Wednesday, September 30, 2009        Edition: #4111
Monthly Planning Calendar in Today’s Issue!

Today Guy Laliberté, the Canadian billionaire who founded Cirque du Soleil, is scheduled to blast off from Kazakhstan’s Baikonour cosmodrome for a 12-day (multi-million-dollar) space trip, and among his personal effects he’ll be carrying – 9 red clown noses (things are gonna lighten up at the International Space Station) . . . Apple Inc has announced that downloads from its iTunes applications store have passed 2 billion and that it now has more than 85,000 apps available for the iPhone (we’d like to see a ‘How Do I Pay For All This App’) . . . 28-year-old reality TV star Kim Kardashian (“Keeping Up With the Kardashians”) is back together with NFL player -boyfriend Reggie Bush, according to pals (but only as long as the Saints keep winning) . . . Meantime, it’s been revealed that her sister Khloe Kardashian signed a $250,000-contract with “OK! Magazine” for exclusive photos of her wedding on Sunday, but the magazine’s ticked because the event turned into a media circus with dozens of paparazzi and so many helicopters overhead you couldn’t hear the vows (we give the newlyweds a month) . . . Movie actors Claire Danes (30) & Hugh Dancy (34), who met while shooting the 2006 movie “Evening”, have gotten married in a low-key ceremony in France earlier this month (proving you can stay invisible if you wanna) . . . And 53-year-old actor-director Mel Gibson has filed legal papers to ask a judge to expunge his infamous 2006 DUI charge from his record because he has now completed the terms of his probation (his record may get cleared but the goofy mug shot will live forever!).


• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Brad Paisley (“American Saturday Night”).
• “Jay Leno Show” (NBC/CityTV) – Country singers Vince Gill, Emmylou Harris.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Alice in Chains (“Black Gives Way To Blue”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Like (“Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Madonna (“Celebration”); Harry Connick Jr (“Your Songs”).
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Brad Paisley (“American Saturday Night”) finishes off 2 TV appearances in a single day.

• AC/DC – Upcoming stops on their “Black Ice World Tour” in Phoenix, Las Vegas, Louisville, Kansas City, Des Moines, and Milwaukee are being rescheduled because singer Brian Johnson recently underwent a medical procedure and is taking some time to rest. The tour will resume October 16th in Washington DC.
• The Beatles – The woman who inspired the iconic song “Lucy In the Sky with Diamonds” has died. Lucy O’Donnell was a childhood friend of John Lennon’s son Julian, and the song title was inspired by a picture that he drew of her at school. Forget the ‘LSD’ legend.
• Chris Brown – He’s scheduled to make his musical comeback at the Power 105.1 [WWPR NYC] “Powerhouse ’09” concert alongside Keri Hilson, The-Dream, and Ginuwine on October 27th.
• Madonna – Reports say the 51-year-old is set to marry her 22-year-old Brazilian model-boyfriend Jesus Luz before the end of the year in a Kabbalah commitment ceremony.
• Radiohead – Thom Yorke has announced plans to hit the road with a new, as-yet-unnamed band that includes Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Flea and 4 other lesser-known musicians. They’re scheduled to first play the Orpheum Theatre in Los Angeles in October.
• Rolling Stones – 62-year-old Ronnie Wood is reportedly refusing to give in to 20-year-old girlfriend Ekaterina Ivanova’s wishes that they start a family as he isn’t sure their relationship will last. Or him either, for that matter.
• U2 – They set a new attendance record at Giants Stadium last Thursday, officially playing before 84,472 people in East Rutherford NJ. The previous record was set by Pope John Paul II in 1995.


