Thursday, September 25, 2008        Edition: #3865
Sheet For Brains!

Perhaps the most famous line in the history of film, “The name’s Bond, James Bond”, will NOT be heard in the upcoming movie, “Quantum Of Solace”, despite having appeared in all 21 ‘Bond’ films so far (diehard fans will be shaken, not stirred) . . . Oscar-winning documentary-maker Michael Moore (“Bowling For Columbine”) says he’s posted his latest feature-length film, “Slacker Uprising”, online for free download ‘entirely as a gift to my fans’ (BS translation: I couldn’t find a distributor) . . . 22-year-old actress Lindsay Lohan has finally confirmed what we all knew anyway – she’s been in a relationship with 31-year-old DJ Samantha Ronson for a long time (if you’ve seen close-ups of Ronson, you might question if it’s a same-sex relationship) . . . Meantime, former “American Idol” runner-up Clay Aiken has finally come out in the new issue of “People” magazine, as part of a photo-spread featuring him and his new baby son ‘Parker’ (Clay’s gay – is anyone shocked?) . . . A long-running palimony suit against moviemaker Tim Burton by his ex-GF Lisa Marie has finally been thrown out of court and it’s about time, considering he’s been cohabitating with Brit actress Helena Bonham Carter since 2001 and they have 2 kids (what’s that saying about a woman scorned?) . . . And 60-year-old TV host Pat O’Brien has reportedly checked into rehab for the 3rd time (2nd THIS YEAR), just days after he was axed as co-host of TV celebrity gossip show, “The Insider” (hmm, sounds like somebody blew their buy-out on a bender).

Okay, so how come all our favorite shows have to air on the same night?
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Kid Rock (“All Summer Long”) is a guest.
• “Grey’s Anatomy“ (ABC/CTV) – In the 2-hour, 5th season premiere ‘Meredith’ & ‘Derek’ discover the morning-after side of their renewed relationship. The episode features a new song by Taylor Swift from her upcoming album, “Fearless”, which will be released NOVEMBER 11.
• Paul McCartney – He’s scheduled to perform for an estimated 50,000 at Yarkon Park in Tel Aviv, Israel. 40 years ago, The Beatles were banned from playing in the country.
• “Equus” – It’s opening night for actor Daniel Radcliffe in the Broadway revival of Peter Shaffer’s Tony-winning play at NYC’s Broadhurst Theatre. Radcliffe’s “Harry Potter” castmate Richard Griffiths & Kate Mulgrew (“Star Trek: Voyager”) co-star. The big buzz: Dan gets naked.
• “The Office” (NBC/Global): In the hour-long season opener, staffers at ‘Dunder Mifflin’ become obsessed with their weight in the wake of corporate weight-loss initiatives.
• “Survivor: Gabon” (CBS/Global): Emmy-winning host Jeff Probst introduces 18 new castaways in the 2-hour season premiere from the backwoods of Africa, including blabby Jessica ‘Sugar’ Kiper who admits she’s an actress first recruited for “Greatest American Dog” then shifted to “Survivor”.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Swedish rockers The Hives (“Tick Tick Boom”) perform.

• ABBA – It may not be a huge hit on the domestic market but movie musical “Mamma Mia!” is a monster in international box office, taking in a total of $475 million worldwide … and it’s still playing in dozens of countries.  (In related news, Benny Andersson just bought another yacht.)  
• Bob Dylan – He’s announced he’ll give a portion of proceeds from his upcoming 7-date Canadian tour to the ‘Raise a Reader’ campaign, which aims to improve literacy.
• Britney Spears – She’s just listed her 6-bedroom California mansion on the market for $7.9 million, saying she hopes to find a new property that provides more privacy and space to raise her 2 sons. (BS translation: I can’t get rid of the stink left by Sam Lutfi.)
• Michael Jackson – He’s nervous about what fans and critics will think of his new album, according to collaborator Ne-Yo. The album was due to be released at the end of the year but is now likely to be delayed till 2009. Ne-Yo confirms Michael keeps putting it off.
• Oasis – They’ve cancelled an additional 3 shows because of the broken and dislodged ribs guitarist Noel Gallagher suffered in an onstage attack at Toronto’s “Virgin Festival”. The band has promised to make up the shows in England, Germany, and France at a later date. A British arena tour to start OCTOBER 7th will go ahead as scheduled, according to the group’s website.

