Monday, September 14, 2009        Edition: #4099
There’s No BS Like Show BS …

• Michael Jackson reportedly wrote a series of ‘secret notes’ on Post-it notes and scraps of paper just hours before his death June 25th that were stuck on the walls of his bathroom. An insider says one reads, “I am so grateful that I am a magnet for miracles.” (Eh?) Another: “Love, no violence ever! Remember a beautiful future promise of tomorrow.” (Wow, good drugs.)
• Friday night, grieving acting couple John Travolta & Kelly Preston made their first public appearance since the tragic death of their 16-year-old son Jett to promote “Old Dogs”, a new movie they star in alongside daughter Ella Bleu. At Disney’s “D23 Expo” in Anaheim CA, the official organization for Disney fans (‘D’ for Disney; ‘23′ for the founding year of the studio), Travolta thanked fans for their support, saying, “We appreciate the love.” The family comedy opens November 25th.
• 46-year-old movie star Johnny Depp has confirmed he’s sailing back to the “Pirates Of the Caribbean” movie franchise. The 4th film in the series will be titled “On Stranger Tides” and is slated for a Summer 2011 release. Also on tap for Depp: a bigscreen adaptation of the vintage TV Western “The Lone Ranger” (1949-57), in which he’ll play American Indian sidekick ‘Tonto’. (You do the casting … who should play ‘Lone’?)
• 27-year-old reality TV tramp Tila Tequila (“A Shot at Love”) has lashed out at the San Diego DA’s decision to dismiss her allegation she was battered by NFL player-boyfriend  Shawne Merriman (San Diego Chargers). Police came to his home September 6th after she called 9-1-1 claiming she’d been choked and prevented from leaving the property, but all charges have since been dismissed. Tila calls that decision ‘unconscionable negligence’. (Seems Tila just bought a new thesaurus.)
• 32-year-old New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has finally confirmed his 29-year-old model-wife Gisele Bundchen is pregnant. Despite photos showing her with a bulging belly, the Brazilian supermodel refused to say she was expecting her first child, and her baby bump was recently airbrushed from modeling shots. But Brady now confirms the couple is preparing for the birth of a babe in December. He already has a son via actress and ex-partner Bridget Moynahan. (Seems when this guy scores, there’s always a tot-after.)
• Moviemaker Steven Soderbergh has ruled out another “Ocean’s Eleven” sequel without late actor/comedian Bernie Mac. Mac, who portrayed ‘Frank Catton’ in all 3 “Ocean’s” movies, died last year of pneumonia at age 50. Soderbergh says it’s unlikely any of the cast would want to go back and do a 4th film without him. (BS translation: The last 2 films sucked so bad, we want to distance ourselves from the whole “Ocean’s” thing.)

• “America’s Got Talent” (NBC) – The remaining acts perform one last time. “Britain’s Got Talent” & YouTube sensation Susan Boyle will appear on the finalé this Wednesday.
• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – The debut of the new 10pm nightly variety show hosted by the former “Tonight Show” host features comedian Jerry Seinfeld, plus Rihanna, Jay-Z, and Kanye West performing “Run This Town”.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Maxwell (“BLACKsummers’night”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Franz Ferdinand (“Tonight: Franz Ferdinand”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Rufus Wainwright (“Milwaukee At Last!!!”, out September 22).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Cage the Elephant (“Cage the Elephant”).
• “Monday Night Football” (ESPN/TSN) – For the 21st year Hank Williams Jr kicks off game night with his “All My Rowdy Friends” theme. Tonight’s version features a Hall of Fame-inspired video celebrating memorable moments in “Monday Night Football” history. The 40th “MNF” season kicks off with the Buffalo Bills at the New England Patriots.
• “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV) – In the season premiere, Oprah features comeback singer Whitney Houston (“I Look to You”) in the first part of a 2-show interview.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Dave Matthews Band (“Big Whiskey & The GrooGrux King”).

