Wednesday, September 19, 2007        Edition: #3616
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY a Nevada judge has a hearing scheduled in Las Vegas to decide the possible bond and arraignment of suspected sports souvenir thief OJ Simpson, who’s currently being held in the Clark County Detention Center without bail . . . Meantime, Bruce Fromong, one of the memorabilia dealers who’s both a victim & a witness in the alleged OJ robbery case has been hospitalized with severe heart problems (oh no, is OJ gonna get off again?) . . . It’s been confirmed that 43-year-old “Weeds” actress Mary-Louise Parker has adopted a baby girl from Africa, though there’s no word on name or age (the single mom already has a 3-year-old son, thanks to philandering actor Billy Crudup) . . . TV actress & new mom Jaime Pressly (“My Name Is Earl”) says she owes her amazing post-baby weight-loss to 2-hour gym workouts, 5 days a week, plus the ‘Cabbage Soup Detox Diet’ (just the smell would turn you off eating!) . . . After impressing cast & crew with his abilities during a recently-filmed guest appearance, Kevin Federline is set to shoot several more episodes of the CW drama “One Tree Hill” (at least that’s the spin we get from his people) . . . Further generating rumors of a relationship, “Prison Break” actor Amaury Nolasco (‘Fernando Sucre’) has been spotted at the luxurious Hotel George V in Paris with former ‘Miss Universe’ Dayanara Torres (the wife Marc Anthony dumped for J-Lo) . . . Movie actress Kate Winslet (“Finding Neverland”) has created a self-portrait to be auctioned for the Paint4Poverty charity – a  a self-portrait of her butt, that is (mmm, glazed buns!) . . . And here’s one more reason we do media better – FOX-TV censored numerous comments from the record low-rated “Emmy Awards” US telecast SUNDAY, but here in Canada we watched it all on CTV (well, a few of us anyway). And “High School Musical” actress Vanessa Hudgens just can’t seem to get a break – now one of her ex-boyfriends, some blabbermouth named Adam O’Neal, has come forward to reveal that she sent him nude photos, too … at age 15! (ah, the joys of having a cellphone that takes pictures).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – She’s announced she’s heading back to the studio to record a new album. And, BTW, she says there’s ‘nothing wrong’ with her. Apparently she thinks everyone walks around the streets bleeding profusely.
• Barry Manilow – He’s canceled a scheduled appearance on “The View” this week because he finds right-wing host Elisabeth Hasselbeck ‘dangerous & offensive’ and strongly disagrees with her ‘conservative views’. (Translated: His latest facelift is slipping.)
• Brad Paisley – He’s returning to his hometown of Glen Dale, West Virginia to shoot his new video, “Letter to Me”. He’s even invited classmates from John Marshall High School, where he graduated in 1991, to be in it. (“Hey Clem, ’member geeky Brad? He wants me to be in his movin’ pitcher!”)
• Britney Spears – First her lawyer, now her management company has ended its association with her, citing ‘current circumstances’ as the reason for the split. (Translation: She’s become an embarrassment.)
• 50 Cent – He’s cancelled upcoming European gigs, including appearances at the “MOBO Awards” and “Vodafone Live Music Awards”, due to an ‘unforeseen and unanticipated change in his schedule’. (Translated: He’s all pouty now that he got sales-thumped by Kanye West.)
• Foo Fighters – Frontman Dave Grohl has hinted he used Kurt Cobain’s tempestuous relationship with Courtney Love as the inspiration for his band’s new single “Let It Die”.
• LeAnn Rimes – She’s axed plans to adopt a child, opting instead to start a family with husband Dean Sheremet ‘naturally’. (Guess he’s out of the doghouse now?)
• Queen Latifah – She says she’s planning a return to recording because current hip-hop music is ‘too superficial’. (Translation: The movie roles are drying up.)
• Tommy Lee – The recently smacked-down rocker has new digs, a $6-million Calabasas CA estate complete with 3 spas, a gym, 10-car underground garage, and a piano-shaped pool. (Where’s a guy with his limited talents get that kind of money?)

