Wednesday, September 3, 2008        Edition: #3849
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!

68-year-old Don LaFontaine has died after suffering a collapsed lung; you may not know the name but you sure know the voice – his nickname was ‘King Of the Movie Trailers’ (voice samples here: NET: . . . Just as the ‘Virgin Radio’ brand has been unleashed in North America (Toronto), the original UK station is being re-branded ‘Absolute Radio’ as its new owner, Times of India Media Group, plans to develop a new global business under that name (it’s looking for digital penetration into the US and Europe) . . . 39-year-old Jennifer Aniston is currently shooting a cameo for the new season of “30 Rock” (NBC) opposite Tina Fey & Alec Baldwin, with the episode expected to air THIS FALL (when you get down to it, she really hasn’t done much since “Friends” other than create headlines) . . . Jennifer Lopez & Marc Anthony are being sued for $5 million by a flight attendant on a private jet who alleges their guard dog ‘Floyd’ lunged at her and bit her, causing debilitating injury (so she’s sicced her lawyer on them) . . . Téa Leoni has decided to take a pass on the “Toronto Film Festival” where her film “Ghost Town” is scheduled to premiere since her hubby David Duchovny has famously checked into rehab for sex addiction (just in case he needs a hand with recovery) . . . An anti-Scientology group that plans to picket Katie Holmes’ Broadway debut in “All My Sons” NEXT MONTH says it also hopes to get Katie out of the controversial sect ‘before it’s too late’ . . . And former “Beverly Hills 90210” actress Tiffani Thiessen (‘Valerie Malone’) says she has no intention of joining her old castmates doing guest shots on the new “90210” spin-off show (CW), because she has ‘moved on’ (BS translation: Nobody asked her).

• “America’s Next Top Model“ (CW/A Channel) – The newest cycle includes a transgendered contestant.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Usher and Gavin Rossdale entertain.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC) – Rapper Young Jeezy (“Put On”) is onstage.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Brit rapper Tricky (Adrian Thaws) performs.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Leona Lewis (“Bleeding Love”) is a guest.
• Republican National Convention – John Rich (Big & Rich) is scheduled to perform his original song “Raisin’ McCain” at the GOP bash in St Paul MN. He’s also slated to join Gretchen Wilson and Cowboy Troy in performing “Our America” at the convention.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Brian Wilson (Beach Boys) is the musical guest.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – English pop/soul/jazz singer Adele is on.
• Willie Nelson – He’s written several books but TODAY his first fictional work, “A Tale Out of Luck”, is published. Co-written with novelist Mike Blakely, it tells a back story for Luck, Texas, the Western-style town Nelson has built near Austin.

• Jimmy Wayne – The 35-year-old country singer (“Do You Believe Me Now”) who was raised in foster homes in North Carolina and once attended 12 different schools in 2 years has kept an itemized diary since age 12 that’s titled “From the Pages of Jimmy Wayne”. How long before a movie studio latches onto that?
• Kid Rock – “All Summer Long” has propelled LAST YEAR’s release, “Rock ‘N Roll Jesus”, back to the top of sales charts despite its CD-only availability. And despite KR’s rants about downloads, a record honcho says the album WILL soon be available digitally, but not on iTunes.
• Madonna – Many of the 250 employees & crew aboard her “Sticky & Sweet Tour” are said to be PO-ed over the gaping difference between the boss’ luxury travel & accommodations compared to their humble lot. She travels by private jet and stays in the likes of a $20,000-a-night castle on the French Riviera. The peons fly no-frills and stay in budget hotels.
• Pussycat Dolls – They’re reportedly in talks to star in a musical based on their rise to fame.
The 5-girl act is said to be considering scripts for a movie in which they would play themselves.
• Rolling Stones – The original artwork for their lips & tongue logo has been purchased at auction by London’s Victoria & Albert Museum for $92,500. It was designed in 1970 by artist John Pasche, who was originally paid just $100 for creating it. Pasche says he’ll use his new jackpot to send his 11-year-old son to private school.
• Snow Patrol – Their new album “Hundred Million Suns“ (out OCTOBER 28th) will be the first to utilize the interactive multimedia capacities of the iPhone. Fans will be able to download the application and access bonus content including artwork, behind-the-scenes images, and lyrics via the handset’s touchscreen.

New terms seeping into our lingo …
• ‘Creeper’ – Someone who skulks around your Facebook page, checking out the details of your life without ever interacting on your wall, leaving messages or photos, etc. Sort of a cyber-stalker. (Job recruiters, for instance.)
• ‘Pedestrian Scramble’ – A new moniker for an intersection where traffic lights and crosswalk signals are coordinated to stop cars in all 4 directions while pedestrians cross in any direction, including diagonally. Invented by traffic engineer Henry Barnes, what was originally called the ‘Barnes Dance’ system was first used in Kansas City and Vancouver in the late 1940s.
• ‘Runway’ – Corporate jargon for the amount of time an executive has left in his career before he runs out. According to a “Wall Street Journal” story, an executive in his 60s probably has 5-to-7 years left on his runway. (Does 72-year-old John McCain have 4 years of runway left?)

