September 1, 2016

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Thursday, September 1, 2016 – Edition: #5809

Sheet Happens!

★ Fall Out Boy, Jennifer Hudson, Linkin Park, R Kelly, and Rivers Cuomo (Weezer) have added their names to a letter urging lawmakers to reverse the copyright infringement verdict that could cost Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams millions. They were found guilty of copying Marvin Gaye’s 1977 track “Got to Give it Up” while recording the 2013 international hit “Blurred Lines”, and the late soul legend’s family was awarded a $5.3-million judgment last year. Thicke and Pharrell have now started their appeal process, collecting signatures from a host of top musical artists in their support.
★ Taylor Kitsch has been cast as cult leader David Koresh in an upcoming TV miniseries. The former “True Detective” and “Friday Night Lights” star is portraying the leader of the Branch Davidians religious cult. The show will be based on the 1993 siege of the sect’s base in Waco TX, which included a deadly shootout, a lengthy standoff between government agents and sect members, and a fire, which burned down the compound and killed 76 people inside, including Koresh. The project is now being shopped to various TV platforms.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ Actress Kerry Washington is developing a female-led police TV drama under her new production deal with ABC Studios. The “Scandal” star is executive producing “Patrol”, a workplace drama about 4 LAPD cops who reunite years after they attended police academy together due to a powerful secret from their past. Kerry has been starring in ABC-TV’s “Scandal” since 2012. The Season 6 premiere has been pushed back until 2017 as she is currently pregnant with her 2nd child via husband Nnamdi Asomugha.
★ And 18-year-old actress Elle Fanning (“Maleficent”) has decided to put college on hold in order to focus on her busy film career. She graduated from high school earlier this year but as her peers are in the midst of prepping for campus life, she’s memorizing lines and spending her days on a film set instead. Elle’s decision is unlike her 22-year-old sister Dakota (“The Twilight Saga”), who enroled at NYU in 2011 while continuing to shoot films. Elle has a handful of movies in production, including Ben Affleck’s crime drama “Live by Night”, due in January.
– “Entertainment Tonight”

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Joseph (“I’m Alone, No You’re Not”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Donovan (“Mellow Yellow Remastered”); YG (“Still Brazy”).
• “Late Late Show With James Corden” (CBS/CTV) – The Kills (“Ash & Ice”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Blake Shelton (“If I’m Honest”);
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Sampha (“Timmy’s Prayer”).
• “Live With Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Guest co-host Josh Groban (“Stages”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Zara Larsson (“Never Forget You”).

• Black Eyed Peas – Yesterday’s release of an updated version of their 2003 hit “Where Is The Love?” features contributions from Jamie Foxx, Jessie J, Mary J Blige, Nicole Scherzinger, Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs, Tori Kelly, and Usher.
• Chris Brown – He’s been released on $250,000 bail after model Baylee Curran accused him of pulling a gun on her Tuesday. A subsequent police search of his home unearthed a duffel bag full of guns. He’s now scheduled to appear for arraignment in court September 20th.
• Dolly Parton – She’s projected to hit #1 on the ‘Billboard Top Country Albums’ chart for the first time in more than 25 years, thanks to her new release “Pure & Simple”. Her 7th studio release would be her first chart-topper since 1991’s “Eagle When She Flies”.
• Keith Urban – He’s treated his Ripcord World Tour crew and performers (including Dallas Smith and Maren Morris) to a bash that featured an inflatable waterslide and a truck packed with ice cream, cake, and coffee. The trek next plays Vancouver BC on September 10th.
• Sam Hunt – He’s said to have drawn inspiration for much of his hit 2014 release “Montevallo” from his relationship with ex-girlfriend Hannah Lee Fowler, and now they are rumored to have rekindled their relationship. Aww.
• Selena Gomez – The 24-year-old is taking a break from her “Revival World Tour” to battle anxiety, depression, and panic attacks said to be side effects of the autoimmune disease lupus. The tour had been slated to reboot in Atlantic Canada this weekend; the next scheduled date is now October 13th in Oslo, Norway.
• Tyga – His red Ferrari has reportedly been repossessed after he missed lease payments. Embarrassingly, the repo company caught up with him this week while he & girlfriend Kylie Jenner were checking out Bentleys at a dealership in Calabasas CA.