• Elton John – He says he & partner David Furnish would like to adopt a 14-month-old Ukrainian toddler named ‘Lev’ after spending time with him at an orphanage for babies with HIV or who have parents with the disease. Elton previously decided against adoption due to his age (62) and busy schedule but has apparently changed his mind.
• Jason Aldean – His “Big Green Tractor” doesn’t seem to have a reverse gear. This is the song’s 3rd week atop the “Billboard” country singles chart.
• Michael Jackson – As predicted, the tribute concert scheduled for September 26th in Vienna, Austria has now been cancelled. Jermaine Jackson had struggled to find stars to perform. Co-organizer Georg Kindel blames ‘negative treatment by the Austrian media’ for the cancellation and says the event will be shifted to Wembley Stadium in London next June.
• Neil Young – Tonight his new concert movie, “Neil Young Trunk Show”, premieres at the “Toronto International Film Festival”. Young has decided to pass on personally introducing it.
• Nirvana – Kurt Cobain’s appearance as a playable avatar in the new “Guitar Hero 5” videogame is being been slammed by former bandmates Dave Grohl & Krist Novoselic. At first Courtney Love denied knowing anything about it, but “Rolling Stone” says that not only did she sign off on her late hubby appearing in the game, she was closely involved in the process.
• Them Crooked Vultures – The supergroup has announced a tour Down Under in the new year. Josh Homme, Dave Grohl, and John Paul Jones will play 6 shows, beginning in Perth, Australia January 19th and winding up in Auckland, New Zealand January 30th.


Stats show that flying is now safer than at any time since the Wright Bros, but airline pilot Patrick Smith says there are still some weak links in the flight safety chain. Among them …
• Combustible Batteries: High-energy, lithium-ion power packs like those found in laptop computers & other electronics are susceptible to a chemical chain-reaction causing them to overheat uncontrollably. In the cargo hold of an airplane, they pose a risk most passengers know nothing about.
• Terrorism: Now the primary threat to commercial airliners is the smuggling aboard of explosives. In the meantime, we’re wasting time and millions-upon-millions of dollars on our fixation with blades and sharps.
• Pilot Qualifications: A problem most particular to regional airlines.

Since the release of their digital catalogue Wednesday, ‘Beatlemania’ has hit all over again. Here are the fan faves so far based on reissued CD sales …
5. “Help!”
4. “Rubber Soul”
3. “The White Album”
2. “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”
1. “Abbey Road”

Scientists at Emory University in Atlanta GA have discovered that chimpanzees yawn after watching … cartoon chimpanzees yawn. Lead researcher Dr Matthew Campbell doubts the chimps are fooled into thinking the cartoons are real; they’re just processing animated faces the same way they process real faces. It’s hoped the info can be used to learn how human children process what they see on a screen. (In his future work, Campbell hopes to determine if cartoon chimps will yawn after watching real-life chimps.)
– “Discover Magazine”

According to a survey of accident claims by an auto insurer, some professions are more likely to be involved in traffic accidents than others. Here are the most-likely-to-crash occupations …
5. Doctor
4. Student
3. Chef
2. Sales Manager
1. Computer Engineer
In contrast, Farmers have the best road safety records based on claims made, followed by Aircraft Fitters, Warehousing Personnel, and Ambulance Drivers. (Ambulance drivers come in a lousy 4th … yikes?!?!)


Mathew Granger of London ON has set a new record for inline skating … backwards. The 20-year-old managed to complete 202 laps in reverse at the local Delaware Speedway on Friday, a total of 202 km or 125.5 miles, hoping to raise awareness about Parkinson’s disease. He now awaits Guinness Records certification for ‘Greatest Distance Traveled Backwards on Inline Skates in 24 Hours’.
– Extrapolated from

There are so few redheads in Mexico that they often greet each other in the street.
– BBC News


1947 [62] (Nigel) Sam Neill, Omagh, Northern Ireland, movie actor (“Jurassic Park”, “The Piano”)/TV actor (‘Cardinal Wolsey’ on “The Tudors” 2007-08)

