Thursday, September 18, 2008        Edition: #3860
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

That multi-media spectacle, “Flashback – The Classic Rock Experience”, has cancelled an extensive planned arena tour after playing only a couple of dates (apparently nostalgia isn’t what it used to be) . . . After 10 years, MTV’s centerpiece show “Total Request Live” is winding down, the music video countdown now scheduled to conclude with a 2-hour special in NOVEMBER . . . The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has announced 300 bleacher seats lining the red carpet for FEBRUARY’s Oscars will be up for grabs in an online lottery beginning MONDAY (NET: . . . British movie actress Tilda Swinton says she’s given away the ‘Best Supporting Actress’ Oscar she won for starring alongside George Clooney in “Michael Clayton” to her US agent because – it doesn’t mean that much (it meant a role in “Burn After Reading”, you ungrateful sod!) . . . It’s been announced the long-awaited ‘MySpace Music’ venture will launch with 4 major sponsors underwriting the costs of streaming free music to fans (meaning before you get Metallica, you’ll first get ads from McDonald’s, Sony Pictures, Toyota, and State Farm) . . . For a while it looked as if music download pioneer Napster was destined to go belly up, but now electronics retailer Best Buy has announced it’s buying the rejuvenated digital music service for – whoa! – $121 million . . . Ticketmaster is partnering with Waterloo ON-based Research In Motion to designate the BlackBerry as its ‘official smart-phone’, meaning users in the US, UK, and Canada will be able to buy tix through their mobiles by the end of THIS YEAR . . . And 34-year-old actress Eva Mendes (“The Women”, “Hitch”) has found it necessary to inform all of us that she’s done the nasty in all 50 states, much of this immense accomplish achieved during a single raunchy road trip across America when she was younger (her mommy must be so proud!).

• Alice Cooper – The 60-year-old geezer rocker kicks off a 25-date Canadian tour in Vancouver, in support of his latest album, “Along Came a Spider”.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Nelly flogs his new album “Brass Knuckles”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Rockers Good Charlotte are onstage.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Willie Nelson is the guest.
• New Kids On the Block – Their much ballyhooed reunion tour kicks off in Toronto. The tour is scheduled to last through NOVEMBER in North America, then head off to Ireland and the UK.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno (NBC/A Channel) – Hawthorne Heights perform “Rescue Me”.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Eurhythmics founder Dave Stewart is on.

• Amy Winehouse – She’s allegedly posting explicit pics of her jailed husband Blake Fielder-Civil online. He’s currently serving a 27-month sentence for causing actual bodily harm & perverting the course of justice. Now he’s perverting Facebook!
• Eminem – According to his former protégé 50 Cent, he’s working on new material and planning a comeback. Fiddy predicts Em will return from his musical hiatus soon.
• Foo Fighters – Frontman Dave Grohl says that, for the first time, the band is going to take a long break. He says fans shouldn’t expect to a see a new album surfacing anytime in the near future.
• Metallica – Their new album “Death Magnetic” has sold close to a half-million copies in its first 3 days to top the new “Billboard 200“ album chart.
• Pink Floyd – Keyboard player and founding member Richard Wright has died at age 65 from cancer. Guess the oft-rumored reunion is now off … permanently.

• “An Invisible Sign Of My Own” – Jessica Alba is set to star in this drama about a woman who withdraws from the world and turns to math for comfort. But when she gets a job at an elementary school, she discovers she has an unorthodox talent for teaching and finds herself thrust back into life again. The film’s set to hit screens in 2009.
• James Brown Bio-Film – Filmmaker Spike Lee says the only actor he wants to play the late, great ‘Hardest Working Man in Show Business’ is … Wesley Snipes. Lee says, despite Snipes’ tax evasion problems, he’s still a phenomenal actor and still has the chops to portray the legendary soul singer. Snipes has been sentenced to 3 years in prison for 3 counts of failing to file tax returns. So it seems this pic will have to wait on the back burner for a while.
• Liberace Bio-Film – 63-year-old Michael Douglas is set to play the famed pianist/Vegas entertainer in a new biopic from filmmaker Steven Soderbergh (“Che”, “Traffic”). Matt Damon is in talks to play ‘Scott Thorson’, who sued Lee Liberace for $113 million in palimony in 1982, claiming he’d been his companion for 5 years. Liberace died in 1987 from AIDs. Due to Soderbergh’s jammed-up schedule, the project is likely years away from completion.
• “Terminator: Salvation“ – Arnold Schwarzenegger is rumored to return to his most famous role as an indestructible cyborg in the now-shooting new “Terminator” movie starring Christian Bale. The action star-turned-California governor has recently been spotted on the set and online reports suggest he’ll make a brief cameo at the end of the movie, playing his character from the original 1984 blockbuster.