“31” ( R-Rated Horror Thriller ): Opens 1-day-only in select cinemas, then September 16th via online streaming. Rob Zombie’s latest horror flick centers on 5 carnival workers held hostage in an abandoned compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive 12 hours against a gang of sadistic clowns. Stars Malcolm McDowell, Richard Brake, Jeff Daniel Phillips, Sheri Moon Zombie.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Empty Man” – James Badge Dale (“13 Hours”) is starring in this supernatural thriller that’s set to begin shooting in Cape Town, South Africa later this month. The story centers on an ex-cop, plagued by the violent death of his wife and son, who battles to find a missing girl but soon discovers a sinister presence around him. Robert Aramayo (“Game of Thrones”) co-stars.
• “Everything Everything” – Amandla Stenberg stars in the bigscreen adaptation of Nicola Yoon’s YA book about an 18-year-old who has lived most of her life inside her home due to a rare disease. But when a new boy (Nick Robinson) moves in next door, she begins to fall in love. The book, published a year ago, debuted at #1 on “New York Times” YA best-seller list.
• “First Kill” – Actor Hayden Christensen is starring in this action thriller that centers on a police chief (Bruce Willis) who tries to solve a case that involves a bank robber holding a young boy hostage. Christensen plays the man whose son is taken hostage after he accidentally witnesses a thug shooting a bank thief while on a hunting trip.
• “Kin” – Jack Reynor, James Franco, and Zoe Kravitz lead the cast of this sci-fi action-thriller about an ex-con and his adopted younger brother who are forced to go on the run. Their only protection is a found weapon of mysterious ancestry. The film is slated to begin shooting this October. The project is being shopped at next week’s Toronto International Film Festival.
• Untitled ‘Batman’ Reboot – DC Comics villain ‘Deathstroke’ will face off against the ‘Caped Crusader’ in Ben Affleck’s upcoming stand-alone ‘Batman’ movie. Affleck is directing and starring in the project’ he’s also co-written the script. Affleck first played the character in this year’s critically panned “Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice”.

Throw them in the trash? No way! Why not …
• Compost – Eggshells quickly decompose in the compost pile and add valuable calcium and other minerals to the soil in the process.
• Nontoxic Pest Control – Crushed eggshells around plants help deter plant-eating slugs, snails, and cutworms. Also, deer hate the smell of eggs.
• Less Bitter Coffee – Add an eggshell to the coffee filter and your morning coffee will be better, not bitter.
• Eco-Friendly Abrasive – Crushed eggshells mixed with soapy water can be used as a nontoxic abrasive on pots & pans.
• Treat Skin Irritations – Dissolve an eggshell in a small jar of apple cider vinegar (takes about 2 days) and use the mixture to treat minor skin irritations and itchy skin.
• Egg On Your Face – Pulverize dried eggshells, then whisk the powder with an egg white and use for a healthful, skin-tightening facial. Allow the face mask to dry before rinsing it off.

Fitness experts say you don’t have to sweat it out in the gym to stay fit. Some suggested alternatives …
• Wear less. You’ll have to burn calories to create your own body heat.
• Always stand when traveling on public transit. The gentle rolling motion is a good workout for muscles that girdle the lower spine.
• Whenever possible use regular doors instead of automatic ones. Pushing a door uses the triceps, shoulder & chest muscles.
• Crumple your newspaper after reading it to work finger and wrist muscles, thereby helping to prevent carpal tunnel syndrome.
• Carry objects at arm’s length whenever you can. Keeping the arms fully extended is good for the shoulders, abs & chest muscles.
– “Herald-Sun”

• “Bacon Busters” – Australia’s top hog-hunting magazine. You mean there’s more than one?
• “A Bear’s Life” – A publication devoted solely to hairy gay men.
• “Cowboys & Indians” – Nothing dated or vaguely racist about this magazine, no siree.
• “Crappie World Magazine” – All about a type of freshwater fish highly sought by sportsmen.
• “Garden & Gun” – In case your garden gnomes have been getting on your nerves?
• “Girls & Corpses” – Horror stories & hot babes … perfect for the 13-year-old boy demographic.
• “Miniature Donkey Talk” – This guide for miniature donkey owners has been around 21 years.
• “Model Airplane News” – Um, news about model airplanes has never been a lead story.
• “Sheep!” – This bi-monthly all about the woolies includes the news column ‘Newsbleat’.
• “Y’all” – The magazine for Southern folk. Not to be confused with sister publications “If-N”, “I Reckon”, and “You Boys Ain’t From Around Here”.

