Friday, September 19, 2008        Edition: #3861
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

67-year-old has-been actor Ryan O’Neal (“Love Story”) & his 23-year-old son Redmond have now been released on $10,000-bail (each) after being jointly arrested at their Malibu CA home on suspicion of possessing meth and narcotics (ain’t parental bonding grand?) . . . Theater impresario Andrew Lloyd Webber is offering free tickets to “The Sound of Music” and “Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat”, both playing in London’s West End, to – bankers who’ve lost their jobs in the credit crunch (“How do you solve a problem like bankruptcy?”) . . . 27-year-old actress Rachel Bilson (“Jumper”) says she won’t be planning a big star-studded wedding when it’s time to settle down with her 27-year-old “Star Wars” actor-BF Hayden Christensen because – she intends to elope (uh, maybe you should ask Hay?) . . . Author Nicolas Sparks (“The Notebook”) has agreed to pen an as-yet-untitled new novel and simultaneous screenplay as the basis of a film drama designed specifically to star 15-year-old “Hannah Montana” actress Miley Cyrus (if this is a bid to heighten her adult appeal – why not just get her another webcam?) . . . 22-year-old former “OC” actress Mischa Barton appears to have put her failed romance with rocker Taylor Locke (Rooney) behind her as she’s been spotted leaving a London nightclub with 30-year-old actor Josh Hartnett (wait a sec, that wasn’t her in the library of that hotel, was it?) . . . And Denise Richards has confirmed that her E! reality TV show “It’s Complicated” (a Ryan Seacrest production) has been re-upped for a 2nd season (she, like us, has no clue as to why).

• Beck – SATURDAY his SRO show at the Hollywood Bowl is not only his biggest-ever hometown gig, it’s the first time he & his father, conductor/arranger David Campbell, perform together onstage.
• “Emmy Awards” (ABC) – SUNDAY the 60th annual salute to the best in primetime TV is hosted by the 5 nominees for ‘Outstanding Reality/Competition Host’: Tom Bergeron (“Dancing With the Stars”); Ryan Seacrest (“American Idol”); Howie Mandel (“Deal or No Deal”); Heidi Klum (“Project Runway”); and Jeff Probst (“Survivor”). Oprah Winfrey opens the show.
• “Farm Aid“ – SATURDAY the 23rd annual farm charity show is staged in Mansfield MA near Boston. In addition to founders Willie Nelson, Neil Young, John Mellencamp and Dave Matthews, Kenny Chesney performs.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – TONIGHT Duffy (“Mercy”) is onstage.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Actor James Franco (“Pineapple Express“) hosts; rockers Kings of Leon (“Sex on Fire”) are the musical guests.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – TONIGHT country vet Dolly Parton guests.

• Britney Spears – “The Sun” claims Simon Cowell has persuaded her to perform on his UK talent show “The X Factor”. If true, it would be her first appearance in Britain in 4 years.
• Jessica Simpson – The 28-year-old pseudo-singer says she’s piling on the pounds promoting her new country album, because she’s a ‘nervous eater’ and terrified about fear of failure on her tour. Well that’s entirely justified, hon’, even though “Do You Know” has somehow debuted atop “Billboard” magazine’s country chart. (Did Daddy bribe an editor somewhere?)
• New Kids On the Block – As they kick off their reunion tour THIS WEEK, their combined ages add up to 191.
• Pussycat Dolls – They’ve teamed up with Missy Elliott on their new single, “Whatcha Think About That”, which appears on the new album “Doll Domination”.

• “Ghost Town” ( PG-13 Romantic Comedy ): Brit comic Ricky Gervais (creator of “The Office”) plays a dentist with zero people skills who dies unexpectedly but is quickly revived to discover he’s acquired the ability to see and communicate with ghosts. Co-stars Greg Kinnear (“Little Miss Sunshine”) & Téa Leoni (the long-suffering Mrs David Duchovny).
• “Igor” ( PG Animated Comedy ): Tired of playing second fiddle to his ‘Master’, a talented lab assistant (voiced by John Cusack) looks to win the annual ‘Evil Science Fair’ with his own creation. Voice cast also includes Molly Shannon (ex-“SNL”), John Cleese (ex-“Monty Python”), Steve Buscemi (ex-“Sopranos”), and Sean Hayes (ex-“”Will & Grace”).
• “Lakeview Terrace” ( PG-13 Drama ): Samuel L Jackson plays an LAPD officer who will stop at nothing to force out the interracial couple who just moved in next door. Patrick Wilson (“The Phantom of the Opera”) & Kerry Washington (“Ray”) co-star.
• “My Best Friend’s Girl” ( R-Rated Comedy ): Dane Cook plays ‘Tank’, an uncouth womanizer hired by his best friend to take his ex-GF (Kate Hudson) out on a lousy date in order to make her realize how great her former guy is. Guess what? Doesn’t work. In fact, it has the opposite effect. Co-stars Jason Biggs & a slumming Alec Baldwin.