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “America’s Next Top Model 9” (CW/CityTV) – Tyra Banks returns with the season premiere of this catwalk competition involving stick people avoiding food. Twiggy, J Alexander, Nigel Barker, and Jay Manuel again provide the snippy critiques.
• Gloria Estefan – She guests on “The View” (ABC/CTV) to promote her new album “90 Millas”.
• Gnarls Barkley/The Killers – They perform on TONIGHT’s edition of “Live From Abbey Road” (MuchMoreMusic).
• “Gossip Girl” (CW) – The series premiere introduces us to a group of privileged teens who inhabit Manhattan’s Upper East Side. The show is expected to become a major outlet for exposing new music, not surprising as it‘s from the same creators who brought us “The OC”.
• “Kitchen Nightmares” (FOX) – Hair-triggered chef Gordon Ramsay is back with another sizzling unscripted series. This time, instead of berating wannabe chefs, he tackles a restaurant in crisis in each episode and tries to whip it into shape. Rumor has it some of the ‘confrontations’ are staged.
• “Kid Nation” (CBS/E!) – After all the hype & criticism, we finally get to see what happens when 40 kids (aged 8-to-15) abandoned in the ghost town of Bonanza City, New Mexico set up their own society. One kid wins $20,000 at the end of each episode. It’s “Lord of the Flies” on TV!
• LCD Soundsystem – They perform on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• “MOBO Awards” – Amy Winehouse has a leading 4 nominations for Britain’s 12th annual “Music of Black Origin Awards”, hosted by Shaggy & Jamelia at London’s O2 Arena. Whether she’ll show up or not is another question. Other nominees include Corinne Bailey Rae, Joss Stone, Kanye West, Rihanna, and definite no-show 50 Cent.
• Reba McEntire – She’s a guest on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” (syndicated/CTV), performing duets with Kelly Clarkson & Justin Timberlake from her new CD, “Reba Duets”.
• Rogue Wave – The Oakland CA indie rockers are on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“The Last Winter” ( Limited Release Horror Thriller ): At an oil scouting center in Alaska, a team of researchers panic after one of them ends up dead and an airplane crashes into their facility. The survivors are unsure if they’re confronting some sort of invisible evil or if the cold and loneliness is slowly driving them mad. Stars Ron Perlman, James Le Gros, and Connie Britton. Shot entirely in Iceland. Premiered at the “Toronto International Film Festival” in 2006.
NET: http://www.thelastwinter.net/

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab ..
• ‘Aquadextrous’ – The ability to turn the bath faucet on & off with your feet. (“No no, let me sit facing the taps, honey … I’m aquadextrous.”)
• ‘Childproofer’ – A safety expert who goes into a family home and sets up safety gear to protect infants and/or children from accidents such as drowning, choking, electrocution, falls, and poisoning. (“I can’t make it for coffee today, we have an appointment with the childproofer to come over … what do you mean we’re paranoid?”)
• ‘Play Worker’ – A professionally-trained educator in play who stimulates young imaginations by helping kids build forts or giant ships in the playground. A phenomenon in Europe that’s picking up steam here. (“Mr Gavin is your new play worker, students. He’s going to show you how to smear chocolate pudding on the walls.”)

ACCEPT YOUR MISERY:
The key to a happy relationship may be accepting that some miserable times are unavoidable. In the “Journal of Marital & Family Therapy”, several therapists suggest that accepting these problems is better than striving for perfection. They blame cultural fairytales and modern love stories (ie: movies) for perpetuating the myth that a ‘perfect ‘relationship is possible. (Who would have thought ‘misery loves company’ would be a mantra for marriage?)
– “Social Studies”

VIRTUAL IMPRESSIONISTS:
Scientists believe that computers might soon be mimicking human speech so perfectly that voice imitation could actually be used as a weapon by terrorists. In the future, it could be possible for a computer to mimic someone’s voice exactly after having heard just one sentence. (Wait a sec … aren’t those wires sticking out of Dubya’s ears?)
– BBC News

MAGIC WANDS:
US federal agents will eventually be armed with a real-life ‘light saber’ that emits a blinding strobe to subdue criminals, terrorists, and belligerent airline passengers. The US Homeland Security Department says the device could be in the hands of law enforcement by 2010. (But will there be enough ‘Darth’ helmets to go around?)
– “Wired”

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 100% of large-jackpot lottery winners end up gaining weight.
• 60% of employees admit to wasting time surfing the ‘net at work.
• 50% of us pick the vacuum cleaner as the ‘most indispensable thing in the house’.
• 49% of us eat meat and/or poultry every single day.
• 17% of drivers admit they’ve dozed off behind the wheel.
• 3% of Americans think a ‘bagel’ is a kind of dog.

DID YOU KNOW?
• Even in cool weather, we lose up to 3 liters (3.17 qts) of sweat a day. When the weather is especially hot & humid, or when we’re rigorously exercising under severe stress, the body can exude as much as 19 liters (5 gallons) of fluid daily.
– education.yahoo.com
• A world ranking of beliefs (or lack thereof) of people around-the-world puts Christianity 1st with 2 billion adherents, followed by Islam (1.3 billion), Hinduism (900 million) and, in 4th place, people who are ‘secular, non-religious, agnostic and/or atheist’ (850 million).
– AtheistEmpire.com

BS CHRONOMETER 09.19.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [83] Don Harron, Toronto ON, TV actor (‘Charlie Farquharson’)/playwright (“Anne of Green Gables”)/Order of Canada (1980)

1940 [67] Sylvia (Fricker) Tyson, Chatham ON, folk/country singer (Ian & Sylvia-“Four Strong Winds”)/songwriter (“You Were On My Mind”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1992)/CCMA Hall of Fame (2003)