Filmmaker Woody Allen spends $100 a week on lottery tickets.
– “The Guardian”


1939 [77] Lily Tomlin. Detroit MI, TV actress (Netflix series “Grace & Frankie” since 2015)/comedian (“And That’s The Truth”)/Kennedy Center Honors.(2014)

1950 [66] Dr Phil (McGraw), Vinita OK, daytime TV talk show host (“Dr Phil” since 2002)/author (“Relationship Rescue”) FACTOID: He’s only a ‘doctor’ due to a PhD in psychology.

1975 [41] Scott Speedman, London UK, TV actor (‘Baz Brown’ on “Animal Kingdom” 2016)

1976 [40] Angaleena Presley, Beauty KY, country singer-songwriter (Pistol Annies-“Hell on Heels”)

1984 [32] Joe Trohman, Hollywood FL, rock guitarist (Fall Out Boy-“Thnks fr th Mmrs”, “This Ain’t a Scene, It’s an Arms Race”)

1996 [20] Zendaya (Coleman), Oakland CA, TV actress (‘KC Cooper’ in “KC Undercover” since 2015)/pop singer (“Replay”) COMING UP: The movie “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (2017)

• “Building Code Staff Appreciation Day”. It’s like “Valentine’s Day” for planning board workers.

• “Exclamation Day!”, part of “International Enthusiasm Week!” Wow! Exciting, isn’t it!

• “First Day of Spring” in Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa, so designated by tradition, not any relation to the Vernal Equinox.

• “No Rhyme Nor Reason Day”, a celebration of words that don’t rhyme with any other words (aka refractory rhymes), ie: angel, month, orange, purple, silver.

• “Random Acts of Kindness Day” (“RAK Day”) in New Zealand, when everyone is challenged to do something kind for a friend or stranger for no reason at all. It’s the 12th year that NZ has been the only country in the world to officially celebrate this.

• “September”. In Latin ‘septem’ means ‘seventh’. That’s because back in the day when the New Year started in March, September was in fact the 7th month.

1995 [21] The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame is officially dedicated in Cleveland OH

2010 [06] TI & wife Tameka Cottle are arrested on drug charges in LA after police smell marijuana coming from the rapper’s car during a routine traffic stop

2011 [05] Green Day’s Billy Joe Armstrong is thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight for … wearing his pants too low

2006 [10] Luxembourg becomes the 1st country to complete the move to all-digital TV

[Fri] “The Light Between Oceans”; “Morgan” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Bumbershoot begins (Seattle WA)
[Fri] Riot Fest begins (Detroit MI)
[Fri] Bring Your Manners to Work Day
[Fri] World Testicle Cooking Championship begins (Rudnik, Serbia)
[Sat] Made In America Festival begins (Philadelphia PA)
[Mon] Labor Day (Canada/USA)
This Week Is … Nutrition Week
This Month Is … Library Card Sign-Up Month


• “With my IQ and your body we could begin a race of genetic super-children to conquer Earth.”
• “I’m definitely in the range of your hotspot. Can I connect and get full access?”
• “You’re even prettier than my fantasy girlfriend.”
• “If you only knew the power of the Dork Side.”
• “I love you like an unspoken metaphor. That’s why I had to use a simile.”
• “I was hoping you wouldn’t block my pop-up.”
• “If I said you had a mint first-edition, still-in-box action figure, would you hold it against me?”
• “I’m gonna be an evil warlord when I grow up. Want a Milk Dud?”
• ” If you were a booger, I’d pick you first.”
• “Your place or my Mom’s?”

• Which is typically the food item that has been in the average home freezer longest?
a. A bag of peas.
b. A pot pie. [CORRECT]
c. Green wieners.

• Which should you do to help relax before making a speech?
a. Have a coffee.
b. Try to burp.
c. Try to yawn. [CORRECT, according to the book “Knockout Presentations”.]

• Remove odoriferous leftovers from lunch pack – fumigate.
• Concoct story about what a sweet and exciting Summer you had to replace the lame truth.
• Practice forging parental signatures.
• Try on all 23 new outfits. Pick THE one.
• Learn to throw your voice so you can get the quiet kid in trouble.
• List places to hang out on days you cut class.
• Learn to say with conviction, “No I didn’t grow out of my jeans, these are Capri pants.”

I don’t use Listerine. They say it kills germs on contact and I don’t like the idea of things dying in my mouth.

☎ What’s the kindest thing you have ever done?

Question: Most people do THIS 3 times a week, especially on weekends.
Answer: Eat at a restaurant.

It’s not an optical illusion; it just looks like one.

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