• “The Beautiful & the Damned” – Keira Knightley is in talks to play Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, the wife of famous writer F Scott Fitzgerald, in this upcoming 1920s period piece. “The Notebook” director Nick Cassavetes will oversee the story of the couple’s tempestuous relationship while they became the icons of the ‘Jazz Age’. The film will be based on Fitzgerald’s novel of the same name.
• “The Green Hornet” – Hong Kong comedian Stephen Chow will play ‘Kato’ in the bigscreen version of the superhero story made famous in a 1966 TV series featuring late action star Bruce Lee. Chow will also direct the movie, which will star actor Seth Rogen in the lead role as a debonair newspaper publisher who moonlights as a masked crime-fighter. If Rogen can pull this off, he may be Oscar-worthy.
• “Middle Men” – Actor Luke Wilson (“3:10 to Yuma”, “Old School”) will be surrounded by adult film stars, mobsters, federal agents, and international terrorists in this new drama about the birth of the Internet pornography industry. The film’s plot revolves around a businessman who struggles to keep his family intact as he creates the first online billing company dealing exclusively with adult content. Giovanni Ribisi co-stars. Shooting is scheduled to begin OCTOBER 20th in Phoenix, Arizona.
• “Moby Dick” – Russian director Timur Bekmambetov (“Wanted”) has been lined up to direct a re-imagining of Herman Melville’s whale of a tale. While the classic novel uses the first-person narration of ‘Ishmael’ to relay the story, this update will use a ‘graphic novel-style’ in which ‘Captain Ahab’ will be given a more detailed back-story. No casting has yet been announced. A popular 1956 movie version starred Gregory Peck.

A new study from the University of Florida has found that men who believe in ‘traditional roles for women’ earn an average of about $8,500 more annually than men with more enlightened attitudes towards equality for women. Oddly enough, the reverse seems to be true for women, as the research has discovered those with more traditional views about gender roles make an average of $1,500 less annually than women who believe in gender equality.
– “Curious Times”

The ‘T-Mobile G1′ has been unveiled, the first mobile phone to use Google’s much-vaunted Android software. The cellphone has both a touch-screen and a full QWERTY keyboard for texting. Other features include a 3-megapixel camera, one-click Google searching and built-in YouTube support. But the main draw is Google’s ‘open source’ Android software, which will allow software developers to invent innovative applications which users can then download at will. (We used to like Google as the underdog, but soon we’re gonna have to hate ‘em like Apple and Microsoft.)
– “GQ”

• A 50-year-old Chinese woman is suffering from a condition that allows her to use her skin like writing paper. Huang Xiangji of Chengdu says when she writes a word on her skin using a fingernail, the letters protrude from her skin a minute or so later. So she’s used her body as a notebook for years for things like grocery shopping lists. On WEDNESDAY, doctors told her that she has something called artificial urticaria, which has no ill affects. (Cool, free instant tats!)
– “Chengdu Evening News”
• A new survey of 5,000 people in Britain has found that the average person breaks the law … once a day. The most common crime is ‘speeding’ (admitted by 46% of respondents); followed by ‘talking on the phone while driving’ (40% break this UK ban); ‘littering’ (36%); and ‘downloading music illegally’ (35%). Interestingly, the 7th-ranked crime is … ‘having sex in a public place’. (Oh, those randy Brits!)
– “Daily Mail”
• A cemetery in Santiago, Chile will be the first to offer coffins installed with panic buttons in case … you’re buried alive. The new casket design includes built-in motion detectors so you can be rescued from a premature burial. A spokesperson for the Camino a Canaan Cemetery says they want to be pioneers and avoid ‘catalepsy’ cases. (Who knew this had a name?)
– “Fortean Times”
• The king of the south African country of Swaziland has spent much of the past week trying to choose a new wife from 20,000 bare-breasted teens who’ve danced before him in the annual “Reed Dance Festival”. Despite attempts to modernize the country’s archaic attitudes toward women, King Mswati III continues the tradition of picking a new wife each year. He’s taken on 14 spouses since coming to power in 1986. The previous monarch ended his reign with 70 wives and 400 children. (We’re guessing he died of exhaustion?)
– Reuters

Hashem Akbari, a physicist with California’s Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory, claims that if the world’s 100 largest cities painted the roofs of all their buildings white and used more reflective materials on their roads, the global cooling effect would offset 10 years of emissions growth in a single year. As well as offsetting global warming, the benefits would include saving energy, reducing smog, and improving comfort. (A lot of pluses for the price of a can of semi-gloss!)
– “Los Angeles Times“

• 1,000 cafés & restaurants are going out of business in France every month. Despite being a nation of food lovers, it seems the French are feeling the economic pinch and cutting back both on eating out and on the bill when they do, by skipping appetizers; avoiding dessert; and drinking water instead of wine. Quelle dommage!
– “First Post”
• In the new “Study of American Perceptions of China” survey, 42% of respondents could not name any Chinese brands, although 87% say they use products made in China. Among the brands listed by those who did respond: Samsung, Toyota, Nissan, and Nike … none of which are Chinese.
– “China Daily”