1965 [44] Dmitry Medvedev, Leningrad, Russia, President of Russia since 2008 (aka Vladimir Putin’s flunky)/First Deputy Prime Minister of Russia 2005-08

1969 [40] Tyler (Emmitt) Perry, New Orleans LA, movie producer/director/screenwriter/actor (“I Can Do Bad All by Myself”, “Madea’s Family Reunion”)/TV producer (“Meet the Browns” 2009, “Tyler Perry’s House of Payne” since 2006)/playwright (“Madea Goes to Jail”)

1973 [36] Nas (Nasir bin Olu Dara Jones), Queens NY, rapper (“Street Dreams”, “Hot Boyz”)/married to hip-hop artist Kelis 2005-09

1981 [28] Ashley Roberts, Phoenix AZ, pop singer/dancer (Pussycat Dolls-“Jai Ho”, “Don’t Cha”)

1983 [26] Amy Winehouse, London UK, drug-addled soul/jazz/R&B/pop singer (“Back to Black”, “Rehab”)

• “Boss-Employee Exchange Day”, observed annually on the 2nd Monday of September to help bosses and employees appreciate each other by exchanging points of view. (“Boss, from my point of view I deserve a raise.” “Well, that’s interesting because the view from over here says you’re fired.”)

• “Cream-Filled Donut Day” … a holiday for cops? The most popular cream-filled donuts are chocolate cream and vanilla cream.

• “International Cross-Cultural Day”, a good excuse to pepper your show with greetings in different languages. The website for the ‘Say Hello Project’ will help you out …

• “Pregnant Women’s Day”, set aside to honor all moms-to-be. According to a recent study, less than half of women are happy with the maternity care they get in hospitals and see giving birth as a ‘conveyor belt’ experience. What’s the most unusual pregnancy craving you’ve heard of?

• “World Hearing Voices Day”, the 3rd annual observance honoring all those who receive advice, encouragement, comforting words, and even laughter from others … WHO AREN’T REALLY THERE.

1984 [25] Dan Ackroyd & Bette Midler co-host the debut of the “MTV Video Music Awards” as The Cars (‘Best Video’) & Michael Jackson (‘Best Overall Performance’) are the big winners

2002 [07] No Doubt singer Gwen Stefani weds Bush frontman Gavin Rossdale in London UK


1964 [45] Quickie breakfast alternative the ‘Pop Tart’ is introduced

1979 [30] Theodore J Coombs completes a 5,193-mile roller-skate from LA to NYC and then back home to Yates Center KS

1987 [22] ‘Largest-Ever Newspaper Edition’ as Sunday “NY Times” has 1,612 pages and weighs in at a whopping 12 lbs (paper carriers use forklifts for delivery)


[Tues] Make a Hat Day
[Tues] Hispanic Heritage Month begins
[Wed] Collect Rocks Day
[Wed] Mexican Independence Day
[Wed] Working Parents Day
[Wed] International Day For the Preservation Of the Ozone Layer
[Wed] Stepfamily Day
[Fri] World Water Monitoring Day


Assisted Living Week / Balance Awareness Week / Constitution Week / Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness / Line Dance Week / Substitute Teacher Appreciation Week


A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• Briefs – Tighty whities are symbols of youth and wearing them as adults may indicate a guy is unwilling to grow up.
• Boxers – The most conservative style of underwear on the market. A ‘boxer guy’ is usually a proponent of tradition and enjoys being a ‘real man’.
• Boxer Briefs – These have become the underwear of choice, offering the comfort and loose feel of boxers while providing support with their brief-like design. Men who wear them are usually athletic, enjoy working out, and pay extra attention to their appearance.
• Bikini – Preferred by men who dress to impress. These guys don’t want to leave anything to the imagination. They want everyone to know exactly what’s lurking below.
• Commando – The underwear-less man is generally a free-spirited guy who is rebellious, carefree, and self-confident.


No expense spared, what’s the absolute best breakfast?


You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking 5 miles-a-day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where she is.

Today’s Question: The average guy will do THIS 34 times a year.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Tell a bad joke.


The problem with getting a life is making the payments.

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