Wednesday, September 23, 2009        Edition: #4106
Bully For You!


BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:

Emmy Award-winning actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) is rallying supporters to put in a bid to maintain the only public radio station on Long Island NY (NPR affiliate WLIU-FM), which is going up for auction today after 46 years of broadcasting (would you want ‘Mr Hothead’ for a boss?) . . . It’s been announced reality TV star Khloe Kardashian (“Khloe & Kourtney Take Miami”) is suddenly getting married to 6′-10” LA Lakers basketball player Lamar Odom on Sunday somewhere in or near LA, and if you are invited you will receive a phone call (hmm, why would they wed after just a few weeks of dating?) . . . So-called ‘friends’ of famous person Jessica Simpson say her relationship ended because she was ‘too clingy’ (are they talking about Dallas Cowboys’ star Tony Romo or her coyote-bait dog Daisy?) . . . Movie actress Renee Zellweger won’t be piling on 30 lbs to reprise her role in the upcoming “Bridget Jones” sequel as she did for the previous 2 films, but instead will wear a ‘fat suit’ (BS translation: She’s already 40, fat and flatulent) . . . “America’s Got Talent” judge David Hasselhoff is now claiming he was rushed to hospital the other day because of an ‘ear infection’ (there was a bottle stuck in it) . . . 20-year-old “Heroes” star Hayden Panettiere says she’s ruled out getting a college education because she’s had her own ‘learning experience’ growing up in Hollywood (BS translation: I make enough money to buy your stinking college) . . . 47-year-old TV actress Heather Locklear is returning to “Melrose Place” (CW) to reprise her role as ‘Amanda Woodward’ in the remake of the 1980s show (which is in more trouble: her career or this program?) . . . And Chaz Bono, daughter of Vegas entertainer Cher, has sold the rights to an autobiography documenting her gender change from a woman (Chastity) to a man (he’s also holding a yard sale of old dresses).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/A Channel) – A tribute to late actor Patrick Swayze; the cast of Broadway’s “The Lion King” performs.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Jessie James (“I Look So Good Without You”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Arctic Monkeys (“Favourite Worst Nightmare”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Mary J Blige (“Stronger”, due November 24th).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Wynonna (“Sing-Chapter 1”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Aerosmith – They’ll return to the stage October 18th & 20th in Hawaii. That doesn’t mean they’re touring again; it’s to fulfill a legal obligation for cancelling a Maui show 2 years ago which resulted in a class action suit. It’ll be their first appearance since frontman Steven Tyler fell off the stage in Sturgis SD.
• Avril Lavigne – She & Brandon ‘Greasy Bear’ Davis are said to be hooking up. Reportedly, the 2 ‘friends’ spent a few weeks together on a yacht in St Tropez, France right before she kicked hubby Deryck Whibley (Sum 41) out of their mansion. Coincidence?
• Chris Young – The “Gettin’ You Home” (aka “The Black Dress Song”) singer has been toiling away in Nashville for a long time but didn’t gain wide recognition until he won the “Nashville Star” contest in 2006.
• Joe Nichols – Today he performs his current single “Believers” during a ceremony to present the Dalai Lama with the Freedom Award from the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis TN.
• Kellie Pickler – She was recently voted the ‘Sexiest Vegetarian Alive’ by PETA.
• Michael Jackson – The movie “This Is It”, based on footage from concert rehearsals before his death in June, will have simultaneous premieres in 15 cities October 27th, including NYC, Rio de Janeiro, London, Berlin, and Seoul (other cities not released). It opens to the general public October 28th for a limited 2-week run.
• Rob Thomas – Tonight he kicks off a 2-month tour at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood FL. Opening acts are One Republic and Carolina Liar.
• Ting Tings – They’ve hosted an invitation-only ‘Paint Party’ where the band and their fans wore black tracksuits and painted themselves and the inside of a dance club with neon paint. The walls and floors will be reused as collectable album covers for their next single, “Great DJ”.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:

“Astro Boy” ( Sci-Fi Animation ): When a scientist’s young son dies, he secretly creates a powerful robot child to replace him. The robot uses its incredible powers to become a world-famous superhero who faces his greatest challenge when an alien race threatens Earth. Voice cast includes Freddie Highmore, Nicolas Cage, and Kristen Bell. Based on the Japanese manga comic series by Osamu Tezuka.
NET: http://www.astroboy-themovie.com

