Thursday, September 3, 2009        Edition: #4093
If the Sheet Fits, Buy It!


43-year-old actress Halle Berry is said to be 3-months pregnant with her 2nd child via model-partner Gabriel Aubry, having endured over 30 pregnancy tests before it was confirmed she was expecting (the secret of success – practice, practice, practice!) . . . A new report claims Adam ‘DJ AM’ Goldstein was set to check into rehab just days after he was found dead at his NYC apartment from a suspected drug overdose (he died with 8 undigested OxyContin pills in his stomach and another in his mouth) . . . Meantime, family & friends have been invited to remember Goldstein in a ceremony at the Hollywood Palladium tonight which will resemble a ’12-step recovery meeting’, according to reports (“My name is Adam and I’m dead …”) . . . MTV’s re-invention of the 1985 Michael J Fox movie “Teen Wolf” is inching closer to reality with a pilot episode being ordered, which will be set in high school and ‘draw from the horror genre to explore werewolf mythology’ . . . Asked how she keeps her ‘banging body’, 45-year-old actress Sandra Bullock (“All About Steve”) tells RadarOnline she manages to stay in shape with ‘tons of lipo’ (she’s kidding – or is she?) . . . A performance of “A Streetcar Named Desire” at Australia’s Sydney Theatre was halted Wednesday and the audience asked to leave after actor Joel Edgerton attempted to throw a prop radio out a window and accidentally dropped it on co-star Cate Blanchett’s head (ever the trouper, she kept right on acting even though blood was pouring down her head) . . . Trash talk-show host Jerry Springer is returning to “America’s Got Talent”, not on TV but in a live version set for a 10-week run at the Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino in Las Vegas beginning in October (meaning even more moolah for producer Simon Cowell) . . . And 36-year-old Victoria’s Secret model-turned-“Project Runway” host Heidi Klum has revealed she’ll be immortalized as a ‘Barbie’ doll as part of Mattel’s ‘Blonde Ambition Collection’, her plastic counterpart wearing a glitzy pink mini-dress over a ‘cute pink bra & panties’ (her 2 girls will be so proud; her 2 boys will just pull the legs & arms off).


• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Billy Ray Cyrus (“Home at Last”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Black Eyed Peas (“The END”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – R Kelly (12th studio album, “Untitled”, due October 13th).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Ashlee Simpson (“I Am Me”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – John Fogerty (“The Blue Ridge Rangers Ride Again”).

• Black Eyed Peas – The Malaysian government has now agreed to allow Muslims to attend their September 25th concert in Kuala Lumpur, reversing an earlier ban imposed because the show is sponsored by an alcoholic beverage. (Guinness’ 250th worldwide anniversary party.)
• Coolio – Oh how the mighty have fallen! The 1995 chart-topper (“Gangsta’s Paradise”) recently performed at the Deli Zone restaurant in Longmont CO, for which he was reportedly paid $3,000, a bucket of chicken, and a bottle of Patrón. (Maybe he does weddings too?)
• Kenny Chesney – He’s written a song to be used exclusively on ABC/ESPN college football telecasts. He started writing it on a cocktail napkin last fall while dining with play-by-play announcer Brett Musburger & football analyst Kirk Herbstreit. “This Is Our Moment” debuts tonight during the pregame show.
• LeAnn Rimes – She’s posted a message on her website announcing the end of her 7-year marriage to Dean Sheremet. (Apparently she was the last to find out.)
• Michael Jackson – His burial is finally scheduled for today but the venue has been changed (again), now said to be the Freedom Mausoleum at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale CA, where he’ll reportedly be laid to rest beside Walt Disney and Larry Fine (“The Three Stooges”). Only close friends and family are invited. (Bets on another delay?)
• Pink – She has an infestation of wasps in her backyard but doesn’t want to call an exterminator to kill them because it’s against her beliefs. She jokes she’s looking for a ‘wasp interpreter’ to kindly ask them to leave.
• U2 – Bono has rescued the ill-fated “Spider-Man” musical by arranging financing to keep the proposed Broadway show afloat. Bono and The Edge wrote the music for the extravaganza, and now it’s said the U2 frontman has convinced wealthy friends to invest in the show.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Cowboys & Aliens” – “Iron Man 2” is in the can (and in theaters May 10, 2010) and now director Jon Favreau & star Robert Downey Jr are looking to collaborate on this story set in the Old West, where cowboys and Native Americans battle in Arizona … until a spaceship crashes and a new enemy equipped with superior technology emerges. A summer 2010 production start is being eyed, provided a screenplay of the farfetched premise comes together. The script has already been through at least 7 writers and/or writing teams.
• “Shutter Island” – Leonardo DiCaprio’s new movie has fallen victim to the financial crisis … at least that’s the official word. The release has been pushed back from October until February of next year. DiCaprio teamed up with director Martin Scorsese to make the thriller, in which he plays an escaped prisoner. (Thanksgiving may be in the fall, but January/February is when all the turkeys are released in movie theaters.)
• Unititled Thriller – Tom Cruise is reportedly set to re-team with his “Vanilla Sky” (2001) co-star, Cameron Diaz, in a new thriller to be shot by “Walk the Line” director James Mangold. Cameron plays a woman on a blind date who ends up being embroiled in a dramatic adventure with Cruise, who portrays a top US spy. The flick is reportedly set to begin filming in October.
• Wallis Simpson Biopic – Madonna, who made her directorial debut with “Filth & Wisdom” (2008), now plans to tell the story of American socialite Wallis Simpson, the lover of Britain’s King Edward III, who gave up the throne to marry her in 1937. The script apparently includes a song for every decade of her life. Madonna is said to be lining up Cate Blanchett for the lead role. The final script is now written and locations have been scouted, so it’s pretty much a go.