Seen a lot of creepy crawlers around the house lately? That’s because female spiders fatten up toward the end of Summer as they prepare to lay eggs, anywhere from 50-to-1,000 each. Some females can double in size, making them much easier to spot. What’s really creepy is they were there all along … you just don’t notice them when they were small and rolled up in a ball. The rule of thumb, according to entomologists, is no one anywhere is ever more than 1 meter (3.3 feet) away from a spider. (What’s that look of panic in your eyes?)
– “Globe & Mail”

These women prove you can kick butt and look fabulous doing it …
10. Michelle Yeoh – “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” (2000), “Tomorrow Never Dies” (1997).
9. Carrie Fisher – Original “Star Wars” trilogy (1977-83).
8. Michelle Rodriguez – “SWAT” (2003), “Resident Evil” (2002).
7. Jessica Alba – “Rise Of the Silver Surfer” (2007), “Fantastic Four” (2005).
6. Carrie-Anne Moss – “The Matrix” trilogy (1999-2003).
5. Sigourney Weaver – “Alien” series (1979-97).
4. Milla Jovovich –  “Resident Evil” (2002), “The Fifth Element” (1997).
3. Kate Beckinsale – “Underworld I” and “II” (2003/2006)
2. Uma Thurman – “Kill Bill Pt 1” and “2“ (2003/2004)
1. Angelina Jolie – “ Wanted” (2008), “Lara Croft: Tomb Raider” (2001).
– Condensed from

Observers say there’s a growing trend of city dwellers raising … chickens. While they make for easy pets and fresh eggs, chickens do need daily feeding and the biggest challenge is the abundance of – phew! – chicken poop. Although it loses odor quickly, each chicken can create 1 or 2 lbs of the stuff per week. (And you thought your neighbor’s dog was driving you nuts … just wait till you’re exposed to 5 am crowing and the fresh scent of hen doo.)
– “Pittsburgh Post-Gazette”

A new psychology study in Britain suggests that women are turned on by … the sound of a luxury car. In experiments, participants were exposed to the roar of a Ferrari, a Lamborghini, a Maserati, and a Volkswagen. After 20 minutes their auto-erotic response was gauged by measuring levels of testosterone in saliva. Interestingly, 100% of female subjects showed an increase in testosterone in response to the sound of the Maserati while the same proportion were NOT aroused by the VW. (“Gentlemen, start your engines!”)
– “GQ”

Scientists at the Monell Chemical Senses Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania have discovered new taste receptors for calcium on the tongues of mice. What does it taste like? Lead researcher Michael Tordoff has trouble describing it, saying it’s close to chalk but overall is simply ‘calcium-y’. So do people have a calcium tastebud? Some humans can taste it, though it’s more apparent to mice as they need lots more calcium per body weight than we do. (Anyone who’s had to drink barium before having X-rays knows exactly what it tastes like.)
– “Philadelphia Inquirer“

• In Croatia, a shopping center has introduced special extra-wide parking spaces … for female drivers. Decorated with pink flowers, the prime spots at Emmezeta Center in Zagreb are not only wider, but further apart, better lit, and easier to get into and out of than ordinary spaces. But the move isn’t going over so well: many women resent the inference that they’re inferior at parking; and men are upset that women are getting special treatment.
– Ananova News
• In Britain, the Tesco grocery chain is having new signs made for express checkout lanes. The present signs reading ‘10 Items or Less’ are being replaced after complaints from grammar activists at the Plain English Campaign, who suggest the proper word is ‘Fewer’ not ‘Less’. The company will avoid the entire issue by erecting new signs that say: ‘Up to 10 Items’.
– “Daily Mail”
• In Canada, rangers in Québec’s Mont Tremblant National Park are protecting campers from wolves with … a 2-mile-long single strand of nylon cord hung with strips of red cloth. It’s apparently a centuries-old European trick that some US ranchers have used to protect their cattle. Why it works, nobody knows.
– “The Gazette“
• In China, a farmer who has been offered about $6,000 for his prize bull says he’s holding out for more because … the 18-month-old bovine was born with 2 extra legs on it’s back. Li Guolin of Yantou village says curious folks come by every day to see his 6-legged oddity, so it should be worth a premium price.
– “Metropolis Times”

• Global bicycle production has increased for 6 consecutive years.
– Earth Policy Institute
• Tom Lincoln of Denver-based A1 Organics offers this simple rule for recycling: “If it once grew, it can be composted.”