IRONIC OR DUMB?
Christie’s auction house in NYC says a British artist’s bronze sculpture of a cardboard box is expected to fetch $30,000 when it goes under the hammer today. The ‘Post-War & Contemporary Art Sale’ catalogue describes the artwork, “Brillo 5” by Gavin Turk, as ‘an ironic and ambiguous work that is essentially a copy of a cardboard box’. (What do they ship it in?)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/mpbk89
– UPI

BS BUZZWORDS:

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Digital Nomads’ – People who use technology, particularly wireless networking, to work without requiring an office or other fixed address. (Formerly known as ‘bums’.)
• ‘Mumblecore’ – An independent film genre characterized by low-budget production values, unknown actors, and a constant stream of low-key, semi-improvised dialogue. (Sounds like something you shouldn’t fail to miss.)
• ‘Wikipedia Kids’ – Students who have poor research skills and lack the ability to think critically because Wikipedia is their main source of information. (For more info, look up ‘Wikipedia Kid ‘ in Wikipedia.)

FALL OUT:

Autumn is the best time to make a career move. Why? It’s when most companies do much of their planning for the future. Consulting firm Goodrich & Sherwood advises that, in today’s economy, you should quit waiting around for your present employer to reward your good work and make a smart career move instead. (Another way of saying ‘make a smart career move’: get a job!)
– TheFreeLibrary.com

SCIENTISTS SAY:
A BS compendium of recent ‘discoveries’ …
• Scientists say … it’s wrong to assume that attractive, fit, stylishly-dressed people are automatically smarter, as personal appearance has little to do with intelligence. (Take Megan Fox for example …)
• Scientists say … the males of many species have shorter lifespans than females because they’re bigger, juicier targets for parasites. (Especially guys with bigger, juicier bank accounts.)
• Scientists say … most puberty-driven ‘snit fits’ last an average of just 15 minutes. (Your average teenager’s attention span.)
• Scientists say … surgeons do a better job while listening to background music because it relaxes them and lowers blood pressure. (Would you want a surgeon re-attaching your optic nerve while listening to “I Gotta Feeling”?)

BS LAW & DISORDER:

• California – The Merced Police Department’s Internal Affairs Division is investigating a complaint alleging an officer used a Taser on an unarmed man … who was wheelchair-bound … with no legs … twice. (What, he was going to spit or something?)
– “Merced Sun-Star”
• Texas – A new listing of death row inmates’ last words before being executed in the State of Texas includes “Nothing I can say can change the past”; “I have come here today to die, not make speeches”; and the ever practical “Is the mike on?”. (No one said: “Thank-you, it’s good to be back!”)
– “New York Times”
• Greece – Someone had the audacity to plant marijuana in the median of a 6-lane expressway linking the cities of Athens and Thessalonika. Cops harvested 45 plants. (Now that’s a highway!)
– TheAge.com
• Florida – A Lake Worth senior woke up recently after a would-be burglar climbed his backyard fence and was met by his charging dog. The 91-year-old jumped out of bed, grabbed his gun, phoned police, and held the intruder at bay all the while standing naked as a jay bird. (There’s a sight that would convince you to surrender!)
– New York Post”

I SPY A LIE:
A new research study has discovered a series of tell-tale clues in the handwriting of fibbers. Researchers at the University of Haifa in Israel have found that those who write lies press harder on the paper, use longer strokes of the pen, and produce taller letters than those telling the truth. The differences are too subtle to see with the naked eye but can be detected using a computer and a touch-sensitive pad. It’s hoped the system could one day be used to test the truthfulness of loan applications or insurance claims. (If they can find anyone left who actually uses a pen and treeware.)
– “Daily Mail”

DID YOU KNOW?
• A typical human has enough body fat to sustain about 40 marathons.
– “BBC News Magazine”
• The color red increases hormonal and sexual activity, activates adrenaline, stimulates appetite, induces creativity, and causes us to lose track of time.
– “Hospitality Magazine”

BS CHRONOMETER 09.23.09


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [60] Bruce Springsteen, Freehold NJ, rock singer (19 Grammy Awards, including Dancing in the Dark”, “Tunnel of Love”)/Academy Award (“Streets of Philadelphia”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1999)

1972 [37] Jermaine Dupri (Mauldin), Asheville NC, producer/recording exec/Janet Jackson’s manager-boyfriend (husband?)