The new ‘Concert Hands’ is a gadget designed to replace traditional piano instruction by controlling the user’s hand and finger movements. The software takes a song file and converts it to a digital system whereby a controller box distributes signals to the ‘wrist pilots’ and ‘finger sleeves’. The finger sleeves are placed on all fingers of both hands and the user’s wrists lay gently on the wrist pilots. When the music begins the wrist pilots guide your hands across the piano to a specific location and the finger sleeves receive a pulse to indicate which key to play. The idea is that the repetitive motions and signals will develop muscle memory within users and enable them to eventually play their favorite songs on their own.


The Centers for Disease Control headquarters in Atlanta GA is offering an odd toy in its gift shop – a stuffed and fuzzy version of the H1N1 virus microbe. The swine flu version is being sold among other toy versions of microbes. Delaware-based manufacturer GIANTmicrobes also makes fuzzy models of bed bugs, mad cow disease, even STDs like syphilis and gonorrhea. According to its website, the company views the toys as ‘learning tools’, as each is accompanied by info about the disease it embodies. (I brought you back a herpes toy from Atlanta … the gift that keeps on giving.)


• Auckland, New Zealand – An accountant has won her case alleging unfair dismissal from ProCare Health after she was accused of causing disharmony in the workplace by … writing emails in capitals (shouting as geeks call it). She’s been awarded $17,000 in restitution but plans to lodge an appeal for further compensation. (C’mon lady, this was a capital offence!)
– “New Zealand Herald”
• Ephrata PA – A man on trial for bank robbery has told the judge that he committed the crime, hoping to be caught & sent to jail … so he could get away from his overbearing wife. The good news is, the couple eventually did divorce before the case came to trial. The bad news is, the guy now has to serve 3-to-6 years behind bars. (It’s good he thought this plan through.)
– “NY Post”
• Darwin, Australia – A dog tied to a fence outside the Rapid Creek Market shopping center has been issued … a parking ticket. It seems an elderly woman tied up her faithful Blue Heeler, left it a bowl of water, then went shopping. A pair of parking enforcement officers happened along and wrote out a ticket that was taped to the pooch’s leash. Authorities are standing behind the citation, saying a dog is considered ‘at large’ if the owner isn’t there. (Now there’s one to argue over!)
– “Northern Territory News”


Researchers at Edmonton’s University of Alberta have studied our reasoning and decision-making process by analyzing … the game of hide-and-seek. As well as the traditional kids’ game, they also investigated police searches and videogames like “Half-Life 2”. Part of the purpose of the work is to develop better search procedures for law enforcement. After watching study participants attempt to both hide objects and search for them, the researchers reached 2 conclusions: when we’re looking for something our tendency is to begin in areas closest to the starting point; but when we’re trying to hide something, the exact opposite is true.


• According to a customer survey by furniture retailer Ikea, 72% of men claim they sleep better on the couch, as opposed to 27% who say they sleep best next to their wives.
• A poll by the Quilted Northern toilet paper company reveals that 92% of us regularly read in the bathroom. Hard to believe but 48% talk on the phone, and another 3% write letters.
• According to a survey published in the journal “Medical Economics”, 33% of gynecologists have unsatisfying love lives. (Well does a plumber wanna go home and fix the toilet?)