The “Old Farmer’s Almanac” has joined the extremely small but growing ranks of forecasters who believe Earth has stopped warming and is heading for a few decades of … global cooling. According to the 2009 edition of the longest running periodical in the world (established 1792), not only are we in for a colder than usual Winter but increased cooling for perhaps the next 50 years. “OFA“ climatologist Joseph D’Aleo says he believes sunspot cycles and their effects on oceans correlate with climate change. After studying them and other factors, it seems that cold, not warm, climate may be in our future. (Damn, now we’ve got to get another series of rock concerts together.)
– “USA Today”

Who says you can’t make money in a global economic crisis? Internet addresses corresponding to recent and rumored bank mergers have already been registered by opportunistic ‘cybersquatters’ looking to cash in on the recent spate of financial mash-ups. Domain names have been acquired for several combos, including Bank of America/Merrill Lynch. One enterprising individual has even listed domain names for merged banks on eBay. (Clever … but what makes them think the banks will have any money to pay for them?)
– BBC News

According to a new ranking in TODAY’s issue of “People magazine …
5. Charlize Theron
4. Gwyneth Paltrow
3. Anne Hathaway
2. Kate Hudson
1. Fergie
(Worst-dressed include: actress Lucy Liu and zombie Paula Abdul.)

At the annual “Gadget Of the Year Awards” in London, Apple’s iPhone 3G has topped consumer voting, beating out Sony’s ‘PlayStation 3′, Microsoft’s latest ‘Xbox 360′, Nintendo’s ‘Wii Fit’ and the B&W Zeppelin iPod speakers. Nominated products are judged on performance, design, value, and the ever elusive ‘cool factor’. Other winners include …
• International Brand: Nokia
• Innovation: Sony Reader
• Design: Apple MacBook Air
• Game: “Grand Theft Auto IV”
• Green Gadget: Ego Electric Street Scoota
• Retailer:, an online gadget and toy store.
– “Stuff Magazine”

Officials in Hoschen, Georgia say they have submitted their 5,441-strong army of scarecrows to the “Guinness Book of World Records”. They’re confident their collection of scarecrows scattered throughout the town of about 1,700 will be certified as a new record.
– “Atlanta Journal-Constitution”

• In Spain, it is common to pour chocolate milk or café au lait on cereal for breakfast.
• 75% of all raisins consumed are eaten at breakfast.
• Pancakes are served for breakfast, lunch, and dinner in Australia.

1948 [60] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (“Eragon”, Oscar-“Reversal of Fortune”)

1951 [57] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer/songwriter/music producer (U2, Peter Gabriel, Gordon Lightfoot)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)/documentary filmmaker (“Here Is What Is”)

1959 [49] Carolyn McCormick, Midland TX, TV actress (‘Dr Elizabeth Olivet‘ on “Law & Order” since 1991)

1964 [44] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, country singer (“Perfect Love”, “She’s in Love With the Boy”)/Mrs Garth Brooks since 2005

1974 [34] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Almost Famous”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1998-2006)  FACTOID: He takes over from Conan O’Brien as host of “Late Night” (NBC) in 2009.

Movie actress Sophia Loren (“Two Women”) is 74; Canadian MLB player Jason Bay (Boston Red Sox) is 30; Rock drummer Rick Woolstenhulme (Lifehouse) is 29.

Canadian icon Leonard Cohen (“Bird On a Wire”) is 74; Movie/TV producer Jerry Bruckheimer (“Pirates Of the Caribbean”/”CSI”) is 63; Author Stephen King (“The Shining”) is 61; Movie actor Bill Murray (“Lost in Translation”) is 58; Filmmaker Ethan Coen (“Burn After Reading”) is 51; Country singer Faith Hill (“Waiting All Day For Sunday Night”) is 41; Pop drummer Tyler Stewart (Barenaked Ladies) is 41; Movie actor Luke Wilson (“Old School”) is 37; Rock singer Liam Gallagher (Oasis) is 36; Celebrity Nicole Richie (“The Simple Life”) is 27.