1940 [67] Bill Medley, Santa Ana CA, oldies singer (w/Jennifer Warnes-“Time of My Life”, Righteous Bros-“You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling”)

1948 [59] Jeremy Irons, Cowes UK, movie actor (“Eragon”, 1991 Academy Award-“Reversal of Fortune”)

1949 [58] Twiggy Lawson (Lesley Hornby), Neasden UK, TV reality show judge (“America’s Next Top Model” since 2005)/former fashion model

1951 [56] Daniel Lanois, Gatineau QC, singer/songwriter/music producer (U2, Peter Gabriel, Gordon Lightfoot)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (2002)/Canada’s Walk of Fame (2005)/documentary filmmaker (“Here Is What Is”)

1959 [48] Carolyn McCormick, Midland TX, TV actress (‘Dr Elizabeth Olivet‘ on “Law & Order” since 1991)

1964 [43] Trisha Yearwood, Monticello GA, country singer (“Heaven, Heartache & The Power of Love”, “Perfect Love”)/Mrs Garth Brooks since 2005

1974 [33] Jimmy Fallon, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Factory Girl”, “Almost Famous”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1998-2006)

1984 [23] Kevin Zegers, Woodstock ON, up-and-coming movie actor (“The Jane Austen Book Club” opening FRIDAY, “Air Bud” movies)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Butterscotch Pudding Day”, apparently because every single thing in existence deserves its own holiday.

• “Evaluate Your Life Day”. (Followed by ‘Drink Till You Forget What a Loser You Are Night’.)

• “International Talk Like a Pirate Day”. So here goes … Har’ Billy, hoist that bilge! Avast ya scurvy scum, stow away your jib! Ahoy matey, grab thee a wench! Swab the deck, ya lily-livered landlubbers! Kinda fun, ain’t it?
NET: http://www.talklikeapirate.com

• “San Gennaro Day”, a day of festivities for Italian-Americans. You can bet it’s party time in NYC’s ‘Little Italy’ and in Italian clubs nationwide.

• “Vision Rehabilitation Day”. (Hey, mom warned you you’d go blind!)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1994 [13] Hospital drama “ER” debuts on NBC-TV (time for it to end?)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1981 [26] Paul Simon & Art Garfunkel reunite for a free concert that attracts 500,000 to NYC’s Central Park (7th-largest concert crowd of all-time)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1649 [358] 1st tavern in Canada opens in Québec City, featuring a powerful brew called ‘spruce beer’ (customers who drink too much are said to be ‘all spruced up’)

1893 [114] New Zealand becomes 1st country to give women the right to vote

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] International Student Day
[Fri] UN International Day of Peace
[Fri] “Good Luck Chuck”; “Into the Wild”; “Resident Evil: Extinction”; “Sydney White” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Sat] Centenarians Day
[Sun] Autumn arrives (5:51 am EDT)
This Week Is … Farm Animals Awareness Week
This Month Is … International Gay Square Dance Month

BULL’S BITS

NATIVE NAMES:
A ‘demonym’ is the term used to describe residents of various locales. We’ll give you a location and you tell us what the residents are called (or vice versa) …
• Cork, Ireland … Leesiders.
• Glasgow, Scotland … Glaswegians.
• Liverpool, England … Liverpudlians.
• Madrid, Spain … Madrilenos [mah-druh-LAYN-yos].
• Medicine Hat, Alberta … Hatters.
• Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan … Moose Javians.
• Michigan … Michiganians (the official name, but there’s widespread use of ‘Michiganders’.)
• Prince Edward Island … Islanders.
• Sao Paulo, Brazil … Paulistanos.
• Trois-Rivières, Quebec … Trifluvians (English), Trifluviens/Trifluviennes (French).
• Indiana … Hoosiers.
• Massachusetts … Bay Staters.
• Nashville YN … Nashvillians.
• Schenectady NY … Dorpians (Dutch for ‘villagers’).
– Wordsmith.org

BS PHONE STARTER:
It’s estimated there are some 3,000 words for being drunk. How many can you come up with?

BS WEB GOODIE:
TMZ has somehow obtained actual audio of the alleged OJ heist in Vegas. They’ve even thoughtfully provided a censored version that you can use on-air …
NET: http://tinyurl.com/2etzfg

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
Supermarket shopping carts last about 10 years. During that time, how often are the wheels replaced?
a. 10 times.
b. 3 times. [CORRECT]
c. Never, the reason you always get one with a wonky wheel.
– Syndicated columnist LM Boyd.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
They say jury duty is for people who’ll do anything to get out of work. The Phil Spector jurors got a whole freakin’ sabbatical!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you have THIS, you are more likely to thrive at golf, cross-country running, studying, and strategic thinking.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Blue eyes.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Inside every small problem is a larger problem struggling to get out.


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