast day of St Michael the Archangel, the patron saint of exorcists. It’s also known as “Goose Day” in some places, thanks to the old English proverb which says, “If you eat goose on Michaelmas Day, you will never want money all the year round.” In the Middle Ages it celebrated the end of harvest, when laborers were paid for their work with meat, ale, fish, ale, good bread … and ale.

• “Pumpkin Day”, celebrating the orange member of the squash family best known for being carved into jack-o-lanterns or made into pie filling. It can also be boiled, sliced, fried, puréed or used in soups. The French make pumpkin jam and the Italians use it as a filling for sweet ravioli. Did you know that pumpkins are 90% water? Or that they were once recommended for removing freckles and curing snake bites?

• “Rosh HaShanah” (‘Head Of the Year’), the celebration of the Jewish New Year starting at sundown (and continuing for 2 days), marking the beginning of the year 5,769. It’s also called the ‘Feast Of the Trumpets’, as the blowing of a shofar (ram’s horn) announces the beginning of celebrations. Traditional Jewish foods that accompany the observance include challah bread, apples dipped in honey, and tzimmes (TZIM’-ess), a mixture of carrots, cinnamon, yams, prunes & honey.

1996 [12] “Nintendo 64” video game system is released (the first ‘true 64-bit system’), and sells 500,000 units the first day

1963 [45] The Rolling Stones 1st-ever tour (as opening act for Bo Diddley and the Everly Bros)

1999 [09] Mariah Carey’s “Heartbreaker” becomes her 14th #1 single on the “Billboard” ‘Hot 100′, a feat surpassed only by the Beatles (20) and Elvis Presley (18)

1930 [78] 1st Canadian football game played ‘under the lights’ (Hamilton vs UBC)

1987 [21] Compaq introduces its leading edge ‘Laptop Computer’, using an Intel 386 processor, weighing 20 lbs, and costing $10,000

[Tues] Canadian ‘Do Not Call’ List debuts
[Tues] Mud Pack Day
[Wed] Tina Turner tour begins (Kansas City)
[Thurs] Ramadan ends (Muslim)
[Thurs] 19th International Bluegrass Music Awards (Nashville)
[Fri] 14th National Denim Day

Banned Books Week – Celebrating the Freedom to Read / Chimney Safety Week / Pickled Pepper Week / Remember to Register to Vote Week / World Dairy Week

A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …

• You’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor instead of the police.
• People call at 9 pm and ask, “Did I wake you up?”
• When you worry about ‘getting enough’, you’re worrying about fiber.
• You find yourself humming along with elevator music.
• You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.
• When you bend over, you look for something else to do while you’re down there.
• When you have a choice of 2 temptations, you pick the one that will get you home earlier.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
• ‘Getting lucky’ means finding your car in the mall parking lot.
• Everywhere you look – knickknacks!        

What’s the national bird of Afghanistan? DUCK!!!!!

Restaurant critic Oliver Pritchett has compiled a lexicon for foodies in order to help them understand what snooty menus actually mean. For example …
• ‘Au Jus’ … Snobby term for ‘in gravy’.
• ‘Authentic’ … A warning there may be hygiene issues.
• ‘Bonne Femme’ … Supposed to mean ‘simple style’ but could actually be translated as ‘you will only enjoy this if you’re really, really hungry.”
• ‘Delicacy’ … A very, very small portion.
• ‘Gourmet’ … Alerts you to the probability you are going to get a piece of sun-dried tomato with your burger.
• ‘New Wave’ … The chef has a blowtorch.
• ‘Protégé’ … A cook who was taught to chuck pans by a famous chef.
– “Sunday Telegraph”

Ladies, what do you notice first when you look at a guy? (A recent poll is topped by ‘face’ [56%], ‘chest’ [21%], ‘eyes’ [12%], and buns [8%].)

Today’s Question: 110 years ago, only men performed THIS function; today only 3% are men.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Cheerleader.

Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

“BS” salutes new subscriber Bill Wilson @ Radio Uno [CHSC] St. Catharines ON; and we welcome aboard samplers this week that include Rex Lee @ Zax103FM, Reading UK; Joe Kanouff @ 101.1 Jack FM [KRXX] Kodiak AK; Gordie Daniels @ WiLD 98.7 [WLLD] St Petersburg FL; Taylor Maid @ Surf 98.3 [WSFM] Wilmington NC; and Becky Bodain @ 98.1 FM [WKZE] Salisbury CT. Welcome all!

Look for Your Monthly Planning Calendar in Tomorrow’s Edition of “The Bull Sheet”!

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