Wednesday, September 2, 2009        Edition: #4092
Sheet Happens!


MTV is in a bind over what to do with its upcoming reality show “Gone Too Far” (scheduled to debut October 5th), in which 36-year-old DJ AM was helping young addicts get sober (just 8 episodes were in the can when he was found dead, likely of an overdose) . . . 35-year-old former TV actor Jerry O’Connell (“Crossing Jordan”) is now a stay-at-home dad with 8-month-old twins while 36-year-old wife Rebecca Romijn works on the TV pilot “Eastwick”, but he’s not just babysitting – he’s also enrolled in night school classes at Southwestern Law School (how to make us all look bad, overachiever!) . . . 46-year-old Demi Moore, who has 3 daughters via ex-husband Bruce Willis, tells “Marie Claire” magazine she has discussed having another baby with 31-year-old current husband Ashton Kutcher (she’d be the only 52-year-old mom at ‘Show & Tell’) . . . 47-year-old former “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul now says she wants to host a TV talk show, which she says would be ‘a lot of fun variety with a ton of unexpected stuff and tributes to everyday people getting their big chance’ (please – just – stop – talking) . . . 23-year-old “Transformers” actress Megan Fox insists in “Cosmopolitan” magazine that her sexy reputation is unfounded, claiming she can count on one hand the number of men she’s undressed in front of (… at a time) . . . Actress Sandra Bullock (“The Proposal”) & celebrity mechanic husband Jesse James (“Monster Garage”) are on the move, having just laid out $2.2 million for a classic 1876 mansion in New Orleans LA (the neighbors include Brangelina) . . . Movie tough guy Jason Statham (“Transporter”, “Crank” movies) is also moving, paying an estimated $11 million for the former Malibu Colony retreat of late “Tonight Show” host Johnny Carson (he likes the large garage to house his car collection) . . . And 69-year-old imprisoned record producer Phil Spector is being moved from California’s maximum-security Corcoran Prison to minimum/medium-security Pleasant Valley in Coalinga CA but he fears he’s being sent there to die because, in the last 4 years, 16 inmates have succumbed to ‘Valley Fever’, a soil fungus that releases deadly spores into the air (somewhere the ghost of Lana Clarkson is cheering).


• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – 4 acts advance to the finals; David Hasselhoff performs (let this be a warning!).
• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Mandy Moore (“Amanda Leigh”).
• “Good Morning America” (ABC) – Whitney Houston (“I Look to You”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – St Vincent (“Actor”).
• “Larry King Live” (CNN) – Singer-turned-boxer Chris Brown makes his first post-sentencing media appearance, alongside his mother and lawyer. In the taped interview he says that he does not remember hitting Rihanna and that looking at police reports about the incident makes him feel like he’s reading about a stranger. However, he’s since told “People” magazine that he ‘misspoke’ during the interview and does remember everything. (Um, is anybody giving this guy some guidance?)
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Smokey Robinson (“Timeless Love”).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX/CTV) – Fan-favorite dance routines from previous seasons are aired on the special “The Fifteen Best Performances Ever”.

• Carrie Underwood – Her upcoming album to be called “Play On” is scheduled for a November 3rd release. The title comes from a new song on the album.
• Destiny’s Child – Word has it Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, and Michelle Williams are planning to get back together in 2010. Michelle tells Britain’s “News Of the World” it ‘definitely will happen’. Why? An insider claims they still have another album they owe their label, Columbia Records. The trio split in 2005 to pursue solo careers.
• Eminem – During an interview on Detroit MI radio station Channel 95-5 [WKQI], his ex-wife Kim Mathers has dissed him as a ‘horrible person’ and ‘not very well endowed’. The couple split for good last year after a second attempt at marriage.
• Michael Jackson – RTL, the leading private TV broadcaster in Germany, says a hoax video it aired this week purporting to show him hopping out of a coroner’s van alive was produced as ‘an experiment’ to show how easy it is to spread rumors online.
• Trace Adkins – He’s landed the role of ‘Jimmy Knox’, the guest judge of a fictional singing competition in the upcoming indie movie “Lifted”. The film is currently being shot in Birmingham AL with an eye toward a September 2010 release.
• Van Halen – According to a report in the “Wall Street Journal”, they netted an extra $1 million in 2007 as up to 500 of the best seats at each of about 20 of their concerts were pulled from the Ticketmaster system and passed directly to ticket scalpers. The brokers allegedly kept 30% of the marked-up sale price, the remaining 70% divided among Ticketmaster, the band and its handlers. The move, according to the report, was part of a Ticketmaster initiative code-named ‘Project Showtime’. (Seems it was really ‘Operation Rip-Off’.)