Japanese workers take an average of just 8 days vacation a year. (If they hardly ever go on vacation, how come there are so many Japanese tourists?)


1965 [44] Charlie Sheen (Carlos Estevez), NYC, TV sitcom actor (“Two & a Half Men” since 2003, “Spin City” 2000-02)/movie actor (“Wall Street”, “Platoon”)/actress Denise Richards’ ex-/actor Martin Sheen’s son/actor Emilio Estevez’s brother  FACTOID: According to “TV Guide”, he’s currently the highest-paid actor on TV, reportedly making $875,000 per episode or over $20 million for a season of 23 shows.

1973 [36] Jennifer Paige, Atlanta GA, one-hit-wonder pop singer (“Crush”)

1979 [30] Tomislav ‘Tomo’ Milicevic, Sarajevo, Bosnia & Herzegovina, alt-rock guitarist (30 Seconds to Mars-“From Yesterday”, “The Kill”)

1980 [29] Jason ‘Cone’ McCaslin, Toronto ON, rock bassist (Sum 41-“Pieces”, “Still Waiting”)

• “Calendar Adjustment Day”. In 1752, this day never happened nor the next 10 as England dropped the Julian Calendar riddled with ‘leap year days’ and adopted the Gregorian Calendar. That moved the day’s date up from September 3rd to September 14th. (No word on the response from the working class, whose wages presumably were not paid during the period.)

• “National Flag Day” in Australia, honoring the national pennant picked in 1901. You’d think they could have designed something substantially more different from New Zealand’s flag.

• “Skyscraper Day”, a day to appreciate and admire the world’s tallest buildings. By definition, a skyscraper is any structure that clearly stands out above its surrounding environment. A loose agreement in North America & Europe puts the lower limit of a skyscraper at 150 meters (500 ft). A skyscraper taller than 300 meters (984 ft) is referred to as ‘supertall’.
Due to the variety of categories, it’s tough to nail down the world’s tallest skyscraper but these 3 are certainly near the very top …
3. Taipei 101 (Taipei, Taiwan) … 509 m (1,671 ft) to the ‘architectural top’, including spires, etc.
2. Shanghai World Financial Center (Shanghai, China) … 492 m (1,614 ft) to the rooftop; 474 m (1,555 ft) to the highest occupied floor.
1. Burj Dubai (Dubai UAE) … ‘World’s Tallest Freestanding Structure’, topped out at 818 m (2,684 ft). When completed (opening scheduled December 2nd), it will likely hold records in all categories.

1966 [43] TV show “Star Trek” debuts with a private showing at the “World Science Fiction Convention” in Cleveland, Ohio (attended by the 1st ‘geeks’)

1979 [30] CFMT-TV Toronto goes on the air, broadcasting in 26 languages to become the world’s first full-time private multilingual TV station (now known as Omni 1)


1995 [14] Online auction site ‘eBay’ is founded in San Jose, California by French-born Iranian computer programmer Pierre Omidyar (originally called ‘AuctionWeb’)

1970 [39] ‘Largest Hailstone’ lands near Coffeyville, Kansas – 1.66 lbs, 17.5 inches in diameter (wait a sec, didn’t that fall from that airliner?)

1983 [26] Oakland A’s set MLB baseball record by using 6 pitchers … in 1 inning (Cleveland Indians score 10 runs – in that final inning – to win 13-6)

[Fri] Newspaper Carrier Day
[Fri] Oatmeal Day
[Fri] “American Idiot” musical debuts (Berkeley CA)
[Fri] “All About Steve”; “Carriers”; “Extract”; “Gamer” open in movie theaters
[Sat] National Buffalo Wing Festival begins (Buffalo NY)
[Sat] Be Late For Something Day
[Sun] Salami Day
[Mon] Labor Day (no BS service)
This Week Is … Emergency Care Week
This Month Is … Be Kind to Editors & Writers Month


• Adminisphere: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank & file.
• Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group.
• Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss.
• Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.
• Idea Hamsters: People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
• Keyboard Plaque: The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
• Salmon Day: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
• Seagull Manager: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps over everything, and then leaves.
• Tourists: People who take training classes just to get a vacation from work. (“We had 3 serious students in the class; the rest were just tourists.”)
• Xerox Subsidy: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one’s workplace.

An antidote is a medicine you take to prevent dotes.

What’s the best ‘make-out tune’ of all-time?

Today’s Question: 25% of us eat in THIS place at least once a week.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The car.

Most people raise their voice rather then reinforcing their point.

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