University of British Columbia research has confirmed that men who are jerks get more action with women than men who are considered ‘nice guys’. Sexually active men are often found to be manipulative, arrogant, boastful, calculating, sly, and quarrelsome. (Yeah, but they’re also single.)
– CP


Italian detective agency Miriam Tomponzi Investigations has put together a guide for cheating spouses on how not to get caught. Here are the so-called ‘Five Golden Rules’ …
• After a call to your lover is made or received, immediately delete every trace of the number from your cellphone, then call a relative or friend whose number is recognizable to your spouse.
• Delete all text messages, even the most treasured which you think you’ll want to read again later.
• Keep a mental list of names related to real situations (such as work) so you can fake a conversation to divert suspicion.
• If you get a call when your spouse is with you, act as if it’s a wrong number.
• If you get caught mid-call, unobtrusively turn off the phone and claim you can’t hear anything because there’s a problem with the line.
– Reuters

A study at the UK’s University of Westminster shows that drying hands with paper towels removes 42% more germs than just washing alone. But using those hot air blowers often found in public washrooms actually INCREASES the number of germs on your hands by 500%. (Generations of 8-year-olds have known that the safest method is wipe ‘em on your pants.)
– PA News

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history …
• Spades – King David
• Clubs – Alexander the Great
• Hearts – Charlemagne
• Diamonds – Julius Caesar


1958 [51] Marty Stuart, Philadelphia MS, country singer  (“Now That’s Country”, “Tempted”)

1963 [46] Eddie Montgomery, Danville KY, country singer (Montgomery Gentry-“Back When I Knew It All”, “Lucky Man”)

1964 [45] Robby Takac, Buffalo NY, alt-rock singer/bassist (Goo Goo Dolls-“Give a Little Bit”, “Iris”)

1975 [34] Marion Cotillard, Paris, France, movie actress (2008 Golden Globe Award & Academy Award–“La Vie En Rose”)

1984 [25] T-Pain (Faheem Rasheed Najm), Tallahassee FL, hip-hop/R&B singer-songwriter (f/Yung Joc-“Buy U a Drank [Shawty Snappin’]”, w/Flo Rida-“Low”)

• “Do Something Wacky with a Grandparent Day”. Swap teeth?

• “International Translation Day”, introduced in 1991 by the International Federation of Translators. One of the great things you can do online is use an automated translator like “Babel Fish” to switch from language-to-language instantly.

• “Mud Pack Day”, proving there’s a day to honor just about any damn thing you can think of.

• “St Jerome’s Day”, patron saint of librarians. In order to celebrate … shhhhhhh! Name the patron saint of the following countries …
Australia/New Zealand (St Francis Xavier)
Canada (St Joseph/St-Jean-Baptiste)
England (St George)
France (St Denis)
Ireland (St Patrick)
Italy (St Anthony)
Russia (St Nicholas)
Scotland (St Andrew)
USA (St James)

• “Women’s Health & Fitness Day”, an annual observance on the Last Wednesday of September to focus attention on the importance of regular physical activity and health awareness for women.

1955 [54] Movie legend James Dean dies at age 24 after slamming his Porsche 550 Spider into another car head-on at 75 mph near Cholame CA (he only made 3 films: “East of Eden”, “Rebel Without a Cause”, and “Giant”)

1950 [59] Premiere of the TV version of the “Grand Ole Opry”


1841 [168] 1st ‘Stapler’ invented by Sam Slocum (next day, he finds his tie is attached to his patent application)

1846 [163] Boston’s Dr William Morton becomes 1st dentist to use ‘Anesthetic’ (before that, it was the old mallet-to-the-head trick)

2002 [07] Chris McAlister of Baltimore Ravens sets record for ‘Longest Play in NFL History’ by returning missed field goal 107 yards for a touchdown