BS REASON TO PARTY . . .

• “Celebrate Bisexuality Day”, initiated in 1999 and now observed in Australia, Canada, New Zealand, the USA, and some European countries. Who should the ‘poster person’ be?

• “National Food Service Workers Day”, in recognition of those dedicated folks who slop your plate full. So here’s a look at …
BS SIGNS YOU’VE GOT A BAD FOOD SERVER:
• After presenting food, says, “Good luck.”
• Asks if you want your fork ‘spit-shined’.
• You suddenly realize it’s the water that’s amber-colored, not the glass.
• You ask for a napkin and the server says, “Oooh, who’s Mister Fancy?”
• You discover one of your burritos is a rolled-up Ace bandage.
• When you order just a salad, says, “Hey, we got ourselves a sissy here!”
• You complain about a hair in your soup and she says, “That’s OK, it’s split pea & hamster.”

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2002 [07] “CSI: Miami” premieres on CBS-TV

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [12] One-hit-wonder Chumbawamba releases mega-hit “Tubthumper”

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .

1845 [164] 1st ‘Baseball Club’ organizes and adopts rules (NY Knickerbockers)

1879 [130] 1st electronic ‘hearing aid’ (Audiophone)

1992 [17] Québec hockey player Manon Rhéaume plays goaltender for Tampa Bay Lightning to become 1st woman to play in an NHL hockey game (gives up 2 goals on 9 shots in 1 period of an exhibition game)

AND REMEMBER . . .

[Thurs] Punctuation Day
[Thurs] Guinness Brewery 250th Anniversary
[Fri] Hug A Vegetarian Day
[Fri] One-Hit Wonder Day
[Fri] “Coco Before Chanel”; “Fame”; “Pandorum”; “Paranormal Activity”; “Surrogates” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Clean Hands Week
This Month Is … Backpack Safety Month

BULL’S BITS


This week is “Dog Week”, celebrating the popular pets who’ve taught us how to stoop and scoop. So in honor of our canine friends, here are some …
BS REASONS DOGS DON’T USE COMPUTERS:
• Hard to read monitor with your head cocked to one side.
• Fire hydrant icon too frustrating.
• Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manoeuver.
• Cuz dogs ain’t geeks! Now cats, on the other hand …
• Butt-sniffing too difficult on small-screen.
• Three words: ‘Carpal Paw Syndrome’.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
As we used to say when I worked in retail, this wouldn’t be a bad job if it weren’t for the customers.

MORE BS MOVIE CLICHÉS:
Why is it that in the movies that …
• Bad guys lurk until their presence is revealed by a flash of lightning.
• When someone drives down a sidewalk during a chase they never actually hit anyone, only fruit carts.
• Caves always have flat floors, and it’s never fully dark.
• The person behind the wheel is talking to and looking at their passenger for the entire journey without actually looking at the road.
• Characters that get shot never go into shock.

BS PHONE STARTER:
You have to give up your TV, your computer, or your phone. Which would you pick and why?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• Where did the energy drink ‘Gatorade’ get its name?
a. From it’s inventor, Giuseppe Gatorini.
b. From a really thirsty football team. [CORRECT. It was developed in the mid-1960s by doctors at the University of Florida for their football team, the Gators.]
c. From the animal whose tears it’s made from.
– answerbag.com

• What was the only major car company to stop making cars while making a profit from them?
a. Hupmobile.
b. Hudson.
c. Studebaker. [CORRECT. The last Studebaker car rolled off the Canadian assembly line in Hamilton, Ontario on March 16, 1966 after 54 years of automaking.]
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

• This part of the human body averages 6 lbs.
a. Skin. [CORRECT. It’s also the body’s largest organ.]
b. Brain.
c. Left Foot.
– “Weird Fact Of the Day”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:

Today’s Question: The average for THIS is 23 lbs.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: The amount of weight a bride wants to lose before her wedding.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:

How long a minute lasts depends on which side of the bathroom door you’re on.


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