• “Butterscotch Pudding Day”, apparently because every single thing in existence deserves its own holiday.
• “Evaluate Your Life Day” … followed by ‘Drink Till You Forget What a Loser You Are Night’.
• “International Shellfish Festival” through SUNDAY in Charlottetown PEI. Events include a chowder cook-off, oyster-shucking & eating contests, and the yummy ‘Chef’s Challenge’.
• “POW/MIA Recognition Day”, a day of remembrance and hope for the safe return of prisoners of war and those missing in action, observed annually on the 3rd FRIDAY of SEPTEMBER. A Pentagon ceremony is being held featuring troops from each of the military.
• “San Gennaro Day”, a day of festivities for Italian-Americans. You can bet it’s party time in the ‘Little Italy’ neighborhood of cities nationwide.
• “Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers!
• “Vision Rehabilitation Day”. Hey, mom warned you you’d go blind!

• “International Student Day”, honoring the diligence & hard work of exchange students who attend educational institutions away from their home countries. Good excuse for a kegger!
• “Oktoberfest”, the 175th annual world famous beer bash in humongous fest halls in Munich, Germany through OCTOBER 5th. If you’re going, take lots of moolah – THIS YEAR the price of beer will range between 7.80 and 8.30 Euros (about $11 to $12) per liter mug.
• “International Day of Peace”, established by a 1981 UN resolution. In commemoration, the ‘Text 4 Peace’ campaign is posting online a collection of text messages beginning with the word ‘peace’, sent in by mobile phone users. They will also be delivered to world leaders at the UN General Assembly TUESDAY.
• “Miniature Golf Day”. The first mini-golf was the ‘Tom Thumb Golf Course’ built in 1929 in Chattanooga TN by John Garnet Carter. Nowadays there’s a ‘Professional Miniature Golf Association’ that holds the ‘PMGA Championship’ each year.
• “Women’s Friendship Day”, observed annually on the 3rd SUNDAY of SEPTEMBER for women to celebrate their special friendships with other women. Originated in 1999 by the Kappa Delta Sorority.
• “World Gratitude Day”, designed to ‘unite all people in a positive emotion of gratitude, creating a world community’. (Brought to you by the ‘Association of the Hopelessly Overly-Optimistic’.)

1994 [14] Hospital drama “ER” debuts on NBC-TV (after its 15th season, the series finalé will air in late FEBRUARY)

1981 [27] Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel reunite for a free concert that attracts 500,000 to NYC’s Central Park (7th-largest concert crowd of all-time)

1649 [359] 1st tavern in Canada opens in Québec City, featuring a powerful brew called ‘spruce beer’ (customers who drink too much are said to be ‘all spruced up’)

1893 [115] New Zealand becomes the 1st country to give women the right to vote

[Mon] “Dancing With the Stars“ season debut (ABC)
[Mon] Hobbit Day
[Mon] Dear Diary Day
[Mon] Elephant Appreciation Day
[Mon] Good Neighbor Day
[Mon] Centenarians Day
[Mon] 1st day of Autumn
[Wed] “Knight Rider” debuts (NBC)
[Thurs] One Hit Wonder Day
This Week Is … Farm Animals Awareness Week (phew, smell that?)
This Month Is … Bed Check Month (somebody’s been sleeping in my bed and there she is!)

Why let the kids have all the fun? Us ‘mature’ folks can abbreviate with the best of them …
• BIMD … Back in my day.
• ROFLACGU … Rolling on the floor laughing and can’t get up.
• ML2N? … “Matlock” tonight?
• OMGWTF … Oh my. Gee whiz. Tutti-frutti.
• MBDC … My bad. Damn cataracts.
• WIOLATS … Wore it out like a turn signal.
• GTALNINFTCW … Gee, thanks a lot, now I’ll never finish that crossword.
– Thanks to Tominda Adkins

If someone told you had exactly 9 minutes to live, what would you do in those 9 minutes?

The week’s most requested music files online …
5. Rihanna – “Disturbia”
4. Ne-Yo – “Closer”
3. Chris Brown – “Forever”
2. Lil Wayne – “A Millie”
1. Katy Perry – “I Kissed a Girl”
– BigChampagne Online Music Measurement

Being high on crack also makes for strange bedfellows.

Today’s Question: Married people are more likely to participate in THIS activity than single, widowed, or divorced people.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Voting.

Character is what you are. Reputation is what people THINK you are.

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