New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Annualism’ – Books written by authors who take on something odd for an entire year, ie: “365 Nights” (a woman who has sex every day with her husband); and “Yes Man” (a guy who tries to say ‘yes’ to everything for a year). (“I’m working on an annualism book, detailing what it’s like to be lazy for an entire year.”)
• ‘Plutophiles’ – People who refuse to accept the 2006 downgrading of Pluto to a ‘dwarf planet’ by astronomers. (Not to be confused with Uranusites … fans of Uranus.”)
• ‘Super-Child’ – The youngest person to perform some gruelling feat, ie: youngest to sail solo around-the-world. (“We’re fairly sure we have a super-child … when she was born she was the youngest to be a kid.”)
• ‘YIMBY’ – A person who favors a project that would add a dangerous or unpleasant feature to a neighborhood. Standing for ‘Yes In My Back Yard’, this is the opposite of a ‘NIMBY’. (“There’s a meeting tomorrow night at the elementary school of all the YIMBYs who favor building a strip club next door.”)


More vacation time …not necessary. Better pay … well, it’s okay. But one expert says that one of the best ways to boost employee morale is by making sure they get – freebies. For instance, if you have T-shirts with the corporate logo on them, instead of just giving them to customers and suppliers, you should make sure employees get them too. (Yeah, we’re all excited here on the morning crew about our new contract. We didn’t get a raise but we’re all getting station fridge magnets.)
– “Entrepreneur”

• 50-year-old Scott Wade of Wimberley TX is a graphic artist who creates elaborate pictures such as the ‘Mona Lisa’ using … the dust on his family cars. He spends about 4 hours at a time using his fingers and brushes on the vehicles’ windows. If nature fails to provide, he uses a hair dryer to blow soil onto oil-soaked windows. (His most famous work: ‘Wash Me!’)
– “Globe & Mail”
• 67-year-old  Frank Evans has recovered from knee replacement surgery and a quadruple heart bypass, so now he’s back participating in his passion … bullfighting. The only English matador, known in the ring as ‘El Ingles’ [EEN-glaze’], has made his comeback in Benalmadena, Spain where he managed to successfully face 2 bulls, titanium knee and all. (Aficionados say it’s the only occasion when they’ve seen bulls die laughing.)
– “The Guardian”
• People are perplexed in the Swiss village of Lauterbrunnen over a recent trend of cows … leaping off high mountain cliffs. Police say 28 cattle died in the space of just 3 days. With no natural predators, they’re puzzled as to what could have spooked them into jumping. There has been speculation that tightly-grouped herds may blindly be following a leader with a poor sense of direction. (Just like humans!)
– Mail Online

A new study by British scientists suggests that healthy people who take a daily dose of aspirin to prevent heart attacks may be doing themselves more harm than good. The researchers don’t dispute the benefits of aspirin for patients with a history of heart problems, but suggest the risks of internal bleeding make its routine use by healthy people unwise. The study adds to a simmering debate over whether the potential dangers of aspirin may outweigh its benefits in reducing the risk of clots. (Would you be surprised if the study was funded by Tylenol?)


What ticks off parents about sending their kids back to school? According to a recent poll, 48% hate dealing with all those ‘school fundraisers’. 20% are annoyed by their kids’ ‘homework’. Another 20% say ‘science projects’ irritate them most. (What about tromping around from store-to-store hearing continuous whining about how all the clothes suck and make you look stupid?)
– “Parenting”

A wire-haired dachshund that held the official record as ‘World’s Oldest Dog’ and celebrated its last birthday with a party at a dog hotel and spa has died at age 21 … 147 in dog years. The dog, named ‘Chanel’, died of natural causes at her owners’ home in suburban Port Jefferson Station on Long Island NY. (That means the world’s oldest dog is now … ‘Snoopy’.)
– AP

The average length of the school year in Canada is 186 days, in the USA 180 days, and in England 192. But in Japan, students are stuck in the classroom an average of 243 days.
– “Social Studies”