[Oct 1] China’s 60th Anniversary Celebration / Vancouver International Film Festival begins / Ozzy Osbourne releases autobiography “I Am Ozzy” / “Star Wars: In Concert” tour begins (Anaheim CA) / International Day of Older Persons / World Vegetarian Day
[Oct 2] “Capitalism: A Love Story”; “The Invention of Lying”; “Whip It”; “Zombieland” open in movie theaters / Mirage Hotel & Casino 20th Anniversary Concert (Las Vegas) / 2009 Billboard Women In Music Event (NYC) / Diversity Day / Fallen Firefighters Weekend / Custodial Workers Day / Techies Day / World Farm Animals Day / World Smile Day
[Oct 3] Chinese Moon Festival / Alternative Fuel Day / Change a Light Day / World Card Making Day / Simon Cowell’s 50th Birthday Party
[Oct 4] Farm Aid (St Louis MO) / (RED) Campaign Benefit concert (NYC)
[Oct 5] “Let’s Make a Deal” debuts (CBS) / Child Health Day / Improve Your Office Day / World Habitat Day / World Teachers Day
[Oct 5-9] 2009 Nobel Prizes announced
[Oct 6] Rascal Flatts’ “Greatest Hits Volume 1”; KISS’ “Sonic Boom”; Backstreet Boys’ “This Is Us” released / Ecological Debt Day / German-American Day
[Oct 8] New Zealand Music Awards (Auckland) / Depression Screening Day / World Sight Day
[Oct 9] “Couples Retreat” opens in movie theaters / Leif Erickson Day / World Post Day
[Oct 10] BET Hip-Hop Awards (Atlanta) / International Newspaper Carrier Day / Cake Decorating Day / Universal Music Day
[Oct 11] Clergy Appreciation Day / International African Diaspora Day / National Coming Out Day
[Oct 12] Thanksgiving Day (Canada) / Columbus Day (USA) / International Moment of Frustration Scream Day / Free Thought Day / Kick Butt Day / Salesperson Day
[Oct 13] All For the Hall Concert (Nashville) / Face Your Fears Day
[Oct 14] International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction / International Emergency Nurses Day / BFI London Film Festival opens (UK) / Be Bald & Be Free Day / Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day
[Oct 15] Rome Film Festival begins (Italy) / International Credit Union Day / Grouch Day / White Cane Safety Day
[Oct 16] “Law Abiding Citizen”; “The Stepfather”; “Where the Wild Things Are” open in movie theaters / Boss’ Day / Dictionary Day / Mammography Day / World Food Day
[Oct 17] Diwali (Hindu) / International Day For the Eradication of Poverty
[Oct 18] World Menopause Day
[Oct 19] Evaluate Your Life Day / World Osteoporosis Day
[Oct 20] BBC Electric Proms concerts begin (London)
[Oct 21] Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day
[Oct 22] Caps Lock Day / International Stuttering Awareness Day
[Oct 23] The Last Call Concert (Philadelphia Spectrum) / “Amelia”; “Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant”; “Saw VI” open in movie theaters
[Oct 24] UN Day / World Development Information Day / Make A Difference Day
[Oct 24-25] 2009 Bridge School Benefit Concerts (Mountain View CA)
[Oct 25] Lung Health Day / Mother-in-Law Day
[Oct 26] Worldwide Howl At the Moon Night
[Oct 27] Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” movie premieres & album is released / Taylor Swift’s “Fearless Platinum Edition” released / Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Oct 28] Day of International Concern About Young People & Gun Violence
[Oct 29] Internet Day / World Psoriasis Day
[Oct 29-30] Rock & Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Concerts (NYC)
[Oct 30] 2009 Voodoo Music Experience (New Orleans) / Create a Great Funeral Day / Devil’s Night / International Bandanna Day / Frankenstein Friday
[Oct 31] Halloween / Caramel Apple Day / Knock-Knock Jokes Day / Magic Day / UNICEF Day
[Nov 3] “Get Yer Ya-Ya’s Out! The Rolling Stones In Concert 40th Anniversary Deluxe Box Set” released / “Foo Fighters Greatest Hits”; Carrie Underwood’s “Play On” released


• His quote-unquote ‘anesthesia’ consists of an oversized mallet and a jug of Canadian Club.
• She’s the 1 dentist out of 5 who doesn’t recommend Trident.
• Calls his drill ‘Mommy’.
• Her new nose ring suspiciously resembles your old gold fillings.
• Has other patients’ teeth mounted on the wall.
• Her ‘innovative new procedure’ consists of pliers and string.
• Has a macrame hanging made entirely of dental floss.
• After she asks you to spit, says, “OK, now my turn.”
• His mask’s on the back of his head.


Four out five people think the fifth is an idiot.

• You have been asked to come up with an ‘epithalamium’. What is it?
a. A sample of all your body fluids.
b. A poem to celebrate a wedding. [CORRECT]
c. An original epitaph for a tombstone.

• What is the unit of time called that lasts 1/100th of a second?
a. A jiffy. [CORRECT]
b. A tick.
c. A moment.
– Yahoo! Trivia / “Land O’ Useless Facts”

Other than where you live, what’s your favorite city?

Today’s Question: Having one of THESE adds 7 hours of housework to the average woman’s week.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: A husband.

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren’t.

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