1929 [79] Barbara Walters, Boston MA, TV personality/producer (“The View” since 1997)/former TV news anchor (“20/20”1978-2004)/1st female network news anchor (“ABC Evening News” 1976-78)/news magazine host (“The Today Show” on NBC-TV 1961-76)/TV Hall of Fame (1990)

1933 [75] Ian Tyson, Victoria BC, legendary Canadian folk/country singer (Ian & Sylvia-“Four Strong Winds”)/Canadian Country Music Hall of Fame (1989)

1944 [64] Michael Douglas, New Brunswick NJ, movie actor/director/producer (“Traffic”, Academy Award-“Wall Street”)/Mr Catherine Zeta-Jones since 2000

1961 [47] Heather Locklear, Westwood CA, TV actress (“Spin City” 1999-2002, “Melrose Place” 1993-99)/David Spade’s ex-GF/Mrs Richie Samboro 1994-2006/Mrs Tommy Lee 1986-94  UP NEXT: “Hannah Montana: The Movie” (2009).

1968 [40] Will Smith, Philadelphia PA, movie actor (“I Am Legend”, “Men In Black”)/sometime rapper (“Switch”, “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It”)/Mr Jada Pinkett since 1997

1969 [39] Catherine Zeta-Jones, Swansea, Wales, movie actress (“No Reservations”, Academy Award-“Chicago”)/Mrs Michael Douglas since 2000 (she’s 25 years younger)

1975 [33] Matt Hasselbeck, Boulder CO, NFL QB (Seattle Seahawks)

1980 [28] TI (Clifford Harris Jr), Atlanta GA, rapper/producer (“Whatever You Like”, “What You Know”)/movie actor (“American Gangster”, “ATL”)  UP NEXT: “Fast and Furious” (2009).

• “Comic Book Day”, honoring the books your ‘read’ by looking at pictures. It doesn’t seem like as much fun as “Talk Like a Pirate Day”, but maybe some of you will be excited.

• “Imperfection Week”, celebrating the fact that we’re not all perfect. (Some less so than others.)

• “One-Hit Wonder Day”, originally sponsored by “One Shot Magazine” to honor musicians who made it big only once before fading into obscurity. There’s nothing like a one-hit wonder to zap some spice into the bland regimen of playlist radio. For an artist & title list, try these sites …

1976 [32] Boston releases their all-time classic “More Than a Feeling”

1980 [28] Led Zeppelin drummer John ‘Bonzo’ Bonham is found dead at age 32 from asphyxiation on his own vomit after drinking 40 shots of vodka on the eve of the band’s US tour

1926 [82] NHL grants franchises to the Chicago Black Hawks and the Detroit Red Wings

1981 [27] 1st woman US Supreme Court Justice sworn in (Sandra Day O’Connor)

1996 [12] Canada’s population reaches 30 million (many of whom are legal residents)

[Fri] Food Service Employees Day
[Fri] Native American Day
[Sat] World Tourism Day
[Sat] Hunting & Fishing Day
[Sat] World Maritime Day
[Sun] “Amazing Race” season premiere (CBS)
[Sun] Ask A Stupid Question Day
[Mon] Polaris Music Prize (Toronto)
This Week Is … Chimney Safety Week
This Month Is … Be Kind to Editors & Writers Month

• Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove. Set heat to medium-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No more soggy micro-pizza taste!
• Add garlic immediately to a recipe if you want a light taste of garlic and at the end of the recipe if your want a stronger taste of garlic.
• When you buy a container of cake frosting from the store, whip it with your mixer for a few minutes. You can double it in size. You get to frost more cake/cupcakes with the same amount and consume less sugar and calories per serving.
• Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef. It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking. Also works with sausages.
• Windshield keep getting all fogged up? Buy a chalkboard eraser and keep it in the glove compartment of your car. When the windows fog, rub with the eraser. Works better than a cloth!

Who is the most outrageous person personally known to you?

In the interest of promoting more erudite language as well as general goofiness, here’s a truly weird word for you to toss around for the day (award callers for tying it in with whatever they’re talking about). Today’s word is ‘frenchify’, a useful verb that has 3 very different meanings …
a. To make French in quality or trait.
b. To make somewhat effeminate.
c. To contract a venereal disease.
– Thanks to

Take my advice … I don’t use it anyway.

Veteran actor Jack Nicholson (“The Bucket List”) was raised by a woman whom he thought was his sister but turned out to be …
a. His brother.
b. His mother. [CORRECT]
c. His aunt.

Today’s Question: Couples who have at least one son are far less likely to do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Divorce.

Make a living, but make room for life.

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