1948 [61] Terry Bradshaw, Shreveport LA, sports analyst (“FOX NFL Sunday”)/Hall of Fame NFL QB (Pittsburgh Steelers 1970-83, 4 Super Bowl titles)/Pro Football Hall of Fame (1989)

1951 [58] Mark Harmon, Burbank CA, TV actor (‘Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs’ on “Navy NCIS” since 2003)/movie actor (“Freaky Friday”)

1959 [50] Guy Laliberté, Québec City QC, billionaire founder & CEO of Cirque du Soleil/soon-to-be space tourist (scheduled for September 30th)

1964 [45] Keanu Reeves, Beirut, Lebanon [grew up in Toronto], movie actor (“The Lake House”, “The Matrix” trilogy)

1966 [43] Salma Hayek, Coatzacoalcos, Mexico, movie actress (“Across the Universe”, “Frida”)/TV producer (“Ugly Betty”)

1987 [22] Spencer Smith, Summerlin NV, rock drummer (Panic At the Disco-“Nine In the Afternoon”, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies”)


• “Blueberry Popsicle Day”, a celebration of the flavor that leaves your lips and tongue looking like some kind of purple-fleshed alien.

• “National Beheading Day”. Not sure what you’re supposed to do to celebrate … just don’t lose your head over it.

• “National Day of Vietnam”, celebrating independence from Japan and France in 1945.

• “Take Another Look Day”, a day to survey your possessions and give surplus items to charity or reuse them in another project. In other words, dump some stuff!


1995 [14] Grand opening of Cleveland’s “Rock & Roll Hall of Fame” is celebrated with a 7-hour concert featuring Bruce Springsteen, Chuck Berry, Jerry Lee Lewis, Little Richard, Martha & the Vandellas, John Mellencamp, and oodles more


490 BC [2499] 1st ‘Marathon’ as Phidippides runs 26 miles from Marathon to Sparta (seeking a men’s room?)

1912 [97] American rodeo showman Guy Weadick stages the 1st “Calgary Stampede”, called “The Last & Best Great West Frontier Days Celebration” (back when it really was ‘Cow Town’)

1969 [40] 1st ‘Automatic Teller Machine’ is installed in Rockville Center NY

1964 [45] Norman Manley scores 2 holes-in-one consecutively at Del Valley CA, the first recorded ‘Double Albatross’ (or ‘Double Ace’) in golf

[Thurs] Michael Jackson’s most recent burial date
[Fri] Newspaper Carrier Day
[Fri] Oatmeal Day
[Fri] “American Idiot” musical debuts (Berkeley CA)
[Fri] “All About Steve”; “Carriers”; “Extract”; “Gamer” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Be Late For Something Day
[Sun] Salami Day
[Mon] Labor Day (no BS service)
This Week Is … Child Injury Prevention Week
This Month Is … Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Month


If the $4-billion Disney takeover of Marvel Comics goes through, we might see …
• “Spider-Montana”
• “Galactus Meets the Jonas Bros”
• “The Santa Wolverine Claws”
• “Fantasia Four”
• “Mutant School Musical”
• “Freaky Thor’s Day”
• “The Absent Minded Professor X”
• “Beauty & The Hulk”
• “The Lion King 4: Simba Gets Run Down by Juggernaut Bitch”
• “Snow White & The Fantastic Four”
– Adapted from

What trait did you find ‘cute’ about your partner when you first met that now drives you crazy?

• When you take a long time, you’re ‘slow’; when your boss takes a long time, she’s ‘thorough’.
• When you don’t do it, you’re ‘lazy’; when your boss doesn’t do it, he’s ‘too busy’.
• When you make a mistake, you’re ‘an idiot’; when your boss makes a mistake, she’s ‘only human’.
• When doing something without being told, you’re ‘overstepping your authority’; when your boss does the same thing, that’s ‘initiative’.
• When you take a stand, you’re being ‘bull-headed’; when your boss does it, he’s being ‘firm’.
• When you please your boss, you’re ‘apple-polishing’; when your boss pleases her boss, she’s ‘being cooperative’.
• When you’re out of the office, you’re ‘wandering around’; when your boss is out of the office, he’s ‘on business’.
• When you apply for leave, you must be ‘going for an interview’; when your boss applies for leave, it’s because she’s ‘overworked’.


Justifiable grounds for homicide: Two words … vacation photos.


Today’s Question: Worldwide, about 85% of the people who achieve THIS are women.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Age 100.


When you’re through changing, you’re through.

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