“If you want to date me, you have to allow me to pass gas under the sheets.”
– According to CMT, a sample of wannabe country star Jessica Simpson’s snappy patter onstage during her show at the California State Fair in Sacramento.

1965 [43] Charlie Sheen (Carlos Estevez), NYC, TV sitcom actor (“Two & a Half Men” since 2003, “Spin City” 2000-02)/movie actor (“Wall Street”, “Platoon”)/actress Denise Richards’ ex/actor Martin Sheen’s son/actor Emilio Estevez’s brother  FACTOID: According to “TV Guide”, he’s the currently highest-paid actor on TV, making $825,000 per episode or nearly $20 million for a season of 23 shows.

1973 [35] Jennifer Paige, Atlanta GA, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Crush”)

1979 [29] Tomislav ‘Tomo’ Milicevic, Sarajevo, Bosnia & Herzegovina, alt-rock guitarist (30 Seconds to Mars-“From Yesterday”, “The Kill”)

1980 [28] Jason ‘Cone’ McCaslin, Toronto ON, rock bassist (Sum 41-“Pieces”, “Still Waiting”)

• “Ganesh Chaturthi” begins, the 10-day Hindu festival marking the birthday of Lord Ganesha. On the final day idols made of plaster of paris are ‘returned to the earth’ by immersing them into rivers or lakes. The problem with the custom is environmental impact. Many now advocate a return to the traditional use of natural clay idols or immersion in a bucket of water at home.

• “National Flag Day” in Australia, honoring the national pennant picked in 1901. You’d think they could have designed something substantially more different from New Zealand’s flag.

• “Skyscraper Day”, a day to appreciate and admire the world’s tallest buildings. By definition, a skyscraper is any structure that clearly stands out above its surrounding environment. A loose agreement in North America & Europe puts the lower limit of a skyscraper at 150 meters (500 ft). A skyscraper taller than 300 meters (984 ft) is referred to as ‘supertall’. Construction of the Burj Dubai is currently taking place in Dubai. Its exact final height has been kept secret but it’s expected to be circa 818 meters (2,684 ft), making it the tallest building in the world. It’s scheduled for completion in JUNE, 2009.

1966 [42] TV show “Star Trek” debuts with a private showing at the “World Science Fiction Convention” in Cleveland, Ohio (attended by the 1st ‘geeks’)

1952 [56] Introduction of ‘Teflon’, Dupont Corp’s brand name for tetra-fluoro-ethylene fiber (how do they get it to stick to a frying pan?)

1995 [13] Online auction site ‘eBay’ is founded in San Jose, California by French-born Iranian computer programmer Pierre Omidyar (originally called ‘AuctionWeb’)

1970 [38] ‘Largest Hailstone’ lands near Coffeyville, Kansas – 1.66 lbs, 17.5 inches in diameter (wait a sec, didn’t that fall from that airliner?)

1983 [25] Oakland A’s set MLB baseball record by using 6 pitchers … in 1 inning (Cleveland Indians score 10 runs – in that final inning – to win 13-6)

[Thurs] Newspaper Carriers Day
[Thurs] 33rd Toronto International Film Festival begins
[Fri] Be Late For Something Day
[Fri] “Bangkok Dangerous” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] Canada’s Walk of Fame 2008 induction ceremony
[Sat] Toronto Virgin Festival begins
This Week Is . . . Emergency Care Week
This Month Is . . . Be Kind To Editors & Writers Month

Just like on TV, your contestant must answer in the form of a question. When they fail (as they always will), you provide ‘the correct question’.
• The answer is Anheuser Busch. (The correct question is: Where do you grow Anheuser berries?)
• Milk and honey. (What do you get from a bee that has an udder?)
• He goes home. (What does [co-host] do if he’s not in bed by 10 pm?)   
• Peter Pan. (What do you use to fry a peter?)
• Sis-boom-bah. (What is the sound of an exploding sheep?)
• Supervisor. (What does ‘Clark Kent’ wear to keep the Sun out of his eyes?)
• Piggly Wiggly. (Describe ‘Kermit the Frog’s wedding night.)
• Follow the yellow brick road. (What are good directions to a urologist’s office?)
• Nail polish. (What did [traffic reporter] get on her IQ test?)
• Kumquat. (What do you say when calling your ‘quat’?)
“Jeopardy!” theme is here …

Did you hear the joke about the football game with the 0-0 score? Never mind it’s pointless.

What’s the weirdest location you’ve ever heard of for a wedding? (On the weekend, a St Joseph, Michigan couple wed in the groom’s workplace – a funeral parlor.)

Today’s Question: Some women say they do THIS once each morning, others do it 3 times or even more.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Try on an outfit to wear for the day.

Everything happens for a reason, even if that reason is to make your life miserable.

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