Researchers at the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel claim to have discovered a brain cell that responds to comedy after hooking up the brains of epilepsy patients to electrodes and then having them watch “The Simpsons”. While watching the show, the brain cell started firing more than 15 times per second and also fired after the experiments were over and the patients were asked to recall funny moments from the show. The brain cell responded to a lesser extent to “Seinfeld” reruns but remained ominously silent when the patients were forced to watch episodes of “Friends”.
– “Daily Telegraph”

It’s not right to generalize about the genders, but there are certainly some things those of the same sex seem to share, for instance …
• Who’s more likely to read a book? Women, by far, who average 7 per year.
• Who’s more likely to find eyeglasses ‘sexy’? 45% of men; but just 28% of women.
• Who’s more likely to keep a big secret? 42% of men say they can; just 36% of women.
• Who’s more likely to think a break from a relationship can be a good thing? 60% of women agree; but a whopping 75% of men say it’s NOT likely to be beneficial.
• Who’s more likely to snore? Men. Doctors have found a direct link between male hormones and snoring.
• Who’s more likely to be bothered when they hear swearing? 74% of women; just 60% of men.
• Who’s more likely to talk on the phone … naked? 40% of men; only 27% of women.
• Who tries to lose weight to look better? 60% of women who try to lose weight do it to improve their appearance; only 40% of men diet for that reason.
• Who’s the most grossed-out by meat? Stats show 81% of all vegetarians are female.
• Who guzzles milk straight from the carton? 40% of men admit to it; but only 20% of women.

Contrary to popular belief, wearing horizontal stripes makes you look thinner, according to new research at Britain’s University of York. Actually, the premise dates back to what’s called the ‘Oppel-Kundt’ [that’s ‘koont’] illusion, discovered by a German physiologist in the mid-19th century. It declared that if 2 identical squares are drawn side-by-side, one with horizontal stripes, the other with vertical stripes, the square with horizontal stripes looks taller and narrower. Experiments show the theory seems to hold true for humans – a woman wearing a dress with horizontal stripes is perceived as looking taller and narrower.
– “Globe & Mail”

An Israeli rabbi has responded to a sharp increase in confessions of Internet-related sins by creating a prayer to help Jewish men overcome the guilt of their transgressions. Shlomo Eliahu says that the number of men who have come to him to confess online sins has increased so dramatically that he felt the need to create a prayer devoted solely to surfing sinners. The prayer reads in part: “Please God, help me cleanse the computer of viruses and evil photographs which disturb and ruin my work.”
– Reuters

Research shows you are 6 times more likely to talk to yourself than laugh when you’re all alone. (Either way, you really need  to get out more.)

“SNL was dangerous, late-night, last-minute and star-studded, but like any good drug, you need to know when to put it down.”
– Comedienne Amy Poehler on why she will not be returning to “Saturday Night Live” after giving birth to her first baby later THIS YEAR via hubby/former “Arrested Development” actor Will Arnett. She will instead star in the upcoming spin-off of “The Office” (NBC).

1933 [75] Robert Blake (Michael Gubitosi), Nutley NJ, former TV actor (“Baretta” 1975-78)/movie actor (“In Cold Blood”) who was acquitted in 2005 of the 2001 murder of his wife.

1939 [69] Fred Willard, Shaker Heights OH, TV comic (various characters on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”, “Back to You” 2007)/movie actor (“Wall-E”, “Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy“)

1961 [47] James Gandolfini, Westwood NJ, TV actor (“The Sopranos” 1999-2007)/movie actor (“Get Shorty”)/documentary producer (“Alive Day Memories: Home from Iraq”)

1971 [37] Jada Pinkett Smith, Baltimore MD, movie actress (“Madagascar”, “The Matrix 2 & 3”)/Mrs Will Smith since 1997 (he’s 6′-2”, she’s 5′)  UP NEXT: Reprises her voice-over role as ‘Gloria’ in the animated sequel, “Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa”, opening NOVEMBER 7.

1971 [37] Lance Armstrong, Plano TX, only cyclist to win Tour De France 7 times (which he did consecutively … after battling cancer)/dumped fiancée Sheryl Crow in 2005

1973 [35] James Marsden, Stillwater OK, movie actor (“27 Dresses”, “X-Men” films)

1974 [34] Xzibit (Alvin Joiner), Detroit MI, movie actor (“Gridiron Gang”, “xXx: State of the Union”)/TV host (“Pimp My Ride” 2004-07)/rapper (“What U See Is What U Get”)

• “Cheeseburger Day“, celebrating the best way to get 2 kinds of cattle fat into your system simultaneously. According to the book “Hamburger Heaven: The Illustrated History of the Hamburger”, the first person to ever slap cheese on a burg’ was grill chef Lionel Sternberger at the Rite Spot restaurant in Pasadena CA 82 years ago in 1926. When he attached cheese to ground beef, he not only made sure Jimmy Buffett would have something to warble about, he got us all hooked on the invention!

• “Play-Doh Day”, celebrating the anniversary of the modeling clay first marketed by the Kenner Company in 1955.

1927 [81] Columbia Phonograph Broadcasting System, later known as CBS, debuts with a basic network of 16 radio stations

1985 [23] First-ever ‘Top 10 List’ on “Late Night with David Letterman” is titled ‘Top 10 Things That Almost Rhyme With Peas’. And, for what it’s worth, here it is: 10. Heats 9. Rice 8. Moss 7. Ties 6. Needs 5. Lens 4. Ice 3. Nurse 2. Leaks 1. Meats (maybe it’s in the delivery?)

1970 [38] Guitar legend Jimi Hendrix dies in London at age 27 after taking 9 sleeping pills

2004 [04] Britney Spears weds Kevin Federline in a low-key ceremony at a private home in Studio City CA, her 2nd wedding in 9 months (they divorce in 2007)

1851 [157] 1st edition of “New York Times” costs 2 cents (“All the News That’s Fit to Print”)

1895 [113] 1st ‘Chiropractor’ (Canadian-born David Daniel Palmer in Davenport, Iowa) FACTOID: Some 30 million ‘back adjustments’ are now performed in Canada annually

1999 [09] 1st husband & wife to swap genders, each undergoing a sex-change operation in Hungary

[Fri] Talk Like a Pirate Day
[Fri] “Ghost Town”; “Igor”; “Lakeview Terrace”; and “My Best Friend’s Girl” open in movie theaters
[Sat] 23rd Farm Aid (Mansfield MA)
[Sun] 60th Primetime Emmy Awards (ABC)
[Mon] “Dancing With the Stars“ season debut (ABC)
[Mon] 1st day of Autumn
This Week Is … Balance Awareness Week
This Month Is … Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Month

• Sleeping diagonally.
• The last cold beer is always yours.
• You can use all the hot water in the shower.
• None of those annoying demands for yucky sex.
• If you win a trip for two to Hawaii … you can go twice!
• The clothes closets are all yours.
• There’s no conflict if you fall in love with someone else.

You run down the list while your guest/phone caller/crew member decides which choice is more palatable. Would you rather …
• Be someone really short whose last name is ‘Short’ -OR- be someone overweight whose last name is ‘Skinny’?
• Chew a piece of toenail off a dirty man’s foot -OR- thoroughly lick his unshowered armpit?
• Date someone with 3 eyebrows -OR- date someone with 3 nostrils, 2 normal and 1 the diameter of a toothpick right at the base of the septum?
• Age only from the neck up -OR- age only from the neck down?
• Chew shards of broken glass -OR- sit on a lighted barbecue grill?
• Share the entire interior of your home with a 1,500-lb dairy cow  -OR- with 2 free roaming seagulls?
• Quench your thirst with a cup of someone else’s tears -OR- with a quart of hot water?
• Eat a scoop of mashed potatoes that’s been covered for 15 minutes with 30 flies -OR- find a live roach in the middle of it?
• Take a 600-mile ride in the back of a livestock truck jam-packed with cows -OR- drive 1,000 miles in a car without a seat back?
• Vote for an honest but stupid politician -OR- vote for a liar with tremendous savvy?

I’ve had enough of gardening … I’m just about ready to throw in the trowel.

Ask listeners to call in handy methods for making quick measurements. For instance: Your wedding ring size is the same as your hat size; the distance from your elbow to your wrist roughly equals the length of your foot; your ‘wingspan’ measurement, fingertips-to-fingertips with arms outstretched, is the same as your height.

This common household product that you hopefully use regularly used to come in a jar …
a. Deodorant.
b. Toothpaste. [CORRECT]
c. Shaving cream.

Today’s Question: If a woman was looking to have an affair, THIS is the occupation where most would look for their dream guy.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Personal trainer.

Success has a thousand parents, but failure